My World Revolves Around Adderall...

I am terribly addicted to adderall. My life has turned into an unhealthy, hellish cycle; fill my script, binge until its gone (10 days +/-), crash into a dark and debilitating state of withdrawal, recover to a basic functioning level, refill RX asap, repeat.

Oh refill day is like Christmas. I am alive again. I clean my room, car, house, etc. My day at work is excellent and i am on top of every task at hand. I call my friends and make plans to go out. We do. I drink way too much. I stay up 24-48 hours.

In the midst of my binge my cig and alcohol intake increase considerably. Bruises begin to appear all over my body- my feet, legs, hips, arms even my hands. I feel stiff and achy, especially my hands, neck and back. I become easily agitated, indecisive, impatient and restless. ( Esp. when i am driving. I am incapable of simply focusing on my driving and the road. Instead i flip through the radio, change CDs, look at my phone...)

Then theres the memory loss. I had not realized that long term effects of adderall abuse caused memory loss until recently. I have a very hard time remembering things. The last 7 years of my life seemed to all blur together.

I spend my $ impulsively on unnecessary things and i spend it quickly. I receive my paycheck bi-weekly and have already spent it within a weeks time. I spend $70-90 every single month for the past 6 years.

I know my adderall addiction has caused me to lose so much of my life...I've lost myself. I cant remember what i was like before adderall, how it felt to be authentically happy, to want good things for myself and have the motivation and ambition needed to get them. I used to be really into yoga and pilates, eating healthy and BEING healthy. I used to be interested in words/writing/sociology/psychology/philosophy/music......

Now I can only feel happy when im high on addys. Now i only have motivation and drive when high on adderall. Im still thin but no longer toned and in shape. When Im out of my script, i eat to numb the pain im too terrified to feel. To fill a void. During my monthly binges im usually too weak and have smoked to many cigs to do a simple sun salutation. I now am only interested in music/learning/writing etc when im on adds. When I run out, im just an empty shell.

And knowing all this, i still refuse to quite adderall. I cant imagine ill ever feel this good ever again. Even if it is miserable and destructive...

cherrysnthesnow cherrysnthesnow
26-30, F
10 Responses Nov 7, 2012

I Can totally relate!! That is my life exactly!!

You are not alone dear. That has been my life for the last 7 years. I just turned 28 and have finally decided to seek treatment for my addiction to adderall. I know you you may feel lost about what to do and how to quit but one day you'll know it's time to. Keep your head up. Lets know if you need someone to talk to.

Too familiar with that cycle..I have the instant release kind and I just want off them. People I'm surrounded by get by everyday without it ..but why the hell do I not just tell that to the man who perscribes them to me..?

Wow I just want to say this is EXACTLY my position. Binging for ten days, the excessive smoking and drinking and eating in the down period and me swearing I wont do it again. Then I do it again. Also,the memory loss sis something Ive just noticed. I hope I can recover from this.

The worst cycle ever, I'm so familiar with it. You lose your soul completely, its crazy. Can't/won't stop though :(

Why did you start taking Adderall in the first place? Everyone I knew in grad school took it and they said it worked wonders for them.

I had the same exact feelings and problems with Addy's. I was addicted for about 5 years. I couldn't stop...until I got arrested and thrown in jail for stealing it. I lost my job, my freedom, my friends, and almost my marriage. I turned to God while I was in jail because I know he is the only one who could help me with the addiction. I trusted him and he helped me. It wasn't easy but I've now been off adderall for a year and a half. It took everything from me, Please quit before it takes everything from you. Get help now

Not only does it kill you, it makes your mind go nuts

Get off of it! I was on it same as you, felt it same as you. It took about a year to get it completely out of my system but once it did my life blossomed!!!!!! I own a business now and re-gained myself

omg, you are me, I was you. That is my story, literally and exactly. I was hooked for 7 years, 5 yrs took as described. I would get it, binge and feel like **** but would keep taking it until it was gone-like i had to get rid of it, then crash and repeat next month. And i hated it but I loved it and I could not understand myself. I was 17 when first prescribed and am 34 now and still take it from time to time-I dont know the real melissa, the one who has not been altered and the one who has never been developed. I too like the arts and what not on it, not so much without....I have gotten better over the years and dont fill my script anymore...ive had some good sober runs and even though I may feel better when on adderall, I am happier when I am off...convincing myself and discipling myself to get clean takes some working up to thouigh..what used to consume me now has less control of my life. i find that if I just dont take one I am fine, but after that first i cant stop. I wanted to let you know that I know exactly how you feel and I am comforted in knowing that I am not alone either.

I am also the same way. Except when I run out I have other people on reserve to get me more.... It's a constant thing. Every morning when I wake up I actually get excited to take an addy, and if I don't have any, I won't have a personality that day. It sickens me to realize that I have let this drug control my life and my happiness. However I find comfort in knowing that there is other people like me, struggling through the same thing. The first step is admitting to yourself and others that you have an addiction. The second step remains unknown.