I Think I'd Be a Great Mom If I Get the Chance.

my name is Lj, i'm 28 years old and i am completely afraid that i will never have a  child.i just got engaged in december  of 08' so i've been thinking about our life together and children alot.i have 4 bros and one sis all of whom have children,even my younger brothers have kids.i never thought in a million years that i would have a problem like this.and the weird thing is,is that all baby's love me,i try to avoid them now a days by not looking at them or picking them up because i get so overwhelming attached,i dont want to give them back and it hurts so much.i hate  it when you have to smile on the outside  when  all u really  want to do is scream,but u dont and u can appear to be  so strong.but  on the inside  your really a great mess ?my best friend who got pregnant by her boyfriend who  was sterile and  was said that he couldnt even have children.i mean hello how in the hell?i go to work and every  day and every one is like my kid did this ,my baby did that and i get  so extremely jealous and i hate it! i dont want to feel like that,you know?so i just get up and walk away or pretend i have to use the bathroom etc, just to not hear the conversation.good things in my life are my family who is so supportive of me. they know how much i love children and just try to give me the courage to keep trying.right now i feel as if im gonna throw in my towel because i always get my hopes up and then i come down  really fast and hard.i have had 2 miscarriages my last was in june 2008.i get in this depression. type state where it seems nothing matters,but i know it really does.i've tried just about every suggestion there is and still nothing.when i was youger all of my friends were having sex early and having babies and i didnt want to be like that i waited as long as i possibly could,and now sometimes i wonder what if?would i be a mother? did i miss my chance?i hope to high heavens that i still have a shot, a egg just waiting inside for me .i once asked someone"how do you know if there's someone that prays for you?"cause i pray for everyone every night.they told me well u just gotta have faith,keep your faith. my fiance' asked if i would adopt?and i got so pissed at him that i yelled at him cause it made me feel as he had given up hope on me too. if i could adopt i would trust me their is nothing wrong with that,it would be a blessing.i jus t wished that he would have alittle more hope in him:(i  do believe in the impossible but i dont wanna believe that  all things happen for reason.i hate it when people say that!ugh,its not comforting at all just makes u feel like more of a loser.but im gonna try my best to stick it out alittle more -as of right now im still hoping,praying and wishng.

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5 Responses Feb 12, 2009

I have been trying for 5 years now, felt so alone but after reading other peoples comments has brought me back down to earth. Have had 2 miscarriages 2006 and 2007 but not fallen preggas since, went for ivf first attempt not worked which found out today, have now had an uplift from your comments thank you just have to keep trying however long it takes xx

just don't give up i been trying to have a baby for 7 years and am 29 last year god bless me to get pregnant but i had a miscarriage at 18 week yes i lost him he was a boy water broke to early it almost killed me its tell killing me and its been 7 mouth bout it not a day that gos by that i don't think about him we been trying again and we pray god bless use again and this time we pray god let us keep him or her or both even if its more then two i know not being able to have kids start to mental take over your life with depression and that make it hard for you and the ones you love so the only thing i can say is stay prayed up and believe and have faith that's what i do its still hard because you don't know when, how and who but if that is what god has for you it is for you put it in gods hands its not easy lord knows. i was told that i cant even have kids but he allowed me to get pregnant and carry it for 18 week will he was not a it he was a baby boy so anything is possible i get sad to when other people talk about kids or ask me if i have kids its like i feel shame that i don't have kids i really feel pain i really would like to talk to some of the people that's posted on here about this because it really help to talk to some one that is going though the same thing

Ok, I will try to be short and to the point. I can relate to you as far as wanting my "own" child, I have heard all the things you have, you know what there are no comforting words for you. I will soon go in and have my insides taken and guess what no children ,not from me, but if i love children as much as I say I do, and they love me, I can adopt. Adopt a child who was not wanted, not loved, or couldn't be cared for. If you believe in God, If you have faith, he will give to you what he see's fit, don't be so harsh with yourself, those you love, or those who talk about their children, accept things and you will be amazed at what can happen. "Just believe!"

If you cannot have kids of your own why not adopt there are enough kids that need loving parents.

Hey--<br />
I feel for you. Actually, I am praying for you, too. I am praying that you'll be blessed with children, but if you aren't that God will help you through your pain.<br />
Keep trying!