Adderall Ruined My Life

Began taking addys in 2007. Faked symptoms of ADHD in order to get a script. I was a junior in college and loved my job as a yoga and pilates instructor. I had interests and ambition. I had everything going for me. I was fit, pretty and enjoyed my life.
That was 7 years ago. Now I am 29 and have nothing. I cannot take care of myself. I live in my mothers house. I do not work, so I have no income. My mom has to buy my groceries and provide my most basic needs. I failed/dropped out of school. I lost my DL and my car. Nobody knows the depths of my addiction. My mom has no idea Ive been taking adderall. She knows I am depressed and pays for therapy and doctors visits. My life is a lie and secretive. She thinks I am just suffering with depression. The depression kicks in when I run out of my script. My life revolves around what has destroyed me. I dont know myself anymore. I lost myself.
Currently i am prescribed 75 20mgs a month. I take it all in about a weeks time. For the next 3 weeks with out my addys I am an empty, lifeless shell. I cannot stand day to day life. laying in bed and hiding from the world and is all I can do to cope with the agony I feel. The only thing that keeps me going is knowing I will get my addys back in a few weeks where Ill just binge again. During this binge week I sleep maybe a few hours at most and smoke a pack of cigs a day. My muscles and joints get sore, my jaw aches from clenching my teeth. I get blisters on my tongue from constantly scraping it against the edges of my teeth. I am no longer productive and together- mentally or physically.I've noticed thaqt I cannot recall recent events. Its awful but I cant stop.
Enough is enough. I have decided that this months script is my last. I am going to confess my long time secret to my mom, sister and my friends. I am scared to be without it. That Ill never feel that good again. I dont know who I am anymore.

                                     PS. I want you all to know how much reading your stories have helped me to know that I am not alone.
cherrysnthesnow cherrysnthesnow
26-30, F
10 Responses Feb 20, 2012

If this story is true, the problem of this person is not Adderall it has to be something else. He definitely has major depressive disorder and I cannot believe that he is being in therapy they didn't notice about his problem and kept him in Adderall and not into antidepressive. His mother didn’t do anything looking at his son reaction with Adderall and his doctor didn't find that out in some many years of using it incorrectly? (Hint).
If he is on Adderall and the effects doesn't last long enough he should have been in an extended release form of the medication.
(1) First of all, Adderall IR has wears off in about 4 hours the 20–30 mg. If it wears sooner than that like 1–2 hours, it is because people are not using the medication correctly. Need to watch out diet, specially food that increases acid state… the most common is orange juice (citric acid in general), others could be red sauce, CHOCOLATE, etc.
(2) If this guy takes the 75 pills for a month in 1 week and 3 weeks is out of medication as he said what is going to happen is in those 3 weeks that he is out of medication he is going to have the withdrawal symptoms and eventually will recover. After 1 week if he takes the Adderall again his need is going to be less, imagine after 3 weeks. I cannot believe that after 3 weeks he jumps into about 7–8 pills a day. For him to have 75 pills a month it would considered a low dose actually. That means 2 of 20 mg a day and probably 1 more if it is needed. I heard about some people get 100 mg a day but they have to be in constant follow up with their doctors. It is true some people fake their ADHD symptoms but physicians are not that stupid neither and they will find out if the doses are either too low or too high and if another condition is related with their symptoms.
I read some people comments saying that is their same case but then they throw another list of medication they are taking so I would think the cause could be on some of the medication or the mix. I forgot to mention that alcohol also affects the reabsorption. For few people it would make the effect to stay longer but for the majority, alcohol would make the Adderall effect to crash. Others commented about Wellbutrin, well that is an antidepressant, it does work on dopamine receptors but to increase the production as different from Adderall, which inhibit the reuptake, so quitting Wellbutrin, the withdrawal symptoms would be different from the Adderall. In general, Adderall withdrawal symptoms are tiredness; sleepiness and headache, which will be getting better by days that is why I cannot believe this person, went back to that amount of pills per day after 3 weeks of abstinence. For the people who take Adderall and feels it crashes too often and they need to increase their doses I would recommend to take a 1 or 2 days off then come back on the regular doses (it is called taking a holiday on the medication). They could also take some antacids (toms) which will help on the absorption of the medication, or discuss with your doctor for a possible mix of this medication with another that has longer release like Vyvanse, that way wont feel the crashing effect of the Adderall. This article is good to scare the ones who take Adderall as a recreational drug or to help them to study but it is not good for the one who really needs the medication and thinks they will fall into the same condition of this guy.

I feel your pain.

Wow, I have been on this drug for a few years now and it's my freshman year in college and whenever I don't take it I feel dead and lost, I'm so scared and I don't want to stop taking it bc with out it I won't beable to finish my work in school or anything for that matter. I feel like I can't do anything with out it.

My God, you wrote my story for me! I know the shame you felt when rereading you post b/c the way you, AND I are living is proof that addiction is not a choice b/c who would choose the lives we live.

Thank you for that, blakesmom. Are you going to share an adderall story?

I know this website is anonymous, but i cant help but feel ashamed and embarrassed (sp?) after re-reading my story a month after writing it.

Thank u for sharing ur story! I called in to work sick today and the only thing making me sick is this disgusting drug! It has ruined most of my life and has had me held hostage since I was 19, I am 30 now. I'm a newly divorced mom (yes Adderall ruined my marriage) of 2 and work full time. I'm the Queen of excuses and self-destruction. At any rate I think we all share a common goal, to figure out the secret to never use again!

we are in the same boat only youre not denial like me. maybe we can helpeach other. more later xx

or they are kind to of the 2

we are in the same boat only youre not denial like me. maybe we can helpeach other. more later xx

Oh Thank you for responding to this! Ive never been on a website like this. This is my last night on them too. Ive already told my secret to 2 people close to me. Its all getting very real and i am scared that ill never feel that good again (even though its been making my life miserable). I take an anti depp as well. It def helps. I also have been taking super- b vitamins and have noticed that they put me in a better fr<x>ame of mind and give me more energy.

You are not alone. I remember the day I started this drug: very happy, motivated,calm cool and collected at all times. I was 14 when I started this drug and tonight happens to be the last night I will ever take it. For the last few weeks this drug has taken away every single form of happiness in my life just as quick as it once had given me it. I have taken it every single day for 7 years and about three weeks ago I started to feel very depressed with chronic fatigue. This pill should be banned from sale because of the things that it has done to you me and others! <br />
* you have to believe in yourself and ask for help. I am the most stubborn person but you can't battle this alone... I have tried everything and things just keep getting worse. Tomorrow I am starting a low dose antidepressant to help ease the transition. I honestly feel for you sweetheart but things in your life always get better! Tomorrow will be the first day in 7 years without my pill and hopefully the aid of a low dose antidepressant will help. i AM NOT RECOMMENDING YOU DO THIS, I AM GOING TO TRY THIS PLAN FIRST. I will let you know if it worked and try to check in on this site from time to time to check on you and offer any advice that I have about what I am going to experiance.