Speed Freak

It has to be going on a good seven years since I was introduced to speed, It was my sister that gave me my first taste and that was me hooked.   My sister is five years older then me and is an alcoholic although when she was taken speed she wasnt drinking so I suppose she kicked one addiction aside for another.   A gram of speed would be put in her tea as if it was sugar, she would sprinkle a little each time she made a cuppa and by the night time she had eat the lot, so the next day she would have her fresh wrap on the coffee table waiting to be dabbed or simply looked at while she worked out how she was going to spread it out for her daily taken, she must of bought a wrap for each day as she was never without one, my wrap would last me all week.  My sister stayed with me for five months. and in this time my gram a week was turning into a daily habbit for me, Gone was the rush I would get to keep the house in order, and no longer was I bouncing out the bed in the morning like I was some spring chicken, Instead I was waking up like I had never slept so my habit became my food, I never relised over the months that I was so gaunt looking, people who knew me would comment on how well I was looking but that was just them catching me before my skin started to turn thin which was when I changed from looking youthful to looking older.   My sister had lost most of her teeth at the top, the ones she did have left were all turning black, It was only when I noticed that my gums were starting to bleed that I relised I was going the same way.   I would look at my sister and wonder what had happend to her beauty, her once big blue eyes had now turned the colour of emptiness, her skin was haggerd on the face and her hands were like the witches in Hanzel and Gretal, my sister moved out after five months and had left me a drug addict.   Today I have what is called a dab, enough to get me through today, I know when tomorrow comes I will be thinking about speed before I put my feet on the floor but I have to stop now.
rosygal rosygal
46-50, F
9 Responses Jul 27, 2007

oh blimey pet what apickle.well at least u have been honest.all ican say is keep it to a minimum,until u are truly ready to stop.are u on bipolar meds?.if so what? what is your relationship like with your doctor.i have a great network where i live.they are well aware people with bipolar do an will self medicate.sometimes to get through the lows an to stay awake.i feel the only way for u to end the spiral is when u are ready an not before.go to your doctor an spill the beans.u may need help getting off it.moreso than others wre u have moodswings anyhow.they will help not shout.if they dont seek pro help til u get it.love maria .keep us all posted on wher u are at with it either way x

Today I bought some, but the difference is that the gaps inbetween are longer, I wouldnt mind but my pal who I get it from still pulls the wool over my eyes and makes out she is given me the proper deal, thats ok, it just makes me relise what a muppet I am, well lets see where my new relisation takes me, am I full of **** or am I true to my word, I have a battle on my hands. My speed taking falls in with my Bipola, without speed I dont think I would service from my bed, it is like self medicating but its also leaving me feeling that am cheating lifes hard bits, but then I know that this is not the case, its to serious for that.

Am still doing it, I guess I cant be ready yet, plus my best pal serves it up, I just have to be stronger then what I am although I have bought none today.

My biggest advice would be to remove people in your life that are involved in speed. I had to say goodbye to a lot of people but if you are going to relapse, these people will be a big contributing factor. Start a hobby, something that you can get anger out doing. When you think about it go to your hobby. The constant thoughts don't go away for a while but the key is doing something else, go out to a movie or something like that. What ever you do don't drink or take up something else, it is important not to replace one habit with another. Good luck. Private message me if you have any questions.<br />

Still on it

I would love some advice if you can give me, I always go through detoxing on my own and sometimes having a word of encouragment am sure would go a long way.xx

I wish you the best of luck with you battle. Remind yourself it is possible. I was a speed addict and I know it seems like hell when you are in the midst of detoxing but it is worth it.

I am so addicted that am still lying to my self, I am ready to give it up again but its taking the first step,I am going to do a story of what it is like for me to be a speed freak, If only for someone to read about the hidden horror and to make them think twice. If I had read storys about being addicted to speed, and what damage it does to ones body, I never would of touched it.

I'm so sad for you both.<br />
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How do you currently feel about your addiction? Are you coping as you are, or are you desperate to get off it?