Sometimes people say they get brainfreeze eating icecream. I never get it in the head though, but in the back between my shoulderblades. It is kinda painfull, but it is not like I wanna touch the place while it hurt...

It's like that when I see someone, another person.
All the time I feel like my skin is painfull, my breathing, I am unsure of another persons touch. It pains me. Somehow... I am scared. Intimacy scares me, being hugged, touchded, even simply a handshake. It feels like burning when someone hug me, like screams or hot boiling water scaring my skin. My skin is soft. Perhaps it's because hardly anyone is allowed to touch me. I was never really huged as a child, and the closest I came to others was my sister in the bathtub, or on playgrounds doing sexual harasment games with my friend. Somehow being a liones as a kid was weird with a kid playing male lion, and learning things, perhaps fear of being touched comes from the fact that people use me, fool around with me, hit me. My father beat me much as a kid, so I am kinda fearfull about touch because of that to. Some guy used me one time, deciving me... it is not fun. And then someone used me. I am so afraid of being hurt that I don't wanna be touched ever again. Not by a guy, neither by a girl, defently not by a guy in such ways again. I hate anothers touch, it disgust me... I don't like to feel this way, like someones touch is as poison I must wash away. It feels so strange... a hug, a touch, a simple handshake. Intimacy, I can't handle it anymore.
Barlong Barlong
26-30, F
Jan 8, 2012