And In My Skin.........

 Sometimes life can throw you a curveball. That's what it did to me about 5 years ago, then it threw another one 5 months ago....Although that one I was expecting. Mahahaha! It's funny how fast your life can change in either direction & I've never been one comfortable with change. I think that's why I hung on to S for so long. I didn't want to have to change again, even if there was a chance it would be better after. The whole idea of change scared me.

But I did it, something inside me has shifted in the last 5 months. It wasn't all at once, & I still have a journey in front of me that could be harder than I imagined.......But I am starting to believe that I can do it. I can get through my life with minimum fuss & be okay with being alone. I hope I don't have to be, but in some ways, I'm hoping for a bit of both. Heehee!!

I'm a pretty sweet person & I want to try & hold onto that. I want to be comfortable being me, whether other people like it or not. The only one I see having a problem with that (or me having a problem with them) is my mom. She's use to me just blindly following her & always taking her advice & feelings into consideration before I do anything. In a lot of ways, I am in her eyes, just a little girl. I helped her keep that opinion because I never fight her, I usually always do what she thinks is best. I need to assert myself a bit more....

I'm scared though, because I know this assertion of myself is going to cause both of us pain & stress...... But I want to be comfortable with myself & be my own woman in thought & deed, so I'm gonna have to bite the bullet & do what I have to do............ Maybe slow at first though. =]

deleted deleted
Mar 21, 2009