While I am an independent, pretty-ish, in shape, educated, funny, and (generally) a sparkly person in real life, I am terrified that I will never find someone that will really love me.  At the same time, I'm terrified that I'll never find someone that I can really love AND that really loves me. I want someone actually push to get to know me:  to ask me questions, to not let me pull away out of fear, to know when to be sympathetic and went to give me a 'talking to', to hold my hand when we cross the street, to trust me, to let me provide them emotional support, to hold the door open for me, to make me laugh, to make sex enjoyable instead of a chore, to take my side in an argument even if I'm wrong,   These are all ways that make me feel loved.

I've been on this planet twenty eight years and still I haven't found that person.  

I know I have a long-ish life ahead of me but I don't want to spend much more of that with men that are less than.  I give my best, my absolute best, to the person that I'm with.  I want that in return.  I want the sparkles and the romance (though it makes me nervous and uncomfortable) and the trust and the longevity.  Or, I want to know that I will never find that person so that I can settle with someone who is 'almost' what I need or even 'sort of' what I need.    It's the not knowing that I think is so terrifying and internally humiliating:  if there is that someone out there for me, where are they?  Have I done something to make them not there?  

If I just knew either way, I could relax. 
snappingzero snappingzero 26-30, F 7 Responses Apr 5, 2012

Your Response


ok l can understand what you are saying l am a widower and 66 years old and l am finding it very hard so l am hoping to meet someone

You are trying to hard,this may sound like a paradox,stop trying to find that perfect someone,and just live your life,finding enjoyment in all the little wonderful and interesting things it has to offer,and appreciate,and you,ll radiate optimism and positivity,and then that special someone will come into your life,trust me.

<>~~~~<>~~~~<><br />
One Day your prince will come to you, and on that day<br />
You Both will fall head over heels with each other at the<br />
same time... Just ask my Wife, She will tell you the same<br />
I met her on a blind date and we have been togeather for<br />
26 years so far, and I still love her with my Heart & Soul.<br />
She is the only person in this life, that I would give up<br />
every thing for. That includes my Life if thats what it takes.<br />
I met her when she was in her early thirtys........................<br />
So you have a long time yet to fall in love with a Man you<br />
Would give your life for.....<br />
<>~~~~<>~~~~<><br />
She trusts me and lets me chat to Ladys on the net.<br />
Knowing that I will never ever leave her.<br />
<>~~~~<>~~~~<><br />
Take care of yourself as you walk along the roads of life.<br />
Be good if not be carefull.<br />
The Warrior Poet..........<br />
E.J.(a).Healy................<br />
<>~~~~<>~~~~<><br />
P.s. = Do you want to be friends with me on this site..<br />

Sounds familiar.............

P.s.<br />
Some of what you want (e.g. Assertively wanting to know you deeply yet wanting support sometimes) will take time to customise and fine tune together. <br />
That's part of the fun of relating.

I am an incapable of 'fine-tuning' a relationship. I am, literally, like a bull in a china shop when it comes to emotional negotiations.

So, take me or leave me? Sounds like you would like a man who is compassionate but fits totally with the way you work? Or are you meaning you don't have the skills to negotiate and problem solve where you have a vested interest in the outcome?

Not necessarily take me or leave me. I have no problem making adjustments to the way I do things as long as there is constant communication and patience.

Ah! sorry. Like me. Learning lots from my partner, and experience is that voice in your head that allows you to recognise a mistake when you make it again!

1 More Response

Your product specification (wanted man) isn't too demanding or unusual so I suspect that there are many feasible matches. <br />
As you would know in business development, the marketing is the uncertain part often, and that is often covered by advertising appropriate to the product or company, to let the pool of humanity know about it and to attract those who are interested enough to try and some of those to buy.<br />
All of that happens with faith and dollars spent up front and a sensible and realistic marketing campaign. <br />
You are attractive and have skills and youth on your side.<br />
Use push and pull marketing (advertise yourself and look at the 'for sales') to find the one or few blokes who are attractive, compatible and not already in exclusive relationship. <br />
You'll then have some time to try before making a long term buying decision. <br />
If you were a company, product or service I suspect you'd have a lot more confidence in your ability to do well.<br />
Go for it, meet people knowing that someone who you'd want to be with may also be a little shy and unconfident and need finding!

I absolutely adore how you put everything into marketing lingo and, to that extent, I am more of a fan of the pull vs. push strategy. Sadly, the demand for me is way down. On that same note, I would be more comfortable 'marketing' myself if I weren't, well, myself.

You are right in that I am adept at convincing organizations to adopt strategies that are reliant on a client's service-set, but I feel as though I shouldn't have to convince someone that I am a valuable commodity. Nor do I, honestly, have the patience to do any relationship R&amp;D insofar as finding out who is out there, having the first date, making the chit-chat, partaking in the painful 'getting to know you' bits, and the inevitable let down.

Perhaps I'm just lazy and want that person to appear magically. Maybe with a little bow on their head, just so I know.

Well, we live in the instant gratification society rather than a hunter/gatherer one so I don't wonder at your desire. You'd prefer to look up the perfect match in an online catalog....?
If the guy with the bow turns up, let me know so I can thank the Powers That Be! In the mean time, wishing you good hunting. :-)

you are RIGHT ON! You ARE a 'valuable commodity' and if people can't see that, THEY have the problem not you my friend!

You have done NOTHING to make them not there. THEY are the ones missing out:)

You are sweet! And now that I know that's a potato the pic isn't NEARLY as creepy! :)

lol! hugs my friend:)