Am I Asking For Too Much?

I know it's not a good idea to gauge your love life based on others around you but lately it seems that everyone around me has someone, met someone, or knows that someone likes them...except me. I often think of reasons why I may not be finding that one guy (I'm a gay college student) who will reciprocate the feelings I feel for him. In my case, it always ends up with me really liking them and finding out the feelings are not mutual. It really hurts sometimes because I am just afraid I can't find anyone out there, and I don't mean to play the gay card but somehow it feels like its so hard to find guys. My straight friends always seem to be with a new girl, one that they met here or there, and they tell me that I'll find someone, that it's easy, but I haven't. Sometimes is just despair (and yeah, maybe it isn't healthy) but I just can't feel anything else when I go out...I can't have real fun anymore, it's sort of a temporary mood elevation then I'm straight back to my old, depressed self. I went out with some friends last night and it was a total disaster. I had fun at the beginning but it just became the same old thing, all of them hooking up with their girlfriends/girls they met, and me just dancing alone, trying to feign fun until it just became too painful and I had to get out of there or I was just going to cry. I don't mean to sound soppy or anything but it just seems to happen more and more, that I just can't hold all the emotions in...I just want to find someone whom I can love and get the same back, is that too much?
ljolley5190 ljolley5190
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 12, 2010

I feel the same.

I'm a 30-something straight woman but I do know how you feel. I'm the only one in my circle of friends who is still single and not in a relationship. I'm still getting asked why I have no boyfriend or husband yet and all I can say is that he just hasn't found me yet. Of course, they tell me I have to actively look for him but I got sick and tired of being the dominant, aggressive one and want to know if chivalry is not dead. I admit I love being pursued but sometimes, I have to be the one to initiate it. Like you, whenever I go out to a party or some other kind of social event especially one that has lots of couples, it depresses me and I just wanna leave. I don't like being a third wheel when I am invited out by my coupled friends sometimes but it's nice to feel some inclusion even if you don't have a significant other. Straight people have just as hard a time finding a good partner as much as gay people do. I empathize with you.