Addicted

i am 14 and i have been addicted to cutting since last year. it all started when i got a boyfriend. he was 19 and his name is james. my mother told him to break up with me or she would bring the police into it, so he did. at first i didn't know that my mother told him to. a day before we broke up my mother got his number of my phone and saved it. the next day she had to go somewhere and i wasn't allowed to go with her. on the way back she sent him messages saying stuff like u need to break up with my daughter. at that time i was having the best day of my life. and then the message came up saying" i think we should break up". i cried for about half an hour and while i was crying i was going off at james saying stuff like 'why " and ' what did i do ". he wouldn't tell me so i took one last look at the computer and went straight to the blades. i now have about 10 scars left and they will be there for life. i never regret it though because now my mother knows what im capable of when she isnt around.after about 4 months i decided to try and stop. everyday i had the biggest urges to cut so deep , but i didn't.then one day i got another boyfriend and about 3 weeks later i lost all trust in him when he beleived one of the girls off his bus before me. i was so hurt i trusted him with everything and he let me down.he hurt me so much that i carved his name into my skin and showed it to him, just to make him feel the pain i did. He has tried to get me back ever since. after all that cutting i stopped for about a month because i met a guy called josh, he was 15 and he quit smoking for me , i thought i was with the right guy until i went on holidays and found james. i fell for him again and now we r going out again. when ever i see him or talk to him i fear that he will hurt me again and start cutting. i am addicted and don't want to stop.
I AM ADDICTED.
lillyianmay lillyianmay
13-15, F
2 Responses Jan 22, 2013

I know someone with similar problems from which your experiencing. She went to a special facility over summer...and has been cured from her urges. I think first step is you need to sit down with yourself and think why? What is the benefit of this? Yes, it may be a short term solution from what your experiencing but long term it's. Ot only damaging you physiologically but also physically. I also recommend you trying to perhaps avoiding relationships until a little older as teen is when hormones or at there best at can make those urges stronger.
Good luck with your issue and all the best :-)

look for more groups and keep reading... at your age, i'm not sure you're able to contact me or not... I was a cutter for a long time, and told in depth to a few people here... one very close friend in particular, and she knows who she is... hiya "C"
there are some people here you can talk to and be very open with and not get any boring speeches or anything like that.. just real life experiences, and very real and frank talk.. if you can't get a message it me, read more on the cutting and self harm groups and maybe try to talk to someone after reading their stories.. you feel comfortable with about talking to them about this..
I still have scars from those days, and had to hide them for a long time, and couldn't wait until I was older, thinking they'd just go away.. the do a little bit, but they are still there, scars never tan, so they stand even more then.. when you're older and have kids.. how do explain the scars? Oh... I did the same thing and carved a girls name on my stomach and showed her... thank god is wasn't a deep cut and that one is gone

thanks for that and i know u cant get rid of scars but i dont wanna loose them