Should I Just Give Up?

I am generally an optimistic guy, but as I enter yet another year alone I am on the verge of giving up hope of ever finding someone to share my life with.

I don't know what the problem with me is, I am at a minimum an average looking guy, I make a decent wage, treat people nicely and am generally well liked. I am also intelligent, hard working and inquisitive, yet I am constantly turned down for dates to the point where I am thinking of packing it all in. I will admit I am not normal, I have an odd sense of humour, I like to do odd things and I see the world differently from most people, but is this really enough to isolate me from everyone else?

 I guess I have three choices -

One - Pretend I am normal, follow 'the game', marry someone normal and keep up the lie for as long as possible,

Two - Continue as I am, a lonely oddball forever in search of love, or 

Three - Continue as I am, but give up on ever finding anyone.

Anyone else out there ever been in the same boat? I would love to hear others opinions or experiences if they are similar.

Thank you.

16th June 2012 Update - Oddly enough, I gave up and suddenly became a lot more attractive somehow? Why do women seem to find being ignored attractive? But it seemed I was only attracting women who were firmly in the 'normal and dull' zones. Then I found someone who is very unique, mentally everything I am looking for, someone who I can relate to and cute to boot. I am not too sure if things will work out, I would like to think they will but I know reality gets in the way sometimes, but wish me luck! Thanks for all the support from everyone, it has made me realise I am not that unique that I could never find someone, I just had to look a bit further away than normal.
UniquebutnotAlone UniquebutnotAlone
26-30, M
17 Responses Dec 31, 2011

I'm glad you found someone. I really hope things work out.I don't know why, but when I read your June update, it felt like a knife.<br />
<br />
I'm probably jealous of you. I have tried and tried to give up on wanting a relationship. I don't know how to do it. I've read almost every resource/guide possible. Gave everything I could a shot. Keep my life busy, full of hobbies, full of anything to keep me distracted. Fake it til you make it. I keep these feelings private. No one wants to deal with whiners. I make the conscious decision to be happy as often as possible. Yet somehow I can't get where you are.<br />
<br />
Congratulations! I hope this doesn't seem like a back-handed compliment. What you achieved is very difficult for some people. You reached the top of Everest! Nothing can stop you now.

Dude yes I was rooting for Uniquebutnotalone all the way because I feel the same (oddball, forever alone). Then I read the update and I was like ooh but what happened to our shared misery there? Really, it should make me hopeful, but hope is hard.

Yay! You found someone! There is hope yet for all of us. It's good that you stayed true to yourself!

I think you succeeded because your attitude shifted... you stopped feeling desperation and became more comfortable just being yourself, and when you do, you become more charismatic to others. Congratulations, and good luck! (I've been there too, dude.)

I still don't think I'll find someone..

Well your update just gave me hope. I am really thinking of calling it a day and moving into the wilderness.

OK. I am eally intrigued by your posting. How different are you? If you have peticular issues, perhaps you should say what they are. People has very different ways of viewing others. If I were trying to find a partner in life, i would want to know all about that person. So disclose up front what you have on the table and perhaps you will find the person right for you. You know there are many many people that have issues just like yours. You are not alone. You will find the right person. Just remember, that person must be your opposit, or you will not get along. Two people alike in a relationship is a fire just waiting to burn.

Hey I completely empathize with you. I read this and was like "hey-when did I write this?" I hope you find the right path for you!

It was the same with me.. but i found my way out.. : ))

you are you......why settle for anythimg less?......seeing the world they way you do... is what makes you who you are....if you choose to settle for what you consider "normal" will not only make you unhappy in the long run... but will also stop the "normal' person from being with the one person that will truely understand and get them.... the right person comes along for everybody......if they are the one that is really made for you..... then they are worth waiting for.....most of the time we as humans fail to see what it is that we really need...... because we are to busy wanting and searching for it....if only we stopped and waited long enough for the stars to is a horrible feeling, thinking that we as "oddballed" as we may be... will never be found be another such as ourselves.....but to to to to wear a mask....those actions will not make you who you are......question you like who you are?...... if you answered yes.....then you need to wait for someone that gets you....after all......who you are...... really is.....who you are.....

You are right of course, I do like the person that I am and it is lying to myself to pretend otherwise. I know I will find someone and I think I may have already :D

im glad to hear that.....being someone your not, in order to no longer be lonely..... will only end in a shambles... i hope that not only you find someone who accepts you....but you also allow and accept them for who they are.... i wish you luck..... if we were all "normal"... we would be called "sheeple" not "people"....

Please don't give up. Otherwise, I ought to jump ship with you. I mean that in all sincerity, my friend.

Its always hard when it comes to relationships, but i wouldnt suggest to anyone to change the person who they are to please anyone. You can should be you and someone will definately love you for you. Pretending to be someone you are not is Fake and eventually it is going to be unhappy for you...What i would suggest is continue be you and just have fun talking to people as friends and see how it goes. Being lonely is definately not nice, so its good to go out there and have fun with it and if you must flirt modestly, if there is such a thing.

I feel like I can relate to you. Like I said in my story guys have to do all the work when it comes to meeting a woman and that makes it very difficult especially in a world where people are more and more self absorbed into there own little worlds. I am fairly new to singleness but I think I have a long hard road ahead me. But it's ok, the biggest thing is don't get deparate, I know it's easier said than done, but women don't like desparate guys. And no matter what don't change who you are to attract someone, if a woman doesn't like you for who you are thats her loss!

Re-reading it a week later, I do come off as a bit desperate don't I. The curse of being alone over the holidays. You are right though, it all falls on the guy to do the work. I wonder, how many women have missed out on a great man simply because they didn't have the courage to make the first move?

Very true, have you ever looked at the profiles of women how they are full of gifts sent by guys, comments on their pics from guys, now how many women do that to guys on their profiles. I once read that on an internet dating website that women get an average of 10 messages a day from men compared to a man who will get 1 meessage a day.

Never give up! Because even if you stopped looking, there is no guarantee that somewhere along the line someone may find YOU! Dating is difficult and when it stops being fun and starts becoming more of a "task" it could be a bit overwhelming :(... I tried online dating, made a nice profile on I met quite a few fun/ interesting individuals. :) <br />
<br />
P.S most importantly do not change who you are. A genuine lady is attracted to men who are unique, confident and if you are a bit odd thats totally okay !! It is what puts you aside from the rest...

Thanks =) Maybe I should just step back for a while, let myself relax a little and try afresh in a few months. I haven't tried online dating, I might give it a go. Since I am in a fairly remote location there is a very limited dating pool!

Any suggestions on good sites other than match?

Your not alone! 6 years I've been looking! I have no problem attracting men. Just no conncetion there what-so-ever. I would rather be alone than with someone I can't stand and have no respect for. I've been in love before so I know I'm capable. Some people seem to think i'm still hung up on the ex and that may be so. I am getting desperate now and contemplating being with just anyone. But I know I would hurt them and I can't bring myself to do this.

Same :) Sure there are plenty of decent people out there but, as cliche as it sounds, I need to find my soulmate. I am not going to turn away women for no reason, sometimes people are the complete opposite of what you expect. However I don't want to hurt anyone either, I've been there myself and it is not something I want to do to anyone.

Whats "Normal"? I dont believe there is a normal! Meeting and marrying someone because you dont want to be alone might just add to your problem, might be good at first, then you would have to worry about not being happy becasue you dont have much in common and you wont be able to supress yourself for too long. Have you tried joining groups that you have interests in. I'm talking about physically going out and joining a group, where you can mingle with other people. You are still in a good age bracket too meet someonet and get married!

I vote the thirds, and maybe you shouldn't looking too hard, people said you found the one, when you stop looking, maybe it works for you :)

OMG, you've just described me! The way I see it is if we give in and grab the first 'normal' person that comes along then we're doing ourselves and injustice. We would only end up hurting them anyway because we'd get sick of pretending to be 'normal', been there done that! I live in hope that I will meet another weirdo such as myself lol, I'm not prepared to just put up and shut, I have to believe the magic is out there somewhere and maybe destiny is just testing me really damn hard before it will let me that one true slightly abnormal person such as myself lol. Keep smiling, you're not the one alone, we're special and just because we're different doesn't mean we will always be alone.

While it's not great to see people in the same position, it is good to know that there are like-minded people out there looking as well. It gives me hope that one day I will find that special someone, and hopefully so will you.