Afraid That Now No-one Will Accept & Love Me For Who & What I Am !!!

You are sat there ,the walls are closing in & the pit in the middle is dark,deep & menacing .. You sink low, deeper & deeper untill you are decending into the blackness,into aloneness ! 
This is how it feels for me most of the time .. Dont get me wrong i have had many relationships ( too many ) ,had some great times but still never have i found Love .. I mean Love in its true form .. I have no idea why but then maybe i do .. Always have seemed to attract the wrong kind .. After many times of being hurt,has left me insecure,trust issues & yes i tend to push them away .. I know i am doing it but cant help myself & my behaviour goes a bit wild .. Maybe now i can understand why but still would i do the same? 

Since my diagnosis i am more afraid more than ever that now i will never find anyone to really love me as i am .. I am i would say a nice decent honest faithful loving understanding loyal woman .. Never gotten me far in the past & wondering where my illness & complications leave me now .. I am devastated .. I am 37 & feel that life or me is over in every sense .. I crave Love so maybe my problem & why i have mostly settled for less than i want or deserve !!
AngelSoul AngelSoul
36-40, F
2 Responses May 4, 2012

Hi Angelsoul,happy you found this place it is a place to open up and say it and find support.<br />
I have known others that deal with some of the same things and it can be hard.I do not have any answers for you other than what is commonly known to anyone else like visit a physician and see what they say.<br />
I do feel for you and hope to be of some support if you would like by just being here to listen or chat if you need too.My name is Rob I hope you can just relax and enjoy this weekend and that things can get figured out in short time for you.Thanks for your story.

Hi Rob &amp; ty for your reply .. Everything is very much appreciated &amp; i too am pleased that i have found this site ... I am looking forward to meeting &amp; conversing with others :)) x

I am sorry for what you are dealing with.I do think you will find comfort and support on EP.So many have and are going through the same and it makes it easier to confide in someone that has dealt with the same things in life.Maybe not exactly but similar.<br />
You are worth getting to know and some fortunate guy will find you because you have deep feelings,you care,you realize things about yourself and those things can make going forward better because of knowing those things.<br />
Maybe some help from a professional to offer up suggestions or answers,maybe a good mentor to encourage you.There are many avenues to pursue to get to where you want to be.<br />
Thank you for sharing.Welcome to EP.

Hi nwtrdr33,

Thankyou so much for your reply .. You have made me smile after a night &amp; day of tears :))
Everything in your post i agree with &amp; joining here already i feel this is where i belong &amp; will most deffinately get alot out of being a member here .. I do have a psychiatrist &amp; also a counselor (sp) so i am engaging in therapy if not meds .. I spend alot of time writting poetry &amp; stories based on that piece .
I really dont know what to say as feel a little overwhelmed right now .. Lovely to meet you &amp; hope you are well :)) x