I Am Afraid I Can't Have Kids
I've been trying to get pregnant for 16 years. We can't afford much more than Clomid treatments so we tried that years ago to no avail. I have PCOS, rarely ovulate (maybe once every 18 months, or so), I am obese and I pretend that NOT having a child is my choice so it seems less trivial to me when I'm around people. The older I get the less people ask me if I'm ever going to have kids. And whenever I see a little one my heart aches. Seriousl, aches. Because there is nothing more that I've ever wanted than to become a mother and hold my own little one in my arms. I am afraid that it will never happen.
Adoption is much too expensive. We've considered fostering, and that is always a viable option, but right now we don't have the room and we're waiting until we move to a house. THAT won't be happening for another few years. So I'll be 40 before any of that happens. My ovaries are screaming...my uterus practically contracts when I pass a newborn anywhere.
I pretend it's all ok.....and it's not. And I hate this feeling. :(
