How?

The same thing that's wrong with me. I've kept up a veil for over a year now. My good friends don't know, my bf doesn't know, my employers don't know. I have no one to smoke with. I'm always alone when I do and paranoid. Right now my mother is living with me, because she has nowhere else. She knows, and it's hard to hide it from her. Sometimes I get mad like "I've been to work all day. Nine or more hours a day, it's my money and I want to smoke." She told me she would be home later last night. I bought some bags thinking I could smoke freely for awhile. When I got home I was so pissed off she was there. I left back out and went to smoke while walking to my bf's house. It's something I've done time to time but it's not ideal. I went in the woods to try and ease paranoia and enjoy my high. When I got to Zeke's house she had called a million times. When I called back she told me she knew what I was doing. And she wouldn't live with me like that. Needlessto say it blew my high. She's done coke before. In fact she's the one who turned me on. Now she's taken a break and wants me to stop too. I should stop. I need to but sometimes I feel overwhelmed with her nagging and expectations. I work damn near everyday always nine hours or more. Then when I come home the few hours of personal time I have she wants me to spend with her watching tv. Or wonder why I can't scrub fucken carpet on my hands and knees at ten at night. I feel like if she weren't here maybe I'd be smoking but not as much. Maybe I would I don't know but I know she's too negative to be around and get clean. If you've ever seem The Sopranos she nearly identical to Tony's mother. Nagging me to death, acting pitiful and inflicting guilt at the drop of a hat. I feel the farther apart we are the closer. I miss living alone. She cooks and gets mad when I'm not hungry. But it's damn near eleven oclock sometimes so I already ate something. I feel like my life is her life and it's unfair. Everytime I get paid she's clocking me and always needing more money. I can't save I put everything into rent, bills, and what's leftover yes I smoke. I want space. All I've been dreaming about is getting my income tax renting a room for a night and going there to.be alone and smoke in peace. I know I need to stop. This is not me or healthy. But I also know that the situation with my mom is unhealthy as well.