Heroin - An Obsession

I am addicted to heroin.  I have been on and off for the past 3-4 years. After about the 5th time I smoked it - I decided to IV it and overdosed. The doctor told me that I died twice that night. For some reason that didn't really seem to bother me cause I just wanted to take it again. To feel that feeling of instant warmth and pleasure. I ended up going out with a guy who supplied it (he was 16 years older than me). I overdosed again but that didn't bother me.

It was really gradual. One day he would ask me if I wanted to smoke a line then the next day it would be a couple and before I knew it I was going out to buy it for the both of us. Then I started injecting.  Alot of friends and family have tried to say it was his fault but it wasn't - I knew what I was getting myself into, I was 20 years old. So I continued to work and fund both our habits because my boyfriend had stopped selling. It was insane what I was doing -spending every single penny I had on smack!!!! After my mum found out I had to go and live with my friend in another city to get away from it. I wasn't on methadone or anything but I don't really remember how I coped.

I came back to live with my mum when I was clean for about 3 months. I stayed off it for about a year, got a new boyfriend (while I was away my ex overdosed R.I.P) and life was back to normal. But then for some reason in January 2009 one day I just felt like getting a bit of kit so I did. (Kit is an english/scottish expression for heroin). Then after that it was back down the same route, getting a bit everyday or every other day. Me and this guy that I've know for ages started seeing each other, he also uses heroin.

So the point I'm at now is that I've went and asked for help for the first time and the doctor is going to put me on Suboxone. Does anyone know if it works??? Also me and my boyfriend have been going to NA Meetings which I was sceptical about at first but I do come away from them feeling more positive/ I've not shared my experiences there yet as I'm so scared I'm going to get emotional and end up crying . . . but I will get there.

PS: I don't know if I'm just a total weirdo but I've sat and watched Basketball Diaries and Candy (with Heath Ledger) so many times just because they're about heroin. Really messed up or what?!?!?

S xxx

sinead12 sinead12
22-25, F
3 Responses Feb 28, 2010

suboxin in my opinion is the cure to heroin addiction.. take it! do anything you can, to not use heroin. plus you cant od on it. Your obviously not meant to die.. yet. but keep knocking at the devils door long enough and hes gonna answer. <3 good luck , im right there with you.

Suboxene works and will save your life...read my story to find out how I beat it. It will make you cry and you will be able to identify with it.

I've been addicted to heroin for about 3 years, and had been using it occasionally for another year before that. But now I smoke it every day (I inject it sometimes too, but mostly smoke it) and have done so for just about as long as I can remember! There were days on which I couldn't get any cash from anywhere so I couldn't score, so I've tried a few alternatives too. I find that Methadone works best for me, but everyone is different. Some would prefer Subutex / Suboxone to Methadone, but I have tried them both and while they have made it easier on some occassions, there have been other times where they haven't done much for me at all.