My Insecurities Are Eating Me Alive. This Is Something I've Never Experienced Until Now.

Alright so, I'm basically 16 but really I'm only still 15 for two months, and I have this problem which I've developed only since a year ago or so.
I have this constant narcissistic issue.
I lost my confidence and I have no idea why.
Why is it that, co-workers at my parents work will see photos of me and be like "oh, she is beautiful" and strangers like at hair salons will agree, and even my friends have told me they're jealous of me. Then I take a long hard look at myself in the mirror, and I feel HIDEOUS. I mean, so much so that sometimes I want to avoid leaving my house..
I never felt like that, I look back on pictures of me before and wish I still looked like the girl in those pictures. Maybe I DO? Maybe I'm seen differently to everyone. I just can't live a happy life feeling depressed and insecure and nobody is understanding why because they're clearly seeing something that I'm not.
This won't really help anything but to describe myself, I'm very tall and very thin.. which is why I used to be called anorexic but I eat everything, I just have a fast metabolism.
I have tanned skin because I'm biracial and Mexican, & a mix of a lot of other things.
I've been told I have an exotic look?
I have huge dark brown eyes, which I find are too big for my small face. I have short curly brown hair, which I also hate at times.
kristendenise kristendenise
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 18, 2012

If anyone understands it'd be me I'm 15. To I'm 6'1 and yea I'm a girl I feel so insecure mostly because of my height but I get it u miss the old u you may see yourself as a changed person and maybe u don't like her and isn't everyone afraid of change

I understand I had that when I was 15 too going to 16 when I had my this day I can't look at my photo album with out feeling like "wtf I look so ugly and people say I don't"....and its a little annoying. I'm 18 now and I love my body i'm short 5'0 chicana and proud, and a lil chubby but even so i'm good lol. But it just a phase like they say hang in there and if you need someone to talk message me i'm more then happy to hear you out.<br />
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P.s you sound pretty:)

My love, what you seem to be experiencing is a very normal part of growing up.<br />
These thoughts are driven by changes in your chemical makeup caused by hormonal surges.<br />
They will pass with time. Im not going to tell you its going to be over night. However it will change, You see yourself as different from when you were younger. You are... You're probably taller, more developed and soon be a full grown woman, you will have anyone you want falling all over you. enjoy being the way you are. <br />
Im male so it was slightly different for me, I have always felt ugly. Clumsy and awkward. I did not figure out I was cute til I was away from my hometown. I could never figure out why people wanted to be near me. In time learned to accept it. <br />
I dont feel that I am dead sexy or anything but I am told Im handsome. <br />
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so basically Im just saying hang in there, it will get better

Well thank you so much. This helped me a lot. More than you could imagine actually. I'm just afraid of stressing myself because of it. Especially when I've been stuck with it for a while and the thought is all that runs through my mind. The thought of being ugly.
I'm clumsy too. And a little awkward.
But, I understand.
And that's good you found out.
Thank you. :)

I respect your courage. I'm told i'm extremely handsome but see myself as less than average and think I'll never be good enough for anyone. Even though I know my thoughts are untrue I just take it day by day. I wish the best for you and if you ever need a friend just message me. Have a beautiful day.