Just Another Girl With Something To Say

When everyone around you seems to be in relationships it's hard not to think ...what's wrong with me? What do these people have that I don't? At the risk of sounding like just another single girl complaining about how no one loves her, It's challenging to realise that you might never be in love.Sure it's easy for smug couples to console you with "you'll meet someone - I just know it!", but what happens when you don't? You're being fed this lie your whole life, and constantly waiting, hoping that something's going to happen - and then it doesn't. That's not much of a way to live. But then there's the people who just close themselves off to relationships, and stop trying because they think they're just going to get hurt or rejected again - and that option seems just as lonely and miserable. Hard to win, isn't it!
nadiney nadiney
18-21, F
13 Responses Dec 1, 2011

Dear Young Woman;

I saw a girl today whom didn't appear to be much older than you if not maybe a tab younger....she turned out to be an medical intern soon to be doctor. You could do the same...worry about having a good rewarding career the relationship can wait.

You don't want to end up telling yourself later in life as I do now why didn't I do this that or the other when I was younger. YOUR THERE....You can make positive happen now.

from and older women...

I'd rather be alone than to be part of a destructive relationship like my friend is in.
I am truly afraid she will kill him someday when she is drunk or on drugs.Yet he puts up with it(shakes head)
That said,my situation is that what I love on the outside is not the traditional ideal.I ADORE a chubby to very overweight pretty girl-no upper weight limit!

You're a young girl, trust me, if you're a good person you'll find someone who loves you. I bet there's alot of guys that would like to be with you. Put yourself out there more, take a chance by asking someone to go cinema etc. Ya have to be in to win! hahaha

The most important thing is to find yourself first, and be happy in your own skin, the old phrase you must love yourself before you let someone else in, and begin to love them. This is a process i am still working on, and even though I hate not having someone in my life and see those around me getting married and now having children I keep remembering I am still young, I am still furtile, and it will happen hopefully one day. In the meantime I can make myself into a more attractive mate for someone but learning to be happy accepting me. I have been married before and that was disasterous only because the man I accepted into my life was not a man at all, a boy a stupid mummas boy and I dont ever wanna go down that road again. If another person enters my life he will be a man willing to accept responsiblity and roles. I am going to have to screen my partner really well before going to the altar. In the meantime I can work on ME. I have attracted fuckwittts before and dont wish to do so again. So I wanna be the kinda person that attracts a decent guy. but to do that I need to know myself in and out, know what i want in life, where I wanna be. be able to cook and clean efficiently, and run a household. its not just the appearance that matters in the end its who u r inside. when the apperance fades thats all thats left and you are vunerable, so letting yourself be vunerable now and seeing whats inside your heart is important too. <br />
dont be in a rush, can be a mistake to rush into marriage or a relationship without knowing the person well enough.<br />
If you wanna talk I am happy to msg u bk.

Thank you for this. That's exactly how I feel.<br />
My only concern is getting older and realizing I will never meet someone I will truly love, and end up settling for anyone just because it's what people do. Life is hard.

who said you needed anyone anyways, guys lie cheat and steal ruthless creatures we are. then again, i think the same about females. so when you do find a guy who you cant stop thinking about, dont. and when you find a guy who wont hurt you, dont hurt him. when you find a guy who'll listen to your dreams and nightmares, listen to his. because a guy who'll put you before himself is someoen worht holding onto

Well said! Now where do I go about finding a guy like that?! haha

well um. idk. u can try talking to me more and see if u like what you talk to. lol

I don't lie steal and cheat, I treat my gf very good and I never hurt her once so don't listen to guys like this.

Yeah, that's pretty heavy and hits close to home. I know it isn't really comforting to say that it wasn't until I hit my 40s when I found someone I love dearly, but once you get there it is bliss. I'm an unusual case and a guy living in an area with more men than women so I think you'll do far better than I did in terms of finding someone - the right someone - long before you get to be as old as I am. So, before I launch into some sappy/flowery nonsense along the lines of how love 'just happens' I just wanted to share the stark pain I felt for many years - almost more than I could take. Maybe we all go through this in one way or another - I really don't know. But, during my dark years I would - on occasion - try to follow some advice. For me that was putting effort toward getting myself out there. I tended to be the type that closed themselves off from others. If you're that way then I do understand how getting out there can be hard, but from a probabilistic point of view it makes quite a lot of sense to attend as many social events as possible. Another practical step, I think, is to make a point of having regular friendships since that provides basic companionship that we all need. I preferred the latter since it really took the pressure away from dating. Hope that helps.

It's a lot easier to take advice from someone who knows where you're coming from, that's for sure. A lot of my friends just seem to go from relationship to relationship, but I'm not wired that way. I like to know people before jumping into anything - so like you mentioned, perhaps the best way is to just keep putting myself out there and enjoying the friends I have. But to be honest, although I know a few of my friends would like to - and have tried - to date me, I'm not interested in any of them like that! It just makes things so much more frustrating to have options but know they're not the right ones.

Well, I was specifically thinking of same sex friends - I should say truly platonic friendships. It's companionship without the burden of a full blown relationship. Back in the day (and then some) I would skate with friends a lot. Good times! But, I did feel exactly the same as you when my friends began dating and getting into relationships. It was depressing to put it lightly. I really am not the one to give advice, but if I had to then I'd just say something along the lines of knowing what's good for you. I've known some that got into codependent relationships mutually dragging each toward a downward spiral. It's the simple and uncomplicated things that keep us happy. Entertainment for the benefit of others! Your partner in life ought to know these things. You'll know you've found it when the best time together with your lover was the same day the car engine seized 75 miles away from home and the repair bills were in excess of $6000 USD. Now THAT is someone *I* can live with forever.

Damn, you saved me writing all that. I feel the same way and its really taken its toll last month. I guess I should be working on just being happy instead of thinking I need someone to share my life with to bring happiness. Nothing makes you feel like you're looking from the outside in more then seeing all your friends in relationships when you're by yourself :(

that's very true! I've never had a problem with being single until I looked around and realised all my friends were starting to get into serious relationships and "settling down". And then I panicked because I hadn't found anyone yet. Comparing myself to others never seems to make me any happier, so I'm trying hard to stop and instead just enjoy being selfish and free, and having one less thing to commit to :p

Let you in on a little secret your friends are right but you can't keep waiting for the right person you have to go out in meet them how do you think they found there "one" its when they started living there life's and going places and were content with what they had did they find them, but nothing happens over night as when it comes to anything. I wondered that myself if there was something wrong with me and the answer is no not even you we just have not met them yet but at the point when we stop looking so hard anything can happen when you don't see it coming, I know its hard and you get lonely maybe even think in a room of coups and friends you are alone but even when you are people are with you too in the same boat. I guess no one not even myself likes to wait sometimes its one of the hardest parts but i know one thing a beautiful women like your self will find someone i am sure of it you just can't give up yet you are still really young,

hmm you're very right! It is much more important to just enjoy life and be content at whatever stage you're at. Thanks for reminding me of that - I think it's something I needed to hear :)

For sure you don't need a lover to make you happy you could be just as happy with things you do in your life, such as friends/family or even your job maybe there is a lot of things in life just as great but sometimes people miss them.

It isn't easy to meet people unless you happen to be social with access to people of interest but even if you aren't in that circumstance it doesn't mean you won't meet someone special. Meeting people is a challenge, women will attract men for a variety of reasons but is much harder to attract a person that you can have a long term meaningful relationship. It is a challenge to find the right person to have a relationship with if you are discerning.<br />
One way to go about this is to make friends. Many very solid relationships come from friendships. A friend may not be someone you could live with but when you find a friend who is someone that you feel very comfortable you might find a relationship but even if you don't, you still will learn more about yourself.<br />
Sometimes the hardest journey of all is the journey of self discovery. You have a lot to offer, you clearly are an intelligent young woman and you seem to have a kind heart. Your biggest challenge will be choosing who to spend your time with. I wish you all the best with your journey.

i think if you know what you want you can take some initiative on your own. its hard at first but there are men out there just like you looking for someone. if youre mature and realistic you can go out and meet someone, venture out on your own and if you dont meet a man youll begin to like your own company more cause youre doing for yourself.

meeting people is easy, but finding the right person isn't! You are right though, it pays to be mature and realistic - although I have a hard time determining what expectations are realistic!

you are so young. i think boys are way less mature compared to girls even more now than when i was young. i bet your friends just arent as hard to please and thats not a bad thing. i dont want to repeat what people say that you dont like. but you have a long way to go and you will find someone, have some patience. try and get involved in other pursuits . you are more likely to meet someone when youre not trying so hard. have fun.

yeahh! agree with all you have to say

When people say: "you will meet someone soon" they say it because it is the only thing they can say. <br />
And a lot of people do meet someone eventually. Some sooner than others.<br />
But being alone for a while will make you realize what you want. It will probably make you appreciate it more when you do find someone. Someone who has always been in a relationship will take it for granted.

Perhaps it is the only thing they can say, but why do people feel the need to console you for being single in the first place? Nothing needs to be said!

Well I guess most people mean well when they say it. And it is hard to suddenly say nothing. Depends on the situation. But I too find it annoying sometimes. Makes me think "yeah well that is easy for you to say".

As another perpetually single girl, I would rather hear the positive "I'm sure you'll find someone", rather than a dismissive "Well, having a boyfriend isn't all that great anyways". THAT ****** me off.