My World Revolves Around Adderall...I am terribly addicted to adderall. My life has turned into an unhealthy, hellish cycle; fill my sc
Oh refill day is like Christmas. I am alive again. I clean my room, car, house, etc. My day at work is excellent and i am on top of every task at hand. I call my friends and make plans to go out. We do. I drink way too much. I stay up 24-48 hours.
In the midst of my binge my cig and alcohol intake increase considerably. Bruises begin to appear all over my body- my feet, legs, hips, arms even my hands. I feel stiff and achy, especially my hands, neck and back. I become easily agitated, indecisive, impatient and restless. ( Esp. when i am driving. I am incapable of simply focusing on my driving and the road. Instead i flip through the radio, change CDs, look at my phone...)
Then theres the memory loss. I had not realized that long term effects of adderall abuse caused memory loss until recently. I have a very hard time remembering things. The last 7 years of my life seemed to all blur together.
I spend my $ impulsively on unnecessary things and i spend it quickly. I receive my paycheck bi-weekly and have already spent it within a weeks time. I spend $70-90 every single month for the past 6 years.
I know my adderall addiction has caused me to lose so much of my life...I've lost myself. I cant remember what i was like before adderall, how it felt to be authentically happy, to want good things for myself and have the motivation and ambition needed to get them. I used to be really into yoga and pilates, eating healthy and BEING healthy. I used to be interested in words/writing/sociology/psychology/philosophy/music......
Now I can only feel happy when im high on addys. Now i only have motivation and drive when high on adderall. Im still thin but no longer toned and in shape. When Im out of my sc
And knowing all this, i still refuse to quite adderall. I cant imagine ill ever feel this good ever again. Even if it is miserable and destructive...
cherrysnthesnow 26-30, F 9 Responses 3 Nov 7, 2012