I am a 27 year old male with an amazing life and wonderful family all thanks to Adderall... Or at least that's what I want to believe. Is adderall really helping me or is it ultimately ruining my life without me even noticing. Let me explain in the shortest way possible, please bare with me and take the time to read my post, it may be long but it has meaning. I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age and after trying several different medications adderall was the only drug successful in "taming" me. Once I started taking adderall approximately 10 years ago I was clueless to the cage I was locking myself in. I currently take 40 mg XR generic brand once every morning when I wake up. If I don't take my medication I can't function throughout the day I am useless, zero motivation. I get anxious and do anything possible to get my fix for the day because I am scared I would ruin my life in just one day without it. I don't want people to see the real unmediated me, that person no longer exists. But the medicated me isn't much better and is only getting worse.. And that's what scares me. The medicated me is the whole reason I've been successful in my life, the medicated me has made amazing strides in providing the unmedicated me a perfect life and the perfect family. But now the medicated me has started to push the family away with my extremely short fuse and uncontrollable anger, while the unmedicated sits around all day afraid to face the world anxiously awaiting for my little orange savior to return. The people closest to my have to walk on eggshells because one wrong move and I have lost all patience. The sad part is my coward conscience sits around telling my what I'm doing is not normal but I fear the "real" me without medication. I'll lose my job because I'll have no motivation to go as a matter of fact I'll have zero motivation to do anything it doesn't matter at least unmedicated it doesn't. So what does one do... Medicated me gave me a life and will continue to do so with the cost of loved ones tip toeing around me hoping not to set me off or the unmedicated me who will sit around watching as his life passes him by and not care.
Cragan61 Cragan61
26-30, M
2 Responses Feb 28, 2015

That is so difficult - I don't know what to say because I am off it and do nothing but if I take I go insane

Yeah it's tough.. Been through all this.. Just remember that adderall is a narcotic and your body will need it to release dopamine.. Without adderall, you will feel lazy, weak and unmotivated.. Leaving you searching for meds just to get out of that state.. Coffee/redbull may wake u up but will not release dopamine.. I just had to go 10 days without it suddenly so in those 10 days I had zero productivity.. Just eating and sleeping.. Terrible feeling.. Even started getting a flu and I NEVER get sick.. Just drink ALOT of lemon water. Lots of it.. It got me through.. After 7 days I started feeling normal again.. Laughing and stuff.. Feeling happiness etc