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My Husband Abuses Me

I  feel really upset at the moment. I've been married three years and have a six month old baby. I feel so confused about what i should do. I am misearable because my husband does not ever talk to me or spend time with me or have a physical relationship with me. He calls me names & is angry because i dont feel like exercising because he wants me to lose weight because im too fat (which is true). I said to him i dont call you disgusting so why do you look at me like that. He says becasue I am disgusting and he is not. He gets mad when i eat.

Im upset my husband was mad at me. My baby was screaming and he would not let me hold her. I tried to reach out to her to comfort her and he pushed me away hurting my arm. I felt defeated and went and cried.

My husband said that becasue im on depression medication if i leave he will tell the court i am menally unfit to care for my child and that i try to hit her. It is not true.

He says he loves the baby but he does not love me. Then he says he loves me and i just feel anger to him.

I feel messed up because of him. I love him but he needs to stop doing what he is doing.

I talked to his mum and she said i need to be a better wife, cook his lunch and make breakfast, have the house perfect for him when he comes home so that he is happy. She's crazy. I have a six month old baby to care for and my husband thinks i sit around all day and do nothing.

He starting nipping me and throwing clothes at me, now he's wacking me if i bother him and calling me names. He also held my baby above me head and her feet were kicking me and he said good baby kick mummy in the head.

im upset i want to go to my mums but my mother in law says i will ruin christmas and that i need to be a better wife. Im just really miserable and feel like i cant go anywhere or say anything. because my mother in law who lives with us gets angry if i tell anyone what is happening in my home

newmum newmum 26-30 61 Responses Dec 17, 2008

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Wow i am so sorry to hear you are going through such a terrible time with your husband. Well i am going on 20 years of marriage to my alcoholic husband believe me i went above and beyond for him. Always put my needs aside for him. He was never satisfied always called me horrible names fat, the way i dressed, dumb, stupid, *****, *****, and old. Infidelity happened more then once on his part and lies about it. Always justifying his actions. Real bitter and has no empathy when i am crying says you going to pout all day now. Always accusing me for no reason. We had our good times but I don't care no wife deserves this treatment. So i finally left him 4 weeks ago put myself in a shelter never thought i would be there and i did. Now that i am away from him I cannot believe how sick he was mentally and how i allowed him to verbally and emotionally abused me that many years. I feel good and actually enjoy my freedom. I can go and do the things i want to do. I am happy now it was hard but i could not go back to him. I had to do what i had to do to help me hey i am 43 years old and i deserve my life back and my happiness. I am safe!

It is easier said then done to leave this man, in some way you feel you deserve this treatment and even that its your fault if only you just do all these things he asks of you? I know , I was there and stayed for many years with a man (if you can call him that )- that abused me until my mind was not there anymore. A husband loves his wife like his own flesh , oh yes it may be old bible study or old fashioned , but a man should support his wife. How are you meant to lose weight with his backside digging your self esteem? Why is it he does not say honey let's do this together? No instead he either wants to give you a eating disorder or simply does not want you to feel good. My husband was the same , you can't have chocolate, don't think you can have chocolate every day ! That comment as well as him taking me around his family home where I was ignored force to sit in a corner and if I ask to leave subjected to standing outside while he went and spoke to them ! He would tell me they are wrong and it will not happen again, but it continued. I was crazy enough because his family live overseas to keep putting myself through it in the hope he would change and stop me suffering such hurt. He would often throw in my face I was at fault as I had been abandoned as a child I had no idea what families do, if I loved him I would do this . It did not matter to him how much this treatment hurt me, or even his children, yes they ignored the children as well. The point I am trying to get to is this man will never change unless you allow him to see you are better off without him. He will continue to chip away at you , no matter if your a size 8 honey he will then say your now too skinny or not fit enough, your butt is not big enough.....etc etc .... He will never be happy because his unhappy about his self , he takes it out on you because then he feels better that somehow there is someone he feels worse about themselves. if you believe in God, he won't change him because God has given you that job that say listen Mr I am done , I am leaving , you do not treat me this way and I don't want my daughter thinking this is correct! That a man needs to put his wife down to get his needs met , when he indeed needs to put them aside and be your helper. Trust me, it is not easy I loved my husband but I hated him, in the end he was never there and I feel disgusted I did not leave ten years ago. It took me finding my birth parents and within a week my father died all my husband did was abuse me calling me a Paki and laughing how he never loved me, am a psych etc etc etc .... My dad was dying and he then excused this by saying he thought I had lied! Even after my father passed he pulled my hair and called me names again this was my fault! Now he says he wants me to be happy ...lol the day I be happy is when that man in any documents is not called my husband! .... Don't get to the point I have where my life is in pieces and I wm dealing with major health issues as well as psychological issues because of a so called man ! The definition of a man is that of a helper, your redeemer , it might sound like a fairytale but I rather dream then live a life of death... For me it became that I either stayed and died or I left and picked up the shattered pieces . It is hard very hard as I now want to move on but the ex keeps playing mind games with the divorce, but I need to keep on track and no matter what even if Jesus comes and says he has changed , in my heart I will never trust him and for that I am the one that needs to leave ! Will I want to bath him on his death bed ? No more like shove a pillow over his head and that is the point!

I've seen real love..a man does not love you if he hurts you mentally ,emotionally or worst PHYSICALLY...we're women and we are strong, for our kids for our home and so on. Be strong and be happy and if it's without your partner,family or friends IT'S OK god will always be with you no matter what. You dont need a man in your life if he aint making you happy so make the right decision for the sake of your HAPPINESS and not someone else's,...GOD BLESS YOU and i hope you feel better

He sounds like a ****! You should tell your family about him! Take your child and move in with your family! If he takes you to court, then he has to prove that you are mentally unfit. Also, call an abuse hotline or the police if the abuse ever gets to bad

Get out now go get help don't be like me who waited 30 years and he is still the same if you love you and the baby get out call the house of Ruth or domestic hot line you are loved god said so

I don't know if your husband has an EP account,but if he does,I would block him right on the spot.

Call your mom when your husband is at work. Pack up and leave.
How long til he starts treating your child the same way?
If you can't do it for you... do it for your kid.

My husband is an *******. He expects me to support him and the kids financially and he keeps whatever money he makes for himself. Its like living with a giant 3 year old. I am considering suicide.

Leave him!!!! PERIOD!DON'T YOU DARE KILL YOURSELF!!You're too beautiful a person to kill yourself and that's why I dislike you comment.

Your story angers me!!!!!! I am so sorry for all that you are dealing with. I am 42 and have been married 3 times. My first husband and I just fought too much we were young. My second husband had an 2 month affair with a lady that is HIV positive. And my third stabbed me 4 times I finally got the strength to leave after 5 long years. I stayed single for a year and a half and , Yes I should have something good to report, BUT I met a man I thought was wonderful and have now lived in a 3 year absolute nightmare of mental and physical abuse. I am very very depressed and sad I feel very unhealthy at this point and alone. I got the courage up tp leave and moved in with the only family I have left and after 2 months was totally financially drained and kicked to the curb by the only people I should have been able to count on. When I ran out of money to help them they ran out of me!!!!! I read alot of stories and people say Dont you have someone/ anyone to help? Wont someone let you stay with them? cant someone give you some money? And I grit my teeth and shake my fist!!!! What if? Just what if there isnt????? Do you turn your head??? Is that really what our society has come to???? The ONLY thing that keeps me going are my two dogs!!!!! Yep you heard it they are the absolute reason for me existing now!!!! They give me purpose and make me happy. I cant leave to a shelter with them and all these years they are the only ones that cared about me,,, and I mean REALLY cared about me. I wont ever leave them. They get scared by him and I cant wait till the day I can go and take them out of here. I am recently disabled so I am unable to work. I have no vehicle as he blew my car up. I know what it is to be STUCK!!!!!!! Sometimes I wonder how I will make it through the day. Everyday is HELL here. So I know what your going through. Please dont listen to the crazy mother in law, it almost sounds like she is why he acts the way he does and shame on her and him. Dont be afraid, unless abuse has been documented against you they will never take your baby. But find strength in your baby as I do with my dogs, shelters will let you take a baby!!!!! PACK AND GO...... And stay gone. I am rooting for you and will pray for you everyday. Im going to get out soon and stay gone and you should too. Ill take my dogs and live in a tent. atleast we will be happy and safe. I have a plan just waiting and praying for my disability!!!!!!! And mine Dixie and Pepsi will live happily ever after.......

Am feeling seriously bad right now. I've been married for a year, two months and 4days but is always unhappy. My husband abuse me,he enjoys calling me namez e.g idiot, stupid,you don't have sense,fool etc. We are having issues with sex, he gets weak bearly few minutes into the act and I got feed up. I lots all the exitment for sex cos I get disapointed most time. He leaves the bed room for me each time we quarrel and this hurts. He does this all the time and I have gone lean. Don't know what to do

I am so sorry to hear the things that you are dealing with, I'm not even sure when you put this up but there is a shelter called faith house in Lafayette Louisiana that do except animals. They also have a veterinarian that goes there. I don't know the number but you can look or up online. I am praying for you.

I have a problem in my life and it would really help me heal if I could get emotional support and advice. I have been married since 3 and a half years. It is a love marriage and my parents and relatives were against it a they thought that this guy is isn't worth it. But I was really stubborn that I wanted to get married to him. Here I must confess tht my husband used to abuse me emotionally and physically even when we were dating for 5 years before we got married. Abused me physically not once not twice but a zillion times and it times it used to be soo harsh that I would get dark purplish blackish marks all over my face and my body. My parents/ relatives didn't know I was in an abusive relationship so I used to always tell them nice things about him to concince them for gettin married to him. I loved him a lot and always thought that he would change once we get married but I was wrong. I think I was a big fool to get married to him in the first place. I must've been crazy to fall in love with such a maniac. In these 3 and a half years of our marriage he still abuses me a lot. The physical abuse has reduced a bit but it's still there and the emotional abuse hasnt stopped. I am a house wife. We have no kids and we live with his parents. His mother doesn't like me at all. She's even accused me of stealing things from her house and giving the stolen things to my parents. My husband has no time for me. He leaves for office in the morning and comes back at 9 pm, has his dinner and goes to meet his guy friends at 10pm and comes back home, watches tv and goes to sleep. If I tell him I want him to spend time with me he I insults me and hurts me, if I argue he hits me. If anything is going wrong in his life he blames it all on me.he has kicked me out soo many times, I go out of the house and then he calls me up to apologize. He says he never wanted to get married to me in te first place and he's done a favor on me by getting married and tht I've begged my way into his house. I had done a travel and tourism course before marriage and had 2 certificates. Once when we had a fight, e tore the original copies of my certificates along with all my other school/college degree certificates. My life is hell. I dont know if I should leave him or stay with him. If I leave him I don't know what will happen to my future as I'm already 25 years old and I think it's too late to move on.i have lost all self confidence and have become very timid. I'm scared to leave him as I don't know how will I cope up but it's become very difficult to live with him. I think I'm becoming more and more depressed day by day and sometimes I feel like committing suicide, I've even tried to but then I thought of my parents and my brother and didn't commit suicide. Pls help

I have a problem in my life and it would really help me heal if I could get emotional support and advice. I have been married since 3 and a half years. It is a love marriage and my parents and relatives were against it a they thought that this guy is isn't worth it. But I was really stubborn that I wanted to get married to him. Here I must confess tht my husband used to abuse me emotionally and physically even when we were dating for 5 years before we got married. Abused me physically not once not twice but a zillion times and it times it used to be soo harsh that I would get dark purplish blackish marks all over my face and my body. My parents/ relatives didn't know I was in an abusive relationship so I used to always tell them nice things about him to concince them for gettin married to him. I loved him a lot and always thought that he would change once we get married but I was wrong. I think I was a big fool to get married to him in the first place. I must've been crazy to fall in love with such a maniac. In these 3 and a half years of our marriage he still abuses me a lot. The physical abuse has reduced a bit but it's still there and the emotional abuse hasnt stopped. I am a house wife. We have no kids and we live with his parents. His mother doesn't like me at all. She's even accused me of stealing things from her house and giving the stolen things to my parents. My husband has no time for me. He leaves for office in the morning and comes back at 9 pm, has his dinner and goes to meet his guy friends at 10pm and comes back home, watches tv and goes to sleep. If I tell him I want him to spend time with me he I insults me and hurts me, if I argue he hits me. If anything is going wrong in his life he blames it all on me.he has kicked me out soo many times, I go out of the house and then he calls me up to apologize. He says he never wanted to get married to me in te first place and he's done a favor on me by getting married and tht I've begged my way into his house. I had done a travel and tourism course before marriage and had 2 certificates. Once when we had a fight, e tore the original copies of my certificates along with all my other school/college degree certificates. My life is hell. I dont know if I should leave him or stay with him. If I leave him I don't know what will happen to my future as I'm already 25 years old and I think it's too late to move on.i have lost all self confidence and have become very timid. I'm scared to leave him as I don't know how will I cope up but it's become very difficult to live with him. I think I'm becoming more and more depressed day by day and sometimes I feel like committing suicide, I've even tried to but then I thought of my parents and my brother and didn't commit suicide. Pls help

I know how you feel which is what I'm feeling right now after my husband abused and said alot of horrible things to me yesterday. What's hurts me is that it happen in front of my children. I think the only thing you could do is keep your head on straight and focus more on your lil one. What your husband is doing to you is not right at all, neither is mine. Us women shouldn't have to go through any of this kinda crap especially all the things that we did for our men. All women should be treated like a queen by her husband with love, care and respect. I myself am thinking about what to do for the safety of my children. So please...think of your precious baby and nevermind what he says to you or what his mother says. Your baby's safety comes first. I pray for you and everything will work out for you. Just have faith and believe in yourself. Your strong.

I know how you feel, I gone through hell and back and went back for , how stupid, We been married now for 8 yrs. During this time I say he has embarrassed me in public 5 times. This last time, I about lost my cool, I'm scared what could happen some one may get hurt one time me or him. Where God , I need a miracle before some get hurt.

I have this same problem, I don't have a child but I work 2 jobs and am a full time student. We've been married 1 year and have been together 3 years and have never had sex. We got in a fight yesterday and kept getting in my face so I pushed him away and he pinned me down and chocked me and then screamed in my ear as loud as he could and I still can't hear out of my right ear. He always calls me fat and ugly, I make dinner when I can but between 2 jobs and school I really don't have time. He works 40 hours a week and I work that plus more and am in school and refuses to make dinner or help me clean the house or anything. He just goes and buys McDonalds and because both of my jobs are in an office I don't have time to go to the gym and am unable to burn the fat and calories I take in. I try to shop for healthier food but he refuses to eat any fruit or vegetables or anything remotely healthy and shops for himself and gets frozen nasty meals for us . He makes it like I sit around all day because I work in a call center and run a business apparently that isn't enough for anyone. I love him and I wish things would go back to how they were when we met, he is not the man I fell in love with, and I feel so alone and broken because no one listens to what i have to say. Because of school costs I can't even afford to live on my own and my family will not take me in because 1. Im and atheist and 2. I have 2 cats that I love very much and my parents claim they are allergic to my hypoallergenic Siberian cats..

Your story breaks my heart. You are not the problem and neither is your weight. Your weight might need some work but that is hard to do with your work load and school. Unless both of you agreed to have a relationship without sex this is not normal, I recommend some councelling with or without him. If he truly loved you it wouldn't matter what size you were. Show your parents your letter to this site tell them you need support to finish school. We all need to love and be loved so tell them your cats are your emotional support. I hope you find answers, talk to the advisors at school. I'm 55 I've been through good marriage and a relationship where I had my partner sent to jail for assault. Love yourself and demand respect.

leave him if you can,you dont need him,your depression will lift once you have hun,take care and i hope things work out for you

its best that you get out as soon as possible. He will never change. If a man has nothing to say to you and doesnt show you affection, he clearly doesnt love you. Sweety dont waste your years, move on. Dont be afraid, be brave. No court will allow him to keep your child, see a social worker. Best of luck

Hello<br />
<br />
I am newly married... I have been divorced for 22 years. I am 45. I just want to explain some things because I am trying to figure out what I should do. There is so much to say yet I want to keep this as short as possible. <br />
About a year and a half ago I found out I have MS. A incurable disease. I met my Husband shortly after I found out I had MS. One night my huband went to a bar and tried to lie about it. (he knows I don't like bars) and then he got caught in his lie and he ended up screaming and screaming at me and I didn't do anything to him...He screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" wow... that hurt me so bad...I was at work when he screamed this to me and I was out in my car ..I was begging him to stop hurting me...I remember me cletching my heart and with every horrible scream my body was lowering and lowering to the gravel driveway I was parked in. I almost landed on my knees. He had zero care for the pain I was in and had nothing in him that spoke to his heart to stop hurting me. I don't understand that type of heart. Anyway, he has hurt me many many countless times since then and recently we got into a huge fight and he did the usual of being very hurtful and not caring what he is doing to my health. I was pregnant and we didn't know it. But he was trying to pull my phone out of my hands and I was desperately trying to hang on to it.. he ended up pusing me to the ground.. he has never hit me but he has hurt me. I had bruised up and down my right leg from that fight, and I lost the baby. <br />
My husband came from a beautiful family. He has had a very good life.. not rich and not poor. Just a normal family with beautiful parents. He has never known the meaning of 'struggle or pain' He has only had 4 relationships in his life and none lasted over a month. (pretty immature) His actoins are like a man who has been horribly abused but he has never been abused. His parents NEVER fought. My husband is not completely awful....but he obviously has a nasty side. He is terrified of losing me and he says that is why he looses it sometimes. I have never been abused by a man in my life. Never. I have had men try LOL but I am not someone who puts up with phyical abuse....and men who are abusive instinctivly know I will have them for lunch if they ever try! My husband is emotionally abbusive and I have not delt with that one from a man before. I am trying to figure out if there is anything to salvage or if I just need to get out of this. I have MS and stress is the worst thing for MS. I also have high blood pressure and he constantly has shown me that he doesn't care for my health and what could happen to me. I have told him and told him that the stress that he has me under could cause me to relapse and in the relapse I could loose the function of my legs or arms etc.....but when he is angry he could care less about what could happen to me. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't be so torn up by some of these things he has done but I can't wrap my head around the heart of a human that could EVER say to a person who was just diagnosed with an incurable disease "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" I can't wrap my mind around it. Even he can't explain it. If I didn't have MS I would still think it was an awful thing to say but it wouldn't have been any worse than someone telling me to kiss there arse. But he said this thing to a woman who was in the most awful pain in her life. Can someone tell me if it is possible to forgive someone who has done something this awful??? I want to forgive but he continues to hurt me and now I have lost a baby over this. The pile of things I need to forgive him for is now reaching the sky. I feel like I am being swallowed... by the growing anger I feel for him. I feel so bitter. so very bitter. What should I do?

Hello<br />
<br />
I am newly married... I have been divorced for 22 years. I am 45. I just want to explain some things because I am trying to figure out what I should do. There is so much to say yet I want to keep this as short as possible. <br />
About a year and a half ago I found out I have MS. A incurable disease. I met my Husband shortly after I found out I had MS. One night my huband went to a bar and tried to lie about it. (he knows I don't like bars) and then he got caught in his lie and he ended up screaming and screaming at me and I didn't do anything to him...He screamed, "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" wow... that hurt me so bad...I was at work when he screamed this to me and I was out in my car ..I was begging him to stop hurting me...I remember me cletching my heart and with every horrible scream my body was lowering and lowering to the gravel driveway I was parked in. I almost landed on my knees. He had zero care for the pain I was in and had nothing in him that spoke to his heart to stop hurting me. I don't understand that type of heart. Anyway, he has hurt me many many countless times since then and recently we got into a huge fight and he did the usual of being very hurtful and not caring what he is doing to my health. I was pregnant and we didn't know it. But he was trying to pull my phone out of my hands and I was desperately trying to hang on to it.. he ended up pusing me to the ground.. he has never hit me but he has hurt me. I had bruised up and down my right leg from that fight, and I lost the baby. <br />
My husband came from a beautiful family. He has had a very good life.. not rich and not poor. Just a normal family with beautiful parents. He has never known the meaning of 'struggle or pain' He has only had 4 relationships in his life and none lasted over a month. (pretty immature) His actoins are like a man who has been horribly abused but he has never been abused. His parents NEVER fought. My husband is not completely awful....but he obviously has a nasty side. He is terrified of losing me and he says that is why he looses it sometimes. I have never been abused by a man in my life. Never. I have had men try LOL but I am not someone who puts up with phyical abuse....and men who are abusive instinctivly know I will have them for lunch if they ever try! My husband is emotionally abbusive and I have not delt with that one from a man before. I am trying to figure out if there is anything to salvage or if I just need to get out of this. I have MS and stress is the worst thing for MS. I also have high blood pressure and he constantly has shown me that he doesn't care for my health and what could happen to me. I have told him and told him that the stress that he has me under could cause me to relapse and in the relapse I could loose the function of my legs or arms etc.....but when he is angry he could care less about what could happen to me. If I didn't have MS I wouldn't be so torn up by some of these things he has done but I can't wrap my head around the heart of a human that could EVER say to a person who was just diagnosed with an incurable disease "I HOPE YOU DIE THE MOST MISERABLE PAINFUL DEATH YOU COULD EVER POSSIBLY DIE!!!" I can't wrap my mind around it. Even he can't explain it. If I didn't have MS I would still think it was an awful thing to say but it wouldn't have been any worse than someone telling me to kiss there arse. But he said this thing to a woman who was in the most awful pain in her life. Can someone tell me if it is possible to forgive someone who has done something this awful??? I want to forgive but he continues to hurt me and now I have lost a baby over this. The pile of things I need to forgive him for is now reaching the sky. I feel like I am being swallowed... by the growing anger I feel for him. I feel so bitter. so very bitter. What should I do?

I am a Soldier and my husband is also a soldier. We been marry for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son. He's been mentally and verbally abusive. He stop telling me he loves me. He watches ***** and when he has sex with me is forcefully. He tells me that he can do better. He tells me I am a bad mother because I was gone for 2 months for mandatory training that I had no control. He tells me that I dont have a butt. I didnt want a divorce because he used to tell me he would take my son. But this weekend, I told him he could have everything including my son. I felt like I was going crazy. He will be living for training soon. I am going to get the courage to get counseling tomorrow and go to legal and find help. I dont want my Chain of Command to find out since I am an NCO and I allready got into trouble once when my husband and I got into a altercation and he call the police. I hope one day to have the courage to get away from him.

I am a Soldier and my husband is also a soldier. We been marry for 4 years and we have a 2 year old son. He's been mentally and verbally abusive. He stop telling me he loves me. He watches ***** and when he has sex with me is forcefully. He tells me that he can do better. He tells me I am a bad mother because I was gone for 2 months for mandatory training that I had no control. He tells me that I dont have a butt. I didnt want a divorce because he used to tell me he would take my son. But this weekend, I told him he could have everything including my son. I felt like I was going crazy. He will be living for training soon. I am going to get the courage to get counseling tomorrow and go to legal and find help. I dont want my Chain of Command to find out since I am an NCO and I allready got into trouble once when my husband and I got into a altercation and he call the police. I hope one day to have the courage to get away from him.

Oh my dear,<br />
i think that is better for you and your helth that you leave him alone.he does not deserve you with behaviour like he has.Because its not your felt that you look like you look.I know that you want to take your family together but for married you need two people you alone cannot rightnow succses.

Oh my dear,<br />
i think that is better for you and your helth that you leave him alone.he does not deserve you with behaviour like he has.Because its not your felt that you look like you look.I know that you want to take your family together but for married you need two people you alone cannot rightnow succses.

LEAVE THAT CRAZY FAMILY FOR ST. PETER's SAKE!!! RUN! Your husband is insecure and twisted. His mother is completely mental. And you're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Take. Your. Child. And. Go. To: YOUR MUMS!!

You should not have to live that way. You have every right to tell your family what is going on (or a friend). You are better than that. I am kind of going thru the same situation but I'm looking for a way out so I can be happy and have some freedom. I have been recently been called horrible names and they do hurt and I feel for you. Don't let him get to you b/c you are better than that. Your mother-in-law should not be in your business but then you did talk to her about it. Don't mention anything to her anymore and work on your babys happiness. Your child should not have feel anger but love (that's hard to say but it's true) If at all anything your child should bring a smile to your face and that should make you feel good. Don't let anyone make you feel less than a person and hey call his bluff go to your Mom's for awhile just to get away. You will be able to think alot better and maybe decide what you want to do. This might turn into abuse later (trust me on that one) mostly emotional but some physical. You don't need that.<br />
<br />
I hope all goes well for you. You are in my prayers for a happy and better life.

said him to stop or divorce, and never permit him to do wht hes doing without saying to stop, or tell your/his relatives about his behaviour :@ that angers me

first of all let me start by saying I admire the women had the courage to leave their abusive spouses.i unfortunately do not have that courage.ive been married 6 yrs and hav 3 kids.my husband not only emotionally abuses me but physically as well.if I make him really mad hell just beat the **** outta me until his rage subsides.he does it n front of our kids too.ive tried to call the cops but he takes the phone away and threatens to really do me in.he says he'll kill me cut my toungue off nd my head if I ever reported him to the laws.like today he called me a shitload of names nd just really put,me down so I went n to one of the bedrooms nd cried my eyes out, meanwhile he watched **** in the living room the son of a *****!hes pulled out a knife on me telling me I couldnt even imagine what he was gonna do to me then acted like he was gonna kill himself with it.he smashed my head into walls beat me n the face with a belt until he got tired nd the list goes on.im soo depressed ive been thinkin bout just ending my hell.but my kids r the only thing that keep me going.but im desperate for advice or guidance ,n e thing!

I just read your story and you do not deserve to be treated this way. I know you feel alone and scared I was there once but get out. I have depression, add and I am on meds. I have full legal and physical custody of my girls. I wish I would have gotten out sooner. I stayed because it was the right thing to do. You don't get divorced and you fix problems yourself that was so wrong none of those reasons are good enough to stay in an abusive relationship. The truth is he has you where he wants you and sadly it only gets worse.

"Then he decided he missed me and all i do for him and tried to get me to come back.<br />
I said no only if he changed . He wont accept that he has done anything rong so i wont go back. "<br />
<br />
good for you! he just misses his emotional punching back. what a ****.

that is so sad i know how u feel i was in a relationship the same for 14 years u need to leave dont stay he will get worse and his mother living there she alway stick up for her son , i am in a new relationship now with 2 children a 3 year old and 7 month i know what it feel like after having a baby your mind all over the place take care and hope it works out for you

You are not messed up because of your husband. You need to look behind to see these feelings are not because of him, they are fom the past. Time to look at you baby and know you only have one choice. I made that choice many years ago. It is the only thing to do. You know what you have to do. My son is 24 and knows what it took from me to help make him a strong and loving prson. Do it for your child.

I would stay away from him...he doesn't love you and is using you. Men like this are brought up by idiot women like this mother, she never thought him how to value women. this man is not good for your daughter as he may start to abuse her too as she get older! There have been many cases! So Stay away..or this time the abuse can be worse as burning you and your child to death! I know thats extreme but it happens!<br />
Get child support ...Please change your last name back to your original or you for ever be his property..and change your daughters last name to your birth name. Be a strong woman, and get full cusody tell how he made your baby beat you...and if you have to lie about him hitting your child or you do it! Because he is a bastard!

Look what I do if there is some problem especially big one like yours. Go to a church every sunday. Pray to the God every day, night. I know it sounds silly, but it helps he will help you and everything will be OK. Please listen my advice, do it and you will see trust me.

Look what I do if there is some problem especially big one like yours. Go to a church every sunday. Pray to the God every day, night. I know it sounds silly, but it helps he will help you and everything will be OK. Please listen my advice, do it and you will see trust me.

Look what I do if there is some problem especially big one like yours. Go to a church every sunday. Pray to the God every day, night. I know it sounds silly, but it helps he will help you and everything will be OK. Please listen my advice, do it and you will see trust me.

Hello you said the mother in law live with you this is not good you must have distance of all parents because they will try to influence your partnership, even your mother in law do it she influence to his son telling him you sit around and do nothing at home, this is the first Problem I know it from my Sister partnership is same problem.<br />
<br />
Second Problem if your husband act like that he do not really love you he have another woman in background or search for it same approved problem to my sister.<br />
<br />
Maybe if you go to court you have to say that your Mother in law and your husband abuse about your home and living, she influence your Husband.<br />
<br />
In Italy was a similar problem and a Husband claim that his Mother in law influenced him and his wife and child, she told them what they have to do and not do, even when he goes to doctor with his child and Doc give a medicine for the child after when he came home his mother in law sayd do not give this medicine give something else to the baby like herbs or like that or something (like Magical; amulet and so on), this is not responsible....<br />
<br />
The court told him he can divorce and take the children. But I do not know how is in your country but in Italy normally children behave to the Mother only in special causes when the Mother is not able to care the child will go to Father. Are you mentally or physically not able??<br />
<br />
I do not think so, you are an intelligent woman not much person can use in Italy computer and write something in a forum like you have done. To be fat is not a handicap, I m fat too, I like how I am and what the other person thing about it is not my problem, you understand.<br />
<br />
I hope I have helped in your Problem.....<br />
<br />
bye

It sounds as though he is emotionally and physically abusing you and it's getting worse. You need to get out of there as soon as possible before something really bad happens. No one deserves that type of treatment. I know you love him but for you and your daughter's sake you need to leave. I hope there is somewhere you can go. I wish you the best of luck.

he needs to see a doctor.. His mother messed him up growing up.. Don't let your daughter grow up thinking this is what she deserves in her relationships.. Let your bad memories be your motivation..

Omg I was once you.. My husband abused me and my mother n law said the same things( he can do no wrong in her eyes, mamas boy).. So I did all those thing.. I was as perfect as I could be and he was still not happy.. Bottom line.. He's the one with the problem NOT YOU!.. I left him after several years and it took many years to heal and move on but it was the best thing I ever did.. You have to do it for your mental health and the childs.. Do not let her grow up thinking this is how she deserves to be treated..<br />
By the way he is so selfish he wont even want custody.. His mother can all she wants but she will have no rights.. Trust me I've been there.. I don't even know where my x is now and he is not missed!

YOUR MOTHER IN LAW IS INSANE!<br />
She is obviously the reason why your husband treats you that way, because she has raised him to believe that abuse is okay. DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD BE A PART OF THAT CYCLE! Get your baby out of there! The courts would never take a child away from their mother becausue they are taking depression medication! So let that sorry bastard try! <br />
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I hate reading stuff like this, men are so self centered. Don't let him mentally abuse you or physically abuse you any more! You will find someone who loves you and your child and will not abuse you. I promise. Get the hell out of there now or you never will.

im sorry i kinda know how you feel i really dont know whut to say because i should be listening to myself speak i guess just do whut u have to do i feel bad but there are all types of guys out there u dont need him

Dont go back!! If his mother was living with you, I am sure she added to the feelings of animosity in the home. I bet he DOES miss someone to cook and clean up after him and his mother. Let her take care of him. She is the one that probably taught him how to treat people and since she thinks his treatment of you was appropriate you would be a lamb in a lions den in that house: DONT GO BACK! I think you already did the hardest part: Leaving. You should try to find a support group for new moms, single moms, or for survivors of abusive relationships. Not only would they be an emotional support, but you could learn of a lot of resources there. You are brave and have done the best thing for you and your baby, keep up the good work!

I believe in miracles, and the mere fact that I am alive is one. Through an act of God, Eric finally fell asleep, drunk. My guardian angel had again rescued me, and I knew I had to make a decision. In each moment of decision, our life changes for good or bad, and we create our own destiny. I knew that God had saved me for a great purpose, which I would soon discover.<br />
http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/abused.html

You sound like a very strong. You have accomplished so much with the struggles that you have had in your life. I can't exactly help you with your decision but what I can give you is support. Your story really touched me.<br />
Be true to thyself". I hope this helps you and I will be praying for you. Things have a way of working themselves out. You never know. You never know who you may meet that could change your life and help you through your struggles! :)<br />
www.thankgodforebooks.com/abused.html

I highly highly suggest getting out of any ANY relationship that is producing pain, mental or physical for you or the kids. I did it, read my stories, 17 years with a husband, 1 year with a boyfriend, too much pain. If I can do it, so can you, women deserve to be loved and cared for and appreciated. Not put down or beaten up. It really is possible to live a life for yourself without pain. Plan for it, use us on EP for support and get out of a bad relationship.

I appreciate it doesnt make sense, as at times his treatment of me doesnt make sense to me. He has come out with verbal things that I would never have dreamt him capable of.<br />
He told the health visitor that he felt i hated my son.<br />
I cant hold my sons hand properly according to him.<br />
He made me feel a total brainless twit who needed pyschiatrict treatment as i was gonig mental - his words!!<br />
He told my son a statue couldnt possibly be me as it didnt have its **** out and a camera around its neck. <br />
He told me id be ok in prison as lesbians would want me.<br />
Best bit is, he would deny ever saying the things!!<br />
Thus making me think id dreamt it all up<br />
<br />
But according to some people, thats ok, as he is hurting. Its ok for him to say these things as he is hurting!!! <br />
<br />
What about me!!!

im on here tonight in the hope to find support.<BR>I do have support, but none local. I feel my family have turned against me and do not approve of my decision. I have lost my home, or rather will be, and today i have to make the tough decision to give up my beloved puppy. My crime?<BR>I finally stood up to my husband and said enough is enough, i want out. end the marriage.<BR>My story started off with intially sexual rejection from him, which lead to sexual problems which he blamed me for. Then came the jealousy of whatever i did, beit reading, keep fit. Iput up with this, as i loved my husband. However when he started judging me as a mum and bullying me if i disciplined our youngest child, whom may i add can throw some pretty big tantrums and so was a difficult child. Finally i got myself a social life. New friends, going out once a month for a breather. Once I did this his bullying got worse. constantly putting me down, or as he put it, joking!! saying he was a single father, putting my friends down, basically putting anything i did down. <BR>he would say something such as "pay the dog attention", basically constantly try and control me and if i snapped back he would shout at me. But a few hours later he would smile and say, i wasnt having a go at you earlier, i do love you!<BR>Id stand there confused thinking if you love me why do you do this.<BR>I ended up on anti depressents. I would sit and cry begging that someone could witness this, that i wasnt going mental. But no one did.<BR>The bullying eventually got worse and worse, his verbal attacks cutting deep and raw. Im not a walk over and will stand up for myself, but i had my limits.<BR>Finally my dad noticed and said something. Great I thought, support at last.<BR>The day i realised i had to act was the day i overheard my husband telling my boys that their behaviour would kill him!<BR>Last year i recall begging him to change, telling him i cant take it, to seek help for the sexual issues, but to no avail. I kept trying. i loved him.<BR><BR>After the issue with the kids, it took me another two months before I finally did the final i want out.<BR><BR>Phew ! i thought. I felt a weight lift off my shoulders. <BR>But it was not to be.<BR>I stayed in the marital home. Despite having several open conversations saying its over, the bullying and taunts continued.<BR><BR>In this time i slept with a friend. Admittedly my timing was wrong. the first time i had ever stepped out the marital vows. However, despite technically being separated but living under the same roof, my husband found out and not one to enjoy lying, i admitted it.<BR>Ive been called a prostitute, to name but a few things.<BR><BR>Not a wise move on my part as this is now no longer about his mental abuse of me, but my one night liaison. What he has done to me in the past doesnt matter in lots of peoples eyes. I DID WRONG!<BR><BR>Family keep telling me to stick with the marriage, work at it.<BR><BR>Even now separated he still controls me, or tries to. There are not many allegations ive had thrown at me. I only have to walk into a room to have things said and in front of people.<BR><BR>he has had anger management and was told he verbally abused me, but in his head, he's an angel, the perfect husband and the perfect father. Perfect in every shape or form.<BR><BR>Ive finally got a house to move to and am in the process of sorting it all out. Its far from easy and right now i dont see things easing up.<BR><BR>I feel totally alone. Yes I have good friends, but I feel my family have turned against me. I am having counselling, which helps but doesnt heal the hurt i now also feel from my family. I feel a huge disappointment and embarrassement to the family.<BR><BR>I loved my husband, very much. I worshipped the ground he walked on. I didnt think my life would turn out this way and am having to deal with that amongst all the other stuff. <BR><BR>I too have had my inlaws try to have a dig at me. <BR><BR>We were together 15 years!!!<BR><BR>I feel the general opinion around my family is shut up and put up. None of the stuff i talk about has happened. Its not as bad as i say. its married life. Its just a phase. You name it ive had it, yet none of them have stopped to think how hard it was for me to tell my mum my husband had sexually rejected me. What that did to me as a woman.<BR><BR>I appreciate this is all garbled, but tonight thats how my head is. As i sit in my bed alone id love for someone just to reach out and touch. My friends whom support me all live over 40 miles away and so no one here.<BR><BR>Its hard and i wonder when this will all end. When will people finally accept that we do not have to tolerate such behaviour from a partner because we are married.!! <BR><BR>Argh!!!

Keep putting one day ahead of the last and one foot ahead of the other. You've been through enough, and your daughter will be just fine with you. If he isn't supporting you now, it's just a manipulation to say he will if you come back.... he probably won't then either.<br />
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Use us for support anytime! But you are alot stronger than you think you are, keep doing what you know is right.

Thankyou sweetcitywomen. You are so right. For the last four moths i was struggling with the decision to go back or stay away. He seemed to have changed and came to me begging and crying and still is doing!!! <br />
<br />
I gave him the benefit of the doubt for a while and we got into phone calling again but i refused to move back in with him. Then because i wont move back with him he started getting upset saying my mother is the abuser controlling me and keeping me away from him. <br />
<br />
I also asked him for money towards baby. He has bought one can of formula in five months and no child support!!! He told me that if i come back he will support us and pay for everything baby needs but he wont help me out while i stay away from him. <br />
<br />
I can now recognise this as manipulation and emotional abuse.... But despite all this i do still miss him and it is really hard so i will just go one day ata tome. I have a day in court on the 18th may...im trying to get custody of baby and he wants access to her.<br />
<br />
Newmum

5 days is good. Feel proud of your accomplishment. Every day can seem so long.. I know... especially when someone is telling you that you are the cause of their pain. But if you go back then you know he'll just be the cause of YOUR pain! You can do this, believe in yourself and that you are worth it!!

It's been hard. My husband keeps sending me messages saying sorry, he loves me and that he wont try and control me anymore. I fell for it for a while and started talking to him but then i got the courage to say No and havent talked to him for 5 days. I am trying so hard not to get pulled back. I feel so guilty because he's hurting and says he has no one to turn to and no support. I also wish things had worked out differently but they have not. I have to stay strong now and not go back on this decision. I cannot be miserable any more. I want to be strong. It's really hard and im an emotional mess but i am trying my best and will continue to be strong. I just have to remember how miserable i was and get heaps of support.<br />
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Newmum

GOOD for you!!!<br />
<br />
It takes a lot of courage to leave someone you still love. Hopefully you will find someone who treats you better than your ex did!

The hard part now is not going back. There are men out there that are kind and caring and wouldn't abuse. Get yourself together and keep yourself away from him. Research domestic violence sites, most say abusers don't change, learn the signs to avoid abuse in the future and be good to yourself. You must be your own best friend.

Hi Everyone. Well in dec i got the courage to leave. It has been hard. I got a protection order against my mother in law and my husband. <BR><BR>When i first left, my husband as angry and started trying to cheat...online dating and all that stuff. Then he decided he missed me and all i do for him and tried to get me to come back.<BR>I said no only if he changed . He wont accept that he has done anything rong so i wont go back. I am slowly coming to terms and hoping I will be strong enough to stay away and get over him <BR>!!<BR><BR>NEW MUM

WooHoooo! Good for you. Like the post below the hard part is not going back. I know you will make it though. Just have faith in yourself. So proud of you!

I stayed in a marriage for 17 years with a man who was constantly finding ways to put me down or irritate me or show me how much better he was. We had 4 children and I could never, never divorce him because I couldn't take the kids with me and support them without support from him. Finally, the two girls grown and over 21, the boys teenagers, I just left, and left the kids with him. He didn't mistreat the kids, just me, which he still won't admit happened. I almost lost my sanity, went from a mentally abusive relationship into a physically abusive one. I finally pulled myself out and am trying to pull myself up the self-esteem ladder. The best thing I found to help me was to LEAVE, and then to talk to others who are sympathetic who didn't tell me I was crazy. I'm doing better now. But it's tough.

I think you really need to get some help for you and and your baby! You don't deserve that! No one does! And his mom is full of ****! This isnt the old days! A woman does not have to be home all of the time doing everything to please a man!

What your describing is mental abuse. Get out of this relationship before it turns violent. The mother in law is disgusting for condoning this behaviour in her son and I can bet you she would not put up with it off any man. Think to yourself do you want to let your child grow up seeing this and your husband abusing you. Your child could turn out like him if you stay

Words of wisdom Oddi. May I add to contact the local ATBW and informed your doctor of the situation at home.He/she may be able to recommend an appriate intercepting agency.

First of all, if he is holding the baby above your head and telling her to kick mummy, he is really immature and needs to grow up. Secondly, you need to get yourself sorted out mentally and get off those anti-depressants. I am not medically qualified, but my understanding is that anti-depressant medication should be given in conjunction with counselling with a view to coming off them. (except where the depression is secondary to another illness which causes it). Your being overweight may be a side effect of the anti-depressants, tiredness is sometimes a side effect as well. You need to learn to deal with your problems and get off the legalised drugs. Learn to stand up to your husband, running off to your mothers will solve nothing. These challenges in life are there so that we can become stronger by overcoming them. Let your husband know that if he wants his dinner and wants you in bed he had better damn well treat you properly, dont put up with his nonsense and dont run away. Both you and he will become better people if you learn to put him straight.

first of all shes crazy. a had one say the same thing ..never worked ...the courts will not take your baby away especaily if he is hurting you. you should take your baby and find somewhere to go cuz itll probably get worse. i live with an abuser. and if hes always saying things like that chances r hes got a gf . he should be praising the mother of his child . not tthe other way around.

That’s very sad I am hoping it gets better for you. Cheers!