Except My Kids and Parents

I know they love me but I want a man. I bounced around between boyfriends who were sorta cool when I was younger. I have been with my husband since I was 18. He doesn't love me. It is more like I am his mom when we are not arguing. I don't want a big overgrown kid.

My parents are not divorced. They love each other. They are each other's soul mates. They like to be around each other. They are so similar in their thoughts it is scary. I always thought I would have that. I am getting nothing but older and more alone. It seems the older I get the more my chances of having a best friend and a lover diminish. Depressing.

cemev cemev
31-35, F
15 Responses Feb 8, 2008

i have empathy for you,,

Thank you, I am trying to realize we can only change ourselves. I went through a period when my first two kids were little. I was so dependant on my husband. I have always been extremely independent. I had to rely on him for money and I wanted so bad to have such a perfect little family. I felt so helpless and out of control when he disregarded his duties and responsiblities. Like I have stated before, he is very selfish.<br />
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Now, I really try not to care when he does things. I can only control what I do. Easier said than done but you are right on with that statement.

You're on to a good start. We can't change anyone else only ourselves and that's exactly what you are doing! Good for you!!!

I miss Seinfeld putting out new episodes every week. It was funny. <br />
I wish I loved being out there. My life was out there when I was younger. I was out there and loving it then. Now I am out there and wishing I was not.<br />
I want to go back to the wild and crazy and sex filled days of my past.

Well, then, perhaps a semblance of sanity to make you feel better. <br />
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That makes me think of that quote from Seinfeld where Kramer says:<br />
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"I'm out there and I'm LOVIN IT!"<br />
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Right, my life is anything but normal and sane. I do have to try to maintain some sanity though. Otherwise I will be really out there.

I think you should just accept that we're not sane.

I have started to work out because I like it. I am doing something for me for once. I went back to school for about a year and got some more classes completed before my third was born. It is a goal to do that again once the youngest is a little older and I can get a childcare situation worked out. This goal is a little slow moving and is only a plan at this point.<br />
What else is there to do except try to stay sane?

Ok, I hear ya, but you still didn't answer my question. You told me everything you can't do, but what can you do?

I really want to just say I am leaving. HA HA. Bye. It is just so complicated, it is too many things to deal with at one time. I just do not think my life would be so great as a single mom of three working all the time for much less than I have now. I would hardly get to see my children grow up. Then there is no guarentee I will have love or even lust after all the changes.

Let me ask you this: What are you going to do about it?

We all thought we knew what we were doing, what we wanted in a spouse, what we needed, but I certainly didn't know myself. <br />
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Someone wise once told me that she never learned anything about herself when she was in a relationship, but only after the relationship was over. I still think about that and wonder if it's true.

Obviously, I did not either. I thought I did.

I hear you. <br />
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I can't imagine being with the same person since 18. Maybe your different, but I didn't know much at 18....or 21....or 24....or....

Yeah, the one person I sort of feel that way toward I have not seen in 5 years and now he is married. It sucks being unhappily married.