Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Hard to Use the "L" Word

It's hard for me to tell others I LOVE them! Even friends and family. And especially my hubby. Why is this? I DON'T KNOW?? My parents were certainly not adverse to saying and showing Love to us kids growing up! My grandparents never let us leave their homes without a hug, kiss, and affirmation of Love!

When I do tell someone I love them, I say it in a playful or goofy tone, or make faces. If I write out the words to someone, I put "LUV"... a cheating form of the use.

Do I "Love"? Absolutely! So why then, is it so hard for me to SAY it??

emerald emerald 36-40, F 16 Responses Apr 23, 2008

Your Response


Wow!!!! Guess I got to this party kinda late, my daughter and my wife swear that the only person I say I I love you to is my 5 year old granddaughter, guess I have trouble saying it too!

When I was growing up - family of 6 kids - we were never hugged, kissed, complimented - by my parents. Now I'm 57 years old and still am scarred by this lack of love.<br />
<br />
I wish I could erase the negative memory.<br />
<br />
I also show my wife how much I love her through my actions but I wish I could say the words. What you all say is so familiar to me.<br />
<br />
We just need to keep trying. I agree, some people are so flippant in their use of 'I love You,' do they really mean it or is it just something they say.

Emerald,<br />
<br />
Regardless of the fact that you find it difficult and embarrassing to say I love you it is much more important that you convey your love by your actions, especially to your partner. I live in a pretty sexless marriage but my wife often says that she loves me. I would rather that she express her love for me in an intimate physical way rather than by words which only sound hollow without the more important physical proof. When we are crying out to be hugged, kissed and cuddled it provides scant relief when our partners tell us that they love us. When we are hungry we need food not someone giving us a desc<x>ription of food.

i'm ready Em, bring it girl.<br />
<br />
and in response to the second part? hmmm?

That was a lovely story to share, PT! :) <br />
But in response to the first part.... BWahahahahahaha *evil laugh*.... nothin like a good spar! ;D

you have any lust left there girl? cause i'ma looking for some. hehe.<br />
<br />
While growing up i never used the word love or even luv. to me they both mean the same thing. <br />
<br />
and if you laugh at this, we will go to war. mhmmm. lol<br />
<br />
my kids my nieces have grown up with me, and while acouple of them were abandoned by their parents i took them into my home and raised them as my own. now they go and come with their families and their kids and thewm and my kids and their kids always tell me I love you dad everytime they show or everytime they leave.<br />
<br />
so it has become as natural as good morning to me. but believe i struggled with it while growing up in a family that did not show very much affection to myself and my brother. <br />
<br />
so there you go. I LOVE YOU. now is that so hard? :)

ALi... been there! But I've straight up told a few guys I've been serious with: DO NOT expect me to say I Love You, just because you say it! I won't! I won't til I MEAN IT! Hmmm, most never heard those words! :/<br />
Explorer... Great idea! I have done it too! Outta the blue come up and give slurrpy loud kisses, exaggerated hugs, ect. And when feeling REAL loving... roll up a wet dish towel and smack em across the ***!!! LOL. <br />
Also, got an add on to this topic.... for MY experience. Me and Ma were talking not so long ago about all this. I admitted I have and FEEL true love for my kids and family, but most of the time that doesn't include my "man" or guys I've dated, been with, ect. MA thinks it's like this: I'm not cold hearted (as I was fearing), I'm simply choosey. I save the love for the family, and the lust for my men!! heheehe.

When people say it to me, feel guilty because I have trouble meaning it. I do feel uncomfortable saying it back. But, out of respect, I say it back anyway. And I do use alternate spelling like this: luv. So, yes it is hard indeed.

I don't really have a problem saying it to my family.But it is a little awkward when someone I never hang out with says "I love ya girl!" to me.To me,the word "Love" means something special and sacred.I say it every day to my parents and hubby because I would regret not saying it if something happened to me or them.Because no one is ever certain of their death date,I say it as often as possible,and yes,I mean it too.I even show it so they know I mean what I say.

I can relate I loved my ex and I found it hard to say. I think it was because I kept overanalysing and i do takes those words very seriously. I don't just say it for the sake of it. Sometimes people do and it annoys me. I showed him instead through my actions. He told me early on in the relationship he loved me but I didn't feel the same at that stage. It takes time for it to grow for me but when it did I still prefered to demonstrate found it hard to say. I ended up telling him when we broke up haha said its better late than never, he did say he felt it though but wanted me to say it cos it played on his mind. Ah well lessons learned.

I'm trying to remember....its quite a while ago now. I guess it was just deep disappointment his lack of response. I was far too reserved when I was younger, partly in my genes I think and partly my upbringing and I was always hopeful of the man making the first move! lol<br />
I do relate to finding it hard telling others I love them, but now I am older I am getting a bit more relaxed on this at last, though it still doesn't come easy! Actions probably speak louder than words anyhow so if you feel affection/love whatever, in other ways and are showing it by body language then the words become less important I think! : )<br />
Its funny because in other ways I do wear my heart on my sleeve!

Lost, did you mentally prepare for his lack of response? I mean, did you THINK that's what he'd do, or was it a shock?? The "dried up" part.... I think I'm identifying with! But that doesn't explain why I have trouble telling others I love them!

I struggled with this too...but when I finally plucked up courage to tell my hubby it was never returned. Now I can't tell him as it has dried up : (

It isn't uncommon to be this way Emerald.<br />
I have known others who are the same way.<br />
The sad part for me is I didn't realize this was part of there personality until I/they was gone.<br />
To late, when it was to late did I realize how wonderful they really were. People who don't show there feelings to often seem cold to those of us who wear our feelings on our sleeves. I have learned this isn't the case from experience. It just takes a while to learn personalities.<br />
I'm sure the ones you love have come to know your and also know that you truly love them.

Hmmm, I like that, FT!! Makes me stop and think on several spots of your statement! THANKS! Oh... and you are RIGHT! I DON'T take those words lightly! When I was "dating" I WOULDN'T tell a guy " I Love You" just to boost his ego! I only said it WHEN I was ready and meant it!!

Do you have problems showing him that you love him? My guess is not. It could be that "I love you" is a very serious statement to you, and you do not want to casually use it, but heck I don't know.<br />
<br />
I do know that love is an action verb and our actions say it all.