Fighting It One Day At A Time

I have always had an addictive personality , when i was a teen it was acid and shrooms , at 22 it was cocaine , but meth was my down fall at 30 ! I am 4 years clean now and thought i had it under control , i would have cravings and i would busy myself with one thing or another, then last week i'm walking away from a friend and i hear the words " wanna smoke a bowl ?" so i turn around and say " a bowl of what ?" and she says ICE and i immediately turn around ( like a robot ) and walk into her house 4 years clean and i smoked , ugh ! i ended up smoking a few days with her and the come down was awful and took me back to the misery i dealt with from 2000 to 2006 smoking every day , neglecting my kids , no job, selling dope to support my habit , hanging out with meth cooks and all kinds of freaky people , walking around like a zombie , thank god i'm feeling normal again now , but realizing that the cravings will never go away , meth is definately the devils brew ,  if you haven't done it STAY AWAY !! 

kellydawn40 kellydawn40
36-40, F
3 Responses Feb 27, 2010

Iv been there and done that, and Il tell ya right now the ONLY thing that helped get rid of the cravings was when I prayed out of DESPERATION to God and asked for his help. Nothing worked before. cravings just kept coming back and I couldnt resis when it was offered, UNTIL I prayed for God to SAVE me from it and get me away from it and HE DID! The trick is with this stuff is you have to stay AWAY from any and ALL users! and you have to stay away for awhile, weather its moving away to someplace you dont know anyone. Healing takes time! and eventually the cravings will start to go away little by little until you HATE the stuff so bad that its NO problem resisting it. If you cant move away then PRAY and GOD WILL HELP get rid of cravings in other ways., What do you have to lose except your life if you continue. This is NOT a preach session either, Im just letting you know MY experience and what helped me and others. After time God (Jesus) literally gave me so much strength that I TURNED IT DOWN 3 times and have ever since! AND you have NO idea how PROUD i was of myself!! I was so proud I cried! I couldnt believe it! It was a complete miracle! and when you get to this point you will know what I mean. But Mark my words I couldnt resist it until I prayed, and dont stop, and you wont believe it.

I hear ya.... I wish I had never used it. I started using when I was 30 also and I had a year and a half sober until 2 months ago.... I don't understand it... When I am high I feel guily and think that I hate the way I feel right now... but after a few days of being sober I want it again. I am jumping on the wagon, I am determined this time (I've been telling myself that for the last 2 months) that's why I joined this place, in hopes of getting advice, support etc.... <br />
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Oh... Kelly you said you finally started to feel normal now after your relapse.... how long have you been clean?

If u haven't tried it DON'T! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!