This Glorifying Orange Pill Has Captured My Soul Again

Recently I went an entire month without adderall, but this was only because I did not have anymore. I felt like I was losing my mind from the intense withdrawals and the depression that it left me with. Every morning when I wake up the first thing that I think about is adderall, and i know that if i dont have it my day will be terrible. When I didn't have it for a month, one night I experienced the true feeling of desperation. My roommate was out of town so I had the house to myself. I was so angry, depressed, and stressed that night from my lack of adderall, that I was afraid of myself. Being alone just made it ten times worse. So I started frantically searching every pill bottle in the house and every crack and corner in hopes to find one that i might have dropped. My luck had failed so as my body filled with more anger I turned to a mirror in hopes of seeing the reflection of the person i use to be before adderall, but instead I saw red swallon eyes, caved into a scrawny pale face. So then I started searching the internet to see if there is some type of way to make homemade amphetamines. I found some over the counter medicine that contained amphetamines and I thought that maybe if I just take a ton of those it will suffice. So just as I am about to leave my house to run to the store one of my really good friends texted me and said that he is coming over. When he arrived at my house he let himself in, like he usually does, and found me in the corner with my knees to my chest crying my eyes out. He didn't know about my addiction, no one did, but as soon as he asked me what was wrong I told him everything. How badly I want to quit but I can't seem to find the way out, and how I take entirely too many in one day when i have them, etc. When I was finally done rambling, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "WTF is wrong with you, your better than this, this is not who you are and I know this is not who you want to be." And at that moment I decided that I am going to quit adderall. Then 1 week later I received a text message, my friend was asking me if I needed any adderall. So of coarse this cycle started over except this time I am even worse than before. I am taking it more often at higher dosages and I really don't know how to get out of this. I am so sick of relying on this stuff to survive.
If you are a recovering addict and you have some advice PLEASE tell me how to do this. I want to be solber so bad, but apparently not bad enough.