Nothing Worthy Of LoveI have been 'single' for over a year now and I finally allowed myself to truly open up and care about someone. I told him of my childhood, details I have not even told my therapist, I shared my desires, my dreams, my secrets. I allowed him to see me, to know me.....very few get to. " You are amazing ", " I like you, more than I let on...." he would say. He wanted to be with me and he opened up to me or so it seemed. Yet when all is said and done, I am but one of three. I am nothing special, nothing worthy of love or even consideration of dating. WOW!!
Is my personality so unpleasant, so unworthy of being someone special to just one person? I finally open up and it is still not enough.....I do not know how to become worthy....how to become someone who deserves love. It saddens me because I do not understand and I do not know how to fix it or even how to walk away from the pain.
I am tired of being cold, distant.....I want true love. Just someone who truly wants to be with me, spend time with me and who is not constantly looking for that other, better option. I am tired of being that girl who is worthy of f*kking but not worthy of being with.
But perhaps I just need to except my path.....to except I will never find love. Not the kind of love I so want anyway.
wickedties 41-45, F 70 Responses 8 Feb 1, 2011