Always Gone

i have always wanted nothing more than to be loved unconditionally and to be able to do the same for someone else.  at 21 i jumped into a marriage mostly because i wanted to be just like everyone else who got to live the dream. wrong....he didn't love me or he would have kept jobs and he would have never raised a hand against me...i got two beautiful daughters out of the deal but that was it...we left him after four years and that was a good thing. after a few years i met my second husband...he was 17 years older than myself but very full of life and mischief and fun. fun until it wasn't fun anymore...then he too was gone. i am 32 years old now....and all i ever wanted was to marry that one man who would be with me till the end.

it's been a year since my last divorce was final...i have dated a couple men since then but they are gone now too. i have a theory "i'm f***kable, but i'm not loveable" i know that i have a lot to offer someone but i am beginning to believe that there may never be anyone in this world for me and it hurts that my two sweet daughters didn't get the chance to know what it was like to grow up with a real daddy... i just feel hopeless and alone.
ybg54 ybg54
31-35, F
12 Responses May 11, 2012

want to go to the meovies tonight and see MIB 3

that would be fun :)

many do the same thing just beacuse thatis what you should be doing at that age<br />
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and in some ways it many be better i really loved the first 2 i was with and the first is still the stongest love but we were together from the age of 12 on till her daeth at age 19 and we relly did grown up with each other and in each others arms her mother loved us and gave me a home at 12 years old but she already knew me for a year hell at 12 years old we already had a join bank account with jer mothers name on it just so if somethinghappened tome my family could never touch my money then our money<br />
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my second love we were in a laudnder mate one fri doing the wash when she ask if i would but her an ice cream cone<br />
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later that night we made lovein the bathroom there it was the frist time for me in 2 years and for her i think it really was the first time some one cared about her with in weeks she filed paper on her husband and moved in with me and we had a great life she had gone back to school and finshed hight school in under a year and had a soloarship cal poly slo<br />
she was killed just weeks before our wedding by her ex and i saw the fear in his face when i walked in to the hosptail he was on he knew i was there to kill him<br />
but it was better to let him live the way he was a mind in a body that no longer worked all i did whisper to him i would be back soon and rubbed his hand with a stick that burned like hell so he would never forget

thank you...haha let me wipe the tears away from my face....

My heart goes out to you, and I wish I could take the hurt away. Deep down, I think it is a fundamental part of the human psyche to want to be loved and cherish.<br />
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Know that you are not alone on that struggle, and as much as I hurt for you, I hurt even more for your two daughters. I hope they can break the cycle of loss and hurt, that their lives will be full of that love you crave so much.<br />
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There are many of us, both male and female that feel the same way. Someday we just might meet one of them and find the love and peace we desire.

that's really cool of you to say...thank ya

I hope you connect with someone THROUGH EP. I love the possibility of meeting someone who you share nothing with other than your Innermost dreams.

thank you :)

You are lovable and it is just that the men you have become involved in have not seen the qualities you posses or were not looking for that at that time.Do not give up hope all is not loss.You never know when that person come sin to your life.Thank you for sharing.

thank you longhorn fan...i hope your right...but as of now...i'm all out of faith in myself and probably the human race. still...your comment made me smile so again thanks.

Wait! There's a race? I didn't get the memo...

I don't believe anyone is "unlovable". I think you just haven't found the right person for you. So, keep your chin up, eyes open, and heart free to feel!

I wish that i had been here when you were so down...I hope your feeling better today though. Be blessed hopeimfree!

each day is another chance to live and be free.. i sometimes feel this way, i sometimes feel that i may never find the right woman.. have had 3 long term relationships.. first one ended in divorce, second one i messed up... and the third and last one destroyed me.. so much has gone on... at 37 i just want to be happy and find someone.. i made mistakes and i tried to make them right.. but sometimes its too late.. hope today finds you better.. its her bday today.. and i feel crappy..