I Am Afraid I Have Lost My Salvation
How The Lord Restored Me From A Seeming ''reprobate'' Mind.
By:
mmutsakama
Written on March 12th, 2012
I will tell you a brief of my story, i was born again at the age of 16 and i enjoyed my relationship with God, being a spirit filled christian tongue talking, but after two years sin crept into my life and i was back to sinful life. After seven years living in rebellion that was late in 2006, i come across a christian tv and someone was being delivered, that moment i saw my need to rededicate my life unto the Lord and i did so. That is when things started. I began to feel unaccepted to the lord. The enemy began to remind me my past and try to prove me the lie that i can't be saved anymore because i was once saved. By that time i didn't new that those were lies[because they were just thoughts and i thought they where my thoughts till i realize later] and that is the mistake i made. The enemy tried to use scriptures especially the one in the book of hebrews 6;4 where it say it's impossible to bring to repentance those who were once enlightened to the gospel...... and so i believed i was reprobate and beyond redemption. Even though i believed those lies[i didn't knew they were lies by then i thought its my wisdom by trying to figure out] i kept on seeking the Lord begging for mercy. My life become very tough those days as my sin increased and my thoughts become very filth and even blasphemous. I started to move from church to church, from pastor to pastor looking for help but things like unbelief, fear, depression, anger multiplied. Soon i was not even able to stand in a church because of the wicked thoughts the enemy would put in my mind so i stopped going to church, but i did not stopped seeking The Lord. The enemy began to make me think that i had blasphemed the Holy Spirit and so my despair increased. I can write the whole book about the depths i descended let me end here, let me tell you how Jesus dealt with me. This situation lasted for about 5 years, i am not yet fully recovered but i am making a great progress. Jesus in His wisdom and love was dealing with me as i was going through this. At that time of course i didn't knew this. In His wisdom and love, if His children come to Him and then wonder, and then the child come again then The Lord will make it look like that child has been rejected by allowing that child to go through the depths of darkness but all the while that child is accepted. The Lord has to be tough on this so that when the time for deliverance come the child will not wonder into the world again. This truth will not change, '' for i am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other creature shall be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord [romans 8;38,39] There came a time when i began to fight the lies of the enemy with The Lord's truth. it was not easy but it was worthy it. Things began to change and i began to believe that The lord still love me and accept me as his child. I began to see what i was going through as His discipline which is a sign of His love but it was not easy because it took me months and years to resist lies, self condemnation, unbelief and the like. The key here is, lay down all your preconceived ideas, accept that you mis-understood the scriptures and start to trust The Lord and believe it is his will to save you.. Proverbs 3;6 says Trust in The Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding 6 In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. This scripture has been a great blessing to me because the enemy capitalize in our own understanding to deceive us. There is a difference between knowing what the word say and knowing what it means. Pray asking Jesus to reveal to you what that scripture which seem to condemn you really means and wait patiently for His reply. Never ever believe that you have been given over to a reprobate mind, no matter how dark you situation is, those are the lies of the enemy[he twist scriptures capitalizing on your ignorance and misinterpretation]. Be assured that The Lord is dealing with you even though you are confused and it does not make sense, its hard to believe this when you are in the pit but thats the truth. Jesus's ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts, like in my life, it will make sense one day and you will be filled with awe. Jesus will never give up on us. You might say that i am not repenting enough but all the while you are repenting, the moment you realize you did wrong and you need to return to God, that was repenting. You might say you do not have faith but my dear one, you do have, its not great faith that is needed but simple sincere faith, faith is a gift from God, you think God is demanding what He did not give you, thats not true
By:
mmutsakama
Age:
26-30
,
Male
