Yeah...How can I explain this? I just...I feel like there's nothing especially special about me, or anything that will keep someone around. I feel like any guy who expresses interest in me will do it purely to get into my pants, and for no reason other than that. And then, once they get what they want, they will leave. Or, if they don't get what they want, they'll leave when they realize it's taking too long to get it.
I know what readers are inevitably thinking. That, in order for someone to love and respect me, I first have to love and respect myself. Problem is, I don't know how to love and respect myself. I really don't. And to some extent, I feel there's no point to learning how to do so because I'd hate to have a high opinion of myself when no one else did.
Deep down, I know I have a lot to offer. I'm a caring, trustworthy, and honest person, someone who has an interesting way of looking at the world. But for whatever reason, I don't feel that is good enough. I feel like no one cares about finding someone with these qualities.
I also realize that a part of me expects for "love" to just fall into my lap. I feel that I'm somehow entitled for a man to fall in love with me, when (I suppose) I'm not entitled to that at all. All this time I've been waiting for a guy to "save" me, but shouldn't I try to be saving myself?
Hopefully this all makes some bit of sense. I know I'm going to be tempted to delete this post just after posting it, but I will try not to.
livingalie1 22-25, F 27 Responses 11 Dec 30, 2011