Starbucks... A Bastardization

OK... I have a love/hate relationship with Starbucks... seeing as I spent most of my life in Seattle, what I playfully call "The Land Of A Thousand Starbucks, coffee was a staple for a long time. Don't get me wrong, I still drank my tea, ( I will never stop loving you tea.... I promise...) just as much as do today... but I also consumed a huge... wait- let's try that again... a shocking!... No, just not feeling it.... a grotesque amount of coffee. Without embellishing in the slightest, from the age of fourteen to twenty one, I drank about 3 cups of coffee, three to five espresso drinks (never getting anything less than a 4 shots, my favorite drink for all those years was a grande, five shot, caramel mocha... yeah... pretty bad... imagine having no less than three to five of those a day! (my doctor was shocked that I hadn't developed an ulcer.) When I was sixteen, I got my first (legal) job at an espresso shop in downtown Renton, WA. I still miss that place... But to carry on...

To make a long story short... when I was eighteen years old I though it might be a good idea to get another job at another coffee joint, of course, the first place I checked was Starbucks. Now... remember guys... this is 98'... not EVERYONE knew the truths and lies about Starbucks yet... so I put in application and I got a call for an interview ( that I quickly bagged) and POOF! Gyps had a second job! The first week was what I can only describe as... how do you say it... oooohhh! What are the words I'm lookin for... I was never good at adjectives... OH YEAH! Fu(king  retarded.... and I say that in the nice way by the way.

What I walked into was some sort of prefabricated, sadistic, degradingly artificial, sham of a "Just Add Water $hithole! They don't make drinks! They add condiments! Like whip and cream and chocolate syrup and all that $hit! They don't grind beans... except for the house coffee for those that like nothing more than a plain cup o' joe... and even then... you KNOW they leave it on the burner ALL day long! But yeah... let's go back to beans part... they don't even grind the beans used for espresso! You know why? Because it's all pre made! It's all ready concentrated! The put it in their huge, caffeine dispensing, mother ship of a machine and when someone orders they push a button! They have a button for espresso, they have a button for froth, an probably a button to wipe your own ***!!! In my opinion ( for as two cent-ed as it's worth) I am appalled at the horrific fact that they call themselves baristas!!! That is not a barista... they are under paid machine operators! And that's the truth!

Alright... I'm off the high horse....

Oh, and if anyone wants to try a real espresso drink from my REAL espresso machine... lemme know, I can blow Starbucks out of the water!

:: head nod ::
gypsofbabylon gypsofbabylon
26-30, F
23 Responses Jan 11, 2011

Starbucks is for the masses. It sells really cheap, basically nasty coffee whose taste is enhanced by - by flavour additives! Add frothy milk on top as a creama, swirl on caramel syrup or some such ghastly stuff and it's little wonder why anyone can't taste the basic grot of that cheap stuff Starbucks by in, called "coffee". <br />
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Except there are far better quality beans to be had. The secret is in the quality of the bean, the roasting method by the roasting contractors before the beams are shipped out to the distributors. Ace quality beans are most sought after. These are often of "goumet" quality. That is why we get what we pay for. Shame on Starbucks though for ramping their profits to maximise their mark-up for their cheap 'n' nasty products.<br />
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Caffe Nero or Costa Coffee are way better than Starbucks any time. But if we stay off the chains and head for that little coffee shop/cafe in our towns that produce far better quality coffee, that is when we get to love the real bean.

LOL!!! Wonderful Booga! I can't wait! <br />
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Yeah... i like how you explained walking to the counter to be met with confusing options that you answer only to be met with more confusing sub options... lol How funny!

I just ducked back in here to see if there was any further discussion. Looks like it's been fun.<br />
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I completely agree with PetiteBrunette's take on coffee shop attitudes. I seem to remember stuff like that going on a few years ago. You ask for a coffee and get a bunch of options - select one option and then get a fresh bunch of sub options. None of which make sense.<br />
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I think this happened for a while. But I think it was greeted with hostility by people who simply wanted a coffee. And I think it mostly got dropped pretty sharply, but a couple of options are still occasionally given. These days, if I ask for a black coffee, I might get asked if I want a black coffee or an Americana. I still haven't worked out what the difference is. I'm glad I don't take milk in my coffee.<br />
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Oh, and we got some more endorsements for you coming to Edinburgh, Gypsy. Everybody loves us. I feel a warm, fuzzy glow inside me right now.

No PetiteBrunette, Sadly i've never had the oppurtunity to visit Edinburgh! But I pan on taking a trip out there! :)

:) Yes! Ye it is!

Never thought about kilt folding. But he does know about first-footing. I'm sure it'll be a symbiotic relationship.

LOL!!! Yes absolutely! But first.. I HAVE to teach that man how to fold a kilt. How he lives in Scotland and doesn't know and I in America and... do... this is beyond my comprehension... :p

...in Tartans... with a profile photo...

Well where do think I was going to stop first! I'm not flying across a whole body of ocean and NOT kidnapping TNP!!! lol

::clutches heart::<br />
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Ok... I'm looking up plane tickets riiiiiight now! :p

::head nod:: Damn Petitebrunette... you nailed it... they DON'T knw what they **** you're talking about when all you want is some damn milk! WTF?!?! I can totaly relate and have actually been in that... very... situation! How funny that you choose that to of all stories! lol <br />
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lol... and you said chubba wubba!!! rotf<br />
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totally xRocks.... just breath it in for a minute...

*swoon*<br />
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I can smell the real coffee from here

That's the stuff Petitebrunette!!! ::italian kiss:muahs::

well then by all means do it TNP! lol I'd be curious to hear on teh status of them.<br />
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@WildeOscar, I hope, for your sake, that China does not see this post. Even I still find myself on occasion passing through the drive thru window of a Starbucks... it's like what KimJong Ill said in Team America... it's inevitable. :: shrugs ::<br />
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@xRocks, cool name by the way! I honestly don't ever remember getting the jitters. However, I did tend to opperate at something resembling lightning speed. However, I can totally sympathize with your coffee snobbery... yeah, guilty as charged.... :: raises hand :: I love going to downtown cities and just searching for that cool hole on the wall coffee joint, or the little tucked in knook and cranny... those places have so much more to offer than just a cup of coffee..

Confirmed my worst fears about Starbucks.<br />
When I used to drink coffee (before I gave caffeine up - except for chocolate of course...) I was a bit of a coffee snob. Used to love trying all the little shops, steered clear of the chains, had some lovely brews.<br />
Sheesh! All those shots Gypsy. You would have been zinging.

I wasn't sure. They've been irradiated and vacuum packed. I'd be curious to take a look inside the foil, anyway.

yes, i think it's be safe to say they're bad lol! But thank you Booga!

I'll see if I can find them. If I still have them, they'll be in my parents' attic. I didn't manage to salvage much from my flat before I had to give it up in 2009.<br />
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Of course, they'll most likely be bad by now, anyway.

HA! What an endeavor! Obviously it must have turned into a fun hobby.<br />
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you stole coffee beans?lol... I would have atleast made some coffee cake or somrthing!

What's really funny is that a lot of them don't match. They're different sizes and even the ones that are the same size have slight variations going on. Probably because they were taken from different shops.<br />
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One time, I stole a bag of beans on the way out the shop, too. That was nearly ten years ago. I still have the beans somewhere - never opened them.

LOL!!! Booga! I didn't see your post it totally wasn't there a swecond ago! How funny, i hope to see this collection of mugs. :) I buy my coffee in bulk from a local shop... I don't know who the dist. is but it's organic and fair trade and sooo good!<br />
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I would LOVE to make you a real espresso! You'd melt! :)

lol!!! that's funny Stoller, it reminds me of something I used to do back in my days of eating fast food... next time your at a fast food joint, walk in and tell him you want a cheeseburger or whatever and when they ask you if you want the meal<br />
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just tell them... "No thank you, just the meal please.".......... it confuses the hell out of them... almost as bad as giving them exact change... :p

I have about a dozen or so Starbucks mugs.<br />
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Now, that's because the ONLY thing I liked about them was that green logo. But for a while, I used to meet with some friends who always went to Starbucks for coffee. And the only way I could feel good about drinking that swill and paying for it was by getting something a little extra in the process. So I routinely nicked mugs from them before I left.<br />
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These days, I prefer Caffe Nero or Costa Coffee. Better still, if I'm in Glasgow, I like the Tinderbox on Byres Road.<br />
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However... TG... yeah, I'll take you up on that offer of a real espresso.