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I Feel Like I'm Running Out of Time and I'm Only 20

Thanks so much for listening

I've never done anything like this, but I fear that my circumstances are so embaressing that I wanted to express them separate from my identity.

 

See, I'm a 20 year old girl....I've never loved anyone. I thought I did, but I am starting to realize that I fall in love with the IDEA of someone and when they turn out to be different than that ideal i've set in my head, i lose all feelings for them. I've never found anyone that loved me. I hear that I'm in the prime of my life, that I'll never be more beautiful or amazing or attractive.....this terrifies me. What if this is the best I'll ever be, and it's still not good enough? I spent all my years in high school depressed that I wasn't good enough. Now, however, I feel withdrawn, resigned to my fate.

 

Friends talk about hooking up with people....lots of people....as if it's the easiest thing in the world. I've only kissed 5 boys...and only one was more than once. I think I'm just bad at it. Or, maybe, I'm attracted to people who are way out of my league.

 

I mean, is it possible to find someone who takes your breath away, when you are incapable of taking away someone else's breath?

I'm just....I'm afraid....I'm a 4 that's looking for a 10.....

I don't know

Maybe this is totally normal

 

lolve lolve 18-21 7 Responses Aug 5, 2008

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I'm not very good at it either. I'm 21 and I have only kissed 2 girls. As far as love goes, it's something I wish I could experience myself, but I doubt it will happen, at least not true love. Everyone tells you that you’re still young that your life has only just started, that there’s so much more out there for you to experience, but I just can’t see it. I might not be that old, but it feels like even if you search to the ends of the earth, there’s nothing there. No matter how far you walk, it’s the same road, it just goes on and on, and yet still I search. Why I do not know I’m not even sure what I hope to accomplish with myself. I’ve always assumed if I found whatever it is I’m searching for the answers will come to me, but the steady march of time continues. Life passes by while I search for the end of a rainbow, wait for lightning to strike. However, in the end it’s almost as if everyone and everything around me is moving forward but for some reason I can’t. Like through one eye I see the future and the other the past so one cannot discern where he’s actually standing.

Hy :) . I'm a guy. The ugly truth is that I won't date Angelina and you won't date Brad. But is not hard to at least try to be better , more beautiful and more hoter than you are today.......many things will change, belive me. When I was in 10th grade I've never had some girl who gave me a secound look. I changed my looks, my style and etc...... I'm 21 and I had 23 girlfriends in 3 years......you can call me jerk just don't blame and judge me. (my english isn't that good, sorry:D ) . Good luck, beautiful . . I wish i met you.

I'm in almost the exact same place you are! I feel like i'm in my prime but that i dont have anyone to appreciate it. The worst bit for me is that i think i loved someone, and that they loved me, but because i was too shy we never even became friends. <br />
I'm so glad someone else feels like i do. I've only ever kissed 4 boys, and i didnt like any of them. I've never had a boyfriend. Its strange that love seems to validate everything, isnt it? I think the only answer is to put yourself out there, and not fear being hurt.

lolve, you are still young, i know there will be a special someone in your future. just because you haven't met that person yet doesn't mean you won't.but i can understand how you feel just the same. cucuboth, you look so cuddly! some woman is missing out big time!

You've kissed. I'm 32, and you've done more more than I have had a chance to do. Haven't even held hands .. or cuddled ..

I didn't have a serious boyfriend until right before I left for college... sometimes I would also wonder if there was anybody out there for me, or if I was always going to be attracted to guys who just weren't attracted to me. I think what helped was falling in love with myself. That sounds kind of dumb, but once I realized that I was worthwhile and beautiful and all that cliched stuff, I met this really awesome guy and we've been dating ever since.

i know how u feel. i've "known" lots of men but as far as having a "true" boyfriend and all that word means 2 me, i'm still waiting myself!