And Now, I Feel Nothing

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness" and it still is.
first I start to take it only on weekends, you know just to relax and have fun.
Then on Tuesdays. then on Thursdays. and suddenly I start to take it every day.
I lost weight, I failed in some classes. But I can't stop.
I look at the mirror and I can't see myself anymore.
I say that it will be the last line , but it never happens.
It has a huge power over me. It destroys me, but I can't stop. Because when I take it, I enter the heavens. I am goddess. I am the queen and I feel that I can do everything.
But when it goes .. heaven turns into the hell. And I want more, more and more.
I want to stop, I need to stop but I don't know how.
How can something so bad make you feel that good?
I want to find myself again.
A girl with big dreams.
who am I now ?
I am the girl who sells dreams in a gentlemen's club, where you never actually meet "gentleman" just bunch of horny guys.
I am that girl who I never wanted to become.

Scarlet777 Scarlet777
18-21, F
2 Responses Nov 28, 2012

You just need a true friend. Someone who will look out and truly stand for you, do what needs to be done to help you and be there for you.

I am too ashamed to tell my story to anyone .. I am not that brave I guess

You are brave enough, there's nothing to be ashamed of. You are only human. And we all need a friend. Someone who will stand for us, who won't give up on us, who will always be hones with us, will be someone you can lean on, be a friendly ear for you and who most importantly will not ever judge you.

I'm not here to judge you. But I can see you are scared, upset and know that you can be better, that you want to be who you truly are in side. Just reach out, and you might just find that someone will reach back and take your hand. I do sincerely wish to help you.

lets chat i know what u mean about the coke tho