I Thought I Could Control It

i honestly thought i could control it all.i was 15 and invincible,now im 17 and am addicted to painkillers,alcohol,and cocaine. im glad to be admitting it after 2 years but it just makes it seem more real. my family has hardly a clue, that my parents know of i dont do anything like that theyve only caught me oncee with pills and it was a suboxon, they were clueless about drugs and which ones were bad and which ones were okay so they didnt know. ive been hiding it from them but the only person i havent been able to hide it from is my recovered coke addict cousin. she introduced me to painkillers when i moved closer to her,unlike her i couldnt stop after i had my first few, after that i wanted them more and more, when i didnt have it i drank to calm me down, and the first time i tried coke though i was hooked...a few months after graduating to snorting the painkillers i started slamming them (for those of you who dont know slamming means taking the drug intravenously) the high i get from it is just unexplainable its what i look forward to when i get off work when i get home before i get in the shower,after i get out the shower, but my cousin found out about me slamming them and she was shocked and scared, she told me that if i didnt get help that shed rat me out and try to help me herself,so i quit cold turkey, in 15 days it wouldve been my seven months clean but i screwed up big time and put myself in a situation that caused me to use again, i had a ruptured ear drum and the doctor perscribed me darvocet, and that wasnt that bad, i was fine for the first three days then without realizing it i had taken the entire bottle so of course i went to find something stronger,my friend jenn and i are basially in the same boat here so i went to her house and got a few seven fives and slammed them right there in her basement bathroom, i shouldve dealt with it amd fought through the pain but like i said i screwed up...im graduating in a few months and i hope by then that ill be straightened up so that i can go out into the real world and make my own money and spend it on stuff that i need rather than drug,.,.,.but im trying, i really am,ive been to two narcanon meetings, i plan to go back, i know its going to be hard but i need to do this

wthvidun wthvidun
18-21, F
Feb 19, 2010