If Anyone Could Lose Their Salvation, I Did :(

I used to be a Christian - I got saved when I was 19 (now almost 29), & from the beginning I could tell that things were different; I had a new & different view of the world.  My conscience was moved, my heart was changed, & I loved all the things of God.  My sole purpose in life was to serve the Lord Jesus, & spread His glorious Gospel - & that I did.  I was living consistently in the Spirit for about 3 years; there were evidences of a genuinely changed life.

But then, slowly I began to drift away from God.  It started with little things, that I could hardly even notice.  God was still working on me though, because even though I would fall, I would come crawling back to God & He would draw me back to Himself & restore me.  This pattern became the story of my life for the next 2 years or so - I would walk closely with the Lord, then fall, then come in tears to God to help me change & stay changed...then do it all over again I don't know how many times.

Over time, things only got worse; I never got complete victory over my *********** addiction, & that problem got bigger & bigger.  Before long, I lost all interest in church, the bible, & hanging out with Christian friends.  I despised all of it.   I said to myself: "screw it, I don't believe any of it anymore, none of this ever happened".  When people asked me why I was suddenly so different I said that I don't believe anymore.  I began to casually study evolution, & although I didn't [and don't] believe it, it was the only thing left.  I flatly denied God.

Then, 1 day, about 5 years ago the worst thing that could happen happened - I blasphemed the Holy Spirit; I committed the unpardonable sin.  I was sitting at home, alone, & for no reason whatsoever I began to yell out at God the father, the Lord Jesus & the Holy Spirit. 

I called him all the obscenities (directed at all 3 parts of the Godhead) in the book & than some, I went on to accuse Jesus, His resurrection & the Holy Spirit being of the Devil.  I told God to leave me & never come back, no matter how much I begged Him to.  I yelled that I was a child of the devil, & a host of other things that I don't remember nor want to remember  At the time I wasn't aware that a sin such as this existed - that there is a sin that God, through Jesus Christ will not forgive.  I was just really, really, REALLY mad! (don't ask me why - there is no rational reason for anyone to do anything remotely close to this).  I remember meaning it though  Afterwards, I realized this wasn't a good idea.  I asked God to forgive.  A few days later, I thought the words "blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" - & not knowing what it meant, I looked it up.  You can't possibly begin to imagine my terror when I read that verse; to know that there is a sin God won't forgive is indescribable. I talked to everyone could about this; & all I was told that I was not beyond hope.  However, I don't feel God, by His Spirit moving within me; I don't feel led or guided anymore.  When I first became a believer I had a peace that I have never known before; I had a sense of purpose, & wanted to shout from the rooftops what God had done for me.  I couldn't contain myself.  I had a love for all the things of the Lord.  Now, 5 years later after that terrible day I still can't get over this & move on.  I have an unimaginable fear of death, worse than before I was a believer.  I tried going to church, praying fervently, & reading my bible - nothing is helping.  I'm not someone who puts much stock in visions, but 5 years ago when this all started I was in church & received my 1 & only vision.  I was standing before what I perceived to be God (a blinding light), & feeling very scared; then, suddenly I was set aflame. I read any & all interpretations of the passages concerning the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit.  I read that it could only be committed during the time of Jesus, or that it is a total rejection of the Lord Jesus.  But nevertheless I keep on coming back to the fact that God will not forgive me; because all sins are forgivable, except  what I have done.  I tried reading all the promises of the Word, including 1John 1:9 - but am afraid that no promise of the bible applies to me anymore - because I have done the 1 thing God will not forgive.  1John 1:9 says: "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.  Mark 3:28-29 reads: "I tell you the truth, all (same word as 1John 1:9) the sins and blasphemies of men will be forgiven them. 29But whoever blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will never be forgiven; he is guilty of an eternal sin."  So it appears that there is an exception to 1John 1:9 .  By definition, I have spoken against the Holy Spirit.  It's also no secret that I have lived in willful sin, after knowing the truth.  Furthermore, after spending so much time away from the Lord & filling my mind with worldly philosophies, I not only doubt God's forgiveness, but I doubt the very existence of God.  I know that seems contradictory - & and in fact it is; how can I be afraid of someone & something I don't seem to believe in???....  And yet, the rational side of me thinks God does in fact exists.  When I first became a believer, I felt different.  I felt  Galatians 5:22 flowing out of me.  My faith was so strong! - no argument could shake me; it all went in 1 ear & out the other.  Now the story is the exact opposite.  I pray that God remove the doubt & unbelief, but nothing is happening.  I also pray that He grant me another vision or dream to set the record straight, but nothing is happening.  How often I pray: "Lord, I fear I committed a very specific sin. that is impossible for me to biblically interpret - I need a very specific, divine answer from You".  I just fear that God is thinking: "no, sorry, you had your chance - now all you can expect is a fearful expectation of a fiery judgment".  Hebrews 6:4-6 speaks of it being impossible to be renewed to repentance once you fall away.  Lastly, scripture calls the Holy Spirit the comforter & counselor - but I don't feel that all.  Furthermore I can't remember scripture at all anymore.  I don't know how many more times I can pray to God to grant me repentance & faith.  He is NOT imaginary - I wish that thought would leave my mind!  I don't want to remain in Doubt & unbelief However, all this is making me think that the Spirit has left me - after all, it is He who enables a person to believe  Esau was not forgiven either.  I desire to repent, but there is no conviction.  In my mind, conviction is not "feeling bad", it's having a broken & contrite heart.  It is to be moved by the Spirit to come to God seeking forgiveness.  None of that is happening to me though; there is no conviction; I can look at **** fr example & although I know its wrong, I don't feel bad about it.  I'm afraid my conscience has been seared.  Repentance, forgiveness & salvation is a thing of God, not man; I can't just say "I'm sorry, Lord" & go on like nothing ever happened [at the same time doubting (but not wanting to) that God is even there].  I wish He would move within my spirit just 1 more time to draw me to repentance. :(
DesireFaith DesireFaith
88 Responses Jan 13, 2010

You did NOT lose your salvation! God knows your heart. You may THINK that you meant it but you absolutely did not and God knows it! If you had committed this sin and meant it with all your heart, soul, and mind, then you wouldn't be concerned about committing this sin. The Holy Ghost is the One who tells you that you've done wrong and need repentance! You don't feel God because you're NOT letting him get close to you. You believe 100% that you've committed this sin and that there's no hope for you and because of this you won't let God tell you the truth. The devil has lied to you. When you said those words out loud, Satan heard you. He hears us when we speak out loud (he can't hear us when we pray silently in our mind) and because he heard you say this, he knew it was his chance to lie to you and steal you (even though he didn't!). A man had accused Jesus of blaspheme and Jesus explained to him that man can be forgiven when blaspheming God or the Son of God but can't be forgiven if you blasphemed the Holy Ghost. Many people worry that they have committed this sin, but there's one thing that people forget. Jesus explained that you haven't committed it if you did it out of ARROGANCE! And you, my friend, did this out of arrogance. You didn't even know what blaspheming the Holy Ghost meant and you certainly didn't mean it because you did it out of anger. To commit this sin, you would have to mean it with all your heart, mind and soul and actually believe it that it was the truth! And if you had committed this then you wouldn't be concerned because you would be unforgivable and the Holy Ghost wouldn't dwell in you, which means you would have no desire whatsoever for God, Jesus, or REPENTANCE! I believe God wanted me to find this. I know it may be a bit late but better now than never. I couldn't even finish your comment because He was telling me that I have to tell you the truth! Satan has decieved you into thinking that God would never forgive you and that there's no hope for you but he's wrong! For goodness sakes! He has decieved many! Remember Eve and the fruit?! Or how about when he tried decieving Jesus, the Son of God! Now, stop worrying! Speak to God and repent. Ask Him to forgive you for ignoring Him, His word, and Jesus' teachings. You are not doomed, my friend. Now, tell Satan that he can't decieve you no longer because Jesus has set you free!! DO NOT waste another second worrying that you committed this sin because you HAVEN'T! Anybody who told you that you did is wrong and obviously hasn't read all of Jesus' teachings. I had once feared that I committed this sin too. I have OCD, and let me tell you, OCD is like the devil himself. It's hard to control your mind and because of this, you can think that you've done something like committing the unpardonable sin or that you've sold your soul to Satan (yes, it was once that bad!). But...there was one thing I was forgetting, that you have forgotten as well, and that would be the fact that Satan lies and decieves you. Now..you know the truth. Do not waste another second of your life thinking you are Satan's because God hasn't forsaken you nor let you go. You are still in the palm of his hand. He's been there all along, you just wouldn't listen. He loves you...and Jesus does too. Now go out there in the world with a big ole smile because you are GOD's child! Screw the devil. :D

I need some real help here and would appreciate all the advice I can get. :)

I am a Christian and have been since August 2014, and was earlier as a child. I have a problem with OCD and depression, and since I found out about the unpardonable sin in the bible (Matthew 12, Mark 3, Luke 12) my mind latched onto it and at that point I began studying extensively on Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit. The things that those awful pharisees said about him came into my mind, and whether it was intrusive or belief I don't know, but everyday since August that year I have been living in terror and fear of condemnation.

Everyone who knows me says I have a good heart and put others before myself, including my wife which is great. At the end of the day, all I care about is my relationship with God the father, and Jesus the son. During my early days throughout this terror I used to obsessively read Matthew, Mark, Luke and John with the hope I feeling rest-assured that I trusted Jesus beyond a shadow of a doubt. Unfortunately, back then everytime I would read the book of 'John' I would get all these blasphemous thoughts against Jesus similar to what the pharisees said about him. I felt as if there was no hope, and did I try to block the thoughts? Hell yes...

I had thoughts like "He is possessed by...." " He healed with...." especially when my faith was low in Christ. Even still then, I tried my best to rebuke those thoughts immediately and replace them with good thoughts about God. It didn't always work, and was left feeling dead.

I began seeing a psychologist in finding ways to cure this OCD with ERP - Exposure Prevention Therapy. It was frightening to have to voice about the very thoughts that constituted the unpardonable sin, but eventually I tried then broke down into tears asking Jesus for forgiveness.

I did come to a conclusion that only God can heal, whereas Satan Destroys, lies and condemns. So whenever I had doubts about Jesus, I would just remember that.

Even today, I would wake up in the morning feeling sick and worried to my stomach, anxious and condemned and feeling hopeless. I knew that despite what thoughts or doubts came to me, I would pray and follow Jesus unto death, even if I have committed the unpardonable. It happens more often when I first wake up, haven't eaten in hours, or when I am feeling tired.

I love Jesus Christ and have got all the reassurance that he is the son of God but these intrusive thoughts/doubts still come. As soon as I think about our lord and savior these uncontrollable awful words pop in my head "lucifer" "lucifer's power" "devil" "demonic" etc. I have even had mental breakdowns and have damaged property in my home out of anger and utter hopelessness. Even when I think along the lines of how Jesus healed - I have to say HOLY SPIRIT in heaven out loud or think it to avoid the wrong word from coming in immediately, and without any control. I am always down and upset, I believe now 100% that Jesus is our God after so much scripture and pastoral information. I really need some help as this condemnation has been going on for a year and a half. Am I safe? Am I condemned?

All I know is that I believe in Jesus as our lord unto death haven't spoken out like the pharisees did in Matthew 12 and Mark 3, who KNEW Jesus was of God but publicly rejected him due to jealousy and prideful-ness, which is not of me.
Please help

In Matthew 12 the Jews witnessed Jesus perform a miracle that should have alerted them to be assured that Jesus was truly the Messiah. The Jews witnessed Jesus cast a demon out of a man that was blind and mute and many other works that would conclude that he truly was the messiah. The Jews also held a belief that in order to cast out a demon you had to interview the demon to get its name then cast the demons out by name. So the Jews came to the conclusion that only the Messiah would have authority to cast a demon out of a person who could not speak. God used their own belief to draw them in and they still refused to believe in Him. So the blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is rejecting the Holy Spirit that make you spiritually alive, which in essence is saying that their spirit was adequate to Holy Spirit, making themselves equal with God. It is the rejection of the restoration of life that Jesus came to give to those who believe in him.

Once you believe it is a done deal nothing can separate you from him! He didn’t die for us so he can lose us again. Rest assured he loves you!!!! and will never leave you!!!!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Ephesians 2:8-9 for by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast

Romans 5:19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.

Ephesians 1:13 When you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and when you believed in Him, you were also SEALED with the promised Holy Spirit

1 John 3:2 beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

I know this is a bit late, but I feel like God wanted me to see this forum. Listen, you are not alone. I have OCD too. When I found out about the unpardonable sin...my heart sank. I felt like I was doomed. "Have I committed this sin?!" I would ask myself. "I did! I know I did!" I said to myself after worrying about it for the last two days. Thank God I turned to Jesus' teachings before going on for a week like this (which you would understand because OCD is known for this kinda stuff). A man had accused Jesus of blaspheme. Which, Jesus turned to him and set him straight. He said that you can blaspheme God and be forgiven, and you can blaspheme Me and be forgiven but blaspheme against the Holy Ghost is unforgivable. But guess what? Many forget one more thing Jesus explained. That man had done it out of arrogance! To commit the unpardonable sin you would have to blaspheme the Holy Ghost and truly mean it with all your heart, soul, and mind. And the Holy Ghost wouldn't dwell in you anymore which means you wouldn't be concerned at all about committing this sin. The fact that you worried at all would tell you that you haven't committed it. Fact is..Christains can't really do this sin. Doesn't work that way. To be Christian means that you believe in God, have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, that he's the only way to Heaven, and know that you have the Holy Ghost in you (if you asked him to be in you). Now..how on earth does someone commit this sin if they believe in all that?!?! Doesn't make sense, right! So don't worry. Fear doesn't come from God. It's the devil trying to deceive you. Don't let him. You are God's child and you haven't done this sin because if you had...you wouldn't be on this forum seeking help. Now..live you life knowing that you are God's and that you are forgiven of your sins through Jesus' blood! :D

For anyone who is worried about this, I know the last thing you want to hear is, "don't worry about it". Here's my story and I hope some can find comfort: What preceded my trouble was a dream I had of the enemy jeering at me that my house(body) was available to him again. Whatever "again" meant. Whether it was just a dream or the enemy speaking lies to me I don't know. I know the feeling of having the Holy Spirit though. For Those who don't believe in feelings, the Spirit brings feelings of love for the things God loves and his presence and assurance is felt. Hence, some Christians call it feelings. He bears record with our spirit. I won't mention what I might have done for fear of repeating it in my mind. I woke up one day feeling like there was a hole near my heart. I felt desolate like I lost a loved one and I grieved for a few weeks. My stomach was in knots the whole time. I became very depressed. I tell you, Please keep crying out to God and hang on tight even when you feel like heaven is brass to you and you feel like you're being ignored. You may find your prayers are weak and garbled, keep on praying and crying out to Him anyway. Often, all I could do was cry and plead. Try to read your bible daily no matter how you feel. I found psalms to be easier to read during that time. Remember the Canaanite woman with the dying daughter, how she begged Jesus to heal her child ,but he said no and called her a dog. Yet she persisted with him, and for her faith, Jesus granted her request. I kept that story in mind often to encourage myself especially when I felt ready to give up. I soon came to realize satan wanted me to walk away from God (divide and conquer). That in itself was encouraging to me because it meant the fight wasn't over. It's over when you walk away from God. I knew the enemy would pursue me if I gave up so I clung to God for dear life. I kept praising God and giving God thanks. Things began to get better and they continue to. My daughter told me saying the Lord's Prayer every day was powerful in her life so I say that prayer daily now. It has helped me weaken the enemy's strongholds in my life. I have found God loves me still as he loves you too.

You Wrote 2010, it has been six yrs, I dont know if you are alive or worse or even come here, but if you do & for anyone else who dose. I was struggling w the same issue. I have been going to Gateway Church in Southlake, i resisted going there , but I found myself in there. Things always fell apart trying to go other places, not there. So if you are to far away, Turn on the Blessed Life on TBN, ok ,,or google videos of Robert Morris sermons, He speaks the truth and equips people w knowladge of truth. So I was for two yrs suffering, loosing everything, evicted, all my family had died before hand, and I had said awful stuff too, Knowing i had cussed the lord and all . Darkness all around in myself. Nothing changed. But I was willing to go to church for.the sake of my 9yr old child. As i kept returning it got easier n easier to get out the door w less problems and as i listend and listend and the Hell eruptions@ home i was staying at, even though i felt my salvation was gone, I knew God had sent me here to still use me but never ever could hear his voice like before, I am a pretty woman im told and the idea of loosening my salvation was truely heartbreaking. One night The movie Peter came.on, i felt like my life was like Peters, and a week passed and David came on,, TBN. Sunday Nights,, I found you're post and missed half of movie. fell asleep, found post next morning of urs, woke up at end of movie to see God still loved David after he did horrible stuff. Searched n searched google, kept you in my mind, feeling lost and alone like you and others, saw more people on other posts, wow i wasent alone. begain listing to.sermon constantly and put KLTY Christian music on in kitchen .,.mean person in house begain to tame.down, scripture still came out of me .. but i knew my salvation was gone,, i went to lake early one morning crying and reading about all the lost soles and people who were right where i felt and u say u are,, and cried.... i said all i can do is pray for all these people who are suffering the same as me. And searched n searched inside myself where i had gone wrong to even cuss at the Lord God Almighty. I kept seeing things i did and verbaly repented outlound to myself and prayed and.cried and.listend to praise music and TBN and go to church and search bible and truely sought where and what and even said im sorry for cussing.. STILL NOTHING,, prayer for long times for homeless .,,because i was and staying w an 84yr old man w my child and he wouldn't of helped me if it were not for my son.,, he was friends w my grandparents and parents and i hardly knew him,, but we sleep on his living room floor. and i do his cooking n cleaning and well over xmas he got verbaly abusive and i wanted to leave...GOD WOULD NOT OPEN DOORS AT ALL,,, like i was stuck here,, No one cares about this man ,,his.children barely come around and one is disabled one to busy and one violent and at me n my child ..She dislikes me and said im better then her, WELL HOW ..BUT,, i kept seeking and searching and.rememberd., I learned from my brother along time ago,,, I cussed my parents,, but my parents always loved me still weeks later.,. always ,,and I saw God still using me,, WHY WOULD HE USE SOMEONE WHO CUSSED HIM.AND.DIDNT WANT HIM AND WALKED OFF,, AND WHY SEND ME.TO CHURCH AND ALL THAT STUFF,, figured its only because my child,, I asked please show me where i lost my salvation .so it kinda came fast after starting to pray for all the others i saw suffering. I was micro confessing everything,, STILL NOTHING .. NOTHING NOTHING,, i kept praying.. then i relized ..WELL IF DAVID DID ALL THAT BAD,,AND AT END GOD STIILL LOVED HIM ,,WHAT MADE ME UNLOVED BY HIM, HOW WAS I WORSE,, I STARTED THINKING ..which mi.isters are true n not on TBN ,,, and thought maybe i havent had the right teaching,, so everyday i kept seeing Robert Morris on TBN.,like i was being placed there,, so i kept up seeking ,,, NOW THIS WAS GETTING HARD AND SERIOUSLY DISCOURAGING BAD,,, STILL FEELING LIKE LOST SALVATION,,, wondering why why do my parents still loved me if i cussed,, somewhere im being misled or lied to,, I went outside one day and it DAWNED ON ME,, EVERYTHING CONFESSED.,I THOUGHT ...I SEARCHED LIKE CLEANING A SOX DRAWER.. MATCHING BAD THINGS W MY GOOD SOX,, MY UNRITCHOUS BEHAVIOR W MY RITCHIOUS SOX,, I MEAN LIKE HARD AND LONG SEARCHING,, FOR MY SALVATION,,AS I STILL PRAYED FOR.URS AND EVERYONE ELSES, i saw scripture that said who will intervine for the lost and i said i will,,, kept praying for all lost soles of salvation., bible said dont have anything to do w them,, i figured well .,,what dose it matter,, im already rejected.. so it seemed prayer for others matterd and worked ,,just not for me,, accepted i was done ,,gonna go to hell anyways., and it was like my sox drawer i described was empty,,, i said Lord,, WHAT WHAT WHAT DID I DO SO BAD,,, I had given.up so much ...and one day i went outside and sat down ..still struggling,,, and i saw this prayer i said in my mind yrs ago,, i went oh my gosh.,,, i need to repent for that selfish dumb small but aparently HUGE MISTAKE ,, i had said .. in Jesus name.. i was like face to face w this prayer i said .. such a dumb and small and ignorant self seeking and stupid prayer,, i said in jesus name,, and i went and repented rt away, and all of a sudden ... like a big rock blocking the light moved and Gods Voice came in and said ... WELL THAT WAS IT,, that was all it was.. WHAT AN IDIOT I HAD BEEN ..to pray for something so stupid,, I couldent believe it,, my selfish prayer unknowingly backed myself into a corner and blocked myself and God dint leave i had done ignorance.,,,, flat out,,and figured it was fine,, Not anything to bad but not right.. just selfish.. then i relized i hadent had sound teaching,, sound word and all the churches and ministers ...and nothing untill Robert Morris,, and i saw its not that u did but it is.,.but it isnt ... cussing god,, repent.. ok ..but something else happend for u to come to that place,, i see that scripture says ...the total sin of the.Holy Spirit,, Now how can my parents forgive n love me still but God wont,, YES HE WILL,,, CONFESS ..,SEARCH LIKE FOREVER.. HARD AND ADD IN ALL THE REST OF MUSIC BIBLE STUDIES ROBERT MORRIS ON TBN N VIDEOS ALL THE TIME,, There are people out there that truely do not believe and cuss the holy spirit and are NOT GODS CHILDREN., they are who it is speaking of,, YOU ARE ONE OF HIS,, ALLREADY ..,LIKE KING DAVID,, IT IS ONLY UR IGNORANCE,,, THE BIBLE SAYS HE WILL FORGIVE THE IGNORANT.,,PEROID,, what i did was ignorant,,, peroid, i left the front yard after a ball and not ask God to get it for me,, (hypothetically) and found my self i. the dark 300 houses away ,,, in 2yrs,, ur @6 yrs., dont give up,, HEAR ME,, YOUR SALVATION ISNT LOST,, U DID SOMETHING SO SMALL TO CUSS GOD,, GO BACK ..FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN AND SEEK,,AND RELIZE IT WAS ONLY IGNORANCE,,, IT TOOK ME.TWO LONG YRS.. AND MAY TAKE YOU FOUR,, BUT DONT GIVE UP AND THEN.IT MAY AFTER I TELL YOU THIS ONLY TAKE A MONTH.,, GOD IS STILL RT THERE.. YOU WALKED OFF BUT ONLY BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT BEING LED RIGHT EITHER W A BUNCH OF MISLEADING PASTORS,, THEY ARE OUT THERE.. LISTEN TO ROBERT MORRIS,,TRY WHAT I TRYED AND BE SINCERE,,I TRUELY WAS SINCERE AND FRIGHTEND.. AND WHEN U FIND UR WAY BACK,,, DONT LEAVE AGAIN,,, W ALL BLESSINGS.. AND HOPE U DIDNT KILL URSELF,, AND THEN U WILL SEE ALL THE REST U DID UNDER GRACE AFTER AND JUST KEEP CONFESSING,N KEEP LISTENING TO ROBERT MORRIS AND PRAISE N WORSHIP N.RIGHTEOUS BEHAVIOR,,,,, U JUST DROPED UR SALVATION OUT OF IGNORANCE.,,ITS RT THERE .,UNDER A PILE OF LEAVES OR ON A SHELF ..., ITS NOT LOST,, UNLESS U REFUSE TO SEEK AND TRY TO FIND IT LIKE I AM HERE TO TELL.YOU ,,IT CAN BE RETRIEVED..,, ITS ALL UP TO YOU NOW,, XXOO ME

Add a response...I cussed lord 2yrs ago,, not recently

Are you still around?

I made an account JUST to talk to you. I don't really know what to say but that I've done it too.

I have been through the same, in all my life I thought God wouldn't forgive me because of a sin I cannot repent. I didn't know what repentance means or such. most of my life had been sinful, I don't know what went wrong. I've been questioning most of the times whether God cares, being a lone Christian with a sin different from others seems hard, it made me to a point where I think I never was on God's plan. one day being all alone at home I've said the same, though it wasn't rooted in anger, but frustration. obscene languages and stuff all directed to the three. I know I didn't meant it right from the hearts of hearts. I didn't even know much about the HS or what it does or supposed to do. I don't know what went on my mind back then. Ive cursed God and Christ many times but the I did it just once to the HS. I know that if Christ was there with me then, I'd be positive I wouldn't have done it. I'm awfully confused. One word that would end it all?? As I get older my longing for Christ now deepens, I begin to understand how great his love was. I'd shed a tear thinking about what he's done for sinners. but suddenly those words I said came back into my mind, n now I felt so bad. I know I've taken those words I said back, but would Lord still keep them? I've prayed to the HS and ask to not take those words that I don't mean them. what bothers me most is those who truly meant it are happy and less caring, I've seen ex-christian forums and they wouldn't bother. but I feel bad and I pray that somehow just anyhow, God knowing hearts those who meant it and those who dont. But it's difficult, I wish I would have rather been born dumb mute and blind or something. even better a non believer just so I could seach Christ and have Him back again. (sorry I'm not good in english)

Also read Romans chapter 1 especially verses 18 to 32 for you do not fit in with the reprobate for you are seeking after the Lord with your heart, Do not give up on God for he will never give up on you.

Listen. We all sin and go through stages of anger, grief and the fear of absolute desolation.

You believe you have blasphemed the Holy Spirit, you say you did this out of hatred... I cannot say whether you committed the unforgivable sin or not.
What I can say is questions and answers that I believe I know to some extent.

How many times did the Pharisees condemn Jesus by their lips and their own heart?
How many times did they say that Jesus was of Baal and Beezlebulb? I imagine it was many many times... How many times did Jesus tell them they have committed blasphemy against the Holy Spirit? Once.

Jesus had just committed a miracle when they told him he was of Satan, The pharisees likely saw a remnant or act of the Holy Spirit and told him he can only cast out devils because he is a devil.

You also said these words in anger not rationality, I have been under the assumption that committing blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is a continual denial of Jesus Christ done with foreknowledge and calmness continually.

It is my belief that every single person that goes into the burning darkness has in fact committed the one sin that cannot be forgiven... Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit which all the reprobate commit when they die denying Jesus and thus by denying Jesus they reject the Holy Spirit in full.

We are in a spiritual war between righteousness and sin and we are the battlefield.
The devil attempts to destroy us through confusion and the warping of the truth, many truths...

Were I in your shoes I would follow the only logical course before me, damned or not I would do my best to serve him until the end.

I would rather be cast out trying to serve him rather than assure my destruction by abandoning him, Your choices and the path you choose to walk are entirely up to you... Personally I think the fact that you have repented shows that you still have hope and I pray that he forgives you for no human is better or worse than you.

Follow him.


Please read it all the way through!!!!!

Believers and non believers

Jesus our God is not a religion.He is a person who has feelings and wisdom beyond the human mind, He is truly God And truly desires for you to know his heart, why He came, and how much he truly does love you. I pray you come to know the truth. He will never abandon his children.

I'm sure you have asked yourself the question, "Is there a God? Does he care at all about what's going on down here on planet earth?" I assure you, this question does not show there is something wrong with God. Actually, it proves quite the opposite; it shows there is something wrong with us. So how did humanity become so far removed from their creator? Well, if you have read this far I hope you continue reading and allow me to explain. My deepest desire is to assure you there is a God and for you to know he deeply cares about you and all of his creation.
In the beginning God created the first man and women (Adam & Eve) God created them in his image and likeness. Something else fascinating happened, besides being set apart from the animals by our appearance and having all the qualities of God in us, the bible says that God leaned over and breathed the breath of life into mankind and made him a living soul. God breathed his very own life and spirit into Adam & Eve making them connected and one with God himself. God gave Adam & Eve everything they needed and more. They were to be fruitful and multiply and subdue the earth. Adam and Eve could eat from any of the trees and crops that were in this beautiful garden God placed them in.
Now, there were two trees in the midst of the garden, the "Tree Of Life" and the "Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil" God only gave them just one rule, "Do not eat from (The Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil) If you eat from this tree you will surely die." You might be thinking why in the world would God put this tree in the garden to tempt them? Great question, the answer is, without a choice there is no free will, and with no free will there could be no real love.
Now, unfortanately there is another being in this world called the devil. The devil is a fallen angel. He was once in heaven, he was created very beautifully in appearance above the other angels, but pride was set in his heart. He desired to sit on Gods throne, so he convinced other angels to rebel against God with him, thus leading him and the angels accompanying him to be kicked out of heaven.
One day the devil disguised himself as a serpent and went out to tempt Adam & Eve. Eve was standing by the "tree of knowledge of good and evil" the devil convinced her the tree was good for food, and that if she ate from this tree her eyes would be open, and she could be like God by having wisdom to discern good and evil. So she ate and she also gave some to Adam and he ate. Adam and eve fell for the lie that God was holding back from them, that they really didn’t have everything they needed. They believed the lie that if they had this knowledge of good and evil they would be able to make wise choices for themselves and maybe not bother God as much, which in a way they would be their own god. This act of rebellion led to Adam and Eve dying a spiritual death (The loss of Gods spirit dwelling in them) which also led to them dying a physical death many years later.
This is how sin and death entered into the world. Adam was the pioneer for our downward spiral away from God. Every one born into this world is born in Adam, meaning we are all born with a sin nature, spiritually dead and separated from God.
You might say, "That’s not fair, why should I have to pay for what Adam did?!" Well, let me ask you, how many of our choices affect people in a negative way who aren’t even involved? Examples: Drunk driving, adultery, abuse, lies, stealing, cheating, rape, murder. The person on the other end did not consent to these actions but they still have to live with it.
God is longing and desiring to give man back His Holy spirit before He makes all things new. God never intended for man to live off his own knowledge of what's right and wrong in his own eyes, God never intended for man to try to establish a relationship with him based off their own righteousness and knowledge of truth. God always intended for us to trust Him and know how much he loves and accepts us as dear children. We could never be perfect enough to have Gods' Holy Spirit indwell in us again. This is why He sent Jesus the Messiah into the world to succeed where Adam failed, and to give us his perfect life in exchange for our sin.
God came down to earth on our behalf in the person of Jesus Christ to do away with sin and death. Jesus was born without a sin nature, He was implanted into the Virgin Mary's womb by the Spirit of God; therefore he did not inherit the sinful nature but Gods nature. Jesus was tempted in every way just like Adam, but Jesus never sinned, he lived a perfect life thus he and only him has the right to redeem us. He then chose to lay down his life and die in place of us, the death we all deserve because of sin. Then He rose from the grave on the third day defeating death!
If you acknowledge that you are a sinner and separated from God; and if you believe that Jesus died in your place and offers you forgiveness for all of your sins, past, present and future; and that He rose again on the third day defeating death. He said he will give you eternal life, the very spirit of God (his life) as a free gift no strings attached! If you accept this offer you now have a new nature born of God. When your old nature dies (the flesh) your new nature (born of God) goes to heaven which is the real you, because your new life is hidden in Christ and He never sinned! Your old nature (the flesh) was in Adam which dies because the wages of sin is death.
There is no way to work your way to heaven or any other way to be reconciled to God. No one has ever been perfect enough, “Romans 3:10 as it is written; there is none righteous, no, not one.” There's only one way! Jesus loves you so
Much he died to sacrifice himself for you so he wouldn't have to spend eternity without you. It is truly a free gift; Religion can't save you! He didn’t ask you to change anything about yourself; all He said was believe He did it for you! If you believe this rejoice! Thank God for His spirit which dwells in you right now! Rejoice because you will spend eternity in heaven with him. Your new life begins now! Talk to your Father, get to know him, trust him, allow him to lead you, he will never steer you wrong. He loves you and has great plans for you. He will never leave you, no matter what you do! The sin and death issue has been resolved between you and Him. We still have free will and the right to choose to allow Him to lead us into all truth, or we can do things on our own. Regardless, we have the absolute assurance He will never leave us nor forsake us! He is always there for you talk too, even if you’ve just created the biggest mess of your life He is still there! Even when you don’t feel like He is, He is still there! Oh how he loves us!

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Ephesians 2:8-9 for by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast
Romans 5:19 For just as through the disobedience of the one man the many were made sinners, so also through the obedience of the one man the many will be made righteous.
Ephesians 1:13 When you heard the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, and when you believed in Him, you were also SEALED with the promised Holy Spirit
1 John 3:2 beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is.

Thank you. I had an experience like the op and your post brought me some peace. God is good!

Brings my heart so much know these words brought you peace! God bless!

“and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.””
‭‭John‬ ‭8:32‬ ‭

DesireFaith, not sure if you will still read this post since it seems its been 5 years since you posted it. But I created an account on Experience Project just for you.

Let me help you with this. Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit is this and nothing more:

1) Slandering the work of The Holy Spirit through Jesus Christ publicly for your own benefit or some selfish gain by calling his act the work of the devil. The word for blaspheme in the Greek carries the connotation of slandering publicly, speaking negatively of.

I do believe you heard the voice "Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit" and received your vision of you going in flames as a stern warning of what you are getting very very close to doing. If it was the Holy Spirit who told you, He was trying to Help you (Helper) to NOT cross that line and start doing what you had done publicly.

If it was Satan, well thank God that He can turn it for your good.


2) They say that this act could only be done when Jesus was on the Earth and if Jesus had clearly demonstrated a miracle before your eyes and then you for your own selfish gain decided to speak against it via slander.

I don't believe you did this. I believe you were hurt or disappointed in God and you said some things that you definitely could have not said and regretted it. I will re-read what you wrote again and see if there's anything else to add.

God kept his holy spirit in me from 2013-2015 after I lost my salvation. Then he gave me various sicknesses that I still live with to this day. I don't know why God took his holy spirit from me. I guess because I told him to. But I think he kept provoking me on purpose to make tell him to take the holy spirit away. He would send very grievous things. He would send demons to mock me in very hurtful ways for no reason. I saw jesus laugh at me. I admit, I was disrespectful to him, but I loved him so much and would have done so much for him. I would have given him the clothes off my back. I made mistakes in my life. But I tried being a good person as soon as I had knowledge of good and evil. Demons speak through me, and I haven't felt god's presence for months. I don't know why God would keep his holy spirit in me then abandon me for months, even though I loved him with all my heart. I did hate god after he chastened me, but it was against my will. I only wanted to be god's elect, serve him, and be a good person. I don't understand why God would do this to me!

Severed Tree? Please clarify:

1) How did God take his Holy Spirit from you in 2013-2015? When the Word says He will never leave you nor forsake you.
2) How are you sure you lost your salvation? Don't answer this question lightly so as to condemn yourself but think this through if you didn't jump to a conclusion that you lost your salvation?

SeveredTree. Repent. As long as you have not committed the unforgivable sin, there is hope for you. And like I wrote to DesireFaith, it is not that easy to commit the unforgivable sin if its possible for us to even commit it at all.

Hi. I called his holy spirit the devil and attributed his works to satan. I don't really think he is satan, but I only said it because he hurt my feelings. I punished me severely and would send demons to mock me. I even saw Jesus laugh at me. He had his holy spirit in me from 2013-2015, and his holy spirit left me. God was intentionally teething to provoke me. Even before I called him the devil. I used to feel god's presence, now a demon speaks through me. Good even told me he loved me and he would be there for me, but that was a lie. I know god was really mad at me when the holy spirit told told someone not to pray for me, then the person blocked me, even when that pertain was the one that messaged me first. I don't think I did anything to god that deserving of hell. It's not like I did serious sins. I'm asking you to confess that Jesus is Lord and believe he rose from the dead, and ask him into your life. Forsake all your sins. Don't hate god at all. I'm saying this because God is full of wrath. I think he's full of wrath for no reason. God chastened me in one of the worst ways and still reprobated me. Even after I apologized. I tried not to call his holy spirit the devil. But I got so angry. Thank-you.

SeveredTree... let me help you with this ok? I will go through this line by line because I love you but more importantly God still loves you and I may be His messenger sent to shed some light to you.

1) You may have called the Holy Spirit the Devil and you may have attributed His works to Satan. But listen to what you just wrote, "I don't really think he is satan, but I only said it because he hurt my felings".

SeveredTree... please understand, only man looks at the outside, but God looks at your heart. He understands that you were hurt by Him and that your words were spoken while you were in a fit of rage.

What you need to understand about the blasphemy of the Spirit is that it is a different thing all together than just speaking against the Holy Spirit. The Pharisees when they did this were

1) Suppressing the truth in their own unrighteousness. Do you know what that means? Probably not because I sense you are not that type of soul. It means that they embrace their own unrighteous ways of greed and public praise from the people. So they suppressed the truth that the Holy Spirit / God was the author of those works and called him the devil. Now, SeveredTree, did you suppress the truth in your own unrighteousness? Nope. You were just angry with God.

2) The Pharisees slandered God. Again, similar to 1) they slandered him by attacking his reputation publicly. Once again, for what reason? They slandered God because of their own selfish desires to retain the position that they had as Pharisees and being "the religious leaders". Please understand it is also for this reason that they killed Jesus out of jealousy.

So back to you, did you blasphemy (publicly speak against the Holy Spirit in a slanderous manner for your own selfish gain) or were you angry with the Holy Spirit, God and Jesus for something that you may have felt hurt by? And thus you uttered some words that you repent of now and take back?

Also, please understand this... Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit as Jesus taught it occurs when He performs a miracle beyond doubt before your eyes... please understand beyond a DOUBT as the Pharisees had no doubt witnessed a healing and then to call that occurrence a work of the devil.

Some scholars believe it is impossible for us to commit that sin for the very reason that Jesus is no longer on the earth with us. Does that make sense? And even if those scholars are wrong... Did Jesus perform a miracle right before your eyes? Don't say salvation or anything that is purely spiritual because that's not what happened here. He performed a CLEAR miracle that was tangible before their eyes and yet they called it the Devil. To be Clear, YOU DID NOT DO THAT, NOR DID YOU SLANDER THE HOLY SPIRIT, NOR DID YOU DO IT PUBLICLY FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH GAIN. NO NO NO.

If I were you, I would repent for the idle words and foolish words and confess that sin before God. Because as 1 John 1:9 states, if we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from ALL unrighteousness. Confess your sin to Him. Come into agreement with Him that you transgressed with your words and receive His forgiveness.

Read this. I will comment on the demon stuff also.

Thank-you! :)

"I punished me severely and would send demons to mock me. I even saw Jesus laugh at me."
How are you sure that these visions came from Jesus? I understand that God sent Saul a distressful spirit, but how do you know this is not one of your vain imaginations?

"He had his holy spirit in me from 2013-2015, and his holy spirit left me."
Nope. Doesn't work that way. His word says, "I will NEVER leave your NOR forsake you". David said, Where can I go from your Spirit? Ready Psalm 139. I will post it here. Even if you made your bed in Hell, you could not depart from the Presence of His Spirit my friend:

Psalm 139:
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

"God was intentionally teething to provoke me. Even before I called him the devil."
Please read James 1:13 - When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone;

"I used to feel god's presence, now a demon speaks through me."
Repent and claim your temple as the temple of the Holy Spirit only. Repent for allowing Satanic influence into your temple.

"Good even told me he loved me and he would be there for me, but that was a lie."
Hebrews 13:5 Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

"I know god was really mad at me when the holy spirit told told someone not to pray for me, then the person blocked me, even when that pertain was the one that messaged me first. "
How are you so sure that the Holy Spirit told that someone not to pray for you? Don't trust in experience. Trust in the Word of God. Experiences are questionable and should be carefully analyzed through the lens of God's word but they are not absolute as His word is.

"I don't think I did anything to god that deserving of hell. It's not like I did serious sins."
Repent for whatever sins you did commit my friend.

I'm asking you to confess that Jesus is Lord and believe he rose from the dead, and ask him into your life. Forsake all your sins. Don't hate god at all.

I'm saying this because God is full of wrath. I think he's full of wrath for no reason. God chastened me in one of the worst ways and still reprobated me. Even after I apologized.
"You need to get some prayer from people in the body and tell them this story. In fact read to them these posts and also my responses. Get some truth spoken into you about God being full of wrath. He is actually the opposite:
Psalm 103:8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

"I tried not to call his holy spirit the devil. But I got so angry. Thank-you."
Make sure you repent of this. And remember this, you called the Holy Spirit the devil while you were in anger. You did NOT call a clearly demonstrated miracle of Jesus the work of the devil for your own selfish gain. You did not slander the Spirit which is what Blaspheme is. There is a public connotation to it.

Thank you for reading.

Thank-you for your love and compassion. You are the perfect example of what a Christian should be?

Without the question mark.

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Please reply with authenticity, support, and respect

I am going through something similar. I confessed Christ as Lord at a very young age and as I got older I lived a life of disobedience indulging every lust of the flesh. To make this story really short, I've had some supernatural things happen during prayer that suggests it's too late. Hebrews 10:26-31, Hebrews 6:4-7, scripture in Peter about the dog returning to it's vomit, 2nd state worst than first. I felt like I was being shown all this scripture and I've exhausted just about every avenue for somebody to show me in scripture where I'm wrong. Once saved always saved gets preached all the time, and it's a partial truth. The blaspheme against the Holy Spirit not being a possibility today, I'm not so certain about that. If God is punishing a servant like he did with King Saul and sent a spirit to haunt him, then somebody attributes the work to satan, is that not a similar sin? I feel like my eyes are open but is it too late?? The prodigal son happens, and if it happens to you Id pray for wisdom, and for God to not let you out of the palm of His hand. And make God's will the focus of every thought.

The prodigal son happens but its VERY difficult to return to God. I have been like this for 3 years and counting.

As long as you did not commit The Unforgivable Sin then All Sins can be forgiven. Repent and give your life back to Him.



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I have a couple of Christian links that will help anyone with these fears tremendously!
I know it's been a long time since the OP wrote but hopefully these links will benefit someone. Don't be scared to read these because GOD LOVES YOU so much and you are NOT beyond redemption, no matter what your mind and the devil try to tell you. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is widely misunderstood, so click the links, relax and draw close to the Lord.

Why are those considered Christian links? It's man made philosophy. How about we post some scripture instead of man's opinion, who by the way, usually gets it wrong. Only the word and the Holy Spirit are trustworthy.


No, no, no, no. You CAN be forgiven!!!!!! The only why you can commit the unforgettablesin is to know who Jesus is and refuse to actceaccept him. You refused to ask for forgiveness and you turn away from him full hearted then when you die there is no hope.

Listen to me: I'm an 18 year old boy who received Christ this year. I came to this page a while ago under the influence the same lie. It is impossible.. i repeat... IT IS IMPOSSIBLE to lose your salvation. Your feelings mean nothing. Absolutely nothing. I know that sounds harsh but it's true. Don't look for feelings. Your faith hasn't gone anywhere. God is waiting on you to run back to Him. Pray and don't focus on feelings. Focus on him and know that his grace is bigger than your biggest mistake. Once saved, always saved. God bless you.

OSAS (once saved always saved) is not Biblically accurate.

Yes it is , there are many scriptures that prove that salvation cannot be lost .

I respect your belief but I have to disagree with you.

Once you have the Holy Spirit in you you are saved for eternity.
God does change His mind, He sacrificed His Son so that your sins could be covered. Take a load off, repent, ask for forgiveness and move on. Cheers

Seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit. It is for today and many people receive it. A simple search on the internet proves that. If you are baptized in the Holy Spirit, then I submit to you that is it impossible that you to have previously committed the unpardonable sin.

I reckon many people reading this believe they blasphemed the Holy Spirit. Now most of you have scoured the internet and read all the explanations that teachers give about this, how it isn't as simple as it seems. These explanations are given by people who in all other aspects you largely respect, but their explanation here doesn't line up with the simple reading you make of Matthew 12, and you find yourself freaking out. Most of you reading this probably don't already speak in tongues.
So I submit this logic to you, if you receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit after you think you committed the unpardonable sin, then it is impossible that you have previously committed it.
It is given to those who obey God Acts 5:32- "And we are His witnesses to these things, and so also is the Holy Spirit whom God has given to those who obey Him.”

Consider Ephesians 1:3-14 :
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory. In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise, who is the guarantee of our inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession, to the praise of His glory."

That whole passage talks about us being "IN" Christ. It ends talking about us being "sealed" with the Holy Spirit, which is our "guarantee of salvation". The Holy Spirit seals us in Christ, and we know from Romans 8:1 that there is NO condemnation in Christ. So whatever you said, I submit to you that by receiving the Holy Spirit you can know that it wasn't the unforgivable sin. Doesn't logic hold that if you are "sealed" "in Christ" "with the Holy Spirit" and that there is "no condemnation in Christ", then you are forgiven for whatever you did prior to that?

Go to a Pentecostal, charismatic, or otherwise Spirit-filled church, get plugged in, and seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit. You will know when you receive it. You can simply ask where you are at, but I think it is better if you go to a church and do it, because we are meant to fellowship and not to forsake assembling (Hebrews 10:25). If you are scouring forums then you probably need some real people to love on you in a church. Also, you will feel like it is more legitimate. Some of you are already thinking that you are going to receive something demonic. That is why I think you should go to a church and pray for the baptism while being led by a pastor or elder that you meet, so that you feel that it is more legitimate. Do it in that setting, and the experience it's self should calm the rest of your fears. It is a wonderful experience, you will know when you receive it, because you will feel the presence of God. It simply feels positive. Although the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and the gift of tongues are two different things (for example Smith Wigglesworth received the baptism of the Holy Spirit but the gift of tongues came later for him), you will typically receive the gift of tongues at the same time. So if you are fearful after that, you can just speak in tongues and know that you have received God's Spirit.

Seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit so that you can stop walking in this terrible fear. You are actually receiving His Spirit, which causes other passages to make more sense, and you will know when it happens!

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” Romans 8:15

I have essentially the same story but I told God I didn't want to be a Christian anymore and I have already been filled with the Holy Spirit. I keep thinking to myself that I want to go to hell. The Holy Spirit is not drawing me to repent. I cannot say anymore that Jesus is my Lord and savior. I can only deduct that I have so turned away that there is no h open for me.

Lizzie you are not too far gone. Turn back to God and seek Him. The feelings will follow, but you have to start turning back. Feelings come later. :-)

Start by reading your bible and praying in the morning and at night :-)

hey everybody here ok so this is my situation 6 months ago I was getting tired of the old same ole same ole daily life style I was living I started to read my bible and it seemed interesting to me so I started to read it more the more I read the more I wanted to change well long story short me and my dad have never gotten along very well in our past lot of abuse mentally physically and verbally well I started to get a really big head with him and I started to get really nasty with him and I started to use god as a source to throw low blows wishing hell on my father saying he was a selfrightouess jerk well let me put it this way I had said some really really mean things towards him using god as my back up guy and calling him the devil at the time I was smoking pot and just totally going crazy I am mentally ill too by the way anyways I had gone so over board that I was insane sent him numerous texts about how I was judging him and using god to back me up saying I was the good guy when I didn't realize I was in the wrong really nasty things I said well on day I woke up from a nightmare about going to a bad place when I die it wasn't pleasant had two more dreams later finally I got onb my knees and told god I was sorry I told him I was not worthy and that I was a sinner I even started doing hand worship I was getting down and serious because I was tired of the nightmares I was having after I got done with the hand worshipping I bowed my head then out of no were I felt a lash at my back heard it too then it felt like something grabbed my head or was placed on my head heard that too afterward I said rise jesus rise for a few days I felt great was still smoking pot for a while but then some weird things started to happen afterwards very abnormal things grim reapers were popping off tshirts and everytime I smoked a cigarette I would fell evil off it like something told me it was evil I heard uncontrollable voices in my head saying kill jesus over and over rap crossed my mind and so forth uncontrollable thoughts for a long time couldn't sleep just was totally loosing my mind had signs telling me I was going to hell and so forth after 6 months they calmed down but now and then I get signs like rebel and things telling me my salvation is totally screwed no matter what I did said how many times I would read my bible and so forth it got so bad I had to go to a mental hospital anyways after a while I started to think about all the bad things I had done in my past and let me tell you I was a very naughty boy I hurt a lot of people and pushed a lot of people away from me anyways I started reading my bible again and it just got worse uncontrollable thoughts about kill while I read scriptures really insane I am afraid I might have commited his sin along with another one I am truly afraid of in my messages to my dad it was like I was playing the role of god and that is like one of the most terrible things on can do is judge when my self was to be judged I am afraid that when I felt that on my head it could be related to something in revelations that I don't even want to discuss I am getting weird signs saying that the devil has total control over y soul also some numbers keep following me around that is very disturbing and is terrifying me to death almost wanted to commit suicide but I realize would probly make it worse I am in true fear of my soul plus something is telling me threw my wickedness threw my worshipping style of praying that god ignored my prayers and now that the devil has my soul and it might be permanent I am really scared and confused any comments would be a plus I feel so hopeless and I feel god has had it with me I re read some of the comments I made to my dad in text and let me tell you very blashphemous I am scared I totally went over board and now it doesn't matter how much I ask for forgiveness something keeps telling me there is no way but why would I be going threw this if in the end result I did want to repent I am freaking out and totally on edge I am at the point in my life were I feel totally hopeless please help


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And what's scary about this is that..the problem is not with another person..thing...but it's with Him..God..I mean..in other problem..u can still count on Him..but when the problem is wi Him..His supposed to be with u..but...the problem is with Him,..and. U feel like u have no one to turn back to...it's really painful to have these feelings..


where is your post?

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Hey if anybody is out there who feels that they committed the unpardonable sin call me because I would also talk about my experience with it. My cell # is 339-222-3363.

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When I was thirteen or so I made a pact with the devil, then later said a horrible thing the ugliest thing you can say, I won't even partially write it to Jesus. My mother said "You are not my child, you are the seed of the devil" I felt immediately that I had said something that would damn me, however, I put it out of mind for many years and was seeking God but never finding him. Then, when I was 21 Jesus walked into my art studio and was witnessed by a Jesus friend. He wanted to come and sup with me but I would not give him the apple in my backpack. I chose my artist idols over him and my friend sent him away. God made me forget this for about twenty years. Meanwhile, I progressed or regressed I should say into many different religions ending up with a mix of Buddhism and Native American spirituality..Then one day I remembered Jesus in the studio but he was so distant now, I didn't think of Him as the son of God and savior and had never understood the sacrifice anyway. I was deeply into New Age spirituality and tarot card divination. Then another decade or two went by and I pretty much forgot the visitation. He was in a white robe and sandals but He was disheveled with a dirty robe. This was in what appeared a flesh real as you and me body looking like a human but with massive muscular calves. He was dirty He told me later because He was willing to come into my mess and He was dirty He told me because my sins and sins to come were upon Him and as long as I did not accept Him He would wear them for me. So three years ago I was nearly dead from chemo and I prayed to "God, Buddha, creator, universal life force, all the saints (I am not Catholic), avatars, and Boddhisattva, Grandfather and Jesus" at the end of the list (Thou shalt have no other Gods before me). I prayed to go home I was so tired from fighting Hepatitis C for so many years and truly nearly dead, unable to stand up and breathe at the same time from the treatment and prayed to go to the next world, thinking in my deluded mind that I would be a Boddhisattva and go through the seven layers of the afterworld (which Jesus later revealed to me are the "seven" levels of hell) and that I could save no one as a Boddhisattva and needed saving myself. I didn't know how who asking me but He said I could go if I wanted to. I thought about it and said not until my father dies because I couldn't bear him crying at 88 as I recalled him crying over his mother's death....although I was so tired so Jesus brought me back.....I didn't know who was talking to me but as I literally was up for days and could not sleep I had very real converstations, Him helping me draw crazy detailed comics which was supposed to be a no man's land between Canada and the US and much to my surprise turned out to be me in the tri bulation running in the wrong direction to the devil and Hell with Jesus up in the sky and someone hanging onto a cross in the sky and the no man's land was the smoke of hell with time running out (a clock running out of the picture). Wow!!!!! Still, I was so dense I didn't really know what was going on and was still thinking of being that bodhisattva after death who would go down into hell to liberate others. At the same time the devil was talking to me and I could not discern who was who and thought I was communicating telepathically with a musician I liked who was literally from the devil but I didn't know it......THe devil told me to change the words of the Lord's prayer to praise him and the 23rd psalm, I had to look them up to remember. I even did so, thinking I was writing telepathically to the musician but thought, wait, it doesn't work. I can't change it, I mean it just didn't work but somehow I did.......So then I really was dead, living in my house alone and Jesus showed me where I was going. For the next ten days, I was literally left behind in the tribulation which was literally hell. All kinds of evil spirits invaded my house, spoke things on tv to me and sent me a cd from the musician which was straight from hell, changing I literally was in the outer darkness, a hell in which I would rot and never see another person again. I went around calling for where is Jesus, where is Jesus, but He was nowhere to be found. I literally went to hell though I was experiencing it all here on earth in earthly doings out in the world, He transposed the reality of hell on it for me. I forgot to say that when I was dying and wanting to go home I called to the universal life force and all those gods that my life meant nothing because I did not have love and no one loved me and though I loved many or thought, I heard "Who loves me" when I asked "Who do I love?".....then I was literally in an ambulance literally with a banshee spirit that had ridden in a car with me thirty years ago, the same one, here in the doings of this world and it was terrifying beyond words and I knew I was damned forever and on my way to hell and there was no stopping it and the world was devoid of light. Then I was at the hospital and the doctor told me the blue and red coloring on my body turning stiff was things that people experienced after death and later no one knew the doctor there that I described. Oh, so much I could tell you, I saw a terrible fallen angel sitting right in the waiting room with no soul, no eyes, just blackness, an ancestral spirit that had haunted my family with face changing into my mothers and my sisters...........then I was in the ER with horrible men in beds, one chained down, yelling obscenities and "*****", I knew meant me and I knew it was just a matter of time before all left and I would be violated forever....they did leave, an evil spirit breathed down my neck, the beings inbetween this world and the next hell at the waiting room of hell came back......it was just a matter of time, they would not allow me a drink of water, the next day I was so dehydrated they couldn't find a vein to draw blood...............Hell, hell, hell in a handbag.........and horror of horrors, a man named Jesus (Hesus in spanish) was the overseer and truly a devil in red and black. They told me they were decontaminating all the canvases I painted as they were unholy things. I wanted to go and get decontaminated, they wouldn't let me, it wouldn't work anyway...........I prayed what little I could remember of the Lord's prayer, "Yeah though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil" but the Lord was not with me! It was too late! I prayed Jesus, I will never stop praying to you even though I am condemned to hell, please just don't leave forever, if you will just come visit from time to time, don't withdraw your spirit forever and then a minister came and told me I was given a second chance as a nurse later said the same words.............and I did come back but was in the hospital being rehabilitated to earth.........Now, months after that I was in such terror, I felt any moment everyone would leave the earth in the rapture and I would be left behind, that I would never be forgiven for the horrible words I said and then horror of horrors, thirty years later I kept saying Jesus with that word as his middle name Christ when I was angry......after all those years and forgot to say about fifteen years after I first said that word about Him I went to the bottom and that was at the bottom of the darkness of my soul that I was damned, could never be forgiven for those words and the pact with the devil and rejecting Jesus in the flesh and the way He looked at me.......and months after that I still didn't think I was forgiven, the devil still supernaturally condemned me, once though a tv evangelist fundraiser saying "There is someone staring me down. (I was looking over the top of my glasses). You are evil. God is going to destroy you!" Yes, actually said that! Many supernatural communications, just like God talking to me but God also talked to me through another one saying "God is going to turn to you and write His name on you" while the evangelist was crying and saying "May you have some peace". I felt this meant, I was lost, He was going to write those horrible words on me and the man feeling compassion, said, may you have some peace" but I was damned, yes, I was damned. I was brought back just to live out my life and then go to Hell by what I thought was a cruel mocking God but I knew I deserved every bit of it, I was so vile....and you know I am still vile and there is still hate in me...........but I live 24 hours a day thinking of God and asking Him to purify my heart which I hate my horrible human heart..............but you know, after months of crying upon the floor and saying I am not forgiven, a TV evangelist prophesied "There is a woman in the audience wondering if there is healing for you and I want to tell you, yes there is, the angels are coming to minister to you tonight." I knew that was for me. The last thing I did before I went to bed was to shake out a rug inside my kitchen caked with mud from the horse stable, it was still caked with mud, me thinking I will have to hose it in the morning, thinking, I'm dirty inside and out, my house is dirty, the rug is dirty (the aftermath of chemo, I was still very ill and couldn't clean) and went to bed, living alone behind locked gates with an alarm system, the dirty rug inside my kitchen. In the morning, I got up, went to the kitchen The RUG WAS BRAND NEW, PERFECTLY CLEANED WITH A BIG LABEL FROM WALMART STUCK ON IT SAYING MAINSTAY! (brand). Now, God had the angels do this to show me I was cleaned and washed with the blood of Jesus and He was my mainstay and would never leave. He did this because I was so distraught and He wanted to show me I was forgiven. Still, I shivered, the devil told me that what it really meant was I was just a door mat and to be trodden underfoot or a cruel joke saying that's how you treated Jesus like a doormat.........and it was just a cruel joke, I wouldn't be saved, soon everyone would leave the earth and me left in emptiness and coldness forever to rot.....but He DID THIS TO SHOW ME I WAS FORGIVEN AND ACCEPTED and still I blow it, I act so entitled and hateful at times and impatient and angry and I can't get beyond my flesh but three years later, I know He has saved me..I feel that I was dead, and spiritually I surely was, but I feel I was literally physically dead and the hell police came to take me to hell, I couldn't stay on earth anymore but I cried and cried to God and I believe He turned back time, brought me back to life, having compassion and I don't know why, I was and am so vile........I still think at times I committed the unpardonable sin (yes, I know the sin of blasphemy against the son of man but not the Holy Spirit will be forgiven but it doesn't matter, I committed it and also mocked the Holy Spirit) but I am telling you He pulled me out of the fire by the skin of my teeth, I was almost lost forever, I was lost forever but the angel doctor told me that if I was still breathing, I wasn't dead (but still I know, I think you breathe in hell, the man who wrote "23 minutes in hell" said He did, so how can I know? Yes, it's true I feel the peace of God now and joy as well as sadness in life and weariness and still have sickness in my body...but I know God sent the rug which hangs on my wall which He told me would never get dirty. Pray, pray without ceasing and I pray God shows you that you are saved...........you know I was such a hardened case He had to put me in hell to pull me out.......just keep praying without ceasing, He will pull you out. If you are in this world still and I know you are you are in blessing, every good and wonderful thing in this world, the sunshine and blue skies are of God, it is just darkness without Him, I experienced it, a world as cold as ice inside the soul and outside, you are in the beautiful, imperfect world and the demons are making you doubt, they hate that you came back to God. I asked Jesus to drive them from the house, He did and they are gone from here forever but still if I think about it, I can shudder how more than close I came.............Seek Him, Love Him, He has not abandoned you, but at times He may make us think He has, to draw us to repentence and closer to Him........you would not be here still if He had abandoned you. I pray He shows you that you are accepted. If He could accept me after what I told Him, He will accept you......He spoke to me audibly on the phone and told me He could not remember the vile things I said and when I said "Dad I never talk to you" He laughed so heartily with joy, He was overwhelmed with joy, never talked to Him for thirty years and then some...........and then the phone went back to my earthly dad and he was saying "I can't understand what you are saying" in my earthly dad's voice. I felt so sad, my father in heaven wasn't on the phone anymore. He told me, my Father in heaven showed me that if my parents could still love me after I said the same things to them and I did many a time, how much more He loves me..............would you say that people have more forgiveness than God? They do not. Yes, you said those words but they were the words of demons not your spirit man.........You have the fear of God as did I, as do I..........He will forgive you. He has forgiven you. Pray without ceasing. If He can forgive me, He can and will and has forgiven you........If you have now one moment of peace, joy, or a smile in your life anywhere, you should know if God had abandoned you, you would be in a terrifying darkness............if you are in a church He is there where two are gathered together and He is with you and I pray you feel and know that. The spirit of God left Samson, but then he prayed for supernatural strength to bring the house down and God gave it to him. God came back to Him before he died. Ask Him to come back and He will, tell the demons to go in Jesus' name and they will have to leave so you can feel Him again.

I feel like a Jesus has left me to go to another person (which is my role model)...yea..I feel like Jesus loves me but then again...if He were to choose He definitely chose her..she's far way better for Jesus.


Remember a lot of Christians will lose their salvation , the parable of the sower (Mat 13:18 - 23) teaches us 75% of Christians will lose their salvation and the parable of the 10 virgins (Mat 25:1-12) teaches 50% will lose their salvation. The question is why? and the answer is revealed in (1) the true gospel of Christ and (2) the 10 commandments.

(1) 99% of written gospels in the world are false: The true gospel of Christ - is the gospel the Apostles preached (Gal 1:8-9) - which is the King James Bible (and the same in any other language) : www.biblerays.com/kjv-preservation-chart.html (or Google string search"KJV Preservation Chart "). If you read and study ONLY the King James Bible - for in it is the true spirit of God and your spirit will be renewed and refreshed and the light of Christ will start to shine in your soul and the glory of God will bring forth fruit in due season and the fear of Lord will be restored in you and your faith will grow and the fear of man will vanish and you shall become strong for only the truth can MAKE you free: [KJV] Joh 8:32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.

(2) You must keep the commandments of God. Study your KJV starting at the NT and mark any commands or commandments God gives and keep them and do them. Keep the 10 commandments. Don't worry about those hypocrites who pick on the fact no man cannot commit adultery in the mind - and hence not keeping one means you broken all - ask them this: what is the greatest commandment of all
[KJV]Mat 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
[KJV]Mat 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
- then ask them why they keep it and not the others, because without this commandment you cannot worship the Lord Jesus Christ. Secondly, did not King David who was under the 10 Commandments - clearly commit adultery and murder - but he never once stopped loving the Lord (keeping the first commandment) and the holy Ghost never departed from him and God knew this and chastened and beat him good and he repented and the Lord forgave him and restored him and he will be in heaven.

Remember your understanding is not God's understanding, your knowledge is not God's knowledge, your wisdom is not God's wisdom and your revelation is not God's revelation - it God who revealth by his grace the truth of the Lord Jesus Christ - our job is to obey him in faith:
[KJV] Mat 16:16 And Simon Peter answered and said, Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God.
[KJV] Mat 16:17 And Jesus answered and said unto him, Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven.

Those who fall away will NOT know it:
[KJV] Mat 7:22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
[KJV] Mat 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
But you are clearly AWARE that your heart is not right in the Lord - hence you salavation is still true and you do what I have said and you will be restored for God said:

Hence, you need to read the KJV - read it aloud - so you hear - for faith cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God. Keep the commandments.
[KJV] Rom 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
[KJV] Rev 12:17 And the dragon was wroth with the woman, and went to make war with the remnant of her seed, which keep the commandments of God, and have the testimony of Jesus Christ.

The REAL 10 commandments video:

This is excellent advice. I would add on one other thing, just to clarify what blasphemy is. I havent seen a proper definition of it.

The first thing is that when I first became a Christian, I read that part in the Bible about what Jesus said concerning blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. Lets remember - the Pharisees had just accused Him of working in concert with the devil. Now, if you continue to read, Jesus then chides them for poor logic. Why would Satan fight against himself.. He asks.

Ok, people then make an association with the pharisees accusation and Jesus statement which he made AFTER he told them that a kingdom cannot stand against itself. This is very important to understand. You see, the Pharisees had already started down the path of hating God - Jesus. Recall how when they asserted that they were "Abrahams children" Jesus answered and said that if they were Abrahams children they would love HIm. This is very important.

The pharisees were on a spiraling path toward hell. (Although remember what happened in Acts? Peter told some of those pharisees that they crucified the Lord of Glory, and they repented - they, as Jesus himself testified "Know not what they do")

Ok, so where does all of this lead? Well first of all - Jesus was not referring to one simple statement that makes one lose their salvation. There is in fact, a Scripture that tells you exactly what Blasphemy is. (I'll get to that in a moment) Losing salvation is definitely a process. It happens little by little, in small steps, not listening to God, Not seeking him daily, and ultimately, you can stop hearing God - You start thinking you are just fine without him. This is the same thing is saying YOU are in charge. You are able to take your life in your own hands. THIS is the sin that causes us to eventually lose our salvation.

This is the exact same thing that Lucifer did to lose heaven. "I will become like the most high". Certainly Satan didnt believe he could have the power of God? He knew he couldnt create? He certainly knew that he couldnt possibly know all that God knows - so what exactly did he mean "I will become like the Most High"?

There is only one thing that he could mean. "I will rule myself and others will follow my way" In other words - Its about worshiping oneself. If Lucifer could prove that EVERYONE would follow his way (They dont) then he would prove that God was unnecessary. No One would follow Gods way - but they in fact, did and do. These are the overcomers - the faithful ones who continually seek to allow God, to be God. This is what a Christian means when he says "Jesus is Lord". Christians basically say - Jesus way of self denial, rather than self aggrandizement is the better way. Being like Jesus - the most humble man in the universe - is our example.

Now for the proof from the Bible of what Blasphemy is:

From John Chapter 10

27 My sheep listen to my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.
28 I give1 them eternal life, and they will never perish; no one will ****** them from my hand.
29 My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one can ****** them from my Father’s hand.
30 The Father and I are one.”
31 The Jewish leaders picked up rocks again to stone him to death.
32 Jesus said to them, “I have shown you many good deeds from the Father. For which one of them are you going to stone me?”
33 The Jewish leaders replied, “We are not going to stone you for a good deed but for blasphemy, because you, a man, are claiming to be God.”

So you see - Blasphemy is punishable by death and is taking upon oneself the attributes of God - pride, is actually a form of blasphemy. Remember Lucifer fell because he became full of... himself! Thats what caused him to say " I will sit above the circle of the congregation... I will become like the Most High...

Ultimately, this is the charge the Jews used to condemn Jesus and have him crucified.

From Matthew Chapter 26

62 So1 the high priest stood up and said to him, “Have you no answer? What is this that they are testifying against you?”
63 But Jesus was silent. The high priest said to him, “I charge you under oath by the living God, tell us if you are the Christ, the Son of God.”
64 Jesus said to him, “You have said it yourself. But I tell you, from now on you will see the Son of Man sitting at the right hand1 of the Power and coming on the clouds of heaven.”
65 Then the high priest tore his clothes and declared, “He has blasphemed! Why do we still need witnesses? Now you have heard the blasphemy!
66 What is your verdict?” They answered, “He is guilty and deserves death.”

So, there you have it. But in my mind, this is the most scary position of all. Think about it. Every time we say "no" to God, we are essentiually saying "I am doing it my way". "I can lead my own life - YOU have no authority over me"

You see?

Satan is very tricky. He loves for you to believe that saying something wrong or doing something wrong is actually all you have to be careful of. Oh, we might think "as long as I dont do this or that thing, I will be saved." THAT IS THE BIGGEST DANGER TO YOUR SOUL. Make sure that you surrender daily to the Lord. Jesus said "You cannot be my disciple if you do not pick up your cross DAILY and follow me. He said you must DENY yourself.

I guarantee - if any of you guys that think you blasphemed God away, get on your knees with your Bible open and read and Pray, spending real time seeking God, things will change. You will sense God again.

Now with all of that said - I am not saying its going to be easy. Some of you have offended God. Its a serious matter, treating God disrespectfully. YOU CAN LOSE YOUR SALVATION over that. But if you have the ability to plead with God, there is hope. Remember - you MUST read your Bible - and you must ask God for a repentant heart. IN fact, I would go so far as to ask God to do whatever it takes to bring you back to Himself.

Dabbling in sin is sort of like being an alcoholic. You have to admit it, and realize that you now have a weakness. By grieving Gods Spirit, knowingly - we harden ourselves. Its easier to do the next time, just like its easier for the alcoholic to fall and take that drink. You have to keep that in mind while you are seeking the Lord. You have to hold Him tighter than ever before.

Its the only way.

Are you a Christian?
Did you accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior and you believe that He died at Calvary and shed His own blood as sacrifice to cover all your sins from your birth till your last breath.
And the moment you accepted Christ as your Saviour that second the Holy Spirit entered your soul, heart mind and body.
The Spirit does not leave until death.
At this time your going through a battle of your spirit and the Holy Spirit and there is turmoil.
Remember, the Lord loves you the same always and is always with you.
Repent of what's bothering you ask for forgiveness and move on.
Praising and thanking Him doesn't hurt, but His speed is perfect time.
God does not change, so if you are saved get through this crapy life we live right now and I'll see you in Heaven.

I'll see you there brother.

This message is to anyone who feels the need to have some clarification on this subject matter please feel free to call anytime at 347-835-8072 i think i could be of assistance i have a testimony similar to this please ask for Mr.Hill

I know how you feel about never hearing a response from God like literally I feel like he won't even talk to me I went to church camp and renewed my salvation and everything but a girl that was praying over me told me that Jesus said to her to tell me that he wants me to heal people in the name of the Lord and that it was going to be a huge responsibility and I accepted it but I have still never heard Jesus speak directly to me in all of my life

The Lord does not speak directly with nobody.
He speaks to your heart or mind.
Sometimes will answer you while your in the "Word".
And sometimes through another person.
Listening is always becomes a liability for me and I miss out on much that the Spirit chooses to share with me.
When He speaks it's clear and you'll know it's Him.
Scripture says He speaks in a small quiet voice.

I get mad at my dad too, I have gone through every emotion with the Lord from deep deep love with extreme crying to volital intense anger. I suppose it's just that I want to be with Him more than I can express and it comes out in deep emotions. Some might even call all of that worship. I don't believe for one second that you lost your salvation believe me when I say this you are in the same boat as me, we want to be perfect before our Lord an Saviour and we can't and that can drive a person mad...

Being led astray as if by a possession might be what has and continue to plague you. Ask Jesus to come into your life for only He can mediate for you. That's why He came for us. Jesus has taken on your sins. Our sins. Please believe this.

This is such a tough thing to go through. Let me share with you guys my story. I have been a Christian my whole life (I'm only 26). My mother passed away from breast cancer when I was nearly 3 years old. My dad remarried a few months after. She was not the most pleasant woman; she was physically and emotionally abusive to all of us (brother, sister, and my dad). Eventually, my dad divorced her after 7 years. He didn't believe in divorce, but finally spoke with our pastor which helped him. Anyways, he remarried again about 2 years after the divorce. By that time I was 11, both my siblings were in college. To top things off, my dad received new that we were moving to São Paulo, Brazil for his business. He said it would only be for three years. Lots of change to say the least...it was so tough. My new stepmom and I didn't get alone well at the time either. I struggled in school, was terrible! One day during the first year living in brazil, I came home from school, got off the bus, walked into our apartment (no one was home). I went to my bed room and broke down sobbing. I screamed at God, yelled at him, "how could you do this? How could you take my mother? Allow abuse? Look how messed up I am! I'm not smart, no one likes me, I hate this!" I started throwing things around my room, got on my face and sobbed and said to God, "Jesus, I will do whatever you ask. Whatever you want. I am yours....please just take me home (states). Unbelievable: I felt Him. I felt so calmed, so at peace, I stopped crying, felt warm and tingly. A few months later I received news from my dad that we were moving home back to the states. One year instead of three. We moved back, I had a better life, not easy by far, but better. I went to a Christian college, married my best friend the greatest husband, second to my Jesus our ultimate hubby :). About a year ago I really started to seek The Lord and grow in Him ( I had gone through a rebellious stage, and some backsliding). Anyways, I had met with close Christian friends who were prayer warriors, and I saw in such a wonderful different light....He is so so incredibly loving my friends. I started growing a lot...it was like a mountain of joy. Weeks went by, and one night I just finished watching an old movie, my husband had already fallen asleep. I turned out the light and all of a sudden out of nowhere I had these HORRIBLE thoughts about Jesus and His Holy Spirit. Then I had a thought say, "you have just committed the unpardonable sin, you will never be forgiven, God has left you, and has turned His back on you...He won't here you". Imagine my horror and terror! I sobbed! I woke up my husband and told him to pray. I sought my close Christian friends and prayer warriors. My friends, I really truly believed that God had left me. I was so depressed; a wreck. But I didn't stop praying. The thought became obsessive...almost like obsessive compulsive. Horrible! Really don't think of a pink elephant...but you will because that is what our brains do! This lasted for a month or so. At times I thought I heard God's voice, but my peace was temporary...I kept letting Satan steal my joy. At one point i was in a conference for work and i was going through this torment and i heard a voice booming say " the Lord is with you". soon after i heard that my friend texted me with a random bible verse Exodus 14:14 be still the Lord is fighting for you. She didn't know what i was going through exactlymatnthe time i knew it was God speaking to me! Finally, one night I took my bible out and thought, Lord Jesus I am so afraid to open my bible because I feel so condemned. If there is anything in here for me please show me. I read a bit of Romans 8 closed my bible and turned out the light. I was at the point where I could fall asleep, but wasn't yet...still aware that I was awake. I heard His voice! It was quiet, soft, but firm: "Zephaniah". That was all Jesus said. I thought to myself, whoa! That wasn't me haha! I didn't even know where Zephaniah was in the bible. I found it the next morning. I felt like I wasn't supposed to start at the beginning of the book. I read the last chapter and was amazed, relieved, and filled with peace. Please read it dear friends, such a beautiful reminder how He has taken away our punishments. I told everyone because I was so overjoyed and excited! God didn't leave me! About a week or two later doubt creeped in. I was alone and in bed, and I said Lord, I have spoken with you about tongues (I grew up traditionally so it was new and scary the concept of tongues which I had been asking God about just before all of this happened). I said "Lord,if you're willing then I'm willing". I felt a sudden flush...warm, tingly, peace, almost like subtle electricity. My lips moved involuntarily and made a sound. I kind of got scared and it stopped. The Lord has shown and taught me since, however. That moment was one of the most incredible moments of my life. Before the sensation I felt empty, broken, and at rock bottom. My friends God is so loving, so merciful, so forgiving. He looks at our hearts and knows them better than we do. Trust in Christ. Believe. Have faith, because age is so so faithful. He does not want us to perish. He is mighty to save. Don't you dare let satan tell you otherwise. Faith is not about feelings! Something God is still teaching me and reminding me. He knows all of you, He who comes to the Father will not be cast away. Seek His face. He will surprise you. I know it! This is a battle, but we have the happy ending praise God!

Hi there I'm fealing the same as you I once didnt understand tongues properly and said something to my uncle ever since I havnt felt the conviction of the Holy Spirit or the presence I feel lost. Where they was saying once enlightened its because then Jews returned back to Judaism after knowing better an put him to a shame not what you done we need to remember what the circumstances was like then. Try casting any spirit of self condemnation out in Jesus name.

Hi, I see its been over a year since your last update Desirefaith... I hope you are doing better. I just wanted to share with you my feelings and positive experiences after experiencing verysimilar experiences as you.
the first thing ai want to address is how you missed reading the Bible in Poland ans also felt how you needed to change and told God you would start reading the Bible when you got home. That is tremendously wonderful! You wanted that for so long...and it happened! Where my positive experience that I want to share with you is that the fear and tormenting feelings are separate from your desire to repent and read the Bible again which comes from the Holy Spirit. He sealed your salvation! I experienced those horrible feelings to where I was incapacitated to work and go to school. I begged God to toich me and let me back in. Three weeks later, I felt I needed to go into the bedroom and pray in tounges. I couldn't believe it was happening! I saw what seemed like a small hole of God's beautiful Love and felt comfort pouring into me through it. I praised Him and praised him...I didn't think I would EVER feel the Lord's touch again! One extremely significant thing that happened before I was able to experience this was that earlier, something happened in a relationship with a man made me feel so.sad. and I suddenly began to cryand cry because my heart felt broken. I realized after crying that the pain I felt was gone. I realized that Jesus was beginning to heal my broken heart, not only from what the man in my relationship said, but many other painful experiences of abuse throughout my life. It was only after I received that first healing that I was able to receive a touch from Jesus. My pastor told me that mayne I was just too hurt for God
to help me recieve the truth of what everyone was telling me...that I hae not committed the unpardonable sin

What youre saying sounds alot like me. My heart wont repent. But also i feel like i need to cry and have my heart brroke. Can you explain in detail what you went through. It just sounds like you could help me. You went through wanting to read the bible again but couldnt, inability to repent, couldn't go to work or school, tormented and fear, definately thhinking you were hopless and had commited a sin that couldnt be forgiven. I'm going through all of this and a sever loss of meaning in my life right now. What type of event caused this in your life?

I want God to let me back in too. But what caused this for me was not obeying God and walking forward in my faith, he gave me so many warnings that I can totally see how im cut off right now. I just hope theres hope

it does say his mercy outlasts his judgment.

your entire story shows the desire to repent ,that desire would not be there unless the holy spirit put it there...so repent and become sold out to jesus once and for all...the trinity are one for you to blapheme would be final .meaning you would reject GODS ONLY PLAN for salvation his son JESUS CHRIST and the working of the HOLY SPIRIT IN YOUR LIFE ....and trust me you have not ,or you you would not have written your story...you would be headed to hell without a care in the world as dead on the inside as the devil himself...keep trusting jesus to free you from the **** its a very common problem in a lot of true believers lives myself included...dont let satan use it to condem you...there is freedom in christ if he started his work in you he will finish it !!!

ps desire faith my name is mr hill.

Hey desire faith ive read your story and i would like to offer support of some kind unlike like most i can relate if you would like to speak please call 347-835-8072

Your story really makes me scared, because I am in the exact same situation. I don't feel the holy spirit anymore. I never really thought that there would be a sin that god would not forgive either. I used to believe in reincarnation and eastern philosophies. I believed in the law of karma and not in the law of mercy and grace (which applies to all people who believe in Jesus and who did NOT commit the unpardonable sin).I actually did not even believe in the existence of a hell, nor did i believe in satan and demons. Now I really, really regret that I ba<x>sed my decisions in life on religous concepts which are wrong. All I hope is that hell is only temporary. I can not understand why a loving God can condemn someone eternally only for having a few bad thoughts against him...If someone wants to chat with me please feel free to contact me. My skype name is: dreamfreak1980<br />
<br />
Greetings to all of you.

Hi try saying sorry to Heavenly Father for hat you done and ask forgiveness in Jesus name then try commanding any spirits of self condemnation spirit of accusation spirit of error to leave you in Jesus name and if you have done any different thing repent ask Jesus to release you of any sin consequences

Help me :( I'm in trouble. I think I did it too. Do any of you think that with the stress I'm in, God would understand if I accidently did it? I feel like my mind is trying to force me to do it.

the devil is putting pressure on your mind to get you to say something ,so in turn he can get you to feel like you have done it and convince you that your condemned .....HE IS A LIAR

Hey I don't think you need to worry.. I personally can't see how one outburst of words will condem you. I think morein terms of our state of being and unwillingness to change can eventually cause us to miss out on eternal salvation. If we are in a state of blaspheming Gods holy spirit, denying him, generally denying what is obviously good how can he help us!? The pharasies in the bible were in a state of seeing Jesus as evil and saying that the good things he was doing were of the devil! Obviously rediculous.. So I believe he wanted them to know if you think like that how will you be helped! Take care x

help me! I am in the same boat i strugle with a addcitive sin and i want to follow god but i cant feel any repentance at all. i have had churchesd lay hands on me and prasy for me and i hasve prsyed the sinners prayer and i got nothing from god. Anyone can help me please let me know...

If you are doing something addictive and struggling to fight it. It's a demon for instance a demon of lust call the demon by name ie demon of lust,hatred,anger and command it to go but repent to god first.

You must command it to go in Jesus name

DesiringFaith: Your story is EERILY similar to my own. Almost exactly the same in fact.<br />
<br />
Remember that none can ****** you out of His hand. He shall NEVER leave us nor forsake us. What does that mean? NEVER. If I know anything about God at all, when He says never, God means NEVER.<br />
<br />
I want to talk with you. Email or skype me: johnniemomo

There truly is hope for everyone here- God has listed it out on His word as simple as this:<br />
<br />
Jeremiah 3:14-"Turn, O backsliding children, saith the LORD; for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion."<br />
<br />
There is a difference between backsliding and blasphemy against the Spirit (Apostasy). Pastor and Evangelist Jesse M. Hendley has written a sermon on the subject and I have an excerpt below along with the link to where I read it:<br />
<br />
Jesse M. Hendley <br />
John 6:67<br />
<br />
My text today is John 6:67, in which the Lord said <br />
unto the twelve disciples, "Will ye also go away?" A <br />
group of disciples at this particular point in <br />
Jesus' life, who had been walking with Him, said to <br />
Him, "We want to go with You, Jesus. We want to be <br />
saved and live with You here on earth and in heaven <br />
hereafter."<br />
<br />
These disciples suddenly turned around and left <br />
Jesus. They went away and broke His heart. They <br />
didn't want Him. They wanted religion. They had <br />
that. They had the Law. They believed in the Temple <br />
worship. They went through all the rituals, but they <br />
rejected Jesus Christ, the Son of God. They made the <br />
mistake many people make today. <br />
<br />
In Distress About Salvation<br />
<br />
I was preaching in a great church on a recent Sunday <br />
night, when, at the close of the meeting, a lady <br />
came to me who had heard the Sunday morning message. <br />
She was in tears as she said, "May I speak to you?" <br />
I escorted her to one side in order that we could <br />
talk. As she looked into my face, with agony she <br />
said, "I accepted Jesus as my Saviour and I was <br />
about as honest about it as I knew how to be. (She <br />
was a young woman, just out of college.) I went into <br />
one of the big cities to a church and served the <br />
Lord. My heart rejoiced and I was happy in the Lord. <br />
I was studying the Bible, praying, and having a <br />
wonderful time serving the Lord. I had the assurance <br />
of salvation in my heart."<br />
<br />
"I then went off to college and became a part of the <br />
wrong crowd. I fell into sin and got away from the <br />
Lord. Not long ago I heard a preacher speak on <br />
apostasy who said if you ever leave Christ and go back <br />
into sin, you are lost forever and there is no way you <br />
can be saved." She looked into my face with agony, as <br />
she wanted to know what she was going to do. She said, <br />
"Am I lost? Can I not be saved?"<br />
<br />
I said to her, "Little lady, believe the Word of God <br />
against any human being---any preacher, anybody or <br />
anything else. Believe God's Word. I am going to <br />
share with you what God's Word says. Don't believe <br />
it because I say it, but believe because it is God's <br />
Word. There is a difference between apostasy and <br />
backsliding. You must understand this and you will <br />
know your condition. Apostasy is making a profession <br />
of faith to walk with Jesus Christ here in this <br />
world, to trust Him as your Saviour and to really <br />
live for Him and serve Him and then to deliberately <br />
reject Him later and walk away from Him in rejection <br />
of Him as your Saviour. It has nothing to do with <br />
the sin-question, but giving up your faith in Jesus <br />
as your Saviour." That is what the people in this <br />
particular sc<x>ripture did(Hendley)."<br />
<br />
http://www.sermonsearch.com/content.aspx?id=19273<br />
<br />
Another that helped was a quote written by iansmith from sermonindex.net. It reads:<br />
<br />
"iansmith<br />
Member<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Joined: 2006/3/22<br />
Posts: 962<br />
Wheaton, IL<br />
<br />
Re: <br />
Two things to post on this.<br />
<br />
Hosea 1:2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, "Go, take to yourself an adulterous wife and children of unfaithfulness, because the land is guilty of the vilest adultery in departing from the LORD."<br />
<br />
God ordered Hosea to take a prostitute as a wife so that he could understand the heart of God towards his people Israel. This is however so that he could preach that Israel should repent. I mean, what better lesson is there to teach a prophet about the anguish of God than to give the same anguish in his relationships.<br />
<br />
This is not an excuse to get into a relationship with a backslider... that would be taking the wrong lesson out of this book. The message is that WE ARE THE PROSTITUTE. God needed his prophet to marry a prostitute to teach him that... but thankfully he wrote a book about it so that God doesn't have to teach each and every one of us that lesson. We know not to put our hand on the stove because we've been told otherwise.<br />
<br />
The fact of the matter is that God's people were corrupt, he has a covenant with them that he will not betray, just like a vow of marriage between a man and woman. Israel has been unfaithful, but God will remain to be faithful... Thats why God tells Hosea to go back to his wife after she leaves him because he wants him to understand his heart of forgiveness. <br />
<br />
This is not permission to backslide! It is so that we can know the heart of God about backsliding and backsliders."<br />
<br />
http://www.sermonindex.net/modules/newbb/viewtopic.php?topic_id=13053&forum=35&9<br />
<br />
Hope this helps! Love to you all.<br />
<br />
May His Word bless you, encourage, uplift and empower you,<br />

brothers and sisters, if you are still breathing, you still have hope in Christ nomatter what you are going through. Do not give up

Also God has left me numerous signs in the past. Now he doesn't but I don't care signs or not I will forever pray to my Lord. But you guys also have to see it from God point of view to here he is gives us this chance to receive this life and peace and we just throw it in his face. We have control over all demons I know it can be hecka hard but that defiance against God is rooted from deliberate sin which is why it's so unforgivable not trying to make anyone feel bad just stating the facts it once took me months to receive a sign from God just read his word and pray pray pray. Much Love hope you one day get back to feeling much love from God. You are in my prayers

M.s. alwayslovegodtodafullest. Correct me if I'm not making any sense in relation to your comment.
God does offer peace, true. However, the reason why some through it right back in His face is because they don't fully understand how much Christ loves them. I had trouble understanding the context of this next one--"but that defiance against God is rooted from deliberate sin which is why it's so unforgivable not trying to make anyone feel bad just stating the facts." Please clairify to me, what you meant by this. I get word context confusion sometimes : / and don't want to jump to any conclusions.
Thanks :)

What I mean is with deliberate sin the more more you do it it comes to a point where you become rebellious I'm just saying this from my point of view. Also what you said is true when I first became a Christian I didn't read the bible or anything study his word or nothing so now I think I'm in the same predicament as some of these other people.

It's never too late to understand His word, just so long as your on this earth. And your still young. The one good thing about reading the word is not that you have to, but you get to because it brings this reasurance in your heart that reminds you that you are His child. And plus, the Bible is truth. You can depend on it. What also helps is getting in a study group at church, to be around other believers.

Thanks :)

1 More Response

Wow I know what your going through I've never said bad things about God but I have done willful sins to the point where God has left me. I cry and pray every day and I will continue to do just that. I don't care if I'm burning in hell with acid covering my body I will continue to rejoice in his name even if he rejects me I will not stop praying and crying out his name. He is my father and forever will be. Just this for some reason puts peace in my heart. Maybe you should do the same.

Wow... That's almost the EXACT same thing that comforts me. In the summer when I was 14, I thought I could have committed it. I definitely have ADD and possibly OCD, and I said it, thinking I couldn't control myself. I went into the worst period of my life that summer, but I got better. I started going back to church, and I feel God's presence, especially in worship (my favorite has to be 10,000 reasons :D). I still doubt sometimes, and that is what lead me here, but I convinced my mom to enroll me in a christian school, and I am in a class this year where we go through the Bible, and next year I am hoping to take apologetics. Anyway, what I mean to say, is that I think The Holy Spirit may be giving us this hope. I have heard many hopeful stories that relate to mine, and I'm wondering if it is the Spirit telling us this! I'm not entirely sure about this passage yet, just that I think that if you had truly committed this sin, you would have no desire to repent. Some people, like the one above, seem to not understand what repentance means. It means to be sorry (which sometimes we don't even feel, but show by our actions), and turn from the sin. You can be afraid while repenting, it doesn't mean you are not sincere! Hallelujah, Praise Jesus forever!

Dear DesireFaith God didn't take the Holy Spirit from you, nor did He punish you. For He is the God of life, not death. Though, you may have majorly grieved the Holy Spirit, but He didn't leave you. Turn in your bible & read(Heb 13:5b). <br />
<br />
If you truly blasphemed the Holy Spirit, you wouldn't be writing to us telling us of your spiritual wounds. You wouldn't have any spiritual wounds such as (fear, guilt, and emptiness) if you truly blasphemed the Holy Spirit. <br />
Poor soul, a Christian cannot truly blaspheme the Holy Spirit but the Pharisees (non-Christians) did and after they did they didn't feel the emptiness, the guilt, the fear that you feel now. Nor would they write and post their story about how bad they felt after having said such a thing. <br />
<br />
We are justified through faith--weren't you justified through faith at some point? Next is sanctification which is growing and studying the Word of God and getting with other believers in fellowship. Not that you have to do this, but you get to. Then glorification (hope of eternal glory--heaven). However, glorification isn't determined by sanctification because glorification is truly God's free gift to us. We didn't deserve it or earn it. Read (Eph 2:8-9) & (1 Pet 1:3-4). In saying this, this should encourage us in wanting to grow in Him. If you could loose salvation then God is saying that His Sons death on the cross was not official. But the thing is, His death is official so salvation cannot be lost.<br />
<br />
Know that He still loves you and that your faith doesn't need to be great and excellent. For in (Romans 1:17) it says, "The just shall live by faith." Notice this verse doesn't go into detail about what level of faith the just shall live by. It just says faith. You can either have strong faith or not so strong faith. You can even meet in the middle because faith is still faith in God's eyes. I guess what I'm trying to say is faith is faith. All it takes is simple trust and faith in Him.<br />
<br />
Dear troubled soul, God forgave you at the cross --you don't need to wait around waiting for Him to forgive you--that part is done "It is finished" all you have to do is agree that this sweet true fact is present in your own life. Again, if you could loose your salvation, then God is saying that His Sons death on the cross was not official. But the thing is, His death is official so salvation cannot be lost.<br />
<br />
Do not plug your ears nor reject what the Word says.<br />
the devil wants you to plug your ears and keep your eyes from reading the sc<x>ripture because he knows that if you were to unplug your ears and open your eyes you will get closer to God and sanctify in His Word. So the devil says, "Plug your ears and cover your eyes and run from the things that remind you of Jesus." God is not out to judge you--the devil wants you to think that God is out to judge you so that you will keep away from church, fellowshipping with other Christians, reading the Word of God & thereby, become enlightened again. Therefore, abstain from that which is evil and cleave to that which is good because Satan's plan is to feed you lies and isolate you and cut you off from Christ and the people of Christ. I'm only speaking the truth and don't intend to harm you. <br />
<br />
In continuing the previous portion, open your Bible and read (1 Peter 5:8-9) from this passage you see that the devil is after Christians--this is were your guilt, fear, and emptiness comes from, they don't come from God (Jas 1:17). You're not alone. The reason why Jesus has become silent to you is because you have closed your ears and closed your eyes to the truth and you gave into Satan’s lies. Jesus is still with you showing you signs, letting you know He's still with you, but you may be missing them. Yet Jesus, in His patience and faithfulness, is waiting for you to come to Him and trust Him again. What I'm trying to say is, maybe Jesus is waiting on you and is wanting you to stop running from Him, because the times when you run from Him are also the times when He is looking for you. This is His case with me all the time; I'm always straying from Him and getting into trouble (1 Pet 5:8-9). But that doesn't mean that He is done with me. He's not finished with you either D.F. (Philippians 1:6). Therefore, "Don't fret--it only causes harm." <br />
He loves you and will not abandon you nor forget you.<br />
Dear reader, “When Christ seemeth a-far off to thee, He is actually closer to thee than He has ever been.” <br />
<br />
The thing that you maybe struggling with maybe sanctification (Growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ). Turn to, in your Bible and read (Romans 12:2) & (2 Peter 3:18). Both of these verses have to do with changing the way you're presently thinking. (This may not happen right away, it may take some time). And through this, will bring forth enlighten and understanding. You will understand His will for your life--in this, you will want to glorify Him. This is what it means to repent which means to choose good over bad, repentance is not just saying a prayer, rather repentance means to change your way of thinking. <br />
For example:<br />
I was typing an angry and bitter email to my parents, then I stopped myself, re-read the email and realized what I was saying was wrong. Then I changed my mind and editted the email and made it sweet and thoughtful rather than of angry and bitter.This is the changing of the mind Christians take part in as they let the sciptures transform their way of thinking thus keeping them free from fear and guilt. <br />
<br />
CLOSING:<br />
You don't deserve to be in sorrow. Yet, still read (1 Peter 5:8-9) and also (Isaiah 49:15-16) one of my favorite verses. I hope this message helped. I don't want you to become dull of hearing; but instead I pray that you will hide these truths within your own heart. Jesus still loves and cares for you. And trust me, if at any time in your life you have felt the presence of Christ in your life then there is no doubt that you are one of His children. God bless you.

I feel the same way i loved god and jesus very much but i started to read about hell and rapture and i feel as though i lost the love and faith of jesus and god i also pray and read the bible HELP!!

To beltran,
“Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also..." (John 14:1-3)

Having read through everyones comments on here I too share the same anguish as you do. I was going through a period of depression last year which started in April during that time there were plenty of times I wanted to run to God to take me out of it and to restore me, several times God did exactly that and it brought great relief, but as time went on I slowly felt myself withdrawing from God but his desire was always to heal, I had at times experienced a problem whereby my fingers and toes were crossing and curling involuntarily and I had some prayers of deliverance and shortly afterwards I was restored. Sometimes during these periods of restoration I really had experienced God like never before I had one experience where someone had prayed for me over the phone and Gods presence entered the room like a powerful sweet fragrance which brought healing to my body and joy of salvation, I had also experienced the marks of the crucifixion around my body particulary in my hands and feet but also where he'd been pierced in his side. During these times of restoration everything was great but by July time of last year I felt that now I was restored I no longer needed God in my life and pushed him out as hard as I could. Consequently at the time of kicking him out it almost felt like brain cells were beginning to pop, and I had heard God pleading with me very audibly that he didn't want to send me to hell but I stupidly persisted in pushing God out so the next thing to go was all the excitement and joy I ever had in my life it was as if a vacuum had come and sucked it out, I often think it must have been the Holy Spirit but people say he never leaves, anyway after this the last thing I recall shortly after kicking God out in the way I did was a single physical lightning bolt which I have deemed to be a sign of God's anger towards me and that I am now separated from his kingdom. I've tried praying with a lot of different people for God to restore me again but it doesn't seem to be happening anymore, my fingers and feet have gone back to their twitching and curling and quite frankly I don't think I can be healed again and feel damned by Hebrews 10:26 where it talks about it being impossible to experience the Holy Spirit and the powers of the age to come to turn away from God and then be brought back to repentence. I often struggle with blasphemous thoughts towards God and the Holy Spirit and often feel like associating my God experiences as being the work of the devil. I know its completely untrue but I often want to think like that because of my belief Gods no longer there. I have a heart that wants to come back but it all seems to late and I'm often daily contemplating whether I should just end my life and get my inevitable journey to Hell over and done with.

Okay here is my story I have been a Christian since I was 11 loved god feared him my whole life fought the devil my whole life got away from god in my teens and thought he wasn't going to forgive me then march of last year he convicted me and told me he forgave me and that I had a purpose and life and I felt the holy ghost come over me and I was happy.. The lord was doing so much for me in my life and I was so happy I have a wonderful husband and a 2 yr old girl and he was there with me my whole pregnancy and when he came over me he said we are going to start from today and I was so happy well about a few weeks after the devil got in my mind and he made me have these halucinations. he walked all over top of me and was horrible to me and my husband didn't know what was wrong with me so he has me committed to a mental institution and all I had to do was get a preacher and call out the name of Jesus but when I was in the hospital the devil was really missing with my mind and I said lord if it's not too late show me now and the devil was saying that the ice machine was broken and god said look lisa u got I've and pulled ice in my cup and goes don't listen to anything they say.and every time the devil would say something like I picked up the phone and he would say hang up or die and I hung up and there was a devil worship per in there and she was saying stuff and instead of taking it to god and having him to run the devil off the devil just quits talking to me and I assumed god was gone for some reason and I kept asking to forgive me for what happen with the devil worship per and looking back now I realize he was going to and I didn't realize it at the time but the devil was saying look what u did and I kept saying I am sorry and I layed up in the hospital bed thinking that god can't hear me and I go this is redicoulous I have already appologized for this fine then go ahead send me to hell I<br />
Guess I am a devil worshipper just let me go home I guess we do have more power then god and I never thought I would say that well now god won't forgive me right now but he was nice enough to give me one more chance if I would just had listened I was praying for god to give me one more chance to praise god and Jesus came over me one night with his spirit and says wake up jake and start praising god and I went back to sleep for some stupid reason and this was in sept and I am looking for him to come back into my life I can't make it without him he has been so good to me and I depend on him for everything and I can tell I no longer have the spirit of god and it's so sad cause I was a good person and loved god and can not believe I allowed the devil to do this to my life that god gave me now it's like the devil doesn't bother me anymore cause I am lost and this is a horrible feeling so when u pray please pray that god will come over me again I don't have no more joy when I sing and I am just not happy I go to the altor and speak to everyone about this and I just keep<br />
waiting thanks

I myself understand what you are going through. why it took so long i dont know. I have gone to 2 churches to seek help for this and got no where. and asked several people to see if they struggled with this and not really. I have thoughts several thoughts like yourselves. i have f u thoughts towards God with my middle fiingers that i have sensations in my middle fingers on both hands that have been there for many years i have prayed many years for it to be gone. I have had thoughts telling the Holy Spirit to f off too I hate it i really do. Ive cried begged to God and Jesus to take them. I felt i must of been bad since they are still there or im not really saved. i have other thoughts sexual thoughts of Jesus that im ashamed of and Jesus whats wrong with me why is this happening. im sorry. im ashamed. ive had a harded heart many many times. im lukewarm. I feel tormented in my mind daily. Ive wanted to die or just wanted these feelings and thoughts to stop. I said God why i thought i wanted u i know i have all these things in my heart im aware i try to want you i know that this is there these thoughts are there . i cried i would give up and harden my heart again. i felt like a failure again. again i felt my heart never truly wanted Christ with all these thoughts. I even said take me now please it would be easier. Im gonna walk away completely your gonna loose me forever. I cant handle this anymore. i cant.

I also have those thoughts. I have ADD and possibly OCD, and I said the thoughts, thinking that I couldn't loose my salvation over a few words, and that these words would constantly torment me until I say them, I was so devastated, and was drawn in to Athiesm almost, but I started going back to church, and teh Glorious Father God has shown me so many times that I need not worry. I love him... and you can too, don't worry. Check out 1 John 1:9. This lists no exceptions. ALL sins shall be forgiven IF we confess them before The Lord. Matthew 12 did not say anything about confessing sins. I think I have come to the conclusion that as long as you are concerned and repentant, there is no way Father God would not forgive you! As Jesus said "All those the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never drive away, John 6:37" If your coming to Jesus, he's not going to drive you away! I forget the verse, but Jesus also said that if you come to him, it is because of The Father calling you to him (paraphrase; I encourage you to find the verse yourself! :)". So why would God be calling you to Jesus if you had no chance of forgiveness? Do you really think the Loving Father is that sadistic? OF COURSE NOT! Just continue trusting Christ and living for him. See you one day in the Father's Kingdom! :D
-Prayers, Josh

Proverbs 28:13 <br />
Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper,<br />
but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.

Acts 17:30 " ... he commands all people everywhere to repent ..."

I can relate to a lot of what has been shared on here. I thought I had lost my salvation a little over a year ago. I spent six days at a hospital in therapy because I was so depressed. The nurses were more concerned about me than any of the other patients. I thought I had committed the sin unto death which is similar to the unpardonable sin. I am doing better than I was, but I still don't feel at all close to God. It's been about 8 years since I've felt close to him. I feel really cold inside but desire to be resorted. I can see God at work in my life, but I haven't yet felt Godly sorrow over my sin. I want to feel that sorrow but my flesh just wants to be left alone. I need to experience brokeness but I feel that it's only something God can bring. I truly want to live for the Lord and follow his will but I feel stuck in my situation and unable to repent at this time. I do believe there is hope but from my perspective I don't see how things will ever change. Im really miserable and depressed and can find no joy in anything. If anyone can relate or has any encouragement it would be appreciated. Thanks.

Hi Robert25,

I just want to say that I read your post and I feel for you. I don't know what to say to encourage you but I want you to know that you are not alone in knowing what it feels like to be separated from God's spirit.

I also have felt stuck in a situation. In fact, that is what brought me to blaspheme the Holy Spirit in the first place. I felt so stuck in my situation that instead of doing what I knew in my heart that God wanted me to do, I decided I would reject his yearnings and call them of the devil. It is one thing to not follow his yearnings. It is a whole other thing to call his yearnings of the devil. I highly recommend never ever doing this - never.

Anyway, I just want you to know that I have felt very stuck also - to the point of desperation. I am no longer stuck in that situation but I was in it for over 13 years - and I knew from Day One that I shouldn't be there. And in a way I feel like a recovering addict......because faced with the temptation again, it would take all of my strength not to fall back in; and just fighting off the temptation would severely throw me off balance for days.

Please hang in there. God is perfect. His will is perfect. His ways are perfect.........so I tell myself that what happened must be necessary. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hug}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I know how hard it is.

I try not to get bitter. It would be so easy to get bitter. But I don't let myself. I stop those thoughts and feelings dead in their tracks when they come. I wish I could make it better for you Robert25.


i can understand you how you feel. i feel the same as you. i feel empty too. I feel cold inside too. i havent felt Godly sorrow over my sin either. and my flesh wants to be left alone too. and i feel unable to repent at this time too. i feel no hope.. i can find no joy either. im lukewarm and not doing anything to change the situation either. i dont want it bad enough. im miserable too. it sucks doesnt it. ugh i thought i never be the one treating God like Crap and walking away and being this way

I want pizza how did God bring you out of that. Do you feel restored now?

DesireFaith,<br />
<br />
I am a bit overwhelmed reading your story. I have had a VERY similar experience. I blashphemed the Holy Spirit in 1993 - but I did it around a very specific issue. For years God told me in my spirit to do something. I don't want to say what that something was because it doesn't make a difference to this story. I was too weak to do what he wanted or maybe I was just enjoying what I was doing too much, or both. Then one day the feelings from God became so strong to do this something that I could not ignore them anymore. So I said to God in my head that every time I felt that feeling that I was going to attribute it to the devil and not listen. And I really meant it. The instant I said that to God, he removed a huge portion of his Holy Spirit from me. It felt like suddenly and instantly almost all of my soul had been taken from me. Also, the instant I said it, I had an experience with the actual Holy Spirit himself. This is hard to explain but I will do my best. I was suddenly in direct conversation with the actual Holy Spirit. It happened within my being - I did not hear his voice. But it was as clear as day to me that I was communicating directly with the actual Holy Spirit. I was being judged. I was being held to account for what I had just done. I was being told that I deserved what was about to happen to me. And my being did not disagree. My being told the Holy Spirit that I knew he was right to punish me. The conversation was over very quickly. It was short. Then it happened.......then immediately it happened......God withdrew a huge portion of his Spirit from my being. It felt like my soul had been taken away. No more passion for the thing I had the most passion for in life, no more drive, no more spirit coursing through my veins..... only emptiness, terrible, vacant, meaningless, souless emptiness. <br />
<br />
Since that day, I have asked God countless times and in countless ways to please please restore my soul, to please give back his Spirit to me. But to no avail. I can view the thing that used to give me such pleasure in life and I visually can see it's beauty, my head knows it is beautiful, but my soul cannot feel it. There is intellectual knowledge of it's beauty, but no FEELING of it's beauty. There is no passion, no drive to be around it, no anything in my soul for this thing that used to stir me to my depths. <br />
<br />
Oh if I could live that day over again! Oh if I could do it over again! I would never ever ever have attributed so boldly the feelings I was having to the devil. God meant what he said, He is faithful to his word. Blaspheme of the Holy Spirit will not be tolerated. My life has never been the same since. It is like I live with a much much smaller soul. I worry constantly that I will never be replenished. Nothing has changed in this regard since 1993 - the day it happened. <br />
<br />
DesireFaith, I am so so sorry for what you are going through. I would very much like to speak to you directly. I never thought anyone else knew this experience. I think maybe we can be of some consolation to each other. Just knowing we are not alone is really helpful. It's too bad we have to share such an awful experience. As soon as I read your story, I started praying to God to forgive you, to let you feel Him again, to be with you again. I know it won't make a difference, but I wish it would. Oh how I wish it would. For if it did, then maybe I would have a chance. <br />
<br />
I'm not sure how we can directly speak to each other; I'm not very computer savvy. I don't know if you would even want to communicate. I'm here, if you do. If not, that is alright too. This issue is weighty. I know of know other issue that is more so. <br />
<br />
Thank you for your writing. <br />
<br />

Just like you Desirefaith, I'm not sure what I am going to do.

If you were saved at 18 or 19 and then you went on your journey.<br />
No one has a journey like you and it is yours, and that is OK.<br />
We wonder off the path and all the kinds of great stuff we like to do.<br />
When you asked Jesus to come into your heart that was it.<br />
God never changes and He said that He would make you Holy like His Son Jesus.<br />
Never changes so when you accepted Him thats it for eternity.<br />
Nobody can ****** you from Him.<br />
Don't let the adversary make you think that you lost your salvation, because you can't.<br />
The Holy Spirit lives in you till your last breath, so very hard to get away from God.<br />
You come back to Him when it's the right time.<br />
He is waiting for you silently and will never stop loving you.<br />
Knower of all things past, present and future, He was not even suprised you wondered away for a time.<br />
God put's no guilt on nobody that's the other guy and the unpardinable sin that is realy bizzar that the spirit would allow anyone that is saved to do that.<br />
Easy on yourself, when your ready renew your vows and get on with life one thing God does not like is pity parties. (tried that myself more then once)<br />
take care Christian

Hi desirefaith. I can completely understand where you are coming from. I had been battling terrible thoughts for a year to the point that i have burned out. Inner strength disintegrated and all emotions I had with it. I broke. Felt bandoned and lost. Thought things that no one should ever think. The lonliness I feel has no words. I cannot connect with anything or others. I pray to no avail. Just know that you are not alone. It's hard I know.

Your sins of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit CAN be forgiven, but, you will never have peace of mind, to know that your sins are really forgiven, until you have confessed them to a traditional Catholic priest, and gained absolution. He does this through the power handed down to him throughout the ages by the words of Christ (as recorded in John XX., 21-23). To do this however is no easy task. First of all, you have to believe I am telling the truth, then you must study the Faith, and be baptized into the Catholic Church for it is the only true Church. ("Thou art Peter and upon this rock I will build my Church" (not ChurchES.) Only then, as a Catholic, will you be able to make the only true and valid confession of your sins possible, in the way God Himself has ordained and that He will hear and accept. For your comfort, the Catholic Church (the Original) teaches that there is no sin too great to be forgiven, provided one sincerely repents of it. Christ really referred to evil dispositions of soul which are so hardened that one will lack the will to repent. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is not blasphemy as commonly understood, but a determined resistance to the very grace of the Holy Spirit which is meant to save us. Thus the Pharisees who saw the miracles of Christ could not deny them to be miracles; yet rather than yield to the grace being offered them, they said that Christ wrought them with the help of the devil, and not by God. A man who rejects the very means God adopts to convert him is little likely to make good use of other graces offered by God, and Our Lord warns us very strongly to beware of sinning against the light, since it seldom ends in repentance. Yet even such a man with the help of special grace could repent of his bad dispositions and thus be converted and forgiven. Any unforgivableness, therefore, is on account of a man's bad dispositions, not on account of the nature of the sin. There is no absolutely unforgiveable sin as cannot be forgiven even though a man repents. If this answer of the Catholic Church pleased you, let me predict that there will be many more that will please you, and none that displease you as you begin to study Her claims. In the meantime, I have an Act of Contrition that you might say daily, until the blessed time comes that you may make your first confession and rid yourself of this burden; (life is too short and is meant to be happy!). Here it is:<br />
"O my God, I am sorry and beg pardon for all my sins, and detest them above all things, because they deserve Thy dreadful punishments, because they have crucified my Loving Saviour, Jesus Christ, and, most of all, because they offend Thine Infinite Goodness; and I firmly resolve, by the help of Thy grace, never to offend Thee again, and carefully to avoid the occasions of sin. Amen."<br />
If this has been of help, write back.

Catholicism is the Devil's White lie.
The best lie is not a 100% lie but truth and lie presented together to as truth.

Dear uqueia, I think you would be hard pressed to show a lie in the timeless magisterium of the Catholic Church. That Christ began the Catholic Church is a fact of history, and that He commanded her to teach all nations to the end of time is also a matter of historical fact. He promised her indefectability, that He would be with her even to the ends of the world. She has always taught a high morality. Doesn't sound like the work of the devil to me.

Your crapoloicism is a lie from Hell and if you actually studied God's Word you would know this. You have been deceived and are deceiving.

Tracy, I don't know what to make of your story - I never heard anything like it - but it has left me with an unsettled feeling, & one that is troubling.<br />
<br />
All these years later, I still ask myself why I did the things I did - not just the one-time incident of blaspheming the Holy Spirit, but why I did I go back into a life of sin after becoming a Christian?...<br />
<br />
Most people, when they think of God and/or Jesus think of love and peace - whereas I think of fear, condemnation & am thrown into a deep depression. I cry when I watch or read something about Jesus's forgiveness, because I'm convinced & fixated on it never being me. Why can't I let go?... I <br />
don't know. The things I did though are heinous & unspeakable; asking Jesus to forgive me is asking so much. He didn't have to forgive me the first time, so why would he forgive me[especially now]?...<br />
<br />
I know some you have said that it's unfair to ask for, & that God doesn't have to give signs (He indeed does not need to) - but I really wish He would. I've gotten myself in a very specific situation, and I need some sort of specific answer to be able to be at peace. Reading the bible's promises on forgiveness has no effect when you think those promises no longer apply to you. I wish I could have a one on one talk with God. :( <br />
<br />
Lastly: what's with the raging thoughts of unbelief?... Thoughts I cannot control.

Demon Entered/Possibly Have Lost My Salvation (my story)<br />
<br />
I grew in the church, loving the Lord Jesus Christ and knowing Him. Around 13 1/2 I stopped attending church, because my grandmother was no longer able to take me. My interest in the Lord fell. In 2006 the Lord began to pull me to Him. In 2007 the Lord began to pull me even closer to Him. By 2008 I was back strong with the Lord - in my love for Him, my desire to know more of Him, and to live the way He desired me to live.<br />
<br />
In 2010 He batized me with His Holy Spirit. I was born December 07, 1982. On December 03, 2010 He gave me my first Spiritual Gift - Interpretation of Word. From this moment til the third week of March 2011, the Lord Jesus Christ blessed me with somewhere between five (5) to six (6) different spiritual gifts (including Prophecy, the power Tongue, Seer, and some other spiritual gifts). In mid May 2011 I went back to doing evil. I defiantly and deliberately lusted after people with my eyes, mind, and heart. I knew I was sinning, enjoyed it, and even did it with a smile on my face. But, I didn't know about Hebrews 6:4-6 and the other verses; I didn't know of the SPIRITUAL DANGER (for someone the Lord has blessed with spiritual gifts) takes on by doing committing such actions ('such actions' meaning not the sin itself, but the way in which the sin was committed ... defiantly and deliberately).<br />
<br />
After a week and half to two weeks of doing this, one day while at home (and I was just as wide awake as I am now/I wasn't sleeping, dreaming, nor daydreaming) I presence entered into my eyes and I felt the Holy Spirit leave me (though since then it has come back to me on like a touch-and-go way). Within twenty minutes I immediatly knew what that presence was. I knew it was a demonic presence. I immediately went into a five (5) day fast and prayer to be delivered from this demon. But, that which happened (during this fast and prayer) I did not expect.<br />
<br />
On the third day of this fast and prayer I felt a portion of this presence (that was in my eyes) 'break off' so to speak and move to my neck. When it entered my body it became multiple. That is the best way I can explain it. The presence multiplied. By the fifth day the entities were just jumping in jumping in jumping in jumping in jumping in. Being tired, I stopped the fast and prayer. Two (2) days after the fast and prayer, the Lord came to me and I heard His voice. (Because He had blessed me with spiritual gifts I knew His voice and was able to recognize it; and, I wasn't sleeping, daydreaming, nor dreaming.)<br />
<br />
His tone was extremely serious and their was a feeling that was beyond anger. He said to me, 'You were told to depart from evil.'. This happened during the day. About three (3) days to a week after this message, I was in my bed about to go to sleep (it was night time) when the Lord came to me and said, 'And these words are true, you will not enter my kingdom.'; the bible verse 'And the works of the flesh are manifested and they are ....'. A few days after, I went online and googled 'demon possession' and came across a particular article on 'how' it happens. What the article had to say basically described my the exact experience - defiantly and deliberately sinned, demon possession comes on, and the Holy Spirit leaves.<br />
<br />
Within a week of reading the article, while sleeping, the Holy Fire (also known as: Fire Of God, Fire Of The Holy Spirit) came upon me and woke me up. I heard the Lord's voice and it said, 'I have come to you in many ways and have told you that you will not inherit My Kingdom.'. About one week after this, while asleep, the presence of the Holy Fire came upon me and woke me up. I heard the Lord's voice and it said, 'Your presence isn't wanted in My Kingdom. You are an abomination.'. Since then, I have received other messages from the Lord (with experiencing the Holy Fire) about me not entering into His Kingdom.<br />
<br />
Though, I have received some positive messages as well - they didn't come with the Holy Fire and most were in the daytime. I prayed to the Lord if He had a message for me then for Him to please send me a messenger in the form of a person, and He did. The person (who didn't know about any of this) had told me, 'God can change things. God will turn things around. Continue staying in reading the Word.'<br />
<br />
Since the demon possession/oppression the entities have become stronger. They are especially active at night. The ones in my body will shake my soul/spirit body and wake me up. The one that is attached to my spirit eyes will shake my soul/spirit mind and wake me up. (When this happens I get up, turn on the light, and go into prayer and praising the Lord through His Word - particularly Psalms 150, 148, 147, and 23. I aslo focus on reading God's Ten Commandments.) I have had to learn about Spiritual Warfare, and the Full Armour Of God and putting it on and keeping it on.<br />
<br />
Out of all my 28 1/2 years on earth, this experience just well ... I don't feel the Holy Spirit like I use to and the Lord doesn't talk to me like He use to.<br />
<br />
And yes, the entities are still in my body and soul as of the writting of this confession (August 8, 2011). <br />
<br />
TO ALL: PLEASE DO NOT PERSIST IN (ANY ONE FORM OF) SIN. Especially if the Lord Jesus Christ has blessed you with spiritual gifts.<br />
<br />
- Tracy<br />
<br />
P.S. - Please feel free to comment (and give advice) on my confession.

Do you all think that it's just something that I simply need to let go? I can't live my life in fear like this.<br />
<br />
I seem to find comfort in the fact that - if I was beyond forgiveness, God would end my life to put me out of my misery because what would be the point in my living - since God is always trying to reach out to the lost.<br />
<br />
And 2) God did too much, for long of a time all those years ago for me to not have been saved. So, what would have been the point of saving me if this was going to be the end result.<br />
<br />
I just hope to experience Him again so I can put an end to this once & for all.

Wow, it has been forever & a day since I've replied to any of you - I've read the comments though, & I very sincerely apologize for not posting in so long. I also want to thank all of you who posted encouragement, especially you, Sophia825.<br />
<br />
I wish I could say that I wasn't struggling with this anymore, but unfortunately I am. I find myself running from anything Christian, & then, & only then do I feel normal. However, as soon as I think about days passed all those years ago (this has been going on for 7 years now) when things were great with God, & how much I miss it, & how wonderful it would be to have that relationship back again I start feeling fear, dread, guilt & depression. I'm only going to be on this side of heaven for so long, & eventually it'll be time to cross over, & very possibly face the music. I wish I could let go of this, but for some reason, I can't - and I've never had problems of letting go of things before.<br />
<br />
I just came back last Sunday, from being in Poland, & I did not take a bible with me - because I knew I wouldn't read it. I started feeling guilty about how I was conducting myself their; swearing loosely, drinking & generally being carefree. But there came a point when I knew that I needed to change; I promised God I would start reading the Word when I got back home to the States. I also missed a little bit not being able to read because I didn't have a bible.<br />
<br />
This passed Friday, my friend came over for the first time that I've been gone for three months for bible study - and while we were studying, all the feelings of fear, dread & guilt came back - along with doubt that could be classified as unbelief.<br />
<br />
I feel so torn; I had it all, everything was as it is supposed to be - and I threw it all away. :( My faith was always somewhat experiential in nature; whenever I began to doubt, God would always give me just a little nudge to let me know that He's there. Now, there is only silence -which only feeds the fear that He no longer will deal with me, or the the unbelief.

The unpardonable sin is full rejection of Jesus as savior and Lord. When you know who the savior is and on purpose and continue to think Jesus is not worthy and that his sacrafice was nothing or common then you are unable to repent because your heart is hardened. When you desire to repent but don't feel anything you are still forgiven. You don't have to feel forgiven, God says he will forgive any and all sin. The reason why the unpardonable sin is unpardonable is because their is no desire to seek God and his forgiveness. Also satan is tricking you. ba<x>se nothing on your feelings don't trust them at all when they go against God's word.

All things in nature, including relationships, are either growing or decaying. They are always changing somehow. He that has shall receive more and he that has not shall lose even what he has. Only you can tell if something is still there underneath all those thorns. Let me ask you something? Would you be willing to do the lords work even knowing full well that you will probably go to hell? Would you still be willing to walk that path even though now you might as well worship satan? Let me just say that if you start to walk that path and put aside your own selfish need for salvation, I'm willing to bet the Holy Spirit will so be pleased that he'll have to come back to you.

If you accepted Christ As your Savior you cannot loose your salvation, the Holy Spirit lives in you.<br />
God does not change. Mal.3;6.<br />
He did not say saved for a while, He said for eternity. maybe you have a different Bible, or maybe you did not get the pages dirty?<br />
Please check this out 40 year Christian Pastor Charles Stanley site: intouch.org<br />
The advisary is playing with your head.<br />
Take care of that wondering heart, you can get through this quickly if you do it on your knees.<br />
You do have a helper, quietly waiting and never left your side.<br />
This happens to many of us your not the first to get off the trail.<br />
<br />
The Lord will guide you always. Isaiah 58:11

im in your exact position and dont find comfort anywhere. since God is so good, maybe something wil happen even for us to be saved again, something thats not written i dunno

I have read your story. I hate Satan he is such a horrible creature to have messed with your mind and heart like that. Please go to net-burst..net. Grantley Morris writes articles about this very topic. I think he can give you some hope. I don't think it's fair for God to allow you to be tempted by a sin that you did not know was unpardonable and fall into it without being aware of it being unpardonable and then punish forever for falling into it. It just doesn't sound like God to me.

no, no, no , no!!! My dear friend, I believe you got this all wrong.<br />
<br />
GO here and READ :<br />
<br />
http://net-burst.net/guilty/unforgivable_sin_testimony.htm<br />
<br />
God be with you!

Read EVERY word of this, because nearly everyone falls back into sin at times. You can recover, but it may be a horrific trial of repentance. You did NOT blaspheme the Holy Spirit, you were only expressing your frustration and failure, though doing it in anger will certainly try God's patience and you may be punished, and your belief that you committed the unpardonable is a matter of ongoing pride. Trying to resolve issues by focusing on them only makes it worse. Talking to God with your lips won't mean that He hears you. Meanwhile, our growth is not only stunted, but our salvation very possibly lost, and as long as we struggle in our flesh and let distractions lure us away from contact with God, there is no hope. Of course, that means television, alcohol, magazines, arguments, sex, internal bitterness, pride, psychiatry, lack of belief, all those things that choke the Word, and by Word of course we mean the presence of God that gives us true life. Where once we were flooded with joy and peace, our hearts have become hard again, and we're back to ego pumping and self righteousness. <br />
<br />
So, I dug up these this morning and thought I would share them. I can share my heartaches with non Christians who will tell me to have a beer and relax, or I can share them with Christians whose own lamps are not yet out, I can take pills, but by tomorrow morning I'm right back at Groundhog Day. I want to assure you that the spirit really does indwell me and assure me, though it's inexplicable how God could do that for me after all my failures. If you can only let it all go to Him, life will flow again... Be warned that it can take hours of quiet concentration for months before God begins to respond again... don't give up.<br />
<br />
http://www.allaboutfollowingjesus.org/<br />
http://dave-burke.squarespace.com/prayer-in-the-spirit/<br />
<br />
Now, forgetting what is behind, let's see how much feedback I can get from God this morning! :)

I'm pretty sure that blasphemy of the Holy Spirit was the sin of those who accused Jesus of being indwelt by an unclean spirit as he spoke to them. I'm sure that I've never committed such a sin, but then it doesn't sound like you have either, honestly. It sounds to me like you had a mental conniption, that you really knew better. But I also question whether you were truly born again. For me, this was a pretty profound experience that I could never later deny; however, it also seems like I've been unable to repent many years later. I try and and try... well, no, I truly feel the loving glow of the Holy Spirit, and I'm not tempted by lust or many other things that I'm aware of, but then I find that I've likely been sinning and not aware of it. Now, if I say that I've lost my salvation, I cannot live by faith, yet the just MUST live by faith. So, now, if I become aware that I've been lost in sin, how do I repent? This is a serious problem for me, too. You can NOT allow yourself to think that you've committed the unpardonable sin, even if you have. You must find a good church, repent of all you foolishness, and continue to seek repentance. You MUST.

Just watch this video for hope<br />
<br />

This thread has blessed me very much. I know for sure I am saved but I think of suicide every day and I can relate to what you are going through. Thank you all for sharing and may God bless you all.

what you do is askjesus to forgive you dont ask GOD to you ask JESUS to forgive you once youve asked JESUS to forgive you irs wiped clean by the shedding of HIS Blood then to them it never happened while youre asking JESUS to forgive you ask JESUS to give you the power to forgive yourself for it also and be done with it it no longer exists

"...Be not afraid or dismayed at this great multitude; for the battle is not yours, but God's....You shall not need to fight in this battle; TAKE YOUR POSITIONS, STAND STILL, and SEE the deliverance of the Lord...."<br />
<br />
i took this paraphrased version of 2 Chronicles 15-17 or thereabouts from the Joyce Meyer book, The Battlefield of the Mind. here is what it means to me:<br />
<br />
"this great multitude" is the evil spirits of hell that every second of every day plot and plan our destruction. they attack mercilessly and sometimes ceaselessly.<br />
<br />
the battle against evil is God's. we do not have to fight; we must take our positions! this is the hardest part and most loaded of the passage, i think, because taking your position means to press into the kingdom of God every second of every day. simply keep the faith no matter what, be patient past our abilities to understand and we will see deliverance because God is not a liar. how many times does the Bible speak of forgiveness compared to the number of times it speaks of the one unpardonable sin? i agree w/the above comment that if you have faith and fear of this sin then you are not guilty. we may be guilty of everything else under the sun, but keep the faith and this one unpardonable sin is not a threat. keep the faith. keep pressing into the kingdom even when it feels hopeless and give thanks to God in advance for His deliverance and BELIEVE! God's love to you, to me, and to all!

Listen! IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO LOSE YOUR SALVATION!!! If you don't think that you are saved now, you never were. But, there is still hope! Do you not know about Paul? He KILLED christians for a living, and God made him into an amazing man who converted many people and discipled just as many. Don't give up, and don't ask us for qquestions, we are only humans with limited mins. Go to the bible and ask God.


Please stop with these damnable lies. You CAN indeed lose salvation and that is by sinning willfully. There are many scriptures in Hebrews that WARNS the Believers of turning back and forsaking the Lord.Hebrews 6:7, 10:26-39, 2:2-4. "I had a new &amp; different view of the world. My conscience was moved, my heart was changed, &amp; I loved all the things of God. My sole purpose in life was to serve the Lord Jesus, &amp; spread His glorious Gospel - &amp; that I did. I was living consistently in the Spirit for about 3 years; there were evidences of a genuinely changed life." Obviously by this 1 passage, it's evident, she WAS indeed SAVED, considering that such changes do not happen unless God gave her His Spirit. And why are you bringing up Paul? Paul killed Christians BEFORE his conversion. He was ignorant of Jesus Christ being the Son of God and he had distorted ideas of Christians and who they were. That's why he received MERCY from God because he did it out of IGNORANCE 1 Timothy 1:13. Also, Paul REPENTED and did not go back to that lifestyle when he was converted. He stayed faithful to God towards the end. There is no such thing as "Eternal Security" and "Once Saved always saved". There is indeed a point where you can despise his spirit.

Thank God Almighty for warriors of truth such as yourself. There are so many lies and half-truths being spread. There will be a great falling away. False doctrines and seducing spirits aplenty.

by the way i am not giving up on you or anyone else here in this group. after thinking i had lost my salvation it has made me passionate about comforting those who know the same despair i knew. i wanted to add that the obscenities you shouted out of no where probably came from blasphemous thoughts you had. blasphemy comes from the devil. i still struggle with these thoughts but i know God is with me even when i don't feel anything at all. so don't give up!

Wow, it has been forever &amp; a day since I've replied to any of you - I've read the comments though, &amp; I very sincerely apologize for not posting in so long. I also want to thank all of you who posted encouragement, especially you, Sophia825.

I wish I could say that I wasn't struggling with this anymore, but unfortunately I am. I find myself running from anything Christian, &amp; then, &amp; only then do I feel normal. However, as soon as I think about days passed all those years ago (this has been going on for 7 years now) when things were great with God, &amp; how much I miss it, &amp; how wonderful it would be to have that relationship back again I start feeling fear, dread, guilt &amp; depression. I'm only going to be on this side of heaven for so long, &amp; eventually it'll be time to cross over, &amp; very possibly face the music. I wish I could let go of this, but for some reason, I can't - and I've never had problems of letting go of things before.

I just came back last Sunday, from being in Poland, &amp; I did not take a bible with me - because I knew I wouldn't read it. I started feeling guilty about how I was conducting myself their; swearing loosely, drinking &amp; generally being carefree. But there came a point when I knew that I needed to change; I promised God I would start reading the Word when I got back home to the States. I also missed a little bit not being able to read because I didn't have a bible.

This passed Friday, my friend came over for the first time that I've been gone for three months for bible study - and while we were studying, all the feelings of fear, dread &amp; guilt came back - along with doubt that could be classified as unbelief.

I feel so torn; I had it all, everything was as it is supposed to be - and I threw it all away. :( My faith was always somewhat experiential in nature; whenever I began to doubt, God would always give me just a little nudge to let me know that He's there. Now, there is only silence -which only feeds the fear that He no longer will deal with me, or the the unbelief.

please, please take the time to read this at least consider what i am going to tell you. i had in fact turned my back on God back to my life of sin. i had done what most would believe to be blasphemy against the holy spirit. but in truth that is NOT what it was! the devil can take any sc<x>ripture and twist it to try and bring you down as he has done with me too. first i am writing this because if fully know what you have been going through. i can only describe it as pure despair and i was in tears after reading your story. the fact that you don't feel repentance doesn't mean your lost. the devil is trying to make you believe you can't repent and are now lost. the ONLY unforgivable sin is total rejection of Jesus. you desire faith again? don't Give up! first of all you DIDN'T know about the unforgivable sin. in order to commit that sin you must fully know what it is and with a stony heart do it with our ever repenting which you did not do! just because you have Blasphemed doesn't mean your lost for good. you WANT to repent so just quiet you fears for a few moments ok? the very fact that you even WANT faith again is proof you can be saved, the devil is trying to tell you that you dont have brokeness? the devil is playing with you emotions. we can't go by feelings, i know its hard to get rid of all doubt. in fact i have had shameful doubtful thoughts even since i found out i could be forgiven. but be still in your mind, first God fully knows whats going on in your heart so trust him, yes its hard but trust that if you can be forgiven (which you can) that he will forgive you. also praise him! i know you don't feel like it. you probably wont feel a thing but do it anyways. and don't look for immediate signs, if he were to give you signs then the devil would come again to attack you.<br />
i don't want write too much now so i will end it here ok? please reply to this comment whether you agree or not ok? please feel free to present any questions or arguments to me. <br />
also i HIGHLY recommend you read this please! <br />
<br />

Mark God wants to be close to you right now. Tell God you love him. Think of nothing else. Tell God you want to be close to him. God knew all your sins when he accepted you. How you would act what you would say and think. These sins were paid for. The blasphemes against the Holy Spirit were of people that knew Jesus was the Christ and rejected him and continued to do so till his death on the cross. Jesus said they were in danger of commiting the unpardonable sin, not that they had. They were on the path to it by what they were doing. If anyone wants to repent they can. Tell God you love him like you used to do.

Mark, there is no partying in hell. Only darkness, searing heat, intense pain and suffering. <br />
How do I know? I believe the Bible and what the Holy Spirit shares with me.<br />
<br />
This is nothing to joke about!!

You are right, you are going to hell! Now its time to party. See you there - Mark

Desirefaith.<br />
I happened to come across your struggle with your faith and I am much aware of your struggle with blasphemous thoughts. I was once their myself and still today the enemy still tries to bring false accusations about myself, about who and what God is like. Blasphemous thoughts are all those things we might believe that are not true about God and our true state. They are the lies by those whom are around us that might influence us, or out of our own ignorance and yes even our own feelings will mislead us about God and His revealed truth to us. <br />
You bring up so much to discuss with your struggle and openness which I commend you for. <br />
There is so much we could talk about but I guess I'll leave that up to you if you would like to talk more about it. <br />
If I could leave you with some encouraging words, one would be about the unpardonable sin the Bible talks about. It is what I believe those who hear the gospel message and choose not to believe that they are sinners and repent of their sin, and don't believe Jesus is God in flesh and has come from heaven to take their punishment for sin so that they might be forgiven in the work of God to reconcile themselves unto Himself. Its not by any works we could do to be reconciled to a Holy God. He had to provide the way for us because we are truly lost because of our sinful state.<br />
So we see then that if someone rejects the message of that truth, how can God forgive them. It is this only sin God can't forgive. They are actually the ones that reject God first, so how can God forgive anybody if they don't ask for it. They chose. <br />
Any way I have so much I would like to talk about but I hope to be sensitive and not to go on to much and over due my say. If I may say, one truth that has help me with my blasphemous thoughts is to remember , don't let your feelings dictate your faith but let your faith be built on the promises and truth of Gods revealed will for us in the Bible.(Yes, it really is about faith) If you are serious about your faith read in your Bible John 6:37. Also, there is a great article you need to read. Go to this web site: acacia.pair.com/Acacia.John.Bunyan/Sermons.Allegories/Grace.Abounding/index.html <br />
And don't forget we truly do have an enemy of our souls who hates God and all that He has created and done. Especially he hates God's children. So, don't be surprised when the onslaught is on for our mind and soul. <br />
<br />
Grace to you.<br />
Your friend <br />

I can't vouch for whether you were "saved" or not, but what you describe sounds very much like the enthusiastic babbling of the newly converted, which is about the same for religion as it is politics. If that's the case, that would explain your numerous journeys back to reality. Even when you push all the buttons that turn on wishful thinking, you still occasionally open your eyes. You fall away, come back, and fall away again. Then you get angry. It's a vicious circle.<br />
<br />
Those who promise you a path to salvation are just enabling you. Theirs is the path of wishful thinking, too, and you're right back in the same loop.<br />
<br />
All men are sinners, in that they all make mistakes. Their redemption comes from trying to learn from mistakes, trying not to repeat the same ones. It does not come from anything external, meaning no one had to die for anyone's sins to be forgiven. Christ did not have to be the son of God for his message of love and forgiveness to have meaning. Love and forgiveness are obvious goals to strive for regardless of who said that first.

Dear Desirefaith
I feel your pain , if you did NOT Love the Lord it would not matter to you . Remember Gen 3 v 15 where the Lord puts enmity between His seed and Satan. Our battle is against the world the Flesh and the Devil, Please try to obtain a copy Of Joel Beeke's book named (Striving against Satan ) this will explain all that is happening to you. Please also remember that many Bible commentators cannot decide what the 'Unforgivable Sin is ( some think it is total Apostacy , others that it may be non- repentance at the communion table , some say it may be difficult to pinpoint therefore keeps us on our toes . I don't know the whole answer but I do know that a non- believer would not care a whit about grieving God , so take heart Dear Brother. From Your Sister who gets so much wrong too and like you hate to Grieve Him and feel at a great distance from Him often. Keep Going.

Visit my website at catchyourmiracle.spruz.com I just wrote my new weekly piece coincidently on the Holy Spirit. Hope you enjoy it. You may not think your still in God's presence, but you are. We have all felt what you are feeling at one time. God expects it. Just keep the faith.

I feel your pain and dread. You were indeed saved and then you fell away. I don't want to make you feel any worse but based on what you wrote, you hardened your heart to the point where God's Spirit quit striving with you. There is more than one way to blaspheme the Lord. Willful sin is also blaspemy (Num. 15:30-31, Heb. 10:25-31). If you have sinned unto (eternal) death, then it is true that God will no longer deal with you. If you need to converse with me, leave me a message. In the meanwhile, try to stay strong and find activities to take your mind off of the despair.

please write me,,,, I have had very similar experience,,, I really need help.....I feel like I hardened my heart too after experiencing incredible miracles....
please write me too ,,,, I have had almost the same experience

Please contact me 2, same things happened 2 me...I'm new on this site and realize these comments are old, but if someone sees this please email me at belovedsbeauty7@yahoo.com, thank u...or maybe we can Private message on this site, I haven't figured out yet...thank u

God still lives inside of your heart. He is faithful and true and you are sealed until the day of redemption regardless of whether or not you believe.

Stop spreading lies. When God's Spirit no longer strives with a person, that person is utterly cut off.

What good does that comment bring?! Seriously are you condemning someone?! Only God can judge. It's better for someone to believe in and trust in our merciful God than to give up hope.

Like' I believe.

There is no room for outright lies and spreading false hope. No human being anywhere, at any time can repent unless God has chosen to grant them repentance. If God's Spirit is no longer drawing an individual, that person is doomed. No ifs ands or buts. That is the truth found in God's Word. It doesn't matter whether you like it or not. Also, at no point did I consign anyone to Hell. Learn to read.

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