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Never Can Learn

I HAVE BEEN TAKING ILLEGAL DRUGS SINCE THE AGE OF 13 I AM NOW 49,STARTED WITH POT EVERYDAY TILL I WAS 18 DURING THAT TIME I ALSO DID MESC. LSD ANGEL DUST,YOU NAME IT I DID IT,AT 18 I DID MY FIRST LINE OF COCAINE AND THAT WAS PRETTY MUCH THE BEGINNING OF THE END FOR ME DID IT FOR 8 YEARS THE LAST 2 WAS EVERYDAY WENT THROUGH ALL OUR MONEY MAXED OUT ALL MY CREDIT CARDS,SOLD ALL MY JEWLERY ,AND THEN CAME THE SPEED COULD'NT PUT ENOUGH OF THEM IN MY MOUTH EVERYDAY,GOT PREGNANT AT 30 AND QUIT EVERYTHING COLD TURKEY WAS SICK IN BED FOR AT LEAST A MONTH TOLD EVERYONE IT WAS FROM THE PREGNANCY,AFTER MY BABY WAS BORN I TOOK UP RUNNING I WAS ONE OF THE BEST,RAN EVERYDAY 12 FAST MILES FOR 8 YRS, HAPPIEST I EVER WAS NEVER TOUCHED A DRUG THAT WHOLE TIME,THEN ONE DAY AT WORK A COWORKER MENTIONED TO ME SHE HAD VICODIN I ASKED HER FOR ONE,AND THAT BROUGHT ME TO OPIATE ADDICTION,I WENT FROM ONE PILL TO 50 EVERYDAY FOR AT LEAST 3 YEARS,NEEDLESS TO SAY I STOPPED RUNNING AND JUST COULDNT TAKE IT ANYMORE,FOUND A PSYCH WHO PRESCRIBED SUBOXONE'it blocks the affect of any opiates.MY LIFE WAS NORMAL ONCE AGAIN,NOT FOR LONG,THIS PSYCHIATRIST GAVE ME AMBIEM AND 30 MG OF ADDERRALL IM 5'1 110PDS.LONG STORY SHORT WENT TO ABOUT 5 DIFFERENT DOCS FOR THESE PRESCIPTIONS CAUSE NOW I WAS TKING 1030MG.A DAY AND ABOUT 15 AMBIEM A DAY  DEA GOT INVOLVED ORDERING OVER INTERNET AND FOUND ALL MY DOCS BY NOW I WAS ALWAYS IN A PSYCHOTIC STATE OF MIND LOTS OF RAGE AND ATTACKS AT MY HUSBAND.TO GET ME INTO REHAB HE HAD A COURT ORDER TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE,ALOT OF CHARGES,HE ALSO CALLED POLICE A COUPLE OF TIMES TO BRING ME TO PSYCH WARD,I ALWAYS MANAGED TO BULLSHIT THE DOCS AND GO HOME , THEN ONE NIGHT I WAS SITTING IN BED WITH A BOTTLE OF AMBIEM CONSIDERING SUICDE IMPULSIVLY I TOOK ALL 30 OF THEM AND THOUGHT THIS COULD BE IT I COULD DIE,I CALLED MY SON TOLD HIM HE CALLED 911 THEY TOOK ME TO HOSP, STAYED THERE 6 HOURS THEN THEY TOOK ME TO CRISIS CENTER BULLSHITTED THEM THEY LET ME GO HOME NEXT DAY STARTED UP ALL OVER AGAIN ABOUT A MONTH LATER I TOOK 60 AMBIEM 8 2MG,ZANAX AND 5 VALIUM,THIS TIME HAD TO STAY AT CRISIS CENTER FOR 4 DAYS,DECIDED I HAD ENOUGH WENT TO A REHAB IN JERSY CALLED THE SEABROOK HOUSE WAS SUPPOSED TO STAY A MONTH BUT LEFT 2WEEKS LATER.STAYED OFF DRUGS FOR 2 WEEKS STARTED UP AGAIN WITH THE ADDERRALL,ZANAX,ANDATIVAN,ALSO CYMBALTA A VERY SHADY PSYCH GIVES THEM TO ME,I SEE A PSYCHOLOGIST WHO NOS EVERYTHING HES GOING TO TRY TO HELP ME GET OFF THE ADDERRALL SLOWLY,BECAUSE I REFUSE TO GO BACK TO REHAB,DRUGS ARE A NIGHTMARE,THESE ADDERRALL ARE THE HARDEST DRUG TO QUIT,PLEASE TAKE IT FROM SOMEONE WHO REALLY KNOWS DONT EVEN TRY ONE.LIVE A HAPPY LIFE,NOT A LIFETIME OF CHASING DRUGS ITS NOT FUN AND REALLY MESSES YOUR BRAIN....

livinlikeurdying livinlikeurdying 46-50, F Apr 1, 2010

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