Welp Here's My Story

I was baptized at the age of 13. But honestly O felt like I was too young to even understand Christ then. All I knew was that I was getting dipped in some water. So after my baptism nothing really changed still did what I wanted. Fast forward 2 years later I'm 15 I have somewhat grown mature I spent the night at my aunts house and I listened to a audio clip on the Internet it was called the Sounds of Hell (a story that some scientists lowered a microphone in the ground and heard hell which was years later proven to be false it was audio taken from a movie). But at that time I was scared of all the past sins I commited then I developed a fear that demons would come and get me( an anxiety problem I had) I was scared for weeks but God showed me signs that he was really here. I even heard him speak to me he said "You are my child and your life is in my hands" I felt so much peace and felt secure with God. Soon this is when problem begin I was listening to music and all of the sudden I blasphemed the Holy Spirit in my mind. I was like where did that come from? I was soo scared I prayed all the time I felt awful I even heard the devils laughter in my ear. But I was soon relieaved of that. God sent me signs saying he was still here I cried so much. I soon went in my first year of high school I met this guy we were first friends but we soon started going together we then started having sex but I didn't think it was all that bad because it was just oral sex I knew it was wrong but I continued to do it. We broke up God was actually still here for me but then little things started happening such as me gossiping and lying also I had sex again I promised myself I wouldn't do it anymore and I did. Now I feel low I tell God I'm sorry for my sins then do them again. I love God without a doubt I never rejected the Lord it's just my sins I'm worried about most of them were deliberate which I know Jesus doesn't forgive. I love the Lord I just hope he still loves me. Just a story I wanted to share