I Can't See It Happening

I have been ignored and unloved for the most part of my life. I have a big family, but my parents divorced when I was five years old. I don't remember what it was like to have a father, but he has his other, more important family now so he couldn't care less about me. Anyway. In addition that my family completely ignores me and my feelings, I've never met anyone who'd genuinely cared for me. In any way. I have never been in a relationship of any kind. I am completely inexperienced. I do not have the slightest idea what it feels like to be loved. I sound like a right loser right now, but I'm feeling pretty rundown because of all this, so I don't really care, y'all.

It's just... the whole idea of me being like, someone's "most important person in their life"... It just feels weird. Look, even I can't love myself in any way, so how is someone else supposed to do it? I've never felt included or really BELONGED in anything, so it's really hard to see that. Even though I'd really want to be loved, like, REALLY want to, my negative thoughts kick in and I think along the lines of "no, it's impossible, I know it's not going to happen!" and so on. It's just that sometimes I feel so helplessly empty about it all. Like it only happens to everyone else but me. Like I'll never get to feel really loved and to have someone think about my feelings. Because no one's really ever been there for me. Honestly. Never. This is kinda funny, but even my own mother has never told me she loves me. And she's not some kind of unfeeling monster or anything.

oozaru oozaru
18-21, F
Jun 7, 2011