I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore :(

I am addicted to sex. I am/was saved by the Holy Ghost. I made vow to God to turn me over to a reprobate mind. I broke my vow not fully aware what a reprobate mind was and I was also sinning willfully. One dreadful night, demons attacked me to the point I wanted to committ sucide. They even spoke through me it was indeed scary. I need help! church and pray but these blamphemy thoughts about God will NOT go away. Its hard to read my bible because my mind thinks evil all the time. I feel like I cannot live life now. I am also in despair. Never ending torment of fear and evil thoughts. People think I am crazy and that I makig all if this up. :( why me. I all ever wanted was to be a virtous woman of God  but now I am a reprobate. I too pray sometimes I feel like God is there and other times I do not. I am vulnerable now, I don't wan to do anything with life anymore. I was so happy when I had God in my life to the fullest.  sigh but I am keeping the Faith no matter what! All I can do is try.

anuma25 anuma25
26-30, F
15 Responses Feb 16, 2010

I know this what posted years ago, but I still want to reply. I don't think your a reprobate, because reprobates generally are not worried about being saved, because they hate God. However, I know for certain that you are not saved, because you are trusting in your works for salvation.

The Bible tells us that we cannot earn out salvation by being good because we all have sinned. "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;" (Romans 3:23). If salvation was by your own goodness than you would be going to Hell, because no one is good. "As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:" (Romans 3:10).

Thankfully, salvation is not obtained by being good, but rather it is obtained by believing on Jesus Christ alone for salvation. Since we cannot earn salvation, God made it free, all you have to do is to believe on Jesus Christ, which is to trust in him alone for salvation. "And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." (Acts 16:31).

If you believe you can lose your salvation, you are not trusting in Jesus Christ alone to be saved, because you believe you have to maintain your salvation by being good.

If people could lose their salvation by sinning, no one would be saved, because no one is good. So get saved by believing on Jesus Christ alone for salvation, and stop trusting in your own works before it really does become too late.

God bless you.

A reprobate mind is very scary, and getting over it is extremely difficult, and this applies to everyone whose comments say that it's too late for them. Just as others have said, the only sin that's unforgivable is PURPOSELY claiming blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. For those who feel worried, this shows that you still want to change and live for God. And it's not an overnight thing, it's a process. Conviction is acknowledging that you are sinning and you don't want to do it anymore. When you pray feeling conviction, and feeling sorry, God will forgive you. He bought us with His Son's blood, and he owns us for that, but you have to stop whatever it is you're doing, and FORCE yourself to stop! By enduring the sinful temptations, and by having faith in God, you'll see that you've truly given your life to Christ, but you must first beg for forgiveness, accept Christ as your Lord and Savior, and He'll forgive you! Why? Because God is love! He is a God of mercy, and by His grace, you'll truly see His plan for your life. This is another trail in your life, and EVERY Christian goes through them, but if you feel worry, even if it's small, you'll feel the conviction come to you more and more, if you're worried enough, and then when you admit your sins, and accept Christ, you'll be forgiven. I know i repeated, but it can't be stressed enough. You still have a chance, it's not too late. Then you'll WANT to do more for God, and you'll WANT to read your bible, and you'll WANT to help others! Then you'll have that love AND fear of God, which will make you want to get stronger in the faith, and make you want to keep away from whatever makes you feel reprobate. God bless you all with conviction, in Jesus Christ name. Amen

You havent lost your salvation unless in your heart you renounce Jesus Christ and deny Him as the saviour. But from how it sounds you are still alright just get back to God.

You are not alone.

Between the late night hours of December 8th and the early morning hours of December 9th, 2012 the Lord cut my Silver Cord. Yet, He was still calling on me to repent from sin (Gluttony - biblical term for what society calls Overeating, Overstuffing). I tried to repent and knew being this way (Gluttonous) was wrong. But I never came to full repentance. It was This Monday, January 7th between the hours of 4 and 5 p.m. that He erased Himself from my conscious. He made me into a Prophetess and a Seer.

I am now a Reprobate. Since this Monday, I have received the below messages from Angels of the Lord.

It was this Monday that God erased Himself from my conscious. It happened between 4 and 5 p.m. (This came after I didn't repent from sin after He had called, and called and called for me to do so.) I don't know what to do. I have received several messages from Angels of the Lord telling me that:

December 6, 2013, past eight p.m.
'In God's eyes you are nothing, worthless.'
'He wants you to know how He feels.'
'A fever shall overcome you.' (like He did with all the prophets in the bible ... He was telling me how my end would come)

December 8, 2013, during the morning
'Jesus Christ has left you and shall not return.'
'For an angel of the Lord is with you.'
'Clothed in white.'

December 8, 2012, afternoon
'He will not hear you in this life or the life to come.' (came the moment I began thinking about going the chapel down the street and praying to Him)

December 9, 2013, during late morning
'A meeting was had on you.'
'You are deemed unfit for the kingdom.'
'You have no hope of Salvation.'

December 9, 2013, during early afternoon
'He doesn't want you, no longer accepts you.'
'The Father is through with you.'
'Saul.'

I know when I am hearing from the Lord. I made me into a Prophetess and Seer. I wish my life had not come to this. :(

- Tracy

I'm sorry. :( I too struggle with gluttony a bit, this actually kinda helped me, if it makes you feel any better :)

I doubt your a reprobate, but your also not saved. In order to be saved all you have to do is to trust in Jesus Christ alone for salvation. "And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house." (Acts 16:31). Salvation is a free gift, you receive it by faith alone, not by works.

You cant become a reprobate by not repenting of your sins, because you are not saved by repenting of your sins. The Bible tells us that turning from sin is a form of works. "And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not." (Jonah 3:10). The Bible says over and over that works are not part of salvation. If you believe that you must turn from your sin to be saved, then you are trusting in your works, and thus not saved.

No one has repented of all of their sins, so we should be thankful that salvation inst received by works. Believe on Jesus Christ alone to be saved.

This happened to me, too, word for word. The saddest thing to ever happen. And how do we live?

My dear sister in Christ, I too had a similar experience. The demons are incubus and succubus, they are strong and you will need help in rebuking them. Dont give up.

You could use a deliverance ministry to help with all those demons. You absolutely must get rid of that problem. I do know what you mean, I have seen 2 actual demons, felt 1 posess me, and another one speak to me. It took several deliverance sessions and casting them and binding them to the abyss with by the blood of Christ. I was lucky to have a holy spirit filled pentecostal guy pray for me, which seemed to have helped. Holy spirit is like fire, if it goes, you need to find another source.<br />
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Secondly you need to fast and change completely. We are nearing the tribulation. You have a chance to be raptured, something no one in time has ever had, save Enoch. It's all about overcoming. Compromise with the part of you that wants to commit suicide. Stop living for you and start living for God, life is short, eternity is forever. That's my advice.

I would like to Say What I learned from Joseph Prince "Right believing gives birth to right living" I f you believe you are condemned ,and lost ,you will live like that, will you.

You Guys, This is all to the doctrine you have been believing,If you lose salvation then you are no longer obligated to serve righteousness,and that means you will live in sin. I have come to some conclusions that salvation is also a covenant ,like the law was a covenant. What happen to those that rejected the law of Moses? I have been to a church that taught if you lost salvation it was for good,and I wondered what there reasoning was. It was the fact that those who did despised moses law where put to death ,and how could they come ,and repent afterward once they were dead? They couldn't. So i understood there reasoning now concerning Christian lost of salvation,but it doesn't make it true however. I would say in your hearts you have determined you were lost,and also like I said,being saved means you are not obligated to the flesh to live according to it,also the Christian becomes a slave to righteousness,if you are not saved then you are not a slave to righteousness,being saved doesn't mean you go on sinning,but other would like to imply that , saying you can lose salvation ,if you lost it then you would sin ,and you would live in sin if you believed that. So these idiots going around telling people they can lose salvation isn't helping. Being saved is the why we need to not Romans 6:1,if you are not saved then there is no reason to obey this truth is there? This is for those for those who are saved ,not for the lost.

You Guys, This is all to the doctrine you have been believing,If you lose salvation then you are no longer obligated to serve righteousness,and that means you will live in sin. I have come to some conclusions that salvation is also a covenant ,like the law was a covenant. What happen to those that rejected the law of Moses? I have been to a church that taught if you lost salvation it was for good,and I wondered what there reasoning was. It was the fact that those who did despised moses law where put to death ,and how could they come ,and repent afterward once they were dead? They couldn't. So i understood there reasoning now concerning Christian lost of salvation,but it doesn't make it true however. I would say in your hearts you have determined you were lost,and also like I said,being saved means you are not obligated to the flesh to live according to it,also the Christian becomes a slave to righteousness,if you are not saved then you are not a slave to righteousness,being saved doesn't mean you go on sinning,but other would like to imply that , saying you can lose salvation ,if you lost it then you would sin ,and you would live in sin if you believed that. So these idiots going around telling people they can lose salvation isn't helping. Being saved is the why we need to not Romans 6:1,if you are not saved then there is no reason to obey this truth is there? This is for those for those who are saved ,not for the lost.

qalo<br />
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i feel the same way and the fear of death is on to me i know i have been saved but this days evil thoughts are entering my body like crazy sometimes i feel i am loosing my mind i drink alcohol everyday to lower the thoughts. i love my GOD cant afford to leave without him but i feel i have disobeyed HIM and HE has left me.i cant sleep at night thinking when i close my eyes i will be dead.

Let me say more. I've only recently begun to realize just how deeply in sin I've been the last 30 years, even right NOW unable to rid myself of troubles. Nevertheless, God's promises are stronger than I am, as long as I am willing to submit to the calling of the Holy Spirit to repentance. Be happy that you are troubled and in despair, because that is in fact God's calling. Be careful, you can miss the calling and fail to repent in time. Repentance requires DEEP meditation, the seeking of God, and it can be horribly painful, but if you commit yourself daily to prayer, sc<x>ripture reading, full surrender, worship, fellowship and seeking of the leading of the Spirit, the Spirit will cleanse you and give you the strength and the opportunity to be forgiven. I am, even now, despite of my apparent entrapment in sin, in fellowship with the Holy Spirit. I don't yet know how He will help me resolve the difficulties I am facing, but He will. The one thing you can NEVER do is abandon hope - OR pass judgement on yourself. Remember, ONLY God is the judge of whether you have committed the unpardonable sin. If you are sincere in seeking forgiveness and repentance, pleading the power of that blood which was shed for you, then God cannot deny you. Read your Bible again.

wow. i used to fear that i had been turned over to a reprobate mind, too, but i agree w/Sophia...there is only one unpardonable sin and if you have faith, you need not even entertain the thought.

there is only one unpardonable sin that is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. this is not what is happening to you. you are bombarded by evil thoughts because the devil is trying to bring you down. these thoughts are uncontrollable they just keep coming right? i have had terrible thoughts like this before too. just keep praying a lot ok? listen the very fact that you still are trying is proof that you are still saved. if your spirit was dead (if you no longer had the Holy Spirit) you wouldn't even be struggling against these thoughts. also you CANT accidently commit the unforgivable sin. <br />
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also willful sinning isn't just any premeditated sin. if that were the case then peter would have been lost. he had preached that all gentiles could be saved. but then when the pharisees came he denied this teaching because he was afraid of what the pharisees would think. that was a sin but he was forgiven. willful sin is total rejection of Jesus Christ and CONTINUING in that way of thinking. so just keep praying and keep strong. please reply to this comment also i would greatly appreciate it.

anuma25, I feel your pain. I died back in 2001 because I had a **** addiction that I tried to cure by giving myself over to it in order to "wear it out". However, all I did was make my addiction worse, blaspheme God by my willful sinning, and become possesed by demons. I have been tormented by evil on and off since then. Prayer does me no good because His Spirit is no longer willing to deal with me. My life is one of endless fear and I sometimes use pills or alcohol to numb the pain and the blasphemous thoughts that I cannot control. I used to be overflowing with hope and a strong desire to impress my Dad (God the Father) and my Big Brother (Jesus) but I just couldn't overcome my own body's desires. I am not alive anymore. I merely exist just waiting in fear of the day that I go down into the Pit. This is not how I wanted my story to end but I guess I earned it.

Is this happening recently? Or is it something that happened in the past that you are reflecting on? It really sucks though, and usually nobody believes you. <br />
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Then people tell you stuff like "You've changed or "what happened to the you?" which makes you feel down even more. <br />
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It's very traumatic too. :( <br />
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I've been praying to God a lot. And talking to Jesus. There is also the prayer to St. Michael. Those efforts really do help. My event went from Aug-Nov. I'm just now starting to not reflect on it as much anymore. It's so hard though. During Jan, I tried to look online or find people who went through the same experience, so I could have someone to relate to. It's also hard to talk to friends because they won't understand and ask, "you mean like anxiety?" I'm very grateful for my friends to try to support me, but it can be a sucky situation when no one can relate or understand. <br />
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How long has this been going on for you? <br />
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Wish you the best! God bless you :)