In Hiding

Playing Pretend. Again and Again. What is really the point.? It saddens me that I have no one to confide in. No one to say....I cant stop. No one to reach out to and say "Please hit the brakes on this roller coaster!"

Its just me. Alone. What else is new. I am to afraid to dissapoint my friends and family by telling them that I havent made them all proud by beating this thing. Telling them that I am weak and not as strong as they are so proud to tell others. That I too, break under the pressure of just myself. That I am hard to battle everyday....in my mind....alone.

If they only knew, or could experience for one moment, half of what I live everyday. They would crumble. That is the only satisfaction that I now am able to grasp on too. So sad.

Such is my life.

KarmaKatcher KarmaKatcher
31-35, F
10 Responses Jun 3, 2007

wish i could just hug you, f*** being alone is the hardest part. no one sees no one one, no one cares, no one stops u...<br />
<br />
so u just continue like if it never happened, like u never happened

That is the perks of the illegal. For sure. I think that is probably what most of us addicts miss the most. The inhabition. Its periless.

ON THE MEDICATION NOW. IT DOES WORK TO A CERTAIN EXTENT.

Karma, Youve jumped out of an airplane with no 'chute. Theres nothing that can save you now accept you. I hope you find a way back into that plane before you hit the ground. I found my way back it can be done.. but dont expect anyone to be able to save you. I just wasted a few minutes of my life trying to save yours... The ground is coming you better get your *** back in that plane cause when the fall is over its over. You can see the ground cant you? Now what the **** are you goin to do about it? Screamin HELP! aint goin to do it.. thats just going to get a bunch of people lookin at you when you hit the f*ckin ground... You gotta get your *** back on that plane... and only you know how to do it, cause nobody knows you better than you. Good luck to ya.. I hope you dont hit the ground... I wont be lookin' Ive seen too many bounce screamin help the whole way down.

Shame, Guilt, are useless emotions. There just is, what is.<br />
I've already suggested, like tigeress, find another meeting, even if it means driving to the next town.<br />
Pick one of those friends and confide in them, I'm sure you know how hard this thing is to kick alone.<br />
<br />
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. <br />
<br />
We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.-Buddha

I have noticed. lol

OMG! Give me a break on the GOD issue. Thump somewhere else please. Thanks

Girl, I was using for along time and I all to well understand what it's like to fall off the wagon time and time again. Even though it's been 5 yrs. Just thinking about the glass d*** makes my hands start sweating. To have to look at my family who has pleaded and begged for me to stop and to tell them I screwed up again is one of the hardest things in life. WE ARE HUMAN!!! Just keep trying to get help and for F*** sakes go to a different NA meeting even if you have to go to one across town or in another town. If ever you need just hollar and I will do my best to listen . You are not alone Hun. HANG ON!!

H ave been going to NA since I was 16 years old. Have known that I have had a problem since then. And if anyone were to ask me I am up front with my problem, and will admit I am an addict from the word GO. Unfortunately in my area, all the dealers like to prey on the weak at the meetings in my area. As in, there is more dope in a meeting smoke break, than from your usual dealer. Sad, but true. I had 16 days....but saddly have fallen prey again. Actually allowed my self to be caught up in the **** again. F$(^%!!!!! Hate this cycle. Living it for 17 years and now, still counting.

Sweety there are so many support groups you could go to .. and most of them are free if you ever need to talk please contact me .. i will do everything in my power to help you beat this