Losing My Way- Is It Possible To Find It Again???

There is hope for everyone here-I have been there myself on separate occasions. On these occasions-one of which I will share (contact me if you are interested in knowing more about the other situations- I will eliminste them from this message for the sake of keeping it shorter), before I fell I was given a clear warning of what I was about to do- The Holy Spirit came before me clear and begin to show me that if I continued on with my sin I would be choosing it and rejecting Him- I told the Spirit clearly to shut up and go away (you must understand that this was so abnormal for me- I had gotten angry at God in the past, but never before had I so blatantly rejected His love- I was being used as a minister at this time and I was so in Love with Him, I was growing so much with Him that it was amazing...) but despite it all, I commenced to fall (willingly and willfully) in sexual immorality:
Once I rejected Him and after I fell, I felt the worst feeling that I ever felt, oh this went deeper than guilt- I felt completely empty, completely shutoff from His Love, His voice, His word, His warmth...When I tried to 'reach' into feeling the presence of the Spirit, I could not find it-Like I had been cutoff,shutoff, separated and left to die...I felt as though I had lost my salvation... Despite the grieving and crying and repenting, I could not feel His Presence. This went on for days... But I pressed on regardless- praying and ministering to others- I was determined that even If I truly were going to hell, I would love Him regardless- He has been too amazing in my life and I have testimonies that will blow your mind (I know because these experiences happened to me and blew my own mind)... But after about 3 days or so of struggling with this by myself (i'm not much of a talker about my own personal struggles), His presence came back and an immense joy swept over me- so familiar yet so new and refreshing- I was in tears crying with gratefulness. I had missed Him so much and felt so unworthy to receive Him back.This was definitely His presence-I have amazing testimonies since that time that clearly show Him at work within me. So God had accepted me back and I was at peace with Him and so amazingly and deeply in love with Him It has been about 6 months since that time and yet I fell again-even harder it seems. The Spirit is a two-edged sword and one that affects the ministers just as much as they minister it forth (please pray for and encourage your leaders)- no one is above repentance- the Word says that ALL have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God and that means that ALL are subject to falling and needing to be lifted up→'up-lifted'→encouraged).
The same process happened as did in the beginning and I am again at peace with God...
So this is the experience, but according to scripture, why was God able to take me back after I had fallen so hard unto separation, did I lose my salvation??!

There is a difference between 'backsliding' and 'blasphemy against the Spirit (a.k.a Apostasy)'. Pastor and Evangelist Jesse M. Hendley has written a sermon on the subject and I have an excerpt below along with the link to where I read it:

Jesse M. Hendley
John 6:67

My text today is John 6:67, in which the Lord said
unto the twelve disciples, "Will ye also go away?" A
group of disciples at this particular point in
Jesus' life, who had been walking with Him, said to
Him, "We want to go with You, Jesus. We want to be
saved and live with You here on earth and in heaven

These disciples suddenly turned around and left
Jesus. They went away and broke His heart. They
didn't want Him. They wanted religion. They had
that. They had the Law. They believed in the Temple
worship. They went through all the rituals, but they
rejected Jesus Christ, the Son of God. They made the
mistake many people make today.

In Distress About Salvation

I was preaching in a great church on a recent Sunday
night, when, at the close of the meeting, a lady
came to me who had heard the Sunday morning message.
She was in tears as she said, "May I speak to you?"
I escorted her to one side in order that we could
talk. As she looked into my face, with agony she
said, "I accepted Jesus as my Saviour and I was
about as honest about it as I knew how to be. (She
was a young woman, just out of college.) I went into
one of the big cities to a church and served the
Lord. My heart rejoiced and I was happy in the Lord.
I was studying the Bible, praying, and having a
wonderful time serving the Lord. I had the assurance
of salvation in my heart."

"I then went off to college and became a part of the
wrong crowd. I fell into sin and got away from the
Lord. Not long ago I heard a preacher speak on
apostasy who said if you ever leave Christ and go back
into sin, you are lost forever and there is no way you
can be saved." She looked into my face with agony, as
she wanted to know what she was going to do. She said,
"Am I lost? Can I not be saved?"

I said to her, "Little lady, believe the Word of God
against any human being---any preacher, anybody or
anything else. Believe God's Word. I am going to
share with you what God's Word says. Don't believe
it because I say it, but believe because it is God's
Word. There is a difference between apostasy and
backsliding. You must understand this and you will
know your condition. Apostasy is making a profession
of faith to walk with Jesus Christ here in this
world, to trust Him as your Saviour and to really
live for Him and serve Him and then to deliberately
reject Him later and walk away from Him in rejection
of Him as your Saviour. It has nothing to do with
the sin-question, but giving up your faith in Jesus
as your Saviour." That is what the people in this
particular scripture did(Hendley)."


Another that helped was a quote written by iansmith from sermonindex.net. It reads:


Joined: 2006/3/22
Posts: 962
Wheaton, IL

Two things to post on this.

Hosea 1:2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD."

God ordered Hosea to take a prostitute as a wife so that he could understand the heart of God towards his people Israel. This is however so that he could preach that Israel should repent. I mean, what better lesson is there to teach a prophet about the anguish of God than to give the same anguish in his relationships.

This is not an excuse to get into a relationship with a backslider... that would be taking the wrong lesson out of this book. The message is that WE ARE THE PROSTITUTE. God needed his prophet to marry a prostitute to teach him that... but thankfully he wrote a book about it so that God doesn't have to teach each and every one of us that lesson. We know not to put our hand on the stove because we've been told otherwise.

The fact of the matter is that God's people were corrupt, he has a covenant with them that he will not betray, just like a vow of marriage between a man and woman. Israel has been unfaithful, but God will remain to be faithful... Thats why God tells Hosea to go back to his wife after she leaves him because he wants him to understand his heart of forgiveness.

This is not permission to backslide! It is so that we can know the heart of God about backsliding and backsliders."


Hope this helps! Love to you all.

May His Word bless you, encourage, uplift and empower you,
isaiah413 isaiah413
4 Responses May 21, 2012

Can you please help me!? I’m afraid I lost my salvation. I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior 2 1/2 years ago, baptized, filled with the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, and loving God. I pursued youth ministry and outreach. This year I got very confused with doctrine and joined a different demonization (apostolic). After a bible study I was convinced about the Acts 2:38 message being completely necessary and biblical for salvation. So I got re-baptized in Jesus name and refilled with the Holy Spirit! I felt really good after I got baptized in Jesus name and spoke in tongues again. I felt very powerful and Spirit filled! I honestly did feel washed and cleansed as if my sins were remitted and washed away. I even felt deliverance that night! However I felt very confused and uncertain whether or not this form of doctrine was true. I wanted to begin to evangelize immediately, but I wanted to make sure that there was no error at all in this form of doctrine. I got so confused on Gods plan for salvation and what it means to be born of water and of the Spirit (John 3:5). The many sermons and worship experience I received at the apostolic church were very powerful, anointed, and convicting. However, I still felt so uncertain and uncomfortable. I told God that whatever the truth was; that I will obey it, walk in it, and preach it no matter what other demonization or religions say! I asked God to please confirm to me the Truth. I felt that God was confirming to me in prayer and dreams that Jesus name baptism and Holy Spirit baptism was Truth for salvation (Acts 2:38). I asked God “did a person have to be baptized in order to be saved, and God told me to read the Bible (Mark 16:16). I could hear Gods voice direct me to preach acts 2:38 to the world! Then many people from the Baptist and Charismatic church told me that I was in error with doctrine and they wanted to help me understand the sc<x>riptures. I went to some Bible studies with them, however they were really not able to show me clearly and give me a biblical reasoning. Most of there responses were traditional rather than sc<x>riptural. I felt deeply convicted but confused!! I went to prayer with one of my close friends from the Baptist church for confirmation and he said he heard God say “heresy”! IT DID NOT MAKE ANY SENCE! How can the bible be a heresy!? (Acts 2:38) I could not tell if God was pulling me in the apostolic direction or the charismatic direction. Spiritual warfare was SOOOO INTENSIVE! I felt a pull and conviction in both ways!! It did not even make any since. It was extremely confusion and frustrating. I received random prophetic messages to continue with the apostolic, and then I would receive prophetic messages to rebuke the apostolic message and continue with Baptist/charismatic. I didn’t know who to rebuke or pray against. I would pray and rebuke the apostolic one day, then get confused the next and rebuke the Baptist/charismatic’s. I became extremely double minded! I ended up received dreams that I was not able to even interpret! I was so uncertain about which direction they were leading me! I was very spiritually messed up and unbalanced! I went back from church to church asking for doctrinal help. I spent 3 months studying doctrine, but my prayer and worship life decreased intensely. I began to lose my intimate relationship with God and become very unstable. I then ended up falling into continuous sexual sins and immorality. The church I was fellowshipping with told me that all of the other churches were ether false Christ, false spirits, compromised doctrines, and spirits of deception. They were able to somehow convince me that it was true concerning the Word of God. I then began to regret many of the prophecies that I received from the other churches, and deny them as being counterfeits. Latter before I even knew it, I began to lose the presence of God. I can't feel his presence anymore; I can’t even feel spiritual conviction anymore! I can’t worship God or pray anymore ether. I can barely speak in tongues but it’s very dry and weak now. I don’t feel any manifest presence of God or anointing! I REALLY MESSED UP BIG THIS TIME! I am experiencing demonic attacks and sexual oppression. I keep praying and praying and crying and crying! I repent all day long but I don’t hear God or feel anything! I feel like a blasphemed Gods church, spirit, and doctrine. I tell God that whatever I did, I did not mean it! I WAS DECIEVED! AND whatever I did was don’t out of ignorance! I was only trying to seek him and get people saved!! I was only trying to seek God so that I could spread the true gospel to my family and friends. I feel as if I got lost and condemned in my pursuit! It’s just not fair! I feel so cut off now :( Am I doomed to hell? Am I an unpardonable reprobate? Is it all over?!?<br />
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If you are prophetically gifted and connected with God, please pray for me and let me know what my condition is!? I am desperate!!<br />
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Please contact me if you think you can help me<br />
757-892-0546<br />

Satan is the lowest of the lowest- he was cursed back in the garden of Eden and made to crawl on his belly and eat the dust. He may have authority in this world, but because we walk with God, whose ways are higher than our own, we too walk above. We are not subject to the influences of the world, we are above them and we rise above our circumstances because we walk with God. We are above the law of sin and death. Your heel was made for his head. Let's submit ourselves to Christ that we might have the greater authority and the upper hand. Do not listen to the lies of the enemy- receive none of his words for he is a liar and not to be trusted. This the word of God, may it be a lamp unto your feet; a light unto your path and may you receive upliftment in the mighty love of Christ. <br />
Peace be unto you.

Belovedbeauty times is probably hard now but keep reading the word and keeping the faith. I have done these things and I feel God is still here

I share some similar experiences and I 2 rejected and ignored God, and the Holy Spirit. I continued in sin, and went against His Word, after I had publicly committed my life 2 Him. I served in ministry and walked in obedience 4 only 2 yrs. I was saved for 7, it just took me many years to give up all worldly sins... I have been lost for 1 1/2 yrs now....nearly have lost my mind. I had a high calling 2 help restore broken women who had been abused, involved in sex work, married to **** addicts, etc...I've hurt the people I was leading and I have burnt bridges with mentors I had....I spoke 'rashly' which in return comes to 'ruin' I tried committing suicide. God called me 2 radically serve Him, I committed my life 2 Him, covenant....He called me to leave my family(parents) and old friends, people I was praying 4....I went back 2 these relThionships, idolatry, followed UNGODLY advice....I could go on and on....bottom line, I did not repent when the Holy Spirit was calling me 2...I pushed on into the world.....my eyes no longer see spiritual things...I have been defiled, dirty, and have addictions....I want 2 go somewhere 2 get better...I'm failing in my own home, not working the job God blessed me with, on disability, about to lose my home....God doesn't hear sinners, so I've read. I know He knows about me, and what I've done and been doing. I feel like a threat to others faith. Not an example of Christ...disorder, I once hAd good godly order, and supernatural love and life....

I rejected Christ, and willingly chole the world over Him...and I've spoke out loud many times 'the Holy Spirit doesn't live in me anymore, he left me!!'

Hey Belovedsbeauty7, It is so important to know the power that you have in Christ. Remember the reason why He died on the cross- to save us from our sins. He stands with open arms ready to receive all those who have turned their backs on Him. 1 john 1:9 says that If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. God is faithful even when we aren't... And He does Love you. He loves you with all of His heart and He has felt the pain of your grieving heart. He has already forgiven you but your heart prevents you from moving on in Him. He has not rejected you- Does not His Word say that He will never leave us nor forsake us?? He is there for you waiting with open arms and so ready to receive your heart once again. James 4:7 says "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." You must submit yourself, submit your heart unto God. Dedicate your all for Him and desire to Experience His presence once again. I tell you that the gates of hell will NOT prevail over the Kingdom of Heaven and neither will they prevail over you. I am willing to stand for you in intercession and pray for you with your permission. I am a part of a body of believers that are more than willing to stand with me for you. If you desire the heart of God then you will find Him waiting for you with open heart and abundant love. Remember that we ALL have fallen short- we ALL have sinned and fallen short of His glory. Yet, He has grace in abundance. Grace is a given, Grace is a gift,- grace is given freely of His choice and it is give n willfully especially for us. He desires you. God bless you- Also, reach out to your fellow believers- we are a body and not meant to be alone. The smallest finger is even prized by the body. But once separated, it receives no nourishment from the hand- "two is better than one and a 3 stranded cord is not easily broken." We are not meant to be alone, and the enemy would love to see you separated and away from those that can help you. And finally, do not let your own heart condemn you- know that once you submit yourself unto God, the enemy no longer has license in your life, He no longer has any authority to come against you- You tell him to leave- kick him Out for he has no place within you- The sin that he will remind you of has already been forgiven you, cleansed in the blood of Jesus and your are under His covering. Therefore, the enemy has no right to prosecute you, or condemn you. If he has no right to condemn you, than neither do you yourself- Once He has forgiven you, your sin has been erased and eradicated. You have been made new. Don't let any obstacles stand between you and your love for God! Let nothing come between you and Him. Do you mind if I lift you up in prayer? If so message me with your name and I and my church will stand for you.
Love and God Bless,