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Yeah...

How can I explain this? I just...I feel like there's nothing especially special about me, or anything that will keep someone around. I feel like any guy who expresses interest in me will do it purely to get into my pants, and for no reason other than that. And then, once they get what they want, they will leave. Or, if they don't get what they want, they'll leave when they realize it's taking too long to get it.

I know what readers are inevitably thinking. That, in order for someone to love and respect me, I first have to love and respect myself. Problem is, I don't know how to love and respect myself. I really don't. And to some extent, I feel there's no point to learning how to do so because I'd hate to have a high opinion of myself when no one else did.

Deep down, I know I have a lot to offer. I'm a caring, trustworthy, and honest person, someone who has an interesting way of looking at the world. But for whatever reason, I don't feel that is good enough. I feel like no one cares about finding someone with these qualities.

I also realize that a part of me expects for "love" to just fall into my lap. I feel that I'm somehow entitled for a man to fall in love with me, when (I suppose) I'm not entitled to that at all. All this time I've been waiting for a guy to "save" me, but shouldn't I try to be saving myself?

Hopefully this all makes some bit of sense. I know I'm going to be tempted to delete this post just after posting it, but I will try not to.
livingalie1 livingalie1 22-25, F 27 Responses Dec 30, 2011

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dont delete it. its how you feel. and i feel the same way. however... honest to goodness, the qualities you posses are so rare in true form now a days, so dont devalue what you have to offer. had i found a girl like you that loved me for who i am, who i could openly talk to, and trusted without thinking about it, id be a happier man. everyone says to be patient and let it come to you, my advice is the opposite. dont sit and expect, go out with the intent to find nothing. when you arent waiting, OR looking for "it", itll show up. wonder if that makes any sense... guess im saying you dont need to be idle, but still see yourself for who you are and dont take your values for granted.

I was just reading your post and I know just how you feel. I always feel like I am trying too hard to find someone, anyone to just see the real me. To accept me and my quirks and love me any way. I wish you luck in finding the right man.

True love does happen and it is very real when it does... Take the time to know the guy is into knowing you

You have just written exactly what I'm thinking. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I thought it was just me who felt like this so it's good to know that there are others who understand how I feel. Good luck with everything and I really hope you realise just how awesome you are someday.

Be patient the person you are looking for will find you someday and make sure if he really loves you to propose your from your family instead of letting him taking you here and there without any promise and just like what you mentioned in your story they have on intention is your body and not your self, if I'm in your shoes if the person wants me for him he need to ask for my hand from my family then I will know that this person really care for me.

Hey, I know how you feel. I mean I don't have to worry about anybody just wanting to get into my pants, but I'm also not normal enough for anybody to love me either. I always hear the excuse of the friend zone or I'm like a brother when people finally get to know me. I just feel like I'm too much of a freak for anybody to love me. But you on the other hand have a ton to offer. Who in their right mind wouldn't want a woman that's honest, caring, trustworthy, and can see the world in a different prospective? Those thates on their own sound like a hell of a lot to offer to me.

Talk to me

i feel just like you i have lot to offer but no one ever sees it so i even stop trying

Makes perfect sense. Your story is a common one for many women. Sorry you can't find the guy that'll see what you have to offer. <br />
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I wish I had a clear answer for you, but many of us are in the same boat, honest, sincere, and trustworthy, just tired of the insane world around us. I can't think like a woman though and I can only speak as a guy who has trouble finding what you've described. The man you're looking for probably doesn't get many chances at a woman who knows what is important and while he scrambles to get your attention, many other guys will drown out his calls of affection. <br />
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Risks and chances. Risks and chances. We've got to go ahead and jump, but we also need to open our eyes and ears before we can open our hearts. It's not easy. Definitely not easy.

WOW WOW WOW I didn't even think that i could find bunch of people who think like that &amp; so dame clear about their feeling.<br />
Hey thanks for share this story I appreciate your writing.<br />
I want to say that there is different kind of people out there, you just have to wait for the right one (as i also suffer from the same). I also want to share mine.<br />
I've been a relation for almost 5 years, It start with friendship which is turned in love in 2 years. when my relation been in love I thought it will be the best as i understand her feeling &amp; she mine, I accepted her as she was, she want me to make promise that we will never intimate until we got married. I gave her my words. My relation was going great as i was out of the city for my study, but when i came back one day when i mate her she was trying to make physical relation, for a minute i also get involved, but then I thought it is uncontrollable situation, I gave her promise if it will happen may be she felt guilt then I step back trying to change mood, she told me thanks for step back. BUT after this incident our relation get bad then worst until breakup.<br />
Now I realize what was my mistake to promise her or keep that promise. Is that wrong to be nice, trustworthy, keep promises. by that time I've never been in relation everyone looks doubtful.

Okay, just read your stories, you officially became my idol in life. I am afraid as you are, I am fortunately blessed with the ability to see the problem, but at the same time cursed with laziness and a tad of apathy. What I have come to realise in my time at university is the few friends I have made are like me, we are not mindless zombie's or ob<x>jectify women, commonly referred to as a 'jock'. I am not sure if its because I am socially awkward, fail to see the point in small talk or I just generally feel different to everyone else. But what I do know if you were looking for one of my friends you wouldn't find them in a club, like a lot of people meet people. When you are looking for someone different, the general rules for finding them don't apply, sadly for me, my perfect person would have to force themselves into my life because I have resorted to not letting people in anymore. So it will take longer to find the people who are a little 'different', but that doesn't mean it wont ever happen. The only advice I can give is, do what you want to do, don't go out trying. I have tried, I failed epically.<br />
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P.S. If you think you are socially awkward, I make the worst and most abstract jokes ever, example, someone once said they were going to a baby shower, so I replied with "don't forget your towel", it was meant to be a pun with hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, apparently that takes too much thinking. You have more hope than I, Me' lady ^^.

Some things just can't be explained. I feel as if there is nothing special about me also. Not all guys think like that. Coming from this guy I would like nothing more than to meet someone and know them, and really know them and have them know me. I have all the qualities that you have and I want them also. Always say love yourself and etc etc etc..... I don't even know what that means. All I hope for some days is for one person to notice me, maybe, hopefully, or to catch someones attention. It never happens and I always return to my tomb where I will just sit in the dark and think and wonder if I have anything at all that another wants. My pain has been built over ten years. Most I can think anymore is, life can't be this empty all the time, right? I hope that someday someone will "save you." I hope for the same thing for me as well. In the end all people have is hope. Dreams fade and are forgotten. Prayers go unanswered. Wishes sink to the bottom. And HOPE FLOATS.

Just hang in there gorgeous. Remember 'Field of Dreams'.... "If you build it, he will come"...... you are 'it' and he is out there waiting to find you :-) xx

Wow you got gotten a lot of comments and some very long comments. I couldn't read through all of the comments however im sure a few people have said "I know what youre going through" to an extent, yes they do. A lot of people have felt this way, including myself. I have been in a relationship for 6 years and i still feel unloved and uncared for no matter how much i love and respect myself. The other thing is ive cheated on my boyfriend several times and he still loves me, takes care of me and makes sure that I have everything I need. So as for being honest and trust worthy, im not saying dont be but there are some guys out there who need something to fight for. Or you sound too good to be true there fore they can be intimate with you and a ton of people have intimacy issues. <br />
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And only 2 out of the 20 guys ive even flirted with have wanted a relationship with me and got one so YES A LOT OF GUYS DO WANT TO JUST GET INTO YOUR PANTS. Filter out the bad ones, say no to the guys who are touchy feely and say yes to the guys who just want to hang out and be there for you.

best advice, you cant go through life thinking every one you meet will oneday let you down. its simple human characteristics to be afraid, to lie, to cheat etc. but there are pply who ignore that trait and are decent ppl. ive done my share of thing wrong in life, done things which im ashamed of, but have changed. i hope you find your love!

Sometimes I feel the same way. Just don't be afraid to be yourself. Believe me, you have a lot to offer.The right guy for you will see that. Just don't be afraid.

The truth is you are a very complex and passionate person. I can see this by reading your post.<br />
<br />
Most people arnt looking to put in the work to win people like us. People are lazy, flaky, and outright Narcissistic. Its human nature.<br />
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Hang in there Tiger the right guy is out there waiting for you, who knows perhaps hes looking for you right now but cant see far in the darkness.

Love is a very complicated thing. Know this though, a true man will love you for the beauty you possess inside. Not for sex or for some kind of gain. Think about this, if you ba<x>se a relationship only on sex and not bonding or tenderness, what will happen to the relationship if you or him can't "perform"? Will the love be there? That is a test of true love. I myself can love a woman and be satisfied in just holding her and having her close to me. Listening to a heartbeat, etc.....

Gosh, how to even begin...<br />
I'm not sure I should even be writing this, except for the fact that as I read through your profile, I felt very much that I can completely relate. <br />
Give me a minute here, I can do better...<br />
<br />
Basically, all the feelings you've described, I have experienced. The thing that finally 'broke' it for me, was a depression that lasted about 2 years. Of course, I didn't have insurance, or drugs to help me through, so I just kinda surrendered to it. Sometime down that road - I finally 'let go' and just accepted the fact that I don't HAVE the same 'feelings' that other people do.<br />
What I had so long thought was a weakness, I think turned out to be a strength.<br />
<br />
Last week, I was talking to MXXX. She's a good friend which I regard as highly as if she were my own daughter. She'd run into a problem in her marriage, and I scolded her (in front of her husband)... a few minutes later, I explained to her, "I apologize for hurting your feelings, but it was the only way I knew that I could get through to you."<br />
She acknowledged this, and accepted the advice quite graciously...<br />
<br />
About a half hour later - I overheard her talking to her husband...<br />
"I don't understand,"He said,"How you think so much of Angel, and when he hurts your feelings - you just let it go like it was nothing!"<br />
She answered...<br />
"You don't understand how Angel is. He doesn't HAVE feelings like other people. he only 'cares' because he chooses to- and he doesn't have to. I can take his advice, because I know he thinks things through and his intuition is always right. I don't know how, and I'm so used to it, i don't question it anymore. He's just this way, and hasn't changed in all the years I've known him."<br />
<br />
It was interesting to me, to hear her say such things, but I'm sure she saw this in me straight away, and I only really 'realized' she knew when I heard her say it to JXXXX.<br />
<br />
I've always know this about myself. I don't form attachments easily, and I can honestly say that I've never 'fallen' in love. What I have done, is chosen to act in ways that are caring and honest and trustworthy. i have chosen to put someone Else's well being before my own. In the times I have been disappointed in others... I think I was more disappointed in myself for having chosen so poorly.<br />
When I first met Mxxx, she was VERY fundamentalist xtian, and normally, I would choose not to befriend someone like that. She made up for that shortcoming by being a completely honest with me, and by seriously considering other points of view. Something she mentioned to me very early on was that she'd always been taught that devoid of beliefs (religious, primarily) that people would revert to savage hedonists with absolutely no regard for others. She also mentioned that she no longer thought it was true. "You're different" she told me, "But in a good way." Here it is, years later, and she and I are the best of friends. Her husband accepts me, and her Daughter calls me "Papa"... The "Feeling" I'd had that I somehow 'needed' people to love me or that I was different or weird is gone. The trick was never to change myself, but instead, to be true to myself, and in time, I have become surrounded by people who respect and care for me BECAUSE I am different... (In a good way) :P<br />
<br />
I guess that's what I imagine about you, and also the reason I thought I'd drop you a line. You are different, but I imagine that you too are 'different in a good way'.<br />
Maybe it isn't something you should worry over. Maybe instead you might try to see how this can benefit not only you, but others as well, and perhaps in time, you'll find other people who 'get you' and love you anyway.<br />
<br />
:)<br />
<br />
~Angel~<br />
P.S.( I'd have sent this in email, but couldn't.. (And the names XXX have been changed to protect the innocent. ;)

I had no idea your experiences are so much like mine were.. And well, are, to some point, still. I'm the same way, trustworthy, caring, honest, and I view the world in a totally different way then most, but sometimes it just seems like there's no need for someone like me among all the people that are nothing like that. I'm a good person, I try to be, but sometimes I'm not sure if that amounts to anything anymore. <br />
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I used to hope someone could save me, but if anything, I think I'm the one that's gonna have to do the saving, but first I need to get myself into a position where I have the power to not only save myself, but someone else too. It's gonna take a lot of work, but I'll get there, I hope.

I know the feeling and it sucks but what we need to realize is when that person comes around they are are gonna see or find something about you that is special to them. itll probably something that you didnt find special about yourself or over looked but to them it will mean everything. ; )

Wow... I truly feel like I wrote this myself. I totally understand what you mean and I feel the same... I've had a lot of bf's... But it seems like I always get left for another girl who is prettier, or has better qualities. It really makes me feel like I'm not good enough for anyone. And on top of all that, im living a secret life that no one truly knows about... So things are tough. I wish I could tell just one person, but it feels like they wouldn't understand. But thank you for posting this. It's good to know I'm not alone when it comes to those types of feelings :)

I felt like I had nothing to offer in high school and in my early 20s. For me it took giving up on religion to finally purge my negative myths about myself. The internets also helped me immensely. I read a lot of stories about other people's relationship problems, here on EP for example. I realized that I had more to offer than at least 1/3 of the men out there. I wasn't a self-absorbed liar, I don't cheat or secretly chase other women, I know how to listen and communicate, I actually care about making a woman happy, I'm affectionate, I'm responsible with money, etc.

Even tho I am a guy I share the same feelings and thoughts as you. I often wonder why a girl is talking to me because I feel I have nothing to offer even tho deep down I probably do have something to offer. When a girl realises I'm not going to take them home at the end of the night or get free drinks from me all night they normally lose interest quickly, it seems they have no interest in building a friendship and they are only after sex. I spent all of 2011 trying to learn to love myself and learning to accept my flaws and be comfortable with who I have grown into over the past few years.

There are men out there who will show interest without looking to get into your pants or any other selfish reason. How do I know? I'm one of them. The "farthest" I got (so to speak) with a girl since the divorce was an unexpected kiss after our 5th date. I really liked her and enjoyed her company, and would still be dating her if she hadn't told me she didn't feel a "connection". I loved talking to her and I would look forward to just spending time with her without "expecting" anything else. Who knows, maybe I was to slow for her. I still wouldn't change anything though.<br />
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You'll find him, and it may be at a time when you don't expect it ;)

"How can I explain this? I just...I feel like there's nothing especially special about me, or anything that will keep someone around."<br />
<br />
In all honesty I've found you to be incredibly fascinating after reading your stories and I find myself looking forward to new ones from you now that I've stumbled upon your profile.<br />
<br />
"I feel like any guy who expresses interest in me will do it purely to get into my pants, and for no reason other than that. And then, once they get what they want, they will leave. Or, if they don't get what they want, they'll leave when they realize it's taking too long to get it."<br />
<br />
I'm not going to lie. As a guy who is shy but very well liked by both sexes who has only recently started to think about dating after getting his future plans(college, career, personality, beliefs, etc) in order I talked to numerous guys to get advice on how to start dating. And the truth is the vast majority of guys even the ones who are good friends really do only want to get in your pants. I feel embarrassed for my gender just by saying that because I didn't realize it until asking my male friends for dating advice. Most of the guys advice including the nice guys advice was "be a jerk", "always pretend your better at everything", "ignore her", "treat her like she doesn't matter", and some basic psychology 101 tactics to get into women's pants. I am hoping it is just a phase for guys our age and that eventually they will realize how ridiculous that attitude is. I refuse to conform to that belief despite the success I see my friends having by using those tactics. <br />
<br />
An embarrassing but true story is my one friend who is a really great guy turned out to be a "pick up artist" who uses PSYC 101 tactics to get in women's pants. I thought he was joking and totally ridiculous unfortunately he showed me how he interacts with some of the prettiest and most intelligent girls in our school and it turns out his tactics embarrassingly enough work. I don't agree with it but unfortunately I have no way to refute his beliefs since they seem to work the vast majority of the time. However i would much rather be alone until people my age become more mature then to stoop to their level with tactics like that.<br />
<br />
You are also in a similar situation because even if you do find a nice guy, at our age even most of the nice guys tend to act like jerks because they know it works in getting them what they want. Which considering hormones for young adults usually consists of sex.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
"I know what readers are inevitably thinking. That, in order for someone to love and respect me, I first have to love and respect myself. Problem is, I don't know how to love and respect myself. I really don't. And to some extent, I feel there's no point to learning how to do so because I'd hate to have a high opinion of myself when no one else did."<br />
<br />
I have an extremely high opinion of you. After reading your stories I can tell your an extremely intelligent and perceptive individual. I find myself commenting on most of your stories more than anyone else because you always seem to have valuable insight on important topics.<br />
<br />
<br />
"Deep down, I know I have a lot to offer. I'm a caring, trustworthy, and honest person, someone who has an interesting way of looking at the world. But for whatever reason, I don't feel that is good enough. I feel like no one cares about finding someone with these qualities. "<br />
<br />
I really like those traits about you and I find them to be a mirror image of the traits I like about myself. Unfortunately like I have previously stated at our age it is not good enough for most people. Your more mature then your age and understand topics most people rarely think about until later in life. Most people our age see 18-29 years old to be an extension of childhood and use it to do things their parents wouldn't let them do.<br />
<br />
I personally care about finding the qualities you mentioned in whoever I end up with. Its hard though. I mean I can sit here and pour my heart out over the traits I want on an anonymous social networking site but it would be absurd for me to go to school and tell people at school that the person they all respect and look to for wisdom and insight as well as help in the behavioral and political sciences really just wants to find a caring, trustworthy, and honest person. My guy friends would tell me "dude your so serious lets just go to a party and get a girl totally drunk and you can do her" while my female friends would assume I must be gay and would go for my male friends who act like jerks. It's really a no win situation for people our age with insight to try to be dating since many people lie about how they are truly feeling in real life whether they are good people trying to act bad or bad people trying to act good.<br />
<br />
"I also realize that a part of me expects for "love" to just fall into my lap. I feel that I'm somehow entitled for a man to fall in love with me, when (I suppose) I'm not entitled to that at all. All this time I've been waiting for a guy to "save" me, but shouldn't I try to be saving myself?"<br />
<br />
This isn't exactly a flaw. We all expect that good people attract other good people ie "like attracts like". However what tends to happen is we attract 1000 people wrong for us and 1 person right for us and then have to struggle to sort out the diamond out of all the coal.<br />
<br />
"Hopefully this all makes some bit of sense. I know I'm going to be tempted to delete this post just after posting it, but I will try not to."<br />
<br />
This makes sense to me and it reflects how I feel on the subject to a large extent. I'm really glad you posted it since it helped me get a lot of my similar frustrations on the subject out.<br />
<br />
<br />
Thanks for all your help! You always offer great insight.

Hi,<br />
I understand what you are going throw.<br />
I am have the same thing and don't give up.<br />
Or they come on and wanted you to sent them things on there birthdays and hoilday.<br />
You are doing good.<br />
Hang in there .<br />
I am proud of you to do what you are doing.<br />
There is not lot of ladys like you .<br />
<br />
I wanted to tell you I am very proud of you and then <br />
there is some one that is like me .<br />
I though i was a lone.<br />
<br />
Rhank you for write that