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I Need Male Attention.

I have a personal problem; I always seek male attention... ever since middle school (I am now in college,) I have always seeked a man, I enjoy having a man there to text me and call me and make me feel WANTED. the odd part is, i don't care if a girl tells me she misses me or loves me, i only feel loved and wanted when a man says it... if for some reason i don't have a guy to talk to, i feel worthless and sad because no guy wants me, so i go searching for another one. what i find odd is, i don't want a relationship right now in my life, but i DO want a guy to be there to talk to me and think about me; i don't know why!!! during a relationship, or whenever i find a new guy, i fall TOO quick and i get attached immediately, during the relationship i always put the guys' needs and wants before mine because i feel like 'if i don't, he'll leave me' i allow guys to ignore me, stand me up, not give me attention, etc... and i still stick around as if i'm some pathetic loser. i know that what i do is wrong, but for some reason I CAN'T STOP. my mom told me that it's because i am insecure and because i still haven't learned how to love myself.. i think she's right because all i do is try to look beautiful wherever i go, for OTHER people, not for myself. i don't know how to love myself, i don't know how to put myself first, help.

Phi123 Phi123 18-21 25 Responses Jul 27, 2009

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OK so my boyfriend of 3 years is to the point now where he would rather stay home then go to a social event or out anywhere with me. Whether alchohal is involved or not. His words exactly i am "drop dead gorgeous and when i walk into a room all the attention is on me already so i do not have to seek it". I will agree and say i do do things knowing people are watching me. Not on purpose because i have no interest in other men whatsoever. I know this. Its like i am struggling with being noticed. But why ?? I am noticed everywhere I go (not being conceited). I guess even the way i carry myself screams "I WANT ATTENTION LOOK AT ME" i dont know why i do this. Its causing so much tension in my relationship as well as is embarrasing me because i guess people can see i am seeking attention as well. Pathetic i know. I feel like i am just embarrasing my boyfriend and portraying myself as "thirsty". Also because people know that i am looking for attention they tend to "try" me, which my bf blames me for because that is the energy i am giving off. HELPPPP! I love my boyfriend so much & i dont want to lose him.

Stop hanging out with guys for a while. Hang out with some girlfriends and do things that make you feel good about yourself...maybe something good that you do for someone else....go do sports...increase you're self confidence without guys around you.

whats your name,age..........where do u live.............ryt now what are u doin?
what do u like in ur man of choice...........mean do u like tall ,handsome
are u hot,do u like to talk on hot topics........anil arora as on facebook
formerly at fortis escorts hospital
at delhi

Hell to the yes... I'm glad I'm not alone in this.

I feel like such a "****" Even though, I've been fairly faithful to my boyfriend. We met through mutual friends, while he was here in Canada, and now he's back in the Netherlands, so we've been going long distance for about 8 months.

I've done NOTHING, except for kissing, and holding hands... It was with a friend. I used to have feelings for him, but I realized, I really don't having lasting feelings for him anymore. Last time we seen eachother was in late October. We both felt we could not have a relationship together (We've known eachother since 2009... He was truly and technically my first love.. I cared for him so much. It was such a sweet innocent romantic friendship. We could talk about anything and nearly everything. We could talk until 3AM on skype, on freaking weekdays.. We could talk about the silliest of things, and turn in into deep philosophy! I could TRULY laugh with him, and show my heart.)

So, yes, I DID hold his hand.. Because we were having a hard/emotional time..
When I dropped him back at his house... I kissed hi very quick and lightly on the cheek.

Other than that, no cuddling, and of course, no sex.

In March, wen my boyfriend recently left to the Netherlands.... I was invited to a bar with some friends... There was this guy who was a friend with MY friend, and we started chatting... He didn't ask me, and I gave no indication that I have a boyfriend.

We did NOT kiss.... But, later on being drunk, we did dance together, and he did randomly pick me up, put me over his shoulder and stuff... Also, I stupidly admitted, saying.. "I like you.." .... Very smooth. Also when we were walking back to a certain place in the bar, he touched his hand at the small of my back. I didn't give a reaction...

I did feel guilty afterwards... And he did ask if he could drop me off at home. I declined.

Also, when I was travelling to the Netherlands to visit my boyfriend and his family... It was a 9 hour flight... There were 2 Dutch guys sitting beside me....
Basically, I wasn't flirting with him...
But he asked me questions and stuff, about hobbies... I stupidly have him my youtube..

After when we arrived, he gave me his number and email. I said I might call him (but actually didn't and ripped up his number)

Later on, from finding my youtube, he must of managed to get my whole name... because he added me on facebook.
Now, telling from my facebook, he DID know that I was with my boyfriend. And then, he randomly asked (still while I was in the netherlands) if he could take me on a tour of the nice parts of the country.

I declined.


But now adays, since I've been back, we've been face-booking... and stuff... No flirting. But just talking...

He's a photographer, so he wants to send me some of his shots he'd taken in Taipei, Taiwan.

Then, I told him, "It would be cool to see you again!"

He thought so too..

But then, I thought about Bart, and how wrong this is.

So, I later on messaged him, "It would be impossible to see eachother"


Maybe my experiences aren't as deep as some of yours... but still, it's unfaithful...

I feel like I'm lying.. Though attension IS nice.

G'day, as male who's wife suffered the same infliction I recon I am an expert on what it can do to a marriage. After 30 years of me being devoted to her I discovered the secret past. I still love her, just not like I did. She has become isolated and feels alone, we no longer laugh together. It is very sad but it is so destructive. If you have a man who loves you and treats you well you are fortunate. He has trusted you with his heart take care of it. If he is not good to you then you deserve better.

Be careful cos some men will take advantage of you if they see you are needy in anyway.

i think your condition is called woman

Is there a medical term for this?

I have the same problem and I seek the most rediculous avenues to achieve my desires for attention. I used to be a bartender, and I think that was the tip of the iceberg. The aim of the game was to get them to want you, and I think that's when I became addicted to male attention. Against many of my own values, I went home with a lot of the guys that came into the bar at night. I played with them, and I got really good at winning (not getting attatched to them and being able to say goodbye easily). After close, the boss and I would sit there and have a few drinks and that's when I sort of realized how bad it was; he showed me some real, devoted attention and I started wanting him too! He even teased me saying that it stems from not knowing my dad until I was a teenager (and even then, I didn't know him well) and low self-esteem.

I get attatched easily too. My first "love" in high school broke things off with me and I found a rebound that week. Then he broke it off with me too and I found yet another. And then another and another and it continued for a couple months. I've rarely ever ended any relationship I've been in. Usually, when I'm the one to end things, it's when they start to get attatched to me.

After I quit the bar, I moved around a bit per work and have set up in a totally different area than home. However, my problem still followed me. I tried to go with a story of being engaged, not to keep men away from me, but to keep me away from them. I'm well aware that I don't need a man in my life right now and I need to grow still (I'll be 21 in a couple weeks). I still find myself wanting one though. One night I was hanging out with someone in the same company as me and we started 'playing a game' that, over the course of a couple hours, had us lip locked in my room! It stopped, but not from me. He left and said he'll see me tomorrow and now I'm left being the one wanting him.

I hate that I'm constantly waiting for a guy to look at me. I REALLY hate that I stoop to low levels to get their attention because it's the easiest way and, even if it's only for a night or a week, I'M the one on their mind. What I want though is someone that will be there when I want them to be, hold me and watch a movie with me, play with my hair, and give me a kiss or two here and there. I know that's what I want, but I don't want the commitment that comes with a relationship or the heartbreak that comes with the seemingly inevitable conclusion for me.

I was going to make this new postion a new start, but I've been here for almost three weeks and have already messed it up. It's looking hopeless and I don't know how to fix my addiction.

what if you arent married, but a single mom, and want to be married, and even though you try dating or starting a relationship you encounter the same obstacles, the man doesnt want u, or just wants sex, and why is it i get so sad when i dont have male attention? I wish I could stop wanting a man , Really. Dont know how.

So are you a man... seeking a man...?

Reading all of these has calmed me down so much. I have been so stressed out and confused at random times during my relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together for over 5 years and I am 100% confident that I am in love with him and want to marry him. He is so great to me, but I am not so great to him and he has no idea. We have also been mostly long distance. He lives in my home town (only an hour away), while I am at a different university. I see him over summer, spring, and winter breaks as well as most weekends, but a few times I've get caught up in the attention from other guys and cheat. It's hard to stay loyal at a distance. I am always hanging out with groups of guys, trying to get all of their attention and loving it. It's like a challenge for me to seek guys out and flirt and flirt and flirt and lead them on. I love knowing that a guy likes me and thinks I'm sexy. If I know a guy likes me, it gives me the greatest feeling ever. It's that "fresh relationship, butterflies in the stomach" feeling that I used to have with my current bf. I fantasize about dating other guys and sleeping with other guys. I have never had sex with anyone but my boyfriend, but I have made out with a fair amount of guys. All of them have been close guy friends who I have big crushes on. Why does it work that way? If I am so in love with my boyfriend, then how do I develop such strong feelings for other guys? I get obsessed with wanting to text them and spend time with them without my boyfriend knowing. I think part of it is that I am self-conscious and need that constant approval from guys and another part is that I see these attractive guys with great personalities who are such great people and I want them to be in a happy relationship, so I want them to experience that with me (and I'm also being selfish in wanting to be with every attractive, nice guy that talks to me). I am so confusing and so confused! Part of me wants to be single and sleep around and flirt more with more guys, but at the same time i am with a GREAT guy, who really cares about me and loves me and why would I EVER throw that away? And why do I do this if I would be devastated if i knew he were doing it to me too. I tried breaking up with him once without telling him the times I've cheated, but the next day we got back together because I honestly cannot imagine my life without him. Why can't I stop chasing other guys? I tried to talk to a counselor, but I honestly can't tell someone face-to-face how many times I've cheated on him. The last counselor I saw I didn't even admit to her that I had cheated on him.

Wow, and here's me thinking I am on my own with my problem! I refer to it as a problem because it is causing me a problem. Worry, anxiety, constant stress! <br />
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I keep in touch with lots of men by text, Facebook, email, it's very very addictive behaviour. I've been married 14 years (known each other 18), and my husband is lovely, I am blessed to have found a good one! My childhood was lovely, I just crave the constant attention from men. I want them to think about me, I feel fulfilled when I know someone has me on their mind, it sort of fills a blank space in me... and I think I confuse this with love, and then can't let them go because I've developed real feelings! <br />
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I've kissed a few men (sober, no excuses!) but then always prevented anything more. Its like I need to leave them wanting me. I want them to need me, yearn for me. I dont know how to stop. I want to stop. I dont want my husband to know, it would kill him. Like many others on here, I need help. Has counselling helped? <br />
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Ive tried spicing stuff up at home, spending more time together etc, but its just not the same.

Hi Kaytee.

You may want to trust your husband's love for you. You may find that he knows you better than you think. Some men are embarrassed to feel that it is ok for their wives to have fun being naughty girls. It's hard to explain but sometimes I think it can make a relationship closer when a man and a woman accept each other for who they are. There are may worse things in the world for a marriage than your feelings now. Not wanting him would be bad. Being only behind his back would be bad.

Tell him a story about someone checking you out. You may find it turns him on. Would you be ok with that, or would you feel less loved if he didn't have ot have total ownership?

Sexuality is multifaceted. We tend to focus on only a few.

I feel so lucky for finding this website. I have been feeling so bad about the feelings I have been having because I thought they were abnormal. However, now reading all of your experiences I find myself feeling better about my situation.<br />
I have been in a relationship for nearly eleven years now, but it has been filled with his consistent physical rejection that I have found myself needing male attention just to feel beautiful again. It didn’t help that he blamed me for not wanting intimacy- you want it too much, I don’t like it when you ask for it. I know I’m a beautiful woman, I can see it in men’s eyes, but I feel absolutely empty when I don’t see the same thing in his. I know our relationship is over- I’m a smart woman. What I worry about is when will my seeking end. I feel almost lost without that attention from the opposite sex that I find myself asking for it. Will I always be this needy thing that lives only for the attention I didn’t receive in my marriage? Did this man give me a complex and why did I allow this to go on for so long? Will I do things out side of my character just to feel that artificial love? These are the questions I ask myself right before I give my number to some guy I don’t even find attractive but need his attention. <br />
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. My world is better thanks to you. TONS

This was fascinating for me to read, as a male. I appreciate the honesty and transparency. You may not wish men to read this, but it might help if more did. Particularly the comments of JoiLag. Of course there is variability, but the genders seem to have complementary needs. Men need to appreciate women and women need to be appreciated. Most men would much rather look at women than be looked at by women. Most women would much rather have men looking at them than to look at men (yes, I know some women like to check guys out). <br />
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First of all, I think it is natural and feminine to want attention. If you want to know how natural it is, consider the plight of Muslim women who will sometimes do things to get attention even though it can lead to their legal execution. I am told that they tremendously envy the freedom western women have to enjoy attention. Most advertising aimed at women is aimed at "looking good" so you can "get attention." <br />
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Girls, just about from birth, are positively reinforced for attention seeking. They are bought beautirul clothes. They are often asked to model in front of friends and family. Look at all that women go through to get attention...Make-up, Hair, Clothing, Jewelry, Shoes. Did I mention shoes? What about heels. While some women don't wear them, most do. <br />
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Men become insecure when their wives seek attention just as women become insecure when men check out other females. Men have the added burden of liking the basic female form which comes into shape in the early teens and is obvious by 16 or so. Wives become very upset if we look at a young girl, and she feels old. Honestly, the outline of the female appeals to us from the time we are aware. We like the hourglass (for the most part, again with some variability), but like women who have fun being women. We grow jealous because we know there is always someone better out there. Men have to mature and accept their wives' need for attention just like women have to maturely accept that men look around occasionally. Unless we are terribly shallow, we don't want to leave you for some young thing. It is just interesting to look. Some of us do leave, just like some women leave us. <br />
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Enjoy being beautiful. Perhaps you getting attention from other men will require your guys to step up their games. If you should fail...if you should cheat, then seek forgiveness. It is only such a horrible thing becuase we call it such a horrible thing.

Thank you for writing this. Its nice to know there are still wonderful men out there paying attention to us women and what we need:) It gave me a liitle hope.

You are most welcome. Tell me a little about you. I checked your profile but there is not much there. I am glad to give you hope. Sometimes men simply have to know what is acceptable. As you know, in order to be politically correct a lot of the fun for the genders is disappearing. I am not in favor of abusiveness or hostile environments, but it is supposed to be fun to look at girls and for girls to be looked at.

Yes!....What a great group of women....Honesty! Sheding light on their natural issues (for lack of better word) I should say habit.....Well women, we have all been there, as I read, I begun to relize that these are COMMON/NATURAL feminine tendencies OR FEMALE TRAITS.... that we ladies have regardless of our childhood background...It's healthy to crave male affection and attention, it's natural to want to be held, talked to, and communicative with men....it's all healthy and natural....<br />
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Yet, I know that our grave concern is, that this attention is killing my relationship or this attention is overshadowing my life... well denial of the situation does not work, we all agree, and hiding it from yourself does not work, we all agree, but, yes we SHOULD PRACTICE making small changes in our behavior...for instance as some of you have already stated, I will not drink at social gatherings unless I'm with my husband/ male friend. That is a great place to start....Craving male affection comes from our natural make-up and we must PRACTICE TAMING THE WILD BEAST who get us into our regretful messes....so here are some tips....Especially for you married women....First and Foremost<br />
PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR SOME DISCIPLINE LOL...and discipline is just teaching....okay now for the tips<br />
when you feel the urge for new affection.....you may wanna spice up your relationship with newness such as ......get dolled up...flirt with your husband HEAVY....I mean there are so many little trinkets that you can buy and so many ideas that will get you and your husband all the attention you need....you can develop coupons like....all the positions you like.....or.....how would you like for me to serve you....and be willing to do WHATEVER HE REQUESTS.....thts one idea...<br />
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Okay Women who are in relationships but are not married and are trying to save themselves for marriage.....here is a tip....IT ONLY WORKS IF HE IS TRYING TO WORK WITH YOU......<br />
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so if you and your partner have not decided mutually for a long-term possible marriage contract than you are free to see, date who ever you like.....just keep in mind to save yourself....so to kill the urges of hornyness.....TAME THE WILD BEAST by .....meeting out in public, DO NOT GO TO THEIR HOMES AND DON'T LET THEM COME TO YOURS......sometimes kissing erupts and that's okay.....its how you show your affection...but sharing SEX...complicates your integrity and esteem so stay away from that temptation...ALLOW SEX TO BE SAVED FOR ONLY YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND (He is that special person).....also when you meet go outdoors and do some activities that are competitive...this is good because it takes away the sexual urges and puts your mind in a different place....Go out to social party's and other events....this allows you to see if he is all about you and into you ....look at his behavior when your around others....does his eyes wander or are they fixed on you, is he listening to you or is he distracted by other dynamics in the envrionment....Come on ladies WE RULE THE WORLD....we are not BUTCHERS TO THE HEARTS OF MEN....so let's prove them wrong by being UPRIGHT.....yes we have these feelings of craving attention...but we will not JEPORDIZE our husbands and our intimate friendships with men becuase of our NATURAL MAKE-UP....however we will be smart about what we say and do with other men....RIGHT?.....<br />
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so I congratulate you beautiful and honest women.....your husbands and friends have great jewels around them....and remember.....<br />
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BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF, NO MATTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE, SELF COMDENATION KILLS YOUR CONFIDENCE.....FORGIVE YOURSELF...AND PRACTICE YOUR NEW FOUND TEACHING AND MOVE ON.....<br />
LOVE YALL....

I also have these feelings and I think it was because my father abandoned me and lied to me about anything. I never had anyone encourage me to do anything. Now I am in an emotionally abusive relationship with my husband of 12 years. He doesn't hit me but he treats me bad.

Las31 im 21 and am in the exact same boat.. (apart from the marriage part) i crave mail attention to the point that when i am drunk i will go out of my way to get attention of men... My boyfriend knows this and have been with him for 3 years and he is terrified of me going out drinkin alone because i tend to black out when i drink... I feel like i turn in to some sort of a sexual preditor also.. It is scary but i feel like im missing out when all the girls are going out drinking and at this stage i dnt even get an invite i have had to turn them down so many times... i seem to always tell myself that im not going to act this way when i get drunk but.. BOOM im back at square 1 flirting and dancing sexy for fellas attention.. Its scary to think that this is a serious problem.. and I love my boyfriend soo much i cant keep hurting him anymore... It kills me to see the pain and hurt i cause him by my actions.. im wondering if you have tried councelling and what you thought of it.. Please keep in touch

I think I am in a similar boat to FlirtyGirl1972 (although I have only kissed other guys, nothing more). I have been married for four years and I love my husband dearly... and yet I can't help but seek attention from other males (and I'm worried it will get worse). It mainly happens when I am drunk but that is no excuse. I get a little tipsy, single a guy out and prey on him like some sort of predator... it's like a desperate need to feel sexy and wanted. The trouble is, afterwards I feel disgusting and hate myself for it. I have told my husband of only one occasion and we have talked about me being too flirty (but I just couldn't bring myself to tell him about a recent kiss with another man as I know it would end everything). I am terrified he will find out (but a part of me knows I deserve whatever punishment comes with discovery!)<br />
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I have been trying to pick my brains these last few days about what drives me to do it. Firstly, this need for attention does spread to more than just sexual - I need praise in everything I do in order for it to feel like an achievement. I need to be centre of attention, or at least have my voice heard. I strive for recognition in everything. This is the main root of the problem and something that needs to be addressed. Secondly, the intimacy in my relationship has decreased massively as we have both let daily routine dictate our lives. Just as one of the earlier posts said, I crave PASSION but it has withered a little in my relationship. I could never imagine having sex with someone else but I should not look towards kissing other men to solve the lack of passion in my marriage. Thirdly, it has become a pattern when I drink and that is something I really have to cut down on - I am not blaming the alcohol but my worst tendencies are exacerbated when I have a drink.<br />
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So, I know ranting about my situation doesn't really offer advice - I just wanted to share some of the things I have decided to try and change to make a difference. Firstly, I believe that the hardest thing I've had to acknowledge is the fallacy of the notion that my relationship is defined on fidelity and without that there is nothing. Wrong - that is an idealised notion and does not account for the human tendency to make mistakes. I have kissed other men in rash acts of thoughtless selfishness, but I know from how low I have felt afterwards that those stupid moments (5 of them in 4 years) DO NOT define who I am and do not define my relationship. My love for him has not changed, my desire to make this marriage work has not changed. I have lost respect for myself and damaged my self esteem even further, but recognising that is (I hope) the first step to recovery. I just can't believe it has taken me 5 mistakes to realise it. Human beings are flawed, relationships are rocky - I think the hardest thing about systematic infidelity is how it forces you to look inwards and address the problems inside yourself: insecurity, low self-esteem, self-doubt. I would never admit to having these problems out loud - but do you know what? I am insecure, I am sad and I am lonely. Kissing other men has made me feel more lonely than I could ever have possibly imagined. Ironic? I guess so.<br />
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I am too weak to be completely honest with my husband - I fear the repercussions. However, I am not too weak to address my problems head on in my own way. On Monday I am going to book a counselling appointment and discuss with a professional my attention-seeking problem. I am going to stop drinking at social occasions I am not with my husband (as that is the main cause of my indiscretions). I have discussed with him the necessity of more quality time together and I want to start loving myself again. I'm not sure how I'll do the last thing, but I have a feeling this is not going to be a short term process. <br />
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Thank you for all your posts, knowing other people are in similar situations does help somehow.

I have only just realised that I have this problem, in fact I didn't even know I had a problem, I thought I was just a really bad girlfriend/wife. I have been married for nearly 12 years, we have been together for 16 years. We got together whilst I was living with my previous boyfriend. I have not been single for more than a month or 2 ever in my whole life. I have usually jumped from one realtionship to the next as soon as anyone shows me any attention. Since being married, the worst I did was kiss guys when I went out, after spending the evening flirting. The last couple of years I have got much worse and totally obsessed about people. I am now starting to have affairs. And like Phi123, I fall too quickly. Stupidly quickly. I am convinced I am in love from the very beginning. And this obviously scares the guy off and so I go back to feeling rejected. I am lucky though because my husband knows what is going on, understands I have a problem, and is trying to help me through it. But I need that attention. I want someone to totally obsess about me, think about me all the time, text me all the time, want me all the time. If they don't reply to my texts straight away, I get really angry or upset. My head is telling me that it is stupid, it's not real, but my heart screams out at me "what if it IS true love".

I no exactly what you mean! I cant even tell you how many times i have thought i was in love with guys who Id just started seeing, only to end up in a relationship with them and change my mind 3 months down the track. Or if they start pulling away from me and im still infatuated with them, it feels like my whole world is falling apart. I get so depressed and have even tried to take my own life in the past. Being addicted to male attention might sound stupid to some people, but for us its real and it sucks. I want to have a relationship and get married oneday, but I fear Ill never manage that if I dont sort this out.

You can take a different approach. You can let your feelings run with the knowledge that the feelings for this or that guy will pass. It may be that your husband recognizes who you are and enjoys quietly. Many men cannot own their pleasure in their wives' beauty and flirtatiousness. Some call them cuckolds, but really they may be more realistic. True love is real but it is not going to be that intensity forever. True love settles down into quiet enjoyment. But the intensity of passion feels good, so bring your husband along and GO FOR IT!!! I would love an update on how you are doing.

I have the same issue as wealtheow. My man is loveing, never question where i was going. Let me have all the freedom i wont. But i took mine to far. I actually cheated on him. I feel bad about it. I don't wont to really loose him, I need help. Can some body help me.

Just the opposite, but same issues, if that makes sence. I love men, but will NOT have an itimate relationshiip with any man who only wants sex from me. I hold myself and my body in high esteem and I expect any man who wants sex with me to treasure me as a person in all ways, not just sexually. I have never found a man who truthfully could take time away from a sexual relationship, even for a month, to just spend time with me by talking, having fun, going hiking, to movies, traveling, reading and discussing books, and just leaarning to enjoy each other as people for awhile instead of the relationship being about the Man WHO WANTS SEX and not much more. So, in a way I do want men in my life to cherish , enjoy, have exchanges of ideas and have fun...and yes, sex would be a super part of all that, but NOT the whold relationship. Can't find a man like that anywhere. Therefore, I will love my self and my girlfriends and my family.

@ericsmomtina: hang in there, girl! it took me a while, but i finally met a man to whom i was extremely attracted physically - and the connection we had on a spiritual, intellectual, emotional level was very strong also. however, because i was not happy with the way earlier relationships had turned out by putting the physical aspect first, i told this wonderful man that i was confident we would be good together in bed. but let's see what else could develop first. i even went so far as to tell him that if he needed to have his physical needs taken care of by someone else while we got to know each other, that was fine with me. to my surprise - and delight - he agreed to no physical contact. and when i say 'none', i mean NONE. no kissing or hugging - not even holding hands because i am a highly sexualized person and i knew where that would lead if i wanted it to. it was wonderful! and so much fun getting to know him in other ways. the sexual tension was there from the start but we both honored it and respected each other's boundaries. less than a year later, we married and will celebrate our 7th anniversary in a few weeks.
HOWEVER, having said all that...
the reason i'm on this site in the first place is because i too have been looking for an explanation for my behavior in becoming attracted to other men. i've only recently discovered/admitted that it is a pattern of behavior for me. as loving and attentive as my husband is, i still crave a kind of animal passion that seems to scare him away. at least, he doesn't seem to know how to respond to it. my sexual urges are strong and, though i have amazing ******* almost everytime we have sex, i am just not getting satisfaction from the way he makes love with me. also, if i wanted to, i could think up 10 reasons why what he does isn't enough for me. but i know they would just be rationalizations for me to engage in risky behavior with other men. (from time to time, i still text and call an ex-boyfriend. we have sexted each other, had phone sex and send loving emails to each other. another time, while working on a cruise ship without my husband for 10 days, i kept trying to get the attention of ANY male i could and noticed one of the waiters was flirting with me. at one of the ports of call, we spent the day together talking, holding hands and, the night before disembarkation, he came to my room and we came very close to having sex). this behavior was preceded by fantasizing about which men i would have sex with as i see them on the street, at the mall, in the doctor's office, at restaurants, etc. i thought this kind of fantasizing was harmless, but i do believe it's led me to become bolder in my actions.
my father (now deceased) was alcoholic and abusive to my mother and some of my siblings (not me). i have craved male attention since i was a kindergartner and the craving has expressed itself in several iterations throughout my lifetime. up to now, i've been content to "blame" my behavior on my partners/husbands. but with the husband i have now, there is really nowhere else to turn except inward and take responsibility for my own actions.

Phi123 I know how you feel.<br />
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Since middle school I have always been plagued with the feeling of physical inadequacy. I think it started when my doctor told me that my breasts would never grow more than the barely A cup I had at 13. She was right and my appearance became a bit of an obsession. I attributed my lack of femininity, which my naive mind equated with large breasts, as the reason why good looking "popular" guys wouldn't date me. I constantly compared myself to my best friend and her physical features. If I couldn't have the guys I wanted, I decided to take the damaged less attractive men. I wanted to fix them, mother them. Unfortunately, not many of them wanted to be fixed. As a result I was a serial short-term monogamist.<br />
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Then I landed in my first long term relationship lasting almost two years. When it ended I was really damaged but I was determined to be single for a while. Unfortunately, that didn't last either. I started dating only a month or two after the break and I was full force in another long term relationship. I ended up marrying him. I've been with him for about 8 years now and married for two. He's the perfect husband. He's handsome, a hard worker, patient, thoughtful, not jealous, and gives me all the freedom I could want. Unfortunately, giving me such freedom has driven me to seek attention from other guys. Its almost like since I've been with one person for so long I want to know that other guys still find me attractive. I want to be pretty, sexy, and sought after. My husband tells me he finds me beautiful all the time, but its not the kind of attention I want. I want the risky, passion attention. Nearly all of my guy friends I pushed them to the point of cheating, but somehow managed to snap out of it before I did anything stupid. Its sick. I can't seem to stop. I have everything I could want from my husband, but it doesn't seem to be enough. I don't have a damaged childhood. I had a very loving father so I know this doesn't stem from daddy issues. I've somehow created this deficiency in myself. I'm so terrified that I'm going to lose my friends and more importantly ruin my marriage. I don't know what to do. I've tried time and time again to stop but I can't seem to do it. I would love someone to talk to about this.

This is so nice to be able to talk about same issues that we have. I am in the same boat as u. I have been married for 10 years and I am in love with my husband and hes awesome, couldnt ask for a better man and father but foe some reason I love male attention. It would be nice to also have someone to talk to.

omg you took the words out of my mouth. i feel exactly the same way!

Try to work on this issue now, because it won't go away on it's own. I am still struggling with the same issues as you're describing and I am in my late thirties (unmarried and not happy about it). Good luck!

I would love to find someone like you as a friend. Not all men are so possessive. Sometimes that can make a girl feel insecure, but it is a healthy thing. I would like to get to know you better. Wouldn't it be fun to have a man who understood and got a kick out of you?

@BeMYBadGirl:
dude - seriously? this is the best you can do? troll websites like this and prey on women who are honest enough to own up to their issues? you are one slick trickster with obvious issues of your own. watch out, ladies - there's a snake on the loose...