Fallen So Far It's Not Even Funny

You have hope, mmutsakama is right - you can not commit the unpardonable sin by an intrusive thought. Do you still want Jesus? Do you desire to have His love and be forgiven? You can! The blasphemies and anger are an attack from the enemy to convince you, you have committed this sin. God can deliver you from these thoughts - repent and accept His forgiveness by faith. If the troubling thoughts continue then seek help from a mature believer or message me - You may need deliverance. For further help you can go to http://www.net-burst.net/guilty/scrupulosity.htm

THERE IS HOPE: I've been exactly where you are. I was saved, completely spirit filled, baptized in the spirit, felt heavy conviction for every sin, and had an awesome intimacy with the Lord. Then the enemy put a random thought in my head one day and made me think i had blasphemed the Spirit. There where times i was angry and had bad thoughts about him and the holy spirit go through my head, and they actually still come through to this day.. It caused me to eventually fall away for 6 months. During this 6 months I literally tried to even push God away by living in a life of sin again like my old self. One thing was different though, I didn't enjoy it. No sin was fun or pleasing to me and it just brought upon more and more of a sickening emptiness inside of me every day. I lost all conviction, all intimacy with Christ, everything, and was just left with emptiness. The reason i didn't like sin though was because that part of me had literally died, and i have been born again. I remember coming to this site and others trying to find hope, and finding usually only more heartache as i saw the people on this site telling their stories. I was angry at God for "abandoning" me and grew even more bitterness in my heart, which little did i know was causing just more distance between me and Him. There were so many days that i literally wanted to die.. Long story short, the first step with me was praying for help. Everyday with feeling no real advancement in my efforts i would pray for Jesus to help me. Help me to forgive others and for Him to forgive me, and to help me find Him again. Pray with faith for God to help you, knowing that He will. The next step was to forgive people that had hurt me and praying for all of the bitterness to leave my heart. As soon as i forgave someone that i had harbored bitterness in my heart about i felt my eyes become brighter and knew that familiar feeling from the spirit. It has been a month since then and i have been growing in intimacy with Christ more and more every day. It's been tough though.. at first i felt no difference but i kept praying with faith and His spirit fills me more with His love and peace every time. What you have to understand about Hebrews 6 is that it's hypothetical. It's not possible for a true convert to completely fall away (even if they tried to like I did). If you're a true convert then you have been born again and the old you has literally died. If you have felt a sickening emptiness, it's extreme hunger and thirst for Christ and His Spirit. His Spirit has made a covenant to never leave us, and He is with you. There is hope and there always will be, so please seek Him diligently with faith and i guarantee you will find Him again.

That's just satan playing tricks with your mind, don't let him win!

you have no idea what the unpardonable sin is, it is not what you think. It cannot be committed by accident and it something that you declare publicly withought remorse not some intrusive evil thoughts that occur in your mind as a result of weakness or inability to control your thought.