Just Doesn't Seem to Be In the Cards

Half of all relations I've ever had, were either one-night stands while I was in military, or with girls who were taken. The other half were with girls that showed up, brightened me on a lonely day, and we would get together. I was a bastard to a lot of those in the latter-half, mostly because I would just be with them to smolder out the loneliness factor. I usually could tell within the third date that we'd only be compatible enough to go so far, but was too much of a puss to tell them until the last two that this happened with, I finally manned up and was honest, even if it hurt them.

I've had my parents try to set me up with people. I've gone to dating site after dating site. I've tried going to bars and such. To all those attempts I cry "ugh!" and when friends or family do the whole "you need to find a girl" I respond "I would, but the only ones that matter get taken up, and the rest are idiots!"

I've really only met two women that I think I could have spent eternity with happily. One was always yo-yo-ing between me and other men in her life until I finally just stopped caring and went away. The other went back to her old boyfriend just as we were starting to notice how awesome each other was; that didn't stop us from hanging out when he wasn't around, but it did finalize the thought that she was the pure embodiment of awesome, that I should've been more proactive when I noticed her initial interest in me, and now that she moved away with him it brightens my day but breaks my heart everytime we chat online or chat away the night on the phone.

I'm an *******; I drink heavy but am quite functional; I've got a gut; I procrastinate like hell; I'm typically pretty happy alone unless I actually like you, then I can't get enough; If you ever do anything for me I'll be convinced you can do no wrong, at least for a time; I seldom ever yell or even raise my voice; I love the symbology of roses for personal reasons; I like to talk smart, but I like to drop it and go mushy sometimes too; I can and will laugh at anything, including death, rape, and starving ethiopians. I have no qualms about going to the movies alone, but I get depressed if I end up watching a horror movie by myself. Don't try to convince me to like you, whether I know it or not I've decided the moment I meet you in person.

dedre dedre
31-35, M
1 Response Mar 16, 2009

I know what you mean. It's lonely isn't? Waiting and watching. All the time feeling like the Little Match Girl or Oliver Twist, pushing your nose up against a glass window, drooling at all the love and warmth you see inside but never able to enter such a world.