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My Turn to Tell My Adderall Story.

I never thought that I would bring myself to admit this, but I have an addiction.


I guess I should go back to the beginning so that I can explain how this happend to me. About 4 years ago, I was struggling with depression really bad. I weighed about 200 lbs at 4'11,My relationship sucked, my money situation sucked, I had no escape and I was struggling. I was sitting there in my house having my morning coffee and the lights went out. I had to go to Community Action to get help but the light company took their good old time cutting my lights back on<--about 5 days. In the meantime, I got my kids and all of the food from my freezer and went to my parent's house.

While sitting there depressed and stressing about my life, I had a million things to do and no ambition to do them. I just layed there in the bed crying. My mother came to me and handed me a pill and told me to take it. When I asked her what it was, she told me it was called Adderall and it will get me up off of my *** and help me depression. I never had been one to pop pills or take drugs at all, even though I grew up around all of that crap. But that particular day, I didn't care, and I took the pill.
About 15 minutes later I felt sooo much better! I can't explain it. I got up, got dressed, cleaned my mother's whole house, then went to my house and cleaned that up too. After that, I wrote a 5 page report for school in about 45 minutes (and got an A too!) Then I even went to the gym and exercised. I felt GREAT! I wasn't depressed and I got more done that day then I did in a whole month!

So I went to my doctor and told him about it. I told him how for once I was not depressed. I felt motivated, and I got things done. My focus was better. I was a better mom to the kids, I was doing better with school...everything. Finally, he gave me a prescription.

The first year or so on Adderall was great. I was busy all the time and getting things done, I hardly ate, barely slept and lost about 40 pounds. I struggles with my weight for my entire life, and for the first time, I found something to help me lose. I looked and felt terrific. However, as time went by, I grew tolerant to the medicine and the doctor had to raise my dose. He didn't have too much of a problem with it because he said that my blodd pressure is excellent and there are no heart problems. Keep in mind that Adderall is a drug that is about 3 different AMPHETAMINES mixed together. VERY addictive. It's basically like legal Cocaine.

Let's fast forward to today. I am a complete different person than I used to be. I still take the Adderall and when I don't take it, I will literally sleep all day. When I don't take it, my depression gets 3 times as bad as it ever has, to the point where I think about death a lot. Not suicide, just death and dying. I have this weird habit now where I pull out my eyebrows. I never did this before the Adderall. However, now I pull them out. When they start to grow back the feeling of the stubble drives me nuts and I grab some tweezers and yank them back out. I tried to stop and I can't. Weird.
Also, I am like a zombie. The Adderall wont let me sleep so I have to take Tylenol PMs everynight to go to bed, so I take meds to keep me awake, and meds to put me to sleep. I cannot function on my own without them. In the evening when the Adderall begins to wear off, I turn into a total B%$#! Every little noise annoys the hell out of me. and don't even get me started on the headaches. I am antisocial and most of the timeI don't want to be bothered. I go weeks on end without calling my friends, and I wish that the people that live with me would just let me be by myself.

So the other day I decided that I wasn't going to take the Adderall for a couple of days, just to see what happens. I will deal with the depression and the extreme fatigue for a few days. The withdrawal effects were unbearable. I was nauseated, had a migrane and was shaking. I layed around all day and was dizzy when I stood up. And I literally ATE the whole day!

It was then that I realized, for the first time, that I am addicted to ADDERALL. I have a LEGAL addiction to Amphetamines. I don't know what to do. This scares the crap out of me. What if for some reason my doctor takes me off of it? Will I be out there acting like a crackhead trying to get my hands on it? Am I going to have to go to rehab? I don't want to have to go through this. Not to mention...when I don't take it, I gain weight at a rate of about 10 pounds a week. NO BULL! I don't want to get all huge again. I am lost and don't know what to do. I don't want to have to rely on this crap for the rest of my life to keep me motivated and focused. I honestly feel like I am nothing without it.

I seriously resent my mother for ever introducing me to this drug.
Also....it blows my mind that this is actually a medication that was created for CHILDREN!!!!!!!!

missluvlie missluvlie 31-35 19 Responses Apr 17, 2009

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i was like you and took me forever to quit. This website www.bestadderallalternatives.com/over-the-counter-adderall-alternatives got me to finally pick their best reviewed one and got me through withdrawal phase smoothly

OMG - I am exactly the same...exactly ...trying to figure out what to do. I can't live with it or without it. It has ruined my life. I had everything going for me before - now without it - can't do a thing, and when it wears off am so annoyed at everything....what to do.

Try Vipassana meditation

Let me add my story in this... I started taking vyvance 70mg. 2/10/13. The first day I took it, I felt like a million bucks. I cleaned my whole house, finished the laundry. Organized everything and my relationship w my two little girls was AWSOME. Now taking vyvance for about 1 month it started to fade. So my dr started giving me add 20mg 3x daily. Now bam this sh*t was way better! It was like a high I couldn't feel happier with! Still completed my tasks! Started my own cleaning service company! Bc when I took that medicine I could clean for hours! So there were some days were I would take it one day and then the next I wouldn't. Bc I didn't want to be tolerant to the medication. Even on a weekend I would go drink. ( and can't get drunk bc of the meds). We'll the next day I wouldn't take my meds. Mild hangover and add don't mix well. Feeling shaky and nervous it sucks. So I would just take a perscribed xanex. ( the next day after drinking) well I developed a habit of smoking marbrol menthol lights. Only when I took the meds it made me feel like I need a cig. Does that ever happen with y'all? So February 2013- November 2013 I lost 70 lbs! I actually lost 70lbs in 6 months but I'm staying at this weight for sometime. Now I have noticed if I drink the night before and take the 3x add the next day. I feel depressed and lonely. I want to be around friends but then I don't. I feel like I don't have any friends and I have no one to talk to. I'm depressed. I have been crying all day. Also it doesn't help having a fiancé call you a ****, ***** and him telling you to get the f out of his house. That's besides the point. But I have tried to wing myself off add. I can't do it. I'm tired I eat all day! Even when I'm my hungry I eat! Right now I'm sitting in my tub reading all your comments and I can relate to them. I have ran out of xanex, and I could use one about now. I have anxiety attacks that's why I have been prescribed them. A lot of my friends take add. And it doesn't give them the motivation like it does me. I just feel like running away right now. My girls are with my mom. Bc I was going to snap for them playing. I don't like that! I'm so sad that I'm not around my babies. But then again I don't want them to see me w red eyes. ( ages 3,6) I feel like I need to talk to a physiologist or someone. I do have add. Not so much ADHD. Was supposed to be prescribed it when I was a kid but in the 80's parents didn't believe in that. We'll mine didn't. I'm 28. Female. I want to go to somewhere but I don't want to see other peoples happiness. What's wrong with me. You have to understand that I am a at home mom and my daughters go to school. I clean houses. I don't talk to anyone but listen to my music all day! I feel lonely and lost bc I have no one to talk to! I'm just in a ****** mood right now. Prolly bc I drank last night and took add next day!!! DONT DO THAT! Hopefully tomorrow will go better! Good luck to everyone!

I can relate to every story here. I am in my late 20's. I have university education in engineering. I run my own business now and need adderall to keep up with my fast paced life of having a family and making a living. Adderall is no doubt my crutch! It is an amazing drug and a god send for me. I know I would be less motivated without it.

I first tried it when a friend of mine at work gave me a pill. This guy was one of the highest income earners in our company and didn't take crap from anyone. Had a lot of confidence. He asked me if I ever tried it and I said not really and gave me a pill. I remember this being one of the best days of my life. I called my friends telling them I was on adderall and how great I felt lol. Lame I know. I was never a substance abuser in college.

So I read the symptoms of ADHD and later realized that I fit the symptoms of someone that has ADHD. I went in and got a script and haven't looked back.

When I take it now I'm so full of energy I can get everything that I need to get done but I also end up overbooking myself and overloading myself with work then get stressed because I can't get all my work done. Adderall makes me feel like I can become anything I want to be....I have to make sure I keep up with setting goals, exercising, and eating healthy or else I will get lost in the world and lose direction.

It's all about scheduling, using calendars, and task lists to direct the immense energy that I get from this drug.... Or else I will end up online reading articles, watching silly YouTube videos, researching random people and facts.

Now on the flip side, when I don't take it I end up lying in bed all day, thinking how my life sucks and how I can't provide anything for my family. It's almost depressing. I have to use sleeping pills like melatonin (I get them from amazon or walgreens) to get me to bed. It's important that I wake up early or else I will be up late reading articles and wasting time and not really being productive. Whereas if I wake up early, I could schedule out my day and just follow my schedule. Which can be hard to do because I easily lose track of time...adderall makes you feel like you are running out of time and you just have to get this one task done but I have to learn to just stop and move on to the next task or nothing gets done! I have like all these parking tickets that I need to pay off but I don't pay any attention to them because it doesn't benefit me. These are the things that bother me about the drug. I do wish that I could do all this without the drug but I've noticed that without the Drug It's tough for me to focus and not as aggressive in getting things done. Also since I don't feel like "I'm In a rush" I end up doing things slowly and not getting things done. I hope this post is useful for you and others reading. Remember it's ALL ABOUT:
1. Scheduling: task lists and calendars
2. Exercise
3. Healthy diet with lots of fruits and vegetables

MrRealEstate, this post made my heart race in a way i just cant explain in words. It almost feels as if i wrote it myself ;describing the way im feeling at this time in life. It would be nice to see an update to this post.
-futureEngineer

I take Adderall to focus in school. I started buying it last year once in a while, and so far this school year I have taken it twice. I know it's bad that I take it illegally, but it is so easy to get on a college campus. I am scared because I feel myself getting sort of attached, maybe addicted. Once the "buz" of being able to focus starts to wear off, I get this depressed wave of doubt of "oh no. Without Adderall I will never be able to get anything done, but I don't want to have to take it!" So, is this an early sign of addiction? Please keep in mind without it, I cannot focus or read. With it, I focus and get **** done.

Try blow get a life......

That's great advice for someone who is afraid that they're addicted to speed.

What, is adderall not "cool" enough for you?

YOU get a life.

im on 90 a day ir since 5 years ago and 85 pounds 5,0..its barr and it sucks some days i take 120 and feel nothing,,,makes you lose reality,,i lost everything..thought demons were attacking me, afraid to leave my house, ocd, lost relationships,,makes you careless after a while..your soul is gone

Yes I know I'm on a old topic but yall can quit it if you truly want to yea withdrawals suck but it could be worse...which is exactly why I'm going to tell you my story. Ok so around last November I was just getting out of the hospital where I had became addicted to Roxys, mscontin,and dilaudid due to a major surgery in my arm, I decided that I would be fine just stopping the opiates cold turkey and not filling any of the scripts the hospital sent me home with, well by that evening I was puking, shaking, practically ******** my pants all night from something that they call withdrawals, ok so why am I talking about opiates on a aderall topic , hang tight for a second, well I realized I needed to get into a detox program but unfortunately nobody would accept me because I had a pic line in my arm and my health wasn't good enough, so I went and talked to my primary doctor who started writing me a script of 120 norco 10s(hydrocodone) every Monday so I wouldn't have withdrawals, well I started taking like 8 at once and ran out one day a few days early so I picked my parents safe (that's where they kept all my narcotics) and I found my old script of addy. I took a few and found more norcos, I took them with the hydro and loved the feeling, well my psych wouldn't write me a refill on my addy cuz I wasn't in school or working at the time so I started buying my neighbors script off him, well I started off slow maybe a few addy here and there not everyday though, then I progressed to around 300mg a day and the script wasnt lasting so I had to start buying additional scripts from other ppl, I started taking the norcos and addy together, I was now up to 10-12 norcos at a time, and had recently got my Xanax bars refilled because I was prescribed them for anxiety attacks so I began to take all 3 together, a deadly cocktail if you don't have a tolerance, one night my heart stopped for 3 seconds, then started again, but that didn't stop me I just kept binging on the addy then **** hit the fan, I had been up for 3 days and I was going on my 4th, I went into amphetamine psychosis and started seeing the most real hallucinations you could see, like drug induced schizophrenia is what you could call it. I realized I had to stop so I started tapering off everything myself which is really hard but can be done, honestly I have to admit out of every drug I've used I loved addy the most, even if your in super deep there's always a way out.

I just came across this old post while I was trying to find reasons why I had these issues. I am a 19 year old female, college student. I didnt take my adderall for these last 5 days or so and I found myself laying in bed all day eating. I also ate... and ate, for no apparent reason. I didnt want to do anything. I had homework to do and places to be but I just didnt do it, I felt so unmotivated. Usually, when I take the adderall I am energetic and motivated and get everything done. I also seem to be more talkative and friendly. These past few days when I was off it I seemed to be very short tempered. I yelled at my parents and siblings when they tried to talk to me. I locked my door and laid in bed all day. At one point last night I started thinking about how i hated my life and how easy things would be if I was gone. I didnt think about suicide but I just thought about the places I would rather be, how much easier life would be if I could just leave. I used to have thoughts like that every once in a while before i started taking adderall but not to the point where i would have those thoughts and end up crying myself to sleep, which is what i did last night.

I woke up this afternoon at about 1pm and made myself take the adderall. About 30 min later I felt energized and happy again. I cleaned my room, did my homework, got ready for the day, and talked to people including my family. I realized the difference between the before and after adderall and started doing research which is how I came across this. I also talked to one of my friends who takes it, she also experiences the same issues. I dont know what to do, im scared to see what it will be like if i completely stop taking it. If I lost all my pills or something, I feel like I would need some serious help. I keep thinking of the movie "Limitless", about the guy who takes these pills that all of the sudden turn him into a successful man. I dont know, I guess Ill just have to see what happens..

I quitted adderall a few months ago. Go to adderallabusetreatment.com, so you can see that you have a legitimate addiction. And whatever you do, don't just wait to see what happens. You will be back on this site quicker than you imagine, still in the same mess. So do something about it. Watch the movie "Requiem For a Dream" with your friend. Its about adderall and heroin use. The best advice I can give you is go to your mother or father and explain to them the mess you are in. The negative thoughts will keep getting worse and worse with time.

I'm not one to ever comment on another's post like his above ; however this time I feel a need to. When i Reading the post above I was able to literally relate to each and every single one of your experiences and even your thoughts and feelings of helplessness . At age 15 My mom& my psychiatrist prescribed me adderrall XR 20mg twice per day ..needless to say I had no social life in high school however my grades significantly impr. *****i jus typed ****** a page I here and my iPhone deleted it ..I got the answers so we can email if u want? ..look I started out at 40mg/day at 15 yrs old...I am 25 now and literally havnt missed a day of taking them I even do snort ice and heroin with 160/more mg Xr in my system ..so man I get it . There's not one thing that's surprised me that Ive read from all these postings..shiit Ive gettin clean.been to 3 rehabs , I've overdoses twice , I live in like permanent psychosis and I'm so so I pain daily cus I can't quit the aderal. Its immobilized me . Can't barely hold a job ive burnt every bridge w the last ppl who actually cared bout me...I wish the best for you .dont wAit till u get to my level .do 6month inpatient rehab.dont leave early like I did. Put yaself in sober living afterwards for remainder of year..and from personal experience do NOT get into any relationships within 1st yr of Ur sobriety . I did and w another addict and led me to relapse hard. Umm as far as the NA & AA meetings go - stick w the winners, Be willing to trust others get a sponsor and jus try it if your financially able to do all that the. Ur set. But just going to meetings alone won't keep Ur *** sober haha I kno ! Cus I tried it. ---also Im wiling /wanting feedback or like idk someone I guess to tell me how I get through this . I'm so jacked up from those fuking doctors prescribing me this ****..I can't beleive it's legal .

Honestly, I've been taking it for about three years now<br />
I'm 18 and when I started taking it I was depressed so id take about 60mg a day and feel all twacked out id never ever sleep and got so paranoid about everything. It got so bad that was down to about 90lbs. <br />
<br />
As soon as you realize its a problem , the next step is to tae lower ande lower doses every day because its sounds to me like you do need it. O you need to get some bloode work done because it seems with your weight issue and extreme fatigue that you may either have a thyroid issue or a lack of iron/vitamens<br />
<br />
I did need adderall for its good values, I take 10 mgs a day now and iron three times a day because that ended up being my reason for lack of motivation. But I know now the thoughts and feelings you have when you take to much are just unhealthy and horrible. My habit was eyelash plucking and it took a while to stop but I'm 100% where I wanna be now <br />
<br />
I hope you have the same luck too c:

I do not take adderal but am perscribed a similar drug called concerta. I have been prescribed this since 2007 and at the beginning was indenial about having adhd and never took any sort of pill even for headaches etc but now 4 years on I have a bad habit with the drug. I find that if I take one I will most definatly take another one then an hour later another one until the time comes later in the day where my heart is beating too fast, I am feeling incredibly paranoid and guilty and disgusting. I usually end up having to drink at night to calm down but then the result is that eventually when I get some sleep I have to wake up early, get myself and my daughter ready to take her to school - I look like ****, I am pale and probably dehydrated from all the alcohol the night before and always feel very depressed. It use to also give me motivation and make me feel confident but now I am too anxious to do anything, I have no love life, hardly a social life now and in general feel ****. I must admit though I can force myself for at least a week to try not to take it or at least just hav one but the only thing that motivates me to do this is that I kno if I take more I will hav none left before prescribed my next lot. It is disgusting and I am so suprised how unaware parents and doctors are when they all know how addictive it is. I wish I could go to rehab but even aftr talking to a psychologist she hasnt really talked furthur about hw to help me or suggested anything and when I have googled rehab facilities the two I found are about alcohol or too expensive. :S lonely world when uv gone this far.

i wish i could stop takin addys but i love and hate em too much and i am so miserable most times and extreamly lonely by choice but im still not ready a give em up and the truth i probably wont ever stop on my own...i jus wanna find a friend here ta talk wih in my lonely isolated adderall enhanced nightmare of a life....and about concerta i didnt really care too much for them probably cuz im used to takin adderall!

Thats the same with me, i love and hate them at the same time... When i was introduced to oranges i fell in love w them... Few days later went to my dr told him i have add and i need adderall. I finally got a way to get my hands on the scripts but of course it wasnt that easy, it took me awhile , but i was patient... When i finally had my permanent solid supplier(dr) i was popping them like vitamins, and i did that for about a year, im sure you all know the journey with addys, up and donws, highs and lows, well i had went through it all until i got to this blank state , feeling like a zombie, feeling empty and not to mention the distruction ive caused to my social life... Then i just stopped taking them, i was tired of being tired, pissed, lonely etc... I didnt even think about them for about 4 months, then slowly started taking them again, not as agressivly as i first did but with moderation. Since then (4 yrs) ive been taking them every 5-6 days or some weeks i take 1-2 everyday... Ive told myself so many times i will never that it again but it lasts for 4 days and im back... Up til this day i was convinced that i have control over it, but today i realized im lying to myself and im pretty sure now that i have a problem... It does interfere w my everyday life, alot of times i dont get enough of sleep and it messes up my day. It doesnt sohnd that bad because i have a really good stess coping personality, but today this touht hit me all of a sudden and its like hey wake up reality...you are addicted... Im not sure where do i go about this, what to feel or what to think , but it feels a lil scary i never thought something like this would ever happen to me. Ive never been this honest to myself about this, and i know i cant quit right now, but i feel like i have to recognize and admit it in order to

Get out of this ...

I TAKE 60 MG OF ADDERALL PER DAY. AND IT HAS BROUGHT ME TO MY KNEES! HAS ANYONE RECOVERED FROM THIS DRUG AND HAS ENERGY TO DO EVERY DAY TASKS? I CANT EVEN KEEP A JOB NOW. WHAT STEPS DO I TAKE TO GET MY LIFE BACK AND STOP THIS DRUG? I HAVE BEEN ON IT FOR OVER 10 YRS NOW? PLEEASE HELP! THANK U!!!

I was diagnosed around the age of five to have had OCD, and ADHD. My mom is a nurse and was opposed to putting me on medication so I went untreated of any kind (even therapy) and was left in the dark about my condition. Earlier this year I was discussing past events of my life with my therapist, and he came to the conclusion that I needed to try Adderall. The very first day I took it (20mg of XR), I was ampted up. I loved it because it gave me so much energy and mental focus, and for the first time I really enjoyed going to work. I felt that I could accomplish anything. I also didn't have a second thought about what my next meal would be, and I have had weight issues all my life. A few weeks into taking the meds I became irritable and very moody, and by the end of the work day I was soooo exhausted. I guess the time release wore off then. So I decided to experiment with my percription and crush my 20mg and only take the amount of about 5mg when needed. Well, it worked, and unfortunatley I have no doubts that I am abusing the medication. At first it seemed like a miracle drug. I felt smart, confident, looked better than ever and the answer to it all was (is) Adderall. I am still taking it, but I have done so much research on the ups and downs and honestly it is some scary stuff. I want to find a natural way to deal with my ADHD (or possibly mis-diagnosed bi-polar disorder). I'm so tired of using substitutes to make me feel "normal". In the end it has always proved to make me worse off. This Adderall medication is a very dangerous thing in the wrong hands. What start off as good intentions, turn into addiction and even more distress. I am on the internet compulsively looking up more and more information on Adderall, and the effects, and how to gradually get off. I used to hold resentment at my Mom for not putting me on medication when I was younger because I always thought it could have helped me tremendously. Of chorse now, I can't thank her enough for not doing it. Seeking therapy has helped more than anything else.

My brother is addicted to Adderall, but he is now off of them(has been off for a couple days) and has been acting really crazy. I'm glad that he at least has his family to support him but it really has been hard. He has been on them for 4 years. Also the fact that he will be in rehab for 3 months is comforting but he will be an outpatient(he won't live there), so I get worried when he ever gets the chance to be alone. Yesterday I had to stop him from jumping off the balcony from a high-rise building.

I can relate to every word.

theres no easy way out you need rehabe you need to get help if your withdrawls are that bad its not safe to quit on your own if you ever need to talk let me know your storys very close to me i started using adderall for alot of the same reasons

P.S.~I have been reading everyone's stories and I cannot believe the high doses that a lot of you take! I take no more than 30-45 mg a day TOPS! So do I really have a problem?