How I Slowly Lost Everything...

I'll never forget the first time I took an adderall. I was 17, now 21, and it was the most amazing feeling ever. I felt so happy and productive and there wasn't a thing I couldn't do. I started off taking adderalls here and there mostly just for recreational fun. When a couple friends I knew had prescriptions, thats when it became a more frequent thing. I was the blonde, tan, newly high school graduate that had everything. I landed a great job at a bank making good money, got my own apartment, and even bought a new car. Life couldn't have been better! Fast foward a couple years and here I sit now. I lost my job, my car, my apartment, most of my friends and some family members too. I sit here right now wondering how I left myself become..nothing pretty much. When taking adderall became more frequent, I was spending quite a bit of money on my habit buying 20 mg pills for $3 or $4 a pop. Before I knew it, I was choosing not to pay my cell phone bill, car payment, etc in order just to buy my adderalls. I eventually thought that I could go to the doctor, lie about having ADHD and get a prescription..and thats exactly what I did. So now that I could get 30 of 30 mg time release capsules each month, I was on cloud nine. I even starting losing weight, which I have always struggled with, and there was no way I could pass up something that was making me drop pounds quick. There were a lot of times where I'd sleep maybe 10 hours a week if that. Staying up all night was great and I kind of liked the fact of never sleeping again. A couple months after I was getting the script, I noticed myself going through 30 pills in about 10 days. There came a day when I had no adderalls, and no money and I knew it was going to be bad. At that time I ended up losing my job because the days I didn't have an adderall, I couldn't even get myself out of bed for a couple days. There were many times that I had not a cent to my name, but would go sell my clothes, dvds, or anything else I could just to make a few bucks. About a month ago came the point where I really faced the fact that I was addicted and this is not who I want, or was meant to be. I looked gaunt because of all the weight I lost, my complexion sucked, and my hair was dry and unhealthy from not eating or sleeping. At this point, I have no money to my name, barely any personal belongings(because I sold everything), moving back in with my parents because I couldn't pay rent, and watched my 2006 Mustang, that I adored more than anything (except adderalls), get repossessed. This drug can be very addictive and abused very easily and I can witness that first hand. I have no one but myself to blame for what I've lost, but I am trying to stay away from adderall and move foward with my life. I have been sober for about 2 weeks now. Its still hard for me to get motivated to do anything or even get out of bed, but I'm starting to feel more like myself everyday and always remind myself of the fact that if I had not quit, I would be in a homeless shelter or on the streets somewhere. The road to recovery is very hard and I have thought about checking myself into rehab, but I am determined not to go back to my adderall lifestyle.

VAblonde89 VAblonde89
18-21, F
7 Responses Mar 2, 2010

May God bless you and keep you strong. Develop a relationship with Jesus by watching Chirstian TV, reading the Bible, and finding a church that suits you. You have your whole life in front of you, and all the gifts God has given you; don't squander another minute. I have watched one of my children suffer with this horrible drug. It makes you feel invincible, thin, and productive, but it makes you quite the opposite. Your behaviors become repetitive and meaningless, your body wastes away, and your mind will start to glitch. Thank God you hit rock bottom so you could finally see the truth, my child has yet to do that and we have to stand helplessly by. It is heart breaking for the entire family but she will listen to no one. Prayers for you VAblonde, celebrate your victory over the devil himself.

Joedynty4 we can't be mad at people people like Unknown and Redpen. they simply can't empathize. something i was guilty of too before i lost everything to my addiction to adderall. i couldnt understand how someone could let that happen. wouldnt they be able to smack themselves out of it? the answer is sometimes no. sometimes it takes help for people to quit addictions. it doesnt matter if the addiction is something only recreational such as heroine or something mainly taken legitimately like adderall- addiction comes in many shapes. i was initially prescribed adderall legitimately and my lack of control over it caused it to take over my life slowly. here i am 4 years into this and just now ready to kick it. my girlfriend of 5 years just left me. ive ruined my life because of this sh*t. im not looking for sympathy. i just want back what i had before. what im trying to say is- even if u cant understand the position a person is in do not think its ok to judge. u have no idea.... there are people addicted to eating laundry soap in this world. i dont know a damn thing about that but i understand the pain of addiction and empathize with anyone out there suffering with any debilitating addiction Rx or XD.... here i go with the rest of my life, maybe ill repost here and let u know how it goes. i have hope for tomorrow~

unknown and redpen how about you shut the **** up and do somthing better with yourself then telling people who are trying to get clean and move on with there lives that they cant do it. You guys are whats wrong with the world. You can quit i believe in you. I was there and still am but im slowly reducing my dosage each week till i can quit. The best of luck to you.

To be honest I believe it is people like you that give Adderall a bad name. You lied about having a REAL disability. Shame on you for ruining the medication's name. It helps thousands, if not millions of deserving people each year and you abused it. You are manipulative and conniving. People that actually NEED this medication have an opposite reaction to what you had. They DO NOT feel strug out and high, it fortunately makes them feel normal and grounded. I know people who had a problem with ADD or ADHD who are now success stories. I wish people that abuse substance that aren't meant for them would stop looking for sympathy.

Posted by jordynty4 on Jun 16th, 2011 at 11:18PM

unknown and redpen how about you shut the **** up and do somthing better with yourself then telling people who are trying to get clean and move on with there lives that they cant do it. You guys are whats wrong with the world. You can quit i believe in you. I was there and still am but im slowly reducing my dosage each week till i can quit. The best of luck to you

shame on YOU, you coward "unknown 67676" who can't even find the courage to put a name with your nasty, hollow comment. This is the first time I have ever been on this site, because I think that I have an adderall addiction. I have told this to no one, because I go back and forth trying to decide if I really have an addiction, even though deep in my heart I know that I do. Reading these stories---hearing this real-life ADVICE from people who have been through adderall addictions themselves--is life-saving. VABlonde89 isn't looking or sympathy, she is giving us amphetamine addicts a WARNING sigh that WE HAVE A PROBLEM, and that we NEED to fix this problem before we end up in their situations. So, "unknown67676", you have never lied before? You have never manipulated a situation to get what you want? Unless you are some god-given saint who is a mirror image of Jesus Christ, you have no room to belittle anyone about anything. And "shame on you for ruining this medication's name"---does this medication even DESERVE a name?? It is an AMPHETAMINE. It is PRESCRIBED SPEED, and it is a man-made chemically that is toxic to all of us--ADD/ADHD or not; the studies show it. Maybe instead of bashing these brave people who are trying to help people not fall into the same downward spiral they did, you should point your little accusing finger at the doctors who oh-so-easily prescribe this medicine so they can make a profit. You are awful, please don't rain on this parade of hope and instead go **** yourself. Thank you!

I have severe add, I have always been a mess, but I'm an outstanding sales rep, very successful but have always beat myself up for lack of organization. I am a sales director. I hate taking any meds and finally after years let my doc talk me into it. First 5 month were amazing! However, started smoking heavily, when I had quit, and don't work out, it's a vicious cycle, but I know I must stop. I have always worked out my entire life starting as a gymnast at age 7. i just hope it won't be difficult. I believe in therapy first. I am in the insurance industry and insurance companies will pay more for expensive drugs that will cause long term side effects rather than therapy. I am going to start weaning off tomorrow, and I hope I can. It is a terrible drug for me. I just came to the conclusion that i need a cleaning service and someone to come in once a quarter maybe and help organize, it's better money to spend then on meds and long term health problems. Wish me luck!

read my story on anti depressents

i was in the exact same situation you are actually i still am because I still feel like i need adderall. getting off of it was the worst feeling on earth to i was swallowed by a deep depression, and i just felt worthless because i felt like anything i did would not compare to how well i would be able to do it on adderall. but at the same time adderall taught me that anything can be achieved if you work for it hard enough, though that same philosophy is kind of twisted now because thats the way i felt on adderall and now that im off of it i feel like most things are not achievable, i quit cold turkey almost 2 years ago because I lost my insurance when my father went on disability, email me if you need to talk about it because honestly i cant really find anyone who understands my situation, my email is

i think u r on the road to hope is that u know the Lord jesus christ.. he will help u in ur time of need... God bless u and read philippians 4:13 in the bible......