I Always Knew...

I'm 24 years old and from Chi-town. I've been married for 4 years and trying to concieve for almost 3.5 yrs. We've gone from doctor to doctor and they ALL say the same thing. "You have PCOS.... you'll be fine... just take these meds and see me when you're pregnant!"   What they don't say is how hard this process is both physically and emotionally! I've gone through most of the meds, I've peed on every kind of stick there is out there... and all I got was disappointment and tears. Some of the meds were too weak and just didn't cut it for my problem, while others created infections, fluid build-up, and other horrific side effects. I've tried... I really did but....   somehow, even as a child I never saw myself as a mother. I dreamed of it, always told people what they wanted to hear, "I want one boy, one girl" but I never really saw that dream coming true. Even as a little girl, I'd look down at my belly and think to myself... something in there is wrong and I'll never have kids.         So, is that wierd?? crazy?? please let me know what you think?

Ialwaysknew Ialwaysknew
22-25, F
2 Responses Mar 13, 2010

I had cancer when i was young and my mother told me in my teens that there was a possibility that i couldent but i never really thought about it just excepted it as I cant. My mum used to go on about miricles in cancer patients and about them having children but I just knew. I have been trying with my husband for over 2 years and not even one late period i just cant convince myself any more there is no miricle for me and i cant pee on any more sticks either and read the two words that make my life fall apart any more. not pregnant.

I've always felt the same way. I've always wanted children but there is something inside me that says it wasn't going to happen. So now after 10 months of trying i guess my thoughts were right. I'm just not sure if i'm strong enough to go through everything month after month it just hurts too much when it doesn't happen