I Feel Alone

I have been taking laxatives for over 3 months now.  I take laxative chocolate 2-3 bars a day.  I had lost over 5 stone just eating 1 meal a day but my weight seemed to stick and I couldn't shift anymore, then I decided maybe taking laxatives would help and it did, I lost just over another stone but now I can't stop taking them.  I try and eat as little as possible try not to have more than 500 calories per day but if I have more I don't feel so bad aslong as I have my laxatives.  I am starting to feel really ill now, so tired and I feel like my body is just shutting down but I can't stop.  I tried to not have any the other day but I felt so miserable that I ended up giving in.  I am spending £40 a week on laxatives and am having to sneak them into my bedroom at weekends so nobody finds them.  I want to talk to somebody but I don't know if they will understand how I feel.  I am a recovering alcoholic, been sober nearly 4 years a recovering self-harmer so I suppose this is my new addiction.  I thought loosing weight would make me happier but I don't feel happy.  I am terrified of putting weight on and will do anything to keep it off.  I know eventually this addiction will kill me or end me up in hospital but I don't seem to care at the moment.  I don't know what I am going to do next week I have enough laxatives to cover me over the weekend but then I am skint till I get paid on Friday.  I feel really anxious about it.  Today I had to trail around town trying to find the one I usually buy I got really panicky thinking I wasn't going to get any.  I am 38 years old I shouldn't be going through this I thought it was only younger people.  I need help i know but I don't know where to turn.
donnabubble38 donnabubble38
36-40, F
1 Response Jul 9, 2010

Poor you. I have been taking them on and off since last august but have been taking them constantly since christmas. I have around 10 a day to try and keep my weight down and feel happy when i have the runs all day and thin! I panic when put on 1lb and weigh myself about 5 times a day. I know if take them will weigh a lb less. You know i didnt realise was a problem until i looked online just now,am shocked! Have been feeling ill lately,very tired and sick and thought wonder if it is connected. I didnt take any yest as had run out and so bloated today and feel fat so rushed out and bought more and took them straight away. Now i have seen the damage i am going to try to come off of them,have 3 kids to think of.<br />
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You need to give up too,reading your story shocked me as is how i feel but thought it was safe. Maybe you should join a slimming club,my friend does and loses weight every week by eating normally,i am always amazed how people can do that. I live on 3 bowls of cereal a day duing the week,lose a couple of lbs then binge at the weekends,then feel crap and start all over again. It takes over my life and makes you miserable,all you can think of is losing weight and dreading the scales the next day.<br />
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I am going to go doctor tom and talk to them,you should too,get some help before something awful happens please. We need to learn to eat normally and be happy with our size,talk is cheap i know,its going to be awful and is in our minds. You did so well to lose all that weight in the first place,you dont need them. I really hope you get some help and get off of these things. Please go to the doctor,good luck xxxxxx carla x