Mother's Little Study Helper

I first took adderall when I was 17 years old. I took a massive dose (about 70mg) for a party and ended up staying up for 2 days straight, chain smoking a pack of cigarettes, ******* two older boys, and drinking an excessive amount. At the end of the stint I was disgusted with myself, while I loved the euphoria it provided to me, I was also out of control, adderall made me powerful yet reckless. At the time, I was unaware that I even took adderall for I just took what my friend gave me. Flash forward to two years later. I am in college, and have put off writing a large paper that is due the next day. My friend Thomas offers me a pill, I take it, stay up all night, write the paper, and feel great. From then on, for anything of even the merest importance, I relied upon adderall to pull me through. I procrastinated and had fun instead of doing my work in a timely manner, I enjoyed popping a pill and sitting in the library all day occassionally taking a smoke break from doing my work. I never had a prescription, so I spent anywhere from 2-8$ per pill, always different mgs, always different dealers. I have probably spent over $500 on adderall my entire academic career. When I am on adderall and studying I am great, but after I am moody and irrational, emotionless and cruel. After a long day, I would usually proceed to smoke copious amounts of marijuana and drink excessively. I stopped that as I got older but that was my proceedure for a long time. My usual routine was to not do any work doing the week, and then bust out two days of library time each weekend, when I could not get adderall, I didn't do my work, resulting in a low gradepoint average. I simply refused to do work without adderall, claiming I couldn't focus for large amounts of time. I got to the point where I could take 25mgs of adderall at 8pm and fall asleep at 2am. I started to take adderall just to party, to stay up, to be able to drink more. Whenever I was on adderall I always felt the need to mix, I wanted to be on as many drugs as possible, I would take adderall, smoke cigs, smoke weed, drink, and occassionally snort coke or take tabs of acid, all to see how far I could go. Recently my best friend gave me an intervention. To this day I still have trouble finishing school work, I just simply cannot find the motivation without mothers little study helper. All the same I am glad I am in the process of kicking the habit. I have depression, and coming on and off of adderall without a prescription was making me feel nuts! I would cry randomly, not feel like eating, not be able to get out of bed, I lost a lot of weight. Sadly I enjoyed the weight loss aspect. Anyways Please do not take adderall!
luluroar luluroar
1 Response Nov 27, 2012

I literally feel you on every word u said here. Glad to know there are so many people out there who are fighting the same battle I am.