I Don'T Know How To Date Anymore

I'm a 31 year old man, who hasn't dated in 7 years. I haven't been dating during this time, because I was taking care of a sick parent and didn't have time for relationships. My parent died in Aug. 2011, and I spent the last year struggling with depression and guilt.

I have recently decided to get back into dating, but I'm a shy person and have a hard time talking to new people. Once I get to know someone, I open up and can chat easily with them without being overly nervous or over thinking everything I say or do. But I have no idea where to go to meet people who are looking for a serious relationship, and not a one-night stand or friends-with benefits. I have no idea even on how to approach someone, to even ask them out or just chat them up.

I am so lonely and wanting to be with someone but, I'm too nervous about saying or doing something embarrassing to ask someone out, and even if I work up the courage to ask them out I will just be rejected. My friends say I am a very sweet, kind, caring person. Who will make someone very happy someday, if only I wasn't too afraid of opening my mouth and asking them out.

Thank you all for your kind words of support, I have recently realized that I shouldn't be afraid of opening my mouth to ask someone out.  Either they are going to want to know a great person who got over a tragic event and is moving on, or they are too self-center to care.  Either way, I can now feel comfortable going up to someone and talking to them, without fear that they will just automatically reject me.  I hope this helps someone reading this.

**Update: So now I realize why it was so hard to go out and date.  I was looking in the wrong area, now that I know where to look.  I feel comfortable going out and meeting new people, thank you everyone who has shown support. It helped so much, for me to get where I am today.  God Bless.
Bluephonebox Bluephonebox
31-35, M
4 Responses Jan 29, 2013

I know that this is years old, but the first part of your story sounds as if I wrote it myself! I am so happy for you that you were able to overcome this obstacle. I am now trying to figure out how to overcome mines.

I certainly understand your original writing. I too have been alone far too long. I also care for my aged parents and a young daughter. I often feel that this is just the way it is now and I must accept it. I hope , like you, I can find my way out of this situation....someday.

Yay! You did it!

Why are you so shy?

Sometimes I think it's because I'm a Virgo, but I think it has more to do with the fact that every time I have gone up and asked a woman out, I have been shot down. I have had relationships in the past, but all of them were from the person I was dating coming up to me and telling me they like me first and then I would ask them out. I have only had two real long-term relationships, all the rest have started out as normal dating and then quickly changed to just friends-with-benefits, which I don't want anymore because they just leave you feeling used.

I was married to a Virgo for 18 years!
I have 2 daughters with him and now 2 grandchildren!!! :)

Go out there and find her!
She is out there!

Yea a close friend gave me some great advice, and now I don't feel so nervous about talking to others. Thank you for your words of support they do help.

I have a same story like yours but my parents are still with me. Up to this time I'm busy taking care of them and I do not mind taking care of my own life. But I believe in Jesus Christ who happens to be my best friend. In Genesis 2:18, The Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a partner fit for him.” I am claiming this promise that God will grant me a perfect partner. I have suitors but still looking for the best. I hope you will have your perfect future partner very soon..

Thank you so much. I have a lot of Faith in God as well, and it's helping. Just have to keep putting myself out there. I know I'll find someone who gets me eventually, it's a waiting game. Just got back from some bowling and arcade games with a friend, kinda silly doing it at 31 but it was relaxing and fun.

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