Mental Abuse Is the Story of My Childhood.

My father was a very depressed drunk.  He felt better when he made others feel worse.  When I was born, he was hoping for a son and got a daughter.  He spent the next 18 years (until I finally got out of there) trying to convince me that I'm not good enough.  Not smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, nice enough, and would never amount to anything.  I'm still dealing with those issues.  Every day I have to fight the demons of those words just to be able to function on any kind of normal level.  He died about a year and a half ago.  His words are still with me.  I wonder if they'll ever die.

Kids still quote "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" and I think there are a lot of people who believe it.  I'm living proof that words have power.  Broken bones heal a lot faster than mental scars.  And when the painful words come from someone who is supposed to love us, it just cuts that much deeper.  If you're a parent, be kind with your words, even if you don't feel like it.
Sidira Sidira
31-35, F
4 Responses Sep 4, 2007

wow! great stories. I've learn about you. yes words can really hurt but the stones break the bones and still had permanent scar that remind everytime.<br />

Yeah, I know the issues there were all his, but when you hear it over and over for that many years, it becomes almost hard-wired into your brain. The way I look at it though, the best thing I can do is learn from his mistakes so I don't make them myself. My kids (when I have kids) are never going to hear any of that garbage coming from me, that's for sure.

Thanks for the kind words. If only it were that easy! I do tell myself that all the time, but at some deep level I can't get past being the little girl who isn't good enough. Still, it gets easier with every passing year, so I'm hoping that eventually his words will fade away to the point that I don't even hear them any more.

What a sad story. I feel your father was a jerk but i also feel sorry for him because he was depressed himself. I don't know how to help without sounding cliché but don't listen to what he said, he didn't say it because he was right, he said it because he was depressed himself and a drunkard. You have my sympathy. I see your issue and i think you should start each day by saying: I'm good enough. I'm smart, pretty, talented, nice and I will amount to anything I dream of becoming.<br />
Feel better!