Unknown.While I am an independent, pretty-ish, in shape, educated, funny, and (generally) a sparkly person in real life, I am terrified that I will never find someone that will really love me. At the same time, I'm terrified that I'll never find someone that I can really love AND that really loves me. I want someone actually push to get to know me: to ask me questions, to not let me pull away out of fear, to know when to be sympathetic and went to give me a 'talking to', to hold my hand when we cross the street, to trust me, to let me provide them emotional support, to hold the door open for me, to make me laugh, to make sex enjoyable instead of a chore, to take my side in an argument even if I'm wrong, These are all ways that make me feel loved.
I've been on this planet twenty eight years and still I haven't found that person.
I know I have a long-ish life ahead of me but I don't want to spend much more of that with men that are less than. I give my best, my absolute best, to the person that I'm with. I want that in return. I want the sparkles and the romance (though it makes me nervous and uncomfortable) and the trust and the longevity. Or, I want to know that I will never find that person so that I can settle with someone who is 'almost' what I need or even 'sort of' what I need. It's the not knowing that I think is so terrifying and internally humiliating: if there is that someone out there for me, where are they? Have I done something to make them not there?
If I just knew either way, I could relax.
snappingzero 26-30, F 7 Responses 8 Apr 5, 2012