Since I Allowed Myself To Be Myself

I am doing a lot of adjusting over the years.

I always knew I was a girl even though I seem to be a boy.

So adjusting is a all day every day event in my life.

I have mood swings and other stress in my life for wanting to be more eminine and girly and must work through them one by one. Someone once asked me if I hate myself because of the mood swing they just saw. Well, frankly no I don't hate myself. I am happy even though I am not yet where I want and need to be.

I try to be myself, even though I can not be in dresses and heels daily ... I can with little effort be and feel feminine all the time. I don't pretend ot say I like things when I don't to fit someone elses idea of me. I like what I like and say it, to some rather odd looks at times. Sometimes my feminine mannerism do say quite a lot.

Other things are that I do take good care of my hair, my skin and my nails. i even let my hair grow out a little more than some think it should be. I dress in comfortable and attractive clothes though then to lean to the androgenous or unisex look mainly. I can and do wear some womens jeans and shoes and tend toward the colorful more girly looking shirts/blouses for a guy.

Yes, I do dress up when I can. On business trips I'll spend a few etra bucks and go all the way, dresses and heels and even go out shopping that way.

Plus, I watch and talk with other women as often as I can. For me they are a wealth of knowledge and a source of not only mentorship but ideas galore.

So adjusting to change is a daily thing for me. I change and cope and hope I don't give it all away before the time is right.

       

Josie06 Josie06
56-60, F
1 Response Feb 24, 2010

First of all, I have no prejudices. I have had gay friendships, cross dressing friendships in my past and enjoy and love them all. I myself am all girl but I'm not so much in to the wearing heels and dresses and sometimes I think guys have it made because all the things that make a women look old make a man more attractive or at worst just older, Women don't have it lucky with that but a lot of female fashion is ba<x>sed on men clothing. Good point huh-Maybe more women don't have clothing envy issues because it's much easier and more acceptable for us to wear male styled clothing. Just think what the world is going to be like the day it doesn't matter anymore. I really think that day is coming. It may not be in our generation but someday. <br />
I am 56 so maybe it's the bra burning culture of the 70's that makes me wonder what makes women clothing all that attractive. I'm really serious here. I don't want to offend you in any way. If we were sitting in my living room sharing a movie, bag of popcorn with our feet propped up or both getting ready for a night out in the same apartment I'd be asking questions. I had to wear heels for sooooo,soooo, so long that I couldn't wait to reduce them down to a few pair of the basic colors and then sticking them in the back of the closet.<br />
What am I missing in myself? I so need the help with the skin and hair! My mate died just recently and it's aged me. Actually that may be my interest in the way clothes make you feel. I need that feeling. You must feel delightfully connected to yourself. You know what else it may be. When you dress in clothing like you want to wear, you must feel good about yourself. That is what I am curious about. How do the clothes affect the way you feel. God-it took me forever to figure out what I really wanted to know. Thanks for your patience. Like I tell my kids, the nice thing about writings is that they make trash can and don't be afraid to use it.