What a Fool I Am

I am a woman in my mid thirties. I recently fell madly in love with a guy that just turned 50. Oh, my gosh he was heaven sent (at first). He pampered me like you wouldn't believe. I was his everything. He had a daughter who was a spoiled brat. I tried several times to meet her. But each time he would say he couldn't take me around her because it hurt her that I was so much younger than him and that I was only after his money. I told him to assure her that I was only here to love and adore him (And I was). Then the abuse started. He said that he didn't want me to pester him about meeting his daugther and that I should just "back off" of the situation. So I guess I let him have things his way. One day while on the phone, he said that he would call me in the morning. That call never came. I tried calling him several times to find out what was wrong but he wouldn't answer my phone calls. I even went to his house. Only to see him peep through the window shades, then lock the door. I felt like a dog with my tail between my legs. What had I done that was so wrong. I was crazy about this man. He then started seeing another woman and flaunted her all over town. He even took her to meet his daughter within a few days of meeting her. Of course, he called me crying saying he just couldn't live without me. I took him back. This is a man who constantly pouts over the silliest things but will not answer phone calls when I want to find out what is wrong. This happened to me three times last year. We broke up again three days after Christmas. We were apart for three months then the phone rang. It was him. Putting on the crocodile tears. He proposed, I said yes. But he told me not to talk about marriage. It wasn't time. I was confused. We are broke up again, and he is seeing another woman. A lesbian might I add. Both women that he has left me for have been lesbians. I thought lesbians like other women. But this man seems addicted to them. Someone tell me what in the world was I doing with such a pervert???

scarlett74 scarlett74
31-35, F
8 Responses Aug 13, 2007

I agree with GeorgeGlass, and I'll take you at your word that you're not after his resources either, but it might be helpful for you to examine whether you're being entirely honest with yourself about that. Can't help but make the observation that I've yet to see a single younger woman fall madly in love with an older man who was poor. I don't think that's just a coincidence, but don't think it's deliberate either. <br />
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His daughter may be a brat, but you don't really think you're the FIRST woman this guy has treated and abused this way, do you? My guess would be that the woman who held that "privilege" first would be his daughter's mother, and as it's difficult for most children to place the "blame" on their parents, along with the corresponding anger and hostility, so instead they project it onto the person(s) they perceive as the "interloper" who destroyed their parents marriage, by seducing and luring their cheating parent away. <br />
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And you don't have to be that EXACT same person who they hold responsible for breaking up their parents' marriage, they just have to perceive you as being the same TYPE to make you the target of their hostility and anger. That's all.

I hate to say this, but the mere fact that you are going after someone who is so much older than you, and that you are so persistent about it, suggests that you are either 1) after his resources (and I take you at your word that you are not), 2) have some serious self-esteem issues, 3) had a bad or nonexistent relationship with your father and are looking for a father figure who take care of you, or 4) some combination of #2 and #3.<br />
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I don't mean that sarcastically either. Think about why you have to have this ONE guy, as opposed to all of the other guys out there in the world. The farther apart in age each individual is, the less likely that a long-term relationship such as a marriage is going to be successful, not to mention that you're relationship with this is just all over the place and has deteriorated several times already. This is not going to work, you need to understand that (maybe you do, who knows?).<br />
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Anyway, in closing, you either have no self-esteem, you're looking for a father-figure, or some combination of the two... at least, those are the most likely scenarios. So there it is; learn to take care of yourself and to be happy being independent, date someone your own age, and if they act retarded like this fool step away from them.<br />
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I hope this was helpful.

I am reminded you each minute to be thankful to your existence and give profound gratitude to God because you lived. I wouldn’t change a thing because everything turned into a plan, a master plan, a universal plan, to inspire the world, and to make an infinite change in humanity.<br />
http://www.thankgodforebooks.com/abused.html

wtf...<br />
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That guy is lame. And weird... if he is dating lesbians.. which seems pointless, because if they're really lesbians they would have no attraction to him...<br />
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Of course I understand if you love someone its hard to admit when they're being lame. Because you love them... but like golotomer said, find someone who deserves that love!!

I'm finding (finally) that it's better to be with myself, alone, than to be with a man who makes me crawl back to him and take his crap because of my addiction to his "love".

Don't allow anyone to tread on your self-esteem like that. As much as it hurts you need to walk away and find someone worthy of your love.

I agree. I am going through a similar situation, and it SUCKS! I have been into this man for a while... now I wonder WHY? He is emotionally abusive and has incredible instability. It makes me question who I AM. I don't want to be the person that he is, but I find myself tempted to play his games back at him. I am making plans to leave in the next few months... because these games aren't worth my time.

wow....from whta I've read it kind of sounds like he comes crawling back to you as a last resort when his lesbian gf's ditch him. I know the pain of being a backup option and I can tell you that NO ONE deserves that. I think you should wait for someone who will treat you right.