I Live Off This Stuff. Pain.

I'm destructive in almost all my actions. Even in thebeginning of starting something, I know it will only result in pain. Yet I move forward and do it anyway. I want to make myself cry sometimes. I want to get my fix. If I don't, I become extremely frustrated. I don't remember what happiness feels like. I feel sick and twisted thriving on pain, destruction, cruelty to myself and others. What do I do ? Pain will might as well be my middle name. I do things that will inflict pain on others and I hate it, yet I welcome the pain that comes to me from my guilt. Somebody help please.
sageflo sageflo
18-21, F
1 Response Dec 10, 2012

Me too. Sounds odd but it makes me feel alive. I purposely find situations in life then turn them upside down. Its a turn on but with huge pain