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My Husband Abuses Me

I  feel really upset at the moment. I've been married three years and have a six month old baby. I feel so confused about what i should do. I am misearable because my husband does not ever talk to me or spend time with me or have a physical relationship with me. He calls me names & is angry because i dont feel like exercising because he wants me to lose weight because im too fat (which is true). I said to him i dont call you disgusting so why do you look at me like that. He says becasue I am disgusting and he is not. He gets mad when i eat.

Im upset my husband was mad at me. My baby was screaming and he would not let me hold her. I tried to reach out to her to comfort her and he pushed me away hurting my arm. I felt defeated and went and cried.

My husband said that becasue im on depression medication if i leave he will tell the court i am menally unfit to care for my child and that i try to hit her. It is not true.

He says he loves the baby but he does not love me. Then he says he loves me and i just feel anger to him.

I feel messed up because of him. I love him but he needs to stop doing what he is doing.

I talked to his mum and she said i need to be a better wife, cook his lunch and make breakfast, have the house perfect for him when he comes home so that he is happy. She's crazy. I have a six month old baby to care for and my husband thinks i sit around all day and do nothing.

He starting nipping me and throwing clothes at me, now he's wacking me if i bother him and calling me names. He also held my baby above me head and her feet were kicking me and he said good baby kick mummy in the head.

im upset i want to go to my mums but my mother in law says i will ruin christmas and that i need to be a better wife. Im just really miserable and feel like i cant go anywhere or say anything. because my mother in law who lives with us gets angry if i tell anyone what is happening in my home

newmum newmum 26-30 59 Responses Dec 17, 2008

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I've seen real love..a man does not love you if he hurts you mentally ,emotionally or worst PHYSICALLY...we're women and we are strong, for our kids for our home and so on. Be strong and be happy and if it's without your partner,family or friends IT'S OK god will always be with you no matter what. You dont need a man in your life if he aint making you happy so make the right decision for the sake of your HAPPINESS and not someone else's,...GOD BLESS YOU and i hope you feel better

He sounds like a ****! You should tell your family about him! Take your child and move in with your family! If he takes you to court, then he has to prove that you are mentally unfit. Also, call an abuse hotline or the police if the abuse ever gets to bad

Get out now go get help don't be like me who waited 30 years and he is still the same if you love you and the baby get out call the house of Ruth or domestic hot line you are loved god said so

I don't know if your husband has an EP account,but if he does,I would block him right on the spot.

Call your mom when your husband is at work. Pack up and leave.
How long til he starts treating your child the same way?
If you can't do it for you... do it for your kid.

My husband is an *******. He expects me to support him and the kids financially and he keeps whatever money he makes for himself. Its like living with a giant 3 year old. I am considering suicide.

Leave him!!!! PERIOD!DON'T YOU DARE KILL YOURSELF!!You're too beautiful a person to kill yourself and that's why I dislike you comment.

Your story angers me!!!!!! I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with. I am 42 and have been married 3 times. My first husband and I just fought too much we were young. My second husband had an 2 month affair with a lady that is HIV positive. And my third stabbed me 4 times I finally got the strength to leave after 5 long years. I stayed single for a year and a half and , Yes I should have something good to report, BUT I met a man I thought was wonderful and have now lived in a 3 year absolute nightmare of mental and physical abuse. I am very very depressed and sad I feel very unhealthy at this point and alone. I got the courage up tp leave and moved in with the only family I have left and after 2 months was totally financially drained and kicked to the curb by the only people I should have been able to count on. When I ran out of money to help them they ran out of me!!!!! I read alot of stories and people say Dont you have someone/ anyone to help? Wont someone let you stay with them? cant someone give you some money? And I grit my teeth and shake my fist!!!! What if? Just what if there isnt????? Do you turn your head??? Is that really what our society has come to???? The ONLY thing that keeps me going are my two dogs!!!!! Yep you heard it they are the absolute reason for me existing now!!!! They give me purpose and make me happy. I cant leave to a shelter with them and all these years they are the only ones that cared about me,,, and I mean REALLY cared about me. I wont ever leave them. They get scared by him and I cant wait till the day I can go and take them out of here. I am recently disabled so I am unable to work. I have no vehicle as he blew my car up. I know what it is to be STUCK!!!!!!! Sometimes I wonder how I will make it through the day. Everyday is HELL here. So I know what your going through. Please dont listen to the crazy mother in law, it almost sounds like she is why he acts the way he does and shame on her and him. Dont be afraid, unless abuse has been documented against you they will never take your baby. But find strength in your baby as I do with my dogs, shelters will let you take a baby!!!!! PACK AND GO...... And stay gone. I am rooting for you and will pray for you everyday. Im going to get out soon and stay gone and you should too. Ill take my dogs and live in a tent. atleast we will be happy and safe. I have a plan just waiting and praying for my disability!!!!!!! And mine Dixie and Pepsi will live happily ever after.......

Am feeling seriously bad right now. I've been married for a year, two months and 4days but is always unhappy. My husband abuse me,he enjoys calling me namez e.g idiot, stupid,you don't have sense,fool etc. We are having issues with sex, he gets weak bearly few minutes into the act and I got feed up. I lots all the exitment for sex cos I get disapointed most time. He leaves the bed room for me each time we quarrel and this hurts. He does this all the time and I have gone lean. Don't know what to do

I am so sorry to hear the things that you are dealing with, I'm not even sure when you put this up but there is a shelter called faith house in Lafayette Louisiana that do except animals. They also have a veterinarian that goes there. I don't know the number but you can look or up online. I am praying for you.

I have a problem in my life and it would really help me heal if I could get emotional support and advice. I have been married since 3 and a half years. It is a love marriage and my parents and relatives were against it a they thought that this guy is isn't worth it. But I was really stubborn that I wanted to get married to him. Here I must confess tht my husband used to abuse me emotionally and physically even when we were dating for 5 years before we got married. Abused me physically not once not twice but a zillion times and it times it used to be soo harsh that I would get dark purplish blackish marks all over my face and my body. My parents/ relatives didn't know I was in an abusive relationship so I used to always tell them nice things about him to concince them for gettin married to him. I loved him a lot and always thought that he would change once we get married but I was wrong. I think I was a big fool to get married to him in the first place. I must've been crazy to fall in love with such a maniac. In these 3 and a half years of our marriage he still abuses me a lot. The physical abuse has reduced a bit but it's still there and the emotional abuse hasnt stopped. I am a house wife. We have no kids and we live with his parents. His mother doesn't like me at all. She's even accused me of stealing things from her house and giving the stolen things to my parents. My husband has no time for me. He leaves for office in the morning and comes back at 9 pm, has his dinner and goes to meet his guy friends at 10pm and comes back home, watches tv and goes to sleep. If I tell him I want him to spend time with me he I insults me and hurts me, if I argue he hits me. If anything is going wrong in his life he blames it all on me.he has kicked me out soo many times, I go out of the house and then he calls me up to apologize. He says he never wanted to get married to me in te first place and he's done a favor on me by getting married and tht I've begged my way into his house. I had done a travel and tourism course before marriage and had 2 certificates. Once when we had a fight, e tore the original copies of my certificates along with all my other school/college degree certificates. My life is hell. I dont know if I should leave him or stay with him. If I leave him I don't know what will happen to my future as I'm already 25 years old and I think it's too late to move on.i have lost all self confidence and have become very timid. I'm scared to leave him as I don't know how will I cope up but it's become very difficult to live with him. I think I'm becoming more and more depressed day by day and sometimes I feel like committing suicide, I've even tried to but then I thought of my parents and my brother and didn't commit suicide. Pls help

I have a problem in my life and it would really help me heal if I could get emotional support and advice. I have been married since 3 and a half years. It is a love marriage and my parents and relatives were against it a they thought that this guy is isn't worth it. But I was really stubborn that I wanted to get married to him. Here I must confess tht my husband used to abuse me emotionally and physically even when we were dating for 5 years before we got married. Abused me physically not once not twice but a zillion times and it times it used to be soo harsh that I would get dark purplish blackish marks all over my face and my body. My parents/ relatives didn't know I was in an abusive relationship so I used to always tell them nice things about him to concince them for gettin married to him. I loved him a lot and always thought that he would change once we get married but I was wrong. I think I was a big fool to get married to him in the first place. I must've been crazy to fall in love with such a maniac. In these 3 and a half years of our marriage he still abuses me a lot. The physical abuse has reduced a bit but it's still there and the emotional abuse hasnt stopped. I am a house wife. We have no kids and we live with his parents. His mother doesn't like me at all. She's even accused me of stealing things from her house and giving the stolen things to my parents. My husband has no time for me. He leaves for office in the morning and comes back at 9 pm, has his dinner and goes to meet his guy friends at 10pm and comes back home, watches tv and goes to sleep. If I tell him I want him to spend time with me he I insults me and hurts me, if I argue he hits me. If anything is going wrong in his life he blames it all on me.he has kicked me out soo many times, I go out of the house and then he calls me up to apologize. He says he never wanted to get married to me in te first place and he's done a favor on me by getting married and tht I've begged my way into his house. I had done a travel and tourism course before marriage and had 2 certificates. Once when we had a fight, e tore the original copies of my certificates along with all my other school/college degree certificates. My life is hell. I dont know if I should leave him or stay with him. If I leave him I don't know what will happen to my future as I'm already 25 years old and I think it's too late to move on.i have lost all self confidence and have become very timid. I'm scared to leave him as I don't know how will I cope up but it's become very difficult to live with him. I think I'm becoming more and more depressed day by day and sometimes I feel like committing suicide, I've even tried to but then I thought of my parents and my brother and didn't commit suicide. Pls help

I know how you feel which is what I'm feeling right now after my husband abused and said alot of horrible things to me yesterday. What's hurts me is that it happen in front of my children. I think the only thing you could do is keep your head on straight and focus more on your lil one. What your husband is doing to you is not right at all, neither is mine. Us women shouldn't have to go through any of this kinda crap especially all the things that we did for our men. All women should be treated like a queen by her husband with love, care and respect. I myself am thinking about what to do for the safety of my children. So please...think of your precious baby and nevermind what he says to you or what his mother says. Your baby's safety comes first. I pray for you and everything will work out for you. Just have faith and believe in yourself. Your strong.

I know how you feel, I gone through hell and back and went back for , how stupid, We been married now for 8 yrs. During this time I say he has embarrassed me in public 5 times. This last time, I about lost my cool, I'm scared what could happen some one may get hurt one time me or him. Where God , I need a miracle before some get hurt.

I have this same problem, I don't have a child but I work 2 jobs and am a full time student. We've been married 1 year and have been together 3 years and have never had sex. We got in a fight yesterday and kept getting in my face so I pushed him away and he pinned me down and chocked me and then screamed in my ear as loud as he could and I still can't hear out of my right ear. He always calls me fat and ugly, I make dinner when I can but between 2 jobs and school I really don't have time. He works 40 hours a week and I work that plus more and am in school and refuses to make dinner or help me clean the house or anything. He just goes and buys McDonalds and because both of my jobs are in an office I don't have time to go to the gym and am unable to burn the fat and calories I take in. I try to shop for healthier food but he refuses to eat any fruit or vegetables or anything remotely healthy and shops for himself and gets frozen nasty meals for us . He makes it like I sit around all day because I work in a call center and run a business apparently that isn't enough for anyone. I love him and I wish things would go back to how they were when we met, he is not the man I fell in love with, and I feel so alone and broken because no one listens to what i have to say. Because of school costs I can't even afford to live on my own and my family will not take me in because 1. Im and atheist and 2. I have 2 cats that I love very much and my parents claim they are allergic to my hypoallergenic Siberian cats..

Your story breaks my heart. You are not the problem and neither is your weight. Your weight might need some work but that is hard to do with your work load and school. Unless both of you agreed to have a relationship without sex this is not normal, I recommend some councelling with or without him. If he truly loved you it wouldn't matter what size you were. Show your parents your letter to this site tell them you need support to finish school. We all need to love and be loved so tell them your cats are your emotional support. I hope you find answers, talk to the advisors at school. I'm 55 I've been through good marriage and a relationship where I had my partner sent to jail for assault. Love yourself and demand respect.

leave him if you can,you dont need him,your depression will lift once you have hun,take care and i hope things work out for you

its best that you get out as soon as possible. He will never change. If a man has nothing to say to you and doesnt show you affection, he clearly doesnt love you. Sweety dont waste your years, move on. Dont be afraid, be brave. No court will allow him to keep your child, see a social worker. Best of luck

Hello<br />
<br />
I am newly married... I have been divorced for 22 years. I am 45. I just want to explain some things because I am trying to figure out what I should do. There is so much to say yet I want to keep this as short as possible. <br />
About a year and a half ago I found out I have MS. A incurable disease. I met my Husband shortly after I found out I had MS. One night my huband went to a bar and tried to lie about it. (he knows I don't like bars) and then he got caught in his lie and he ended up screaming and screaming at me and I didn't do anything to him...He screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" wow... that hurt me so bad...I was at work when he screamed this to me and I was out in my car ..I was begging him to stop hurting me...I remember me cletching my heart and with every horrible scream my body was lowering and lowering to the gravel driveway I was parked in. I almost landed on my knees. He had zero care for the pain I was in and had nothing in him that spoke to his heart to stop hurting me. I don't understand that type of heart. Anyway, he has hurt me many many countless times since then and recently we got into a huge fight and he did the usual of being very hurtful and not caring what he is doing to my health. I was pregnant and we didn't know it. But he was trying to pull my phone out of my hands and I was desperately trying to hang on to it.. he ended up pusing me to the ground.. he has never hit me but he has hurt me. I had bruised up and down my right leg from that fight, and I lost the baby. <br />
My husband came from a beautiful family. He has had a very good life.. not rich and not poor. Just a normal family with beautiful parents. He has never known the meaning of 'struggle or pain' He has only had 4 relationships in his life and none lasted over a month. (pretty immature) His actoins are like a man who has been horribly abused but he has never been abused. His parents NEVER fought. My husband is not completely awful....but he obviously has a nasty side. He is terrified of losing me and he says that is why he looses it sometimes. I have never been abused by a man in my life. Never. I have had men try LOL but I am not someone who puts up with phyical abuse....and men who are abusive instinctivly know I will have them for lunch if they ever try! My husband is emotionally abbusive and I have not delt with that one from a man before. I am trying to figure out if there is anything to salvage or if I just need to get out of this. I have MS and stress is the worst thing for MS. I also have high blood pressure and he constantly has shown me that he doesn't care for my health and what could happen to me. I have told him and told him that the stress that he has me under could cause me to relapse and in the relapse I could loose the function of my legs or arms etc.....but when he is angry he could care less about what could happen to me. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't be so torn up by some of these things he has done but I can't wrap my head around the heart of a human that could EVER say to a person who was just diagnosed with an incurable disease "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" I can't wrap my mind around it. Even he can't explain it. If I didn't have MS I would still think it was an awful thing to say but it wouldn't have been any worse than someone telling me to kiss there arse. But he said this thing to a woman who was in the most awful pain in her life. Can someone tell me if it is possible to forgive someone who has done something this awful??? I want to forgive but he continues to hurt me and now I have lost a baby over this. The pile of things I need to forgive him for is now reaching the sky. I feel like I am being swallowed... by the growing anger I feel for him. I feel so bitter. so very bitter. What should I do?

Hello<br />
<br />
I am newly married... I have been divorced for 22 years. I am 45. I just want to explain some things because I am trying to figure out what I should do. There is so much to say yet I want to keep this as short as possible. <br />
About a year and a half ago I found out I have MS. A incurable disease. I met my Husband shortly after I found out I had MS. One night my huband went to a bar and tried to lie about it. (he knows I don't like bars) and then he got caught in his lie and he ended up screaming and screaming at me and I didn't do anything to him...He screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" wow... that hurt me so bad...I was at work when he screamed this to me and I was out in my car ..I was begging him to stop hurting me...I remember me cletching my heart and with every horrible scream my body was lowering and lowering to the gravel driveway I was parked in. I almost landed on my knees. He had zero care for the pain I was in and had nothing in him that spoke to his heart to stop hurting me. I don't understand that type of heart. Anyway, he has hurt me many many countless times since then and recently we got into a huge fight and he did the usual of being very hurtful and not caring what he is doing to my health. I was pregnant and we didn't know it. But he was trying to pull my phone out of my hands and I was desperately trying to hang on to it.. he ended up pusing me to the ground.. he has never hit me but he has hurt me. I had bruised up and down my right leg from that fight, and I lost the baby. <br />
My husband came from a beautiful family. He has had a very good life.. not rich and not poor. Just a normal family with beautiful parents. He has never known the meaning of 'struggle or pain' He has only had 4 relationships in his life and none lasted over a month. (pretty immature) His actoins are like a man who has been horribly abused but he has never been abused. His parents NEVER fought. My husband is not completely awful....but he obviously has a nasty side. He is terrified of losing me and he says that is why he looses it sometimes. I have never been abused by a man in my life. Never. I have had men try LOL but I am not someone who puts up with phyical abuse....and men who are abusive instinctivly know I will have them for lunch if they ever try! My husband is emotionally abbusive and I have not delt with that one from a man before. I am trying to figure out if there is anything to salvage or if I just need to get out of this. I have MS and stress is the worst thing for MS. I also have high blood pressure and he constantly has shown me that he doesn't care for my health and what could happen to me. I have told him and told him that the stress that he has me under could cause me to relapse and in the relapse I could loose the function of my legs or arms etc.....but when he is angry he could care less about what could happen to me. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't be so torn up by some of these things he has done but I can't wrap my head around the heart of a human that could EVER say to a person who was just diagnosed with an incurable disease "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" I can't wrap my mind around it. Even he can't explain it. If I didn't have MS I would still think it was an awful thing to say but it wouldn't have been any worse than someone telling me to kiss there arse. But he said this thing to a woman who was in the most awful pain in her life. Can someone tell me if it is possible to forgive someone who has done something this awful??? I want to forgive but he continues to hurt me and now I have lost a baby over this. The pile of things I need to forgive him for is now reaching the sky. I feel like I am being swallowed... by the growing anger I feel for him. I feel so bitter. so very bitter. What should I do?

I am a Soldier and my husband is also a soldier. We been marry for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son. He's been mentally and verbally abusive. He stop telling me he loves me. He watches ***** and when he has sex with me is forcefully. He tells me that he can do better. He tells me I am a bad mother because I was gone for 2 months for mandatory training that I had no control. He tells me that I dont have a butt. I didnt want a divorce because he used to tell me he would take my son. But this weekend, I told him he could have everything including my son. I felt like I was going crazy. He will be living for training soon. I am going to get the courage to get counseling tomorrow and go to legal and find help. I dont want my Chain of Command to find out since I am an NCO and I allready got into trouble once when my husband and I got into a altercation and he call the police. I hope one day to have the courage to get away from him.

I am a Soldier and my husband is also a soldier. We been marry for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son. He's been mentally and verbally abusive. He stop telling me he loves me. He watches ***** and when he has sex with me is forcefully. He tells me that he can do better. He tells me I am a bad mother because I was gone for 2 months for mandatory training that I had no control. He tells me that I dont have a butt. I didnt want a divorce because he used to tell me he would take my son. But this weekend, I told him he could have everything including my son. I felt like I was going crazy. He will be living for training soon. I am going to get the courage to get counseling tomorrow and go to legal and find help. I dont want my Chain of Command to find out since I am an NCO and I allready got into trouble once when my husband and I got into a altercation and he call the police. I hope one day to have the courage to get away from him.

Oh my dear,<br />
i think that is better for you and your helth that you leave him alone.he does not deserve you with behaviour like he has.Because its not your felt that you look like you look.I know that you want to take your family together but for married you need two people you alone cannot rightnow succses.

Oh my dear,<br />
i think that is better for you and your helth that you leave him alone.he does not deserve you with behaviour like he has.Because its not your felt that you look like you look.I know that you want to take your family together but for married you need two people you alone cannot rightnow succses.

LEAVE THAT CRAZY FAMILY FOR ST. PETER's SAKE!!! RUN! Your husband is insecure and twisted. His mother is completely mental. And you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Take. Your. Child. And. Go. To: YOUR MUMS!!

You should not have to live that way. You have every right to tell your family what is going on (or a friend). You are better than that. I am kind of going thru the same situation but I'm looking for a way out so I can be happy and have some freedom. I have been recently been called horrible names and they do hurt and I feel for you. Don't let him get to you b/c you are better than that. Your mother-in-law should not be in your business but then you did talk to her about it. Don't mention anything to her anymore and work on your babys happiness. Your child should not have feel anger but love (that's hard to say but it's true) If at all anything your child should bring a smile to your face and that should make you feel good. Don't let anyone make you feel less than a person and hey call his bluff go to your Mom's for awhile just to get away. You will be able to think alot better and maybe decide what you want to do. This might turn into abuse later (trust me on that one) mostly emotional but some physical. You don't need that.<br />
<br />
I hope all goes well for you. You are in my prayers for a happy and better life.

said him to stop or divorce, and never permit him to do wht hes doing without saying to stop, or tell your/his relatives about his behaviour :@ that angers me

first of all let me start by saying I admire the women had the courage to leave their abusive spouses.i unfortunately do not have that courage.ive been married 6 yrs and hav 3 kids.my husband not only emotionally abuses me but physically as well.if I make him really mad hell just beat the **** outta me until his rage subsides.he does it n front of our kids too.ive tried to call the cops but he takes the phone away and threatens to really do me in.he says he'll kill me cut my toungue off nd my head if I ever reported him to the laws.like today he called me a shitload of names nd just really put,me down so I went n to one of the bedrooms nd cried my eyes out, meanwhile he watched **** in the living room the son of a *****!hes pulled out a knife on me telling me I couldnt even imagine what he was gonna do to me then acted like he was gonna kill himself with it.he smashed my head into walls beat me n the face with a belt until he got tired nd the list goes on.im soo depressed ive been thinkin bout just ending my hell.but my kids r the only thing that keep me going.but im desperate for advice or guidance ,n e thing!

I just read your story and you do not deserve to be treated this way. I know you feel alone and scared I was there once but get out. I have depression, add and I am on meds. I have full legal and physical custody of my girls. I wish I would have gotten out sooner. I stayed because it was the right thing to do. You don't get divorced and you fix problems yourself that was so wrong none of those reasons are good enough to stay in an abusive relationship. The truth is he has you where he wants you and sadly it only gets worse.

"Then he decided he missed me and all i do for him and tried to get me to come back.<br />
I said no only if he changed . He wont accept that he has done anything rong so i wont go back. "<br />
<br />
good for you! he just misses his emotional punching back. what a ****.

that is so sad i know how u feel i was in a relationship the same for 14 years u need to leave dont stay he will get worse and his mother living there she alway stick up for her son , i am in a new relationship now with 2 children a 3 year old and 7 month i know what it feel like after having a baby your mind all over the place take care and hope it works out for you

You are not messed up because of your husband. You need to look behind to see these feelings are not because of him, they are fom the past. Time to look at you baby and know you only have one choice. I made that choice many years ago. It is the only thing to do. You know what you have to do. My son is 24 and knows what it took from me to help make him a strong and loving prson. Do it for your child.

I would stay away from him...he doesn't love you and is using you. Men like this are brought up by idiot women like this mother, she never thought him how to value women. this man is not good for your daughter as he may start to abuse her too as she get older! There have been many cases! So Stay away..or this time the abuse can be worse as burning you and your child to death! I know thats extreme but it happens!<br />
Get child support ...Please change your last name back to your original or you for ever be his property..and change your daughters last name to your birth name. Be a strong woman, and get full cusody tell how he made your baby beat you...and if you have to lie about him hitting your child or you do it! Because he is a bastard!